mc5 - AVMA Take 2

A recap: An edible fruit, native to Africa. It is orange (when ripe), grows on a bush, which boasts thorns, and does not begin with P. It is larger than an avocado and does not contain a stone. It is not a berry, nor, as a free clue, a citrus fruit.

Lib

Larger than an avacado?

I was working on smaller than...

Lib

Does it have pips?

If it does then I'll never eat it. I've got a mild phobia of pips. They're horrid! Keep them away from me.

Projoy

[Lib, re size] That would be understandable, now that I come to realise that I clearly don't know the difference between < and > ! Curses, and apologies. In addition to being definitely larger than an avocado, it is not eaten with its skin and I'm not sure if it would be described as tropical, altho I can see reasons why it might.

[Lib] Pipped to the post? YES

Lib

Does it belong to the melon family?

Size certainly matters, as I'm sure you know! But its easy to get confused. I'm particularly bad at right and left, slightly concerning when I'm at work and these things matter!

Projoy

[Lib] Of the House of Melon? YES! *muchos applause*

Raak

The orange melon?

Projoy

[Raak] The Orange Melon? NO

Lib

Honeydew melon?

Lib

I'd like to retract that, Can I guess...

Canteloupe?

flerdle

ah, size makes all the difference. p.s. you can get orange honeydews.

flerdle

Is it grown in New Zealand?

Projoy

[Lib] Honeydew or Canteloupe? NO
[flerdle] Grown in NZ? YES

Lib

Horned Melon?

Projoy

[Lib] Horned Melon? (or Horny Melon, as I like to call it) YES!!. And just in time for me to get on a train to Manchester and disappear for a few hours. Apologies once again for misleading you all about the size. * hands bulbous, spiky baton to Lib*

Lib

*Wonders if she'll bump into Projoy tonight when she ventures into central Manchester for a concert...*
Right. ABSTRACT, MINERAL with possibly some ANIMAL thrown in.

Lib

Second thoughts. That one was crap....

Lib

ABSTRACT, with some ANIMAL and MINERAL.

I Say, Porter!

A fictional thingy?

Rosie

A hip operation?

I Say, Porter!

A human concept

I keep using that, saw it first here, have no idea what it means really.

Lib

[IS,P] Totally fictitious? NO. [Rosie] Hip, Hip Horray? NO. [IS,P] Humane? YES.

Lib

Hmmm, missing some breaks I think. Will be better next time!

Tuj

Can you tell us what the first one was without giving a clue to the second?

:P

Lib

Can I tell you what the first one was? YES

Projoy

Partially ficitious?

LIb

[Pj] Slightly made up? YES, and NO. Sorry.

Projoy

Connected with emotions?

Lib

[Pj] Feeling emotional? YES.

Projoy

Positive emotions, particularly?

Rosie

Is the mineral water?

Lib

[Pj] Positivity? Can't answer this, sorry.
[Rosie] Dihydrogen oxide? NO

Projoy

Does it begin with an E?

Tuj

Does it begin with P?

Lib

[Pj] On E? NO
[Tuj] Can I have a P please Bob? NO.

Irouléguy

Is the animal bit human?

Lib

[Irouléguy] Humane? YES!

Tuj

A theory or something theoretical?

Lib

[Tuj] That's the theory. NO

Irouléguy

Is the mineral an artefact?

Projoy

A particular class of thing?

Lib

[Irouléguy] artifactual? NO
[Projoy]Classy? NO, it is a specific thing, although still abstract!

I Say, Porter!

Is confused about "fictitious no, but fictional yesandno"

is it art?

Projoy

Is it to do with empathy?

[ISP] I feel your pain.

Lib

Art? YES.
Empathy? NO.

Clarification. Sorry to confuse you, I've confused myself too. so...
Fictional? (ie 1. the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, esp. in prose form. 2. works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction. 3. something feigned, invented, or imagined. 4. the act of feigning, inventing, or imagining. 5. an imaginary thing or event, postulated for the purposes of argument or explanation.) NO
Fictitious? Having looked at many definitions, NO to most but YES to "imaginatively produced or set forth".

Sorry to get in a twist, hope this helps a little. (The dictionary definitions are to help my easily overwhelmed mind, as I know you are all far more eloquent than me!)

I Say, Porter!

A particular artwork? Tracy Emin's Bed?

Lib

[ISP] One in particular? YES
Dirty sheets? NO

Irouléguy

A piece of visual art?

Lib

[Irouléguy] Seen? NO

Irouléguy

Heard?

Lib

[Irouléguy] Noisy? YES! *much applause from audience*

Projoy

Classical music

Rosie

A brass band?

CdM

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?

I Say, Porter!

Sixties pop?

Lib

[Projoy] Classical? YES
[Rosie] Shiny brass? NO
[CdM] Lonely hearts? NO
[IS,P] 60s? NO

Raak

The Anvil Chorus?

Lib

[Raak] Anvil Chorus? NO

Raak

Pre-19th century?

Projoy

Written for voices (with or without instruments)?

Lib

[Raak] Pre 1800? NO
[Projoy] Choral? NO

Geman composer?

[UK] Bratwurst? NO

The Planets?

[Raak] Holst's Finest? NO.

Uncle Korky

Owt to do with Edvard Greig?

Lib

[UK] Grieg-y baby? NO.

I Say, Porter!

For brass? Thinking Libery Bell

Lib

[IS,P] Shiny brass? Still NO

I Say, Porter!

Bugger. Missed Rosie's post. Sorry.

Brass?
Only joking. Italian composer?

Lib

[IS,P] Pizza maker? NO.
Despite all these NOs you really are quite close. I'm here for another twenty minutes then am going to be examined, so will be back drunk later.

I Say, Porter!

English?

Cool! I want one of those examinations that gets you drunk. Are you studying to be a sommelier?

Lib

[IS,P] Her Majesty's finest? NO
The getting drunk time is after the exam. I suspect that during it wouldn't go down too well.

I Say, Porter!

French? Is the nationality of the composer going to help?

Gotcha. Isn't April a bit early for exams?

Lib

[IS,P] Frog's legs? YES! It may help a little, but isn't the holy grail.
Not uni exams. Postgrad medical exams. Bloody hard ones at that too. I'm taking anaesthetic exams.

I Say, Porter!

Claude Achille Debussy, died nineteen eighteen?

I Say, Porter!

Anaesthetic exams

Shurely all exams are anaesthetic.

Lib

[IS,P] Debussy? NO
Indeed all exams induce somnolence.

I Say, Porter!

Ravel and his sodding Bolero?

Lib

[IS,P] Sodding bolero? NO. God I hate that piece. The only cool bit is the gong at the end, and its a long 20 minute wait till that features.

I Say, Porter!

Dukas and his Sorcerer's Apprentice?

Dominating this simply because you've only got ten minutes. Well, that's my excuse.

Lib

[IS,P] Fansatia? NO

I Say, Porter!

Well, have a good exam. I've run out of ideas.

Raak

La Cathédrale Engloutie?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] Isn't that Debussy?

I Say, Porter!

Jean-Michel Jarre? Oxygene?

Raak

Tubular Bells?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] LOOL. You're taking the mickey, right? Mike Oldfield's not French.

Projoy

A member of Les Six?

Lib

I'm under the infulence. Head spinning. Exam over.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Can't manage more HTML than that. Sorry.

Projoy

Died in C20th?

I Say, Porter!

Still alive? Was it a practical exam?

Carnival of the Animals, Vegetables, Minerals and Abstracts?

Lib

[Projoy] Died 20C? YES!
[IS,P] Still alive? NO, dead. Animal carnival, very very warm.

Danse Macabre?

Erik Satie?

Saint-Saëns?

Is all Ravel out, or just Bolero? Might I suggest Ravel's "N'allez pas au bois d'Ormonde"?

Lib

Sorry for my absence. I had to go to work twice which was quite a shock to the system. You're all exceedingly warm, and I hope someone gets it in the next hour as I'm off to Wales for Easter. Anyway, enough chat, onto the matter in hand...
[Projoy] deatly dancing? NO
[Irouléguy] Eric the hungry catapiller NO.
[gil] The fantastic Camille Saint-Saëns? YES!!! But there's something else on the card.... Think BIG!
[StormWraith] Revels, anyone? Ravel is totally out.

Projoy

Third Symphony, with its big throbbing organ?

Lib

[Projoy] Big organ goodness? YES!!! The exact words on the card are far more polite, briefly stating Saint-Saëns' Third symphony ("organ concerto"). Well done. *hands an organ pipe shaped baton back to Projoy*

Projoy

Phew. Well, I don't expect this to take off as everyone's going to be disappearing off for the long weekend, but here's a VEGETABLE.

Is it alive?

[GL] It lives?! NO

edible?

Wooden?

[INJ] Eat Me! YES *applause*
[Rosie] Tree-born? NO

Rosie

Exotic?

CdM

Typically eaten raw?

Projoy

[Rosie] Exotic? NO *one or two audience members begin to applaud as you begin to talk but quickly stop themselves*
[CdM]Raw? NO (with some potential for quibbling).

Rosie

Does it grow on trees?

Taking "not tree-born" above to mean not wooden.

Projoy

[Rosie] Grows on trees? NO is by far the best answer. There's a defensible YES answer, tho.

Is it usually dried?

[Raak] Dried? NO

Edible part leafy?

[Rosie] It's all edible. No leaves involved. :)

Rosie

A tomato?

Projoy

[Rosie] Tomato? NO

Raak

Does it grow on a bush?

Projoy

[Raak] George W? NO

Chalky

Does it grow 'beneath' the soil?

Raak

A fungus?

I Say, Porter!

Can I find it in Tesco?

Projoy

[Chalky] Comes out of the ground? NO *some laughter from audience*
[Raak] Fungus? NO (ISTR a debate a while back about whether to count fungi as Vegetable. I'm in the "no" camp on that one, fwiw. :))
[ISP] Tescabile? YES!

Raak

Does it come in a variety of colours?

Projoy

[Raak] Variety of colors? YES, as in, more than one.

Raak

Honey?

Projoy

[Raak] Is there honey still for tea? NO

Raak

Is it solid?

Raak

...by which I mean rigid, pickuppable, even if it has voids within

Projoy

[Raak] Solid? YES, in the sense you give.

Rosie

Cabbage?

The most disgusting taste known to mankind.

Projoy

[Rosie] Eat yer greens? NO

Irouléguy

Normally eaten on its own?

Projoy

[Ig] A solo dish? YES

Lib

Strong flavour?

Projoy

[Lib] Strong flavour? This is subjective, but I would be inclined to say NO, on balance.

Raak

Is it primarily grain?

Projoy

[Raak] With the grain? NO

Phil

Is it usually processed before being eaten (other than simply cooking)?

I Say, Porter!

Does it feature in Peanuts round about this time of year?

Lib

Does it come in a bunch?

Projoy

[Phil] Processed? YES! *applause*
[ISP] I don't read Peanuts, so I'm NOT SURE, but it wouldn't surprise me if that were so.
[Lib] Bunch? NO

Irouléguy

From the genus Cucurbita?

Projoy

[Ig] Cucurbita? NO

Rosie

Dates?

Projoy

[Rosie] Genus Calenda? NO

Raak

Easter eggs?

Projoy

[Raak] Hoorah! YES!, the answer is "Easter Egg" (meaning the chocolate variety. I didn't include ANIMAL (milk) as I believe you can get dark chocolate eggs. *hands over bulbous, brown, slighly sticky baton to Raak*

Raak

The next one is M I N E R A L.

Stonehenge?

Diamond?

Solid?

Metal?

[Tuj] Not Stonehenge
[Lib] Not diamond.
[Projoy] Pickuppable, yes.
[Rosie] Primarily metal.

I Say, Porter!

Art?

I Say, Porter!

Peanuts

[Projoy] I was referring to the Great Pumpkin, and on reflection I'm not sure it's this time of year - I've a niggling voice in my head that suggests halloween.

Raak

[ISP] Not art.

Projoy

Smaller than a toaster?

Raak

[Projoy] Smaller than a toaster.

Projoy

Bigger than a matchbox?

ImNotJohn

A manufactured object?

Raak

Projoy - Bigger than a matchbox.
ImNotJohn - A manufactured object.

Raak

Matchboxes

Actually, it could be smaller than a matchbox, but not usually.

I Say, Porter!

A child's toy?

Rosie

A tool of some kind?

Raak

[ISP] Not a toy.
[Rosie] One would not ordinarily call it a tool.

I Say, Porter!

A container?

I Say, Porter!

A device?

Raak

[ISP] Not a container.
[ISP] YES! A device.

Projoy

electronic?

Raak

[Projoy] Can be electronic.

I Say, Porter!

Does it measure something?

Lib

Communication device?

Raak

[ISP] Yes, it measures something.
[Lib] Not a communication device.

Projoy

A tape measure?

Lib

Weighing?

Raak

[Projoy] Not a tape measure.
[Lib] Does not weigh anything. Er, if you see what I mean.

Projoy

Measures something invisible?

Raak

[Projoy] *applause* Yes, it measures something invisible.

Projoy

Are most instances of it electronic these days?

Rosie

A carbon monoxide detector?

Raak

[Projoy] Yes, usually electronic.
[Rosie] Not a carbon monoxide detector.

Irouléguy

Measuring distances?

ImNotJohn

Measures some sort of radiation?

Raak

[I1] Not distances.
[I2] Not radiation.

gil

Multimeter? Electricity meter?

Projoy

A barometer?

Raak

[gil] Does not measure volts, amps, ohms, continuity, capacitance, impedance, hFE, diode leakage, or anything else electrical.
[Projoy] Not a barometer.

I Say, Porter!

Used indoors?

Projoy

Anemometer?

Raak

[ISP] Used indoors.
[Projoy] Not an anemonomometer.

Irouléguy

Am I likely to own one?

Projoy

Does it measure time?

Projoy

A stopwatch?

Raak

[I] Quite likely to own one.
[P] *cheering* Yes, it measures time.
[P] Not a stopwatch.

ImNotJohn

An alarm clock?

Raak

[INJ] BRRRRRNNNNGGGG! It is indeed an alarm clock.

I Say, Porter!

*applauds* That was a good one.

ImNotJohn

Ooooh

OK - I'm going out this evening, so you've got about half an hour and then a gap of 14 hours. This one is basically Mineral with Animal connections

I Say, Porter!

Is it art?

Chalky

Is it science?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] Yes, but is it art? - NO
[Chalky] Science - NO (except in extremely broad uses of the term)

I Say, Porter!

Is it found in the home?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] domestic? - NO

I Say, Porter!

Constructed?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] constructed - YES

I Say, Porter!

a zoo?

Projoy

A single, specific object?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] - zoo - NO
[PJ] one is one and all alone? - NO (they may not be legion, but there is more than one)

I Say, Porter!

A building of some sort?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] building - NO

Rosie

A Henge?

Stonehenge, Brasshenge, Bakelitehenge etc.

ImNotJohn

[Rosie] hengist? - NO

Projoy

Bigger than a phone box?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] > phone box - YES

Projoy

Bigger than a terraced house?

I Say, Porter!

Something made largely of chalk?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] 2 up 2 down - NO
[IS,P] Chalky - NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it functional?

Irouléguy

Is it specific to a particular country or culture?

Projoy

Bigger than a shed?

Rosie

Old, i.e. >500 yrs?

ImNotJohn

[IS,P] functional? - YES
[Irg] cultural specificity - Hmmm. YESish (but that's probably not going to help much)
[Projoy] > shed - YES
[Rosie] Old? - NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it in a specific location?

I Say, Porter!

Is there only one of it?

Projoy

Generally lives outside?

Rosie

Mostly metallic?

ImNotJohn

Too nice a day to be inside

[IS,P] In specific location - NO
[IS,P] Only one? - NO (see previous answer)
[Projoy] in the open air? - YES (some applause)
[Rosie] Mostly metallic? - YES (the 'basically mineral' description means that there will be some vegetable and animal, but not significant amounts)

Projoy

Found in densely populated places or in the country?

Raak

A Henry Moore sculpture?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] dense people - could be either, I've seen one in a densely populated area
[Raak] lots of brass - NO

Raak

Anything to do with transport?

ImNotJohn

[Raak] Transport? - YES (Applause)

Rosie

A preserved steam engine?

Projoy

A traction engine?

ImNotJohn

[Rosie] steam engine - NO
[Projoy] in traction? - NO

Rosie

Essentially mobile?

Irouléguy

For transporting people?

Projoy

A milk float?

ImNotJohn

[Rosie] essentially Mobile - YES
[Irg] For transporting people? - YES
[Projoy] Erniemobile - NO

Raak

Does it carry just a single person?

Projoy

Some sort of lorry?

ImNotJohn

[Raak] just for one - NO
[Projoy] Lorry - NO

Projoy

Bus?

ImNotJohn

Client site all day today - don't know how often I'll get on here

[Projoy] bus - NO

Irouléguy

A particular make/model of car?

Projoy

Connected with farming?

Airborne?

Do it got wheels?

A hot air balloon?

Does it run on rails?

Raak

Does it run on cables?

Uncle Korky

Does it carry its own fuel with it?

ImNotJohn

Sorry - no access today until now

[Irg] particular make/model of car? - NO
[Projoy] agricultural - NO
[Rosie] Airborne - NO (some laughter)
[Projoy] Wheeled? - YES
[Lib] Montgolfière? - NO
[UK] on rails - NO
[Raak] wiry? - NO
[UK] Does it carry its own fuel with it? - YES

Raak

Military?

ImNotJohn

[Raak] military? - originally YES, but now usually NO(more audience applause)

Phil

A jeep?

ImNotJohn

[Phil] Jeep? - NO (I thought that would be the next guess)

gil

A Hummer?

Uncle Korky

DUKW?

I Say, Porter!

Motorbike and sidecar?

I Say, Porter!

Scratch that. doesn't fit the 'bigger than a shed' criterion

Projoy

Mobile Canteen?

I Say, Porter!

One of those VW camper vans with the concertina top?

ImNotJohn

We have a winner

[Uncle Korky] - Well done. A DUKW it is!
The other answers are therefore obvious. I'm disappointed that no-one examined the animal connection, nor did I ever manage to answer both land and water transport.

One slightly damp baton handed on.

Uncle Korky

*is a little embarrassed at having lurked to victory again*

Sorry about this delay, but I've got a job interview this morning, which I need to concentrate on. I'll post your new clue when it's all over (probably about lunchtime).

Lib

[UK] Good Luck! Keep focused and you'll shine. I had an interview (in Cardiff of all places) yesterday and it was actually quite fun. (I know I am a strange thing.) It was fun because the topic for the presentation I was asked to prepare was 'me', and as I'm sure you all know I have no problems talking about myself! GOOD LUCK!!!! Or, hope it went well, if you've already done it.

I Say, Porter!

DUKW

I have a feeling that Connie Booth would have been found not guilty in Holy Grail - they'd never prove she weighed the same as a DUKW.

Uncle Korky

[Lib] Cheers, m'dear! It went pretty well, and should hear by the end of the week. [IS,P] Perhaps my guess was inspired by knowing England were going to face South Africa later that day...
Anyway - a new clue... let's say... animal.

Projoy

Alive?

Raak

The England cricket team?

Uncle Korky

Livin' Thing? YES
All out? NO
After a bit of thinking, I'll tinker with the classification to say that it's animal with an abstract element.

I Say, Porter!

One of it?

Projoy

A job title?

Uncle Korky

Singular? YES *applause*
Jobsworth? NO

I Say, Porter!

Fictional?

Uncle Korky

You're making it up? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...

Lib

Human?

Uncle Korky

Homo sapiens? YES *applause*

I Say, Porter!

is it art?

Uncle Korky

Art? Not even in the broadest or most generous uses of the term!

I Say, Porter!

Is it an avatar?

Raak

Is this person a charlatan?

I Say, Porter!

Mrs Trellis?

Lib

Ever been alive?

Uncle Korky

Avatar? I had to check the definition on this one: the only explanation I found was an earthly incarnation of a divine personage, so the answer to this is NO. However, I suspect this may not be what you meant...
Charlatan? NO.
Trellis? NO *some applause*
Ever been alive? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...

Lib

The lovely Samantha?

Uncle Korky

The invisible woman? NO *similar level of applause as before*, as I can see how you're thinking...

Lib

Male?

Uncle Korky

Blokeish? YES *applause*

Lib

Humph?

Uncle Korky

Lyttleton? NO *diminishing applause* I think you're getting misled by earlier applause...

Rosie

Archie Andrews?

Uncle Korky

An educated guess? NO

Projoy

Is heard on the radio?

Raak

An actor playing a role?

Aged under 40?

Sven?

Borat?

Mycroft?

Avatar

I was thinking 'graphical representation in a game of a real person'

Uncle Korky

Wireless? NO
Actor? NO
Under 40? YES
The rippling one? NO
Borat? NO
Mr Holmes snr? NO
Avatar II? NO - but the audience senses that IS,P is poking around the right area, and responds with appropriate *applause*.

Raak

Is this person advertising something?

Uncle Korky

Back after these important messages? NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it 'Uncle Korky' - is what I was trying, and failing, to get at.

Uncle Korky

We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Uncle Korky", so one morniversal baton is well and truly passed on!

I Say, Porter!

[uk] However did you think of that one?

The next one is Mineral. In the immortal words of Ron Pickering "away you go"

Tuj

Unique?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] One is one and all alone and evermore shall be so? NO

Tuj

Metallic?

Projoy

Useful?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Metallic YES
[Projoy] Useful? NOT AS SUCH

Tuj

Bigger than a toaster?

Uncle Korky

Is it art?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Toastier than thou? YES [Korky] Art for Art's Sake? NOT AS SUCH

I Say, Porter!

This is quite hard, isn't it? Ages since I did the setting for one of these.

Projoy

Is it beautiful?

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy] Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So... I wouldn't call it beautiful, whadda you think?

Raak

A work of architecture?

Uncle Korky

Is it bigger than the average garden shed?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] Millenium Tent? NO
[Uncle 'Two Sheds' Korky] NO.

Projoy

Human-made?

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy]A made thing? YES

Uncle Korky

Is it still manufactured nowadays?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Two questions in one? I'll choose to answer Is it manufactured. NO

Uncle Korky

Hmmm... Human-made - yet NOT manufactured... Is it a by-product?

I Say, Porter!

All that is not unique is not manufactured.

[UK] Manufactured: to produce goods in large numbers, usually in a factory using machines.
Is it a by-product? Of what? The answer's NO anyway, I'm just curious.

I Say, Porter!

I think my point is you can make more than one of a thing without manufacturing being involved at all.

I Say, Porter!

... is going to sit in Place Luxembourg basking in the sunshine with a couple of cool beers ('cos it's Happy Hour - 2 for 1). Pissed if back later.

ImNotJohn

Are instances of this still being made?

(to re-pose the remainder of UK's question)

Irouléguy

Is this specific to a particular culture or country?

I Say, Porter!

[INJ] in production? The thing itself NO, images of the thing YES, in fact probably even manufactured (sorry, Korks).
[Irg]YES audience applause

Tuj

Begins with P?

Projoy

Bigger than a phone box?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] P Please Bob? NO
[Pj] Between Phonebox and Shed? NO

Kim

Is it an implement?

I Say, Porter!

[Kim] Implement? NO

Uncle Korky

Still confused... Is is hand-made?

ImNotJohn

Are the various instances of this essentially the same?

i.e. there is only one design and differences are due to variations in the making process.

Projoy

Bigger than a tea-chest?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Handmade YES
[INJ] YES, recognisably similar.
[Pj] NO even smaller still than a tea chest. For free, it's larger than a tea caddy.

Projoy

[ISP] We know it is. :) You already told us it's larger than a toaster :)

Projoy

An example of a craft?

*quietly points out that, etymologically at least, the word "manufactured" means "hand-made"**

I Say, Porter!

[Pj] Crafted? YES.
[Man-u-facture] Pardon me for using dictionaries to look up definitions. It won't happen again.

Uncle Korky

Is it light enough to be carried?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Portable? YES but unhelpful I expect. Not my first unhelpful answer, either.

Tuj

A household item?

...however you wish to interpret that.

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] One in every home? NO

Tuj

Does it belong outside?

Irouléguy

Is the particular country/culture European?

Projoy

Metal all the way through?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Out of doors? YES audience applause
[Irouléguy] Europe to something? YES indeed
[Projoy] Showing its mettle? YES more audience applause
Well done all three.

Street furniture?

Used in sport?

Red in colour?

[Pj] NOT street furniture.
[Irg] NOT used in sport
[Lib] Red? NOT AS SUCH.

CdM

A sculpture?

I Say, Porter!

[CdM] Sculpted? YES audience goes wild. I still maintain that it is not ars gratia artis as such.

CdM

Does it have a purpose beyond aesthetics?

(particularly since you claim it is not beautiful)

I Say, Porter!

[CdM] Purpose? YES it does indeed. (particularly since I think it's just a gimmicky piece of tat)

Is it painted?

[UK] Painted? NO

British?

Does it have moving parts?

I Say, Porter!

[INJ] British? NO, foreign, I'm afraid.
[UK] NO. raucous audience laughter

I Say, Porter!

Has discovered it's fun to say 'raucous'...

Uncle Korky

Does it convey information in some form?

*Blushing in the ridicule of the audience*

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Info? NO.

I Say, Porter!

PS it's not ridicule. You said 'parts'

Uncle Korky

Is it particularly British?

[IS,P] Ah! I just though I was being spectacularly wrong!

I Say, Porter!

Keep up, UK!

... INJ asked that forty minutes ago. NO still.

Uncle Korky

Is it... British? NO - I'M KIDDING! Is it Italian?

OK - NOW I'm blushing!

I Say, Porter!

Country specifics

[UK] Italian? NEANCHE.

CdM

The Manneken-Pis?

(although I'm not sure what its purpose would be)

I Say, Porter!

We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Manneken Pis", and its purpose is "fountain" unless that counts as street furniture in which case its purpose is "tourist attraction", particularly with all the crappy shabby costumes they put on the nasty little sod. One manneken pis baton shaped like a corkscrew passed on! Thank god for that, the answering questions is much harder than the asking. I shall be sure to avoid getting anything right for the foreseeable future.

I Say, Porter!

moving parts

[UK] It has water moving through its parts...

Uncle Korky

[IS,P] NOW I understand the merriment...!

I Say, Porter!

Can't help thinking that your 'parts' hilarity contributed to CdM's victory. After all, it was the first real guess.

CdM

[IS,P] Yes, that audience reaction contributed, together with your location and your "gimmicky piece of tat" comment. OK, this one is

VEGETABLE and ABSTRACT

ImNotJohn

A turnip in the shape of a thingy

With acknowledgements to Richard Curtis

A work of art?

A wooden sculpture?

Fictional?

Carrot flavour?

Barry Took?

An English rose?

Triffids?

An auspicious start

Thingy-shaped neep? No.
Work of art? No.
Wooden sculpture? No.
Fictional? No.
Carrot flavour? No.
Barry Took? No.
English Rose? No.
Triffids? No.

Chalky

Edible?

Uncle Korky

Is it manufactured?

*avoids stare from IS,P*

CdM

Edible? Yes. *some applause and a couple of giggles from the audience*
Manufactured? No.

I Say, Porter!

A culinary masterpiece?

Raak

Customarily eaten?

CdM

Culinary masterpiece? No. *a few more giggles*
Customarily eaten? Either a definite yes, or a definite no. I think I need to ask you to rephrase the question. *much animated discussion in the audience*

ImNotJohn

Eaten intentionally?

(i.e. would someone order this in a restaurant)

Inkspot

Is it made to be eaten?

Raak

A deep-fried Mars bar?

Uncle Korky

Is it eaten customarily only in a particular area or region?

CdM

Eaten intentionally? Yes. (although you wouldn't order it in a restaurant as such)
Made to be eaten? Yes. (although it is not made as such)
A deep-fried Mars Bar? No.
Region-specific? No.

Eaten raw?

Raw? In part.

customarily drunk?

...or inhaled?

More than one veg?

[Chalks] Thought that first one was a description ;op

Chalky

[ISPers] yes - the 3 words sit rather well together :-)

ImNotJohn

Is it normally an ingredient in other dishes?

Tuj

Begins with P?

:)

Lib

Brown in colour?

CdM

Customarily drunk/inhaled? No.
More than one veg? Yes. *substantial audience applause*
An ingredient? No.
Begins with either A-O, or Q-Z? Yes.
Brown? In part, probably yes.

irach

Vegemite?

CdM

Vegemite? No. (I think that would be more than brown "in part" :-) )

Raak

A salad?

Uncle Korky

Is it meant for human consumption?

Tuj

[CdM] Was that a yes to my question or yours?

I Say, Porter!

Shurely "a-o or q-z YES" = "P NO"...?

CdM

A salad? No. *scattered applause*
Meant for human consumption? Yes. *more giggles from the same impolite people who were giggling earlier*
Yes to my question or yours? Yes.
I remind you all that this is abstract as well as vegetable.

Projoy

Small potatoes?

ImNotJohn

Are there any specific required components?

i.e. Must this always include say, a particular veg.

CdM

Small potatoes? No.
Specific required components? No. *audience applause and some laughter*

Irouléguy

Humble pie?

CdM

Humble pie? No.

Chalky

A mess of potage?

... our speciality, just aubergine and carnation petals ... with a six-shilling bottle of Mule du Pape ... Flanders & Swann

I Say, Porter!

Meat-and-two-veg?

Fnarr Fnarr

Raak

Is this a figurative expression?

Irouléguy

Normally eaten cold?

ImNotJohn

5 a day?

I Say, Porter!

3 and in?

Fnarr Fnarr

CdM

Mess of pottage? No.?
Filet mignon a la Bearnaise, mousseline d'asperges and chips? No. *some audience laughter*
Figurative? No.
Revenge? No.
5 a day? No.
3 and in? No.

Projoy

Is it defined by the absence of something?

I Say, Porter!

Strawberry Tart without so much rat in it?

CdM

Defined by absence of something? Yes. *audience rises to feet and gives standing ovation*
Ratless tart? No.

Uncle Korky

"Yes - we have no bananas"?

CdM

Banananalessnessness? No.

I Say, Porter!

is tofu involved?

CdM

Tofu involved? It certainly could be.

Projoy

Vegetarian cuisine?

CdM

Vegetarian Cuisine? No. *audience erupts in rapturous cheers*

Tuj

Associated with a particular country or culture?

[IS,P] True. But usually when you ask a question you expect it to be answered rather than its negative answered. I think my confusion was justified anyway.

Lib

Does it involve pastry?

Projoy

Veganism?

CdM

The words on the card are "A Vegan Diet", but I think Projoy gets close enough. *Hands baton carved from sealbone to Projoy*

I Say, Porter!

I tried a vegan diet, but they're really hard to kill.

Projoy

And there was me about to guess fruitarianism...

Back in the hotseat again. Here's an honest-to-goodness ABSTRACT that shouldn't take a moment to guess.

I Say, Porter!

Is it art?

Projoy

[ISP] Turner-prizewinning? NO

I Say, Porter!

Occurs naturally?

Uncle Korky

Fictional?

Projoy

[ISP] Naturally occurring? YES
[UK] Fictional? DON'T KNOW

Raak

Self-referential?

Tuj

Begins with P?

I was going to guess "The answer", but then I saw Raak's question :P

Projoy

[Raak] Self-referential? NO
[Tuj] P? NO

Projoy

(I should own up to entertaing some doubt as to whether this is wholly, or indeed at all abstract, but OTOH, it is definitely none of the other three - abstract is probably a more helpful category than none at all)

Projoy

s/entertaing/entertaining

Raak

Is it a physical thing?

Tuj

A measurement of some kind?

Rosie

Anything to do with elementary particles?

I Say, Porter!

a phenomenon of some kind?

Projoy

[Raak] Physical? NO
[Tuj] Measurement? YES *applause*
[Rosie] To do with elementary particles? YES, I GUESS SO
[ISP] A phenumbenumenon? YES, I GUESS
That was a successful round.

I Say, Porter!

Beaufort? Richter?

Raak

A measurement of something electrical?

Lib

To do with time?

Projoy

[ISP] Beaufort, Richter? NO
[Raak] Something electrical? NO
[Lib] Time? YES *applause*

Raak

The number of vibrations of a cesium atom in one second?

I Say, Porter!

Carbon dating?

Projoy

[Raak] Wiggly Caesium? NO
[ISP] Carbon dating? NO

A Second?

A leap year?

A moment?

[Lib] A second? NO
[UK] Leap Year? NO
[Lib] A moment? YES, but that's not The Answer *significant and sustained applause*

Raak

The Planck time?

Lib

The moment of truth?

Uncle Korky

*sings "One moment in time..."* ?

Projoy

[Raak] Planck time? NO
[Lib] Moment of truth? NO
[UK] Whitney Houston, we have a problem? NO

Projoy

(espirit d'escalier: should have said "quick as a planck")

Raak

Half a mo?

Projoy

[Raak] Half a mo? DEFINITELY NOT!

Chalky

Is it a 3 - word answer?

I Say, Porter!

sings: Magic moments....

Raak

A pause?

...

I Say, Porter!

Something horrible and complicated to do with differential calculus?

Projoy

[Chalky] 3 word answer? NO, less than
[ISP] Bacharach? NO
[Raak] Pause? NO
[ISP] Horrible and complicated? Probably horrible, but by no means complicated. No idea whether it involves calculus.

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy] Shurely 'fewer than'

I Say, Porter!

Fewer than three words rules out "No time Toulouse"

I Say, Porter!

... and "That Condor Moment"

I Say, Porter!

Does the word 'moment' appear on the card?

Chalky

THIS moment?

Projoy

[ISP] 'Moment' on card? NO
[Chalky] That moment? NO (not this one either)

I Say, Porter!

big bang?

Projoy

[ISP] Heavy fringe? NO

Projoy

In retrospect, Raak's "Planck time" was entitled to some *hearty applause*.

Rosie

The half-life of a radioactive atom?

Projoy

[Rosie] Half-life? NO, not half anything.

Raak

Closing time?

Projoy

[Raak] Closing time? NO *audience shivers slightly as the temperature drops*

Lib

Would putting 'moment' into a thesaurus help?

Projoy

*tries that* No. Maybe in the future.

Lib

AArgghhh

That's not a guess. Its just my frustration as I feel I should be very close but I'm not.

Raak

Opening time?

Projoy

[Raak] Opening time? *audience phones Mountain Rescue and prays for a St Bernard*

Rosie

The Big Bang, i.e. the beginning of the Universe?

Raak

A tick?

Projoy

[Rosie] The B of the Bang? NO
[Raak] Tick? NO *audience stirs as if they'd seen a crocus or a rosebud, or a robin on the wing*

Projoy

(worries he's going to get roundly slated for this one, which he thought was reasonably heard-of, but now not so sure)

Projoy

Raak has gotten the closest by far of anyone so far.

Raak

A tock?

Raak

Or Tock himself?

Projoy

[Raak] Not a tock or Tock. Perhaps I shall be made to walk the Planck after all.

Rosie

Two ticks?

Lib

A jiffy?

Lib

Are we anywhere warm?

Chalky

Real time?

Projoy

[Rosie] Two ticks? NO
[Lib] Jiffy? NO
[Lib] Warm? NOT REALLY :)
[Chalky] Real time? NO
Recap: It's a measurement of time, one that is definitely not a half-anything (except half of two of itself). It may or may not be fictional (thus the Planck time doesn't qualify, but is damned close), and may be described loosely as "a moment". If you don't get it from that, then I chose too obscurely. :)

*scratches head*

Full time?

[Raak] Full time? NO

Is it literally an instant, i.e. having no length?

Projoy

[Rosie] A lengthless instant? NO *but audience breaks into wild cheering, stamping etc. Game on.*

Lib

So it has a defined lenght?

Projoy

[Lib] Defined length? YES

Lib

scientific speak? eg. a parsec?

Projoy

[Lib] Science Jargon? YES *applause*

Rosie

Is the length of time very short (i.e. a small fraction of a second)?

Projoy

[Rosie] Very short? YES! *applause*

Lib

nanosecond?

Projoy

[Lib] Nanosecond? NO

Lib

is it 10 to the power -x of a second?

Projoy

[Lib] 10^-n? NO

Chalky

split second?

Rosie

A 440 (one oscillation)?

I Say, Porter!

Sueprluminar (i.e. faster than light)?

When you say it 'may or may not be fictional' is it something that has not yet been, or may never be, proven?

Projoy

[Chalky] Split second? YEEES, I suppose so.
[Rosie] A440, NO
[ISP] Faster than light? NO
[ISP] Has not been/may never be proven? YES! *applause*

Raak

The end of the universe?

Projoy

[Raak] Goodbye to all that? NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it all relative?

Raak

The moment of religion, that divides the thought from the action?

Projoy

[ISP] Relativity? Some might say quite the reverse!
[Raak] Religious moment? NO (don't forget this is quite specifically a measure of time with a particular length and is also scientific jargon)

Raak

A chronon?

Raak

(The maximum rate of thought being one psychon per chronon.)

Projoy

[Raak] JUST IN TIME! It IS indeed a chronon, the proposed quantum of time, which is said (in one theory) to be 2x10⁻²³ seconds - considerably longer than the Planck time and not strictly a second x 10^-n. I apologise to those who are currently scratching their heads and going "a what?". I had heard of the chronon some years ago, and being an Arts Graduate, tend to assume that anything scientific that I've heard of has been heard of by everyone else at least ten years ago. However, the number of hits I belatedly googled on the topic suggest that perhaps it's not the household word I had at first supposed. I had every faith that Raak would get there eventually, tho! * hands the baton over to Raak so quickly that nobody sees it happen*

I Say, Porter!

I've heard of Chronon the Barbarian... grone

Projoy

(btw, another way of describing its length is 20 yoctoseconds)

Raak

I onyl know the chronon from the SF story "Gulf", by Robert Heinlein.

The next one is MINERAL, VEGETABLE, and ABSTRACT.

Projoy

Fictional?

I Say, Porter!`

Art?

Raak

[Projoy] Not fictional.
[ISP] Not art. (The audience is amused as it imagines an exhibit with this title.)

Occurs naturally?

[ISP] Not natural.

To do with food?

Manufactured using machines?

Raak

[Projoy] Nothing to do with food.
[ISP] Almost invariably.

Irouléguy

A household item?

Raak

[I] Yes, although most households probably don't have one.

CdM

A luxury item?

Tuj

Begins with P?

Raak

[CdM] Not a luxury item.
[Tuj] Does not begin with P.

Rosie

A piece of furniture?

Raak

[Rosie] Not furniture.

Rosie

A musical instrument?

Having at last got my nice Yamaha digital piano.

Raak

[Rosie] I can think of one musical piece where it might be used, but no, not a musical instrument.

ImNotJohn

Bigger than a toaster?

(trad)

Raak

[INJ] Bigger than a toaster.

Projoy

Newfangled?

Rosie

A gong?

Raak

[Projoy] Not at all newfangled.
[Rosie] Not a gong. That has rather wider musical applications than this does.

I Say, Porter!

A snooker table?

Raak

[ISP] As used in Herblfrontwick's Concerto for Snooker Table and Cue Ball? No.

CdM

Does the "abstract" refer to a metaphorical meaning of this mineral and vegetable thing?

Raak

[CdM] Yes, metaphorical. (Actually, similitudinous, to be precise.)

Projoy

Victorian?

Raak

[Projoy] Not specifically Victorian.

CdM

Is the vegetable component wood?

I Say, Porter!

A useful item?

Raak

[CdM] Yes, wood.
[ISP] Yes, useful. *the audience approve of these steps along the path to truth*

I Say, Porter!

A fitting (as opposed to furniture)?

Rosie

A container of some kind?

ImNotJohn

Does it have moving parts?

Raak

[ISP] Not a fitting.
[Rosie] *applause* Part of it is a container.
[INJ] No moving parts.

Projoy

bigger than a washing machine?

Lib

Does it function as a seat?

Raak

[Projoy] Smaller than a washing machine.
[Lib] Not a seat.

Rosie

A tea-chest bass?

Raak

[Rosie] Neither a tea-chest bass, a kazoo, a mighty Wurlitzer, nor a bagpipe. The musical angle is really not going to be helpful.

CdM

Still widely used today?

Raak

[CdM] Still in use.

ImNotJohn

Is the mineral part metal?

I Say, Porter!

A piece of equipment of some sort?

Raak

[INJ] Yes, metal.
[ISP] Yes, it's equipment.

Projoy

To do with safety?

Raak

[Projoy] Not to do with safety.

I Say, Porter!

Away in a Mangle?

I Say, Porter!

Bum. That has moving parts. Scratch it.

I Say, Porter!

Found in the kitchen?

Raak

[ISP] Not found in the kitchen.

I Say, Porter!

Is the room in the house going to help? Found in the drawing room?

Raak

[ISP] It might. But it is not to be found in the drawing room.

Lib

In the Bathroom?

Raak

[Lib] Nor in the bathroom.

Lib

Downstairs (in a house, not a bungalow of average room structure)?

Raak

[Lib] Could be. I think "household item" was misleading, this is merely something you might have in your house. Or in other places.

Raak

That's all until this evening -- offline all day.

Chalky

Is it a barrel of some sort?

Raak

[Chalky] Not a barrel.

CdM

Might you have it in your car?

Raak

[CdM] You might, if you were transporting it somewhere.

Lib

Does it come in more than one size?

Raak

[Lib] It could be of various sizes.

To recap and give a nudge into a more fruitful path: it's a container of things made of wood and metal, which features in a well-known simile, and which could be found in various places, including the home.

Tuj

Is it made to hold one specific thing?

Raak

[Tuj] It holds one specific type of thing.

Projoy

A wise old saw?

Projoy

[Projoy] Er, saws don't contain anything.

Projoy

[Projoy] Fair point.

Raak

[Projoy] *a ripple of interest in the audience* Not a saw, especially not a wise one.

Does it have a lid?

Is it hardware?

A hutch?

A box of tricks?

.. or something like

Raak

[Projoy] Probably doesn't have a lid.
[Projoy] *applause* Yes, hardware.
[Projoy] Not a hutch.
[Chalky] *for a moment the audience thought you were going to get it* Not a box of tricks.

Projoy

The sharpest tool in the box?

Raak

[Projoy] *the audience are excited* Not the sharpest tool in the box.

Projoy

A toolbox?

Raak

[Projoy] *applause* In a sense, yes.

CdM

Does either of the words "tool" or "box" appear on the card?

Raak

[Cdm] Yes.

I Say, Porter!

Boxing Helena? Boxcar Willie? Box girder bridge? Jack-in-the-box?

Raak

[ISP] None of the above.

I Say, Porter!

A jewellery box, a matchbox, Pandora's box, my kingdom for a box

Isn't 'not the sharpest tool in the box' more metaphor than simile?

I Say, Porter!

"it's a container of things made of wood and metal"

Is it a container of things, made of wood and metal; or is it a container of things made of wood and metal?

Raak

[ISP] None of those either, including "not the sharpest tool in the box".
[ISP] It's a container of things made of wood and metal. What the container is made of isn't important.

Projoy

Does the word "tool" appear on the card?

Raak

[Projoy] "Tool" does not appear on the card.

There are four words, including the indefinite article.

Projoy

A box of hammers (as in "as dumb as")?

Raak

[Projoy] You are sharp as a tack. A box of hammers is the exact phrase on the card.

Projoy

OK, here's a chance to go for something better known and redeem myself. ANIMAL

Lib

Giraffe?

Tuj

The Archbishop of Canterbury?

Hmm, new one on me.

Chalky

[Raak] Interestingly enough - googling " a box of ..." "simile" didn't produce 'hammers, which is a phrase I, personally, have never heard before [not that that is relevant because I've obviously led a sheltered life] - yet ... googling " as dumb as a box of hammers .. produced 1,040,000 results! < Thinks >*must learn to play this game betterer*

Chalky

Edible?

Rosie

Alive?

"A box of hammers" is not a phrase I have ever heard used by anyone in my long and not-exactly-sheltered life. Maybe the Yanks use it. Well, I'm not a Yank. As if there aren't countless other subjects that could have been used, the words of which exist in everyone's brain, it just being a question of having the inspiration to dig them out. The whole point of the game is that you don't have to Google it, the original game being live with no access to any source of knowledge. Box of Hammers. Stupid.

Projoy

[Lib] Giraffe? NO
[Tuj] Primate? NO
[Chalky] Edible? NO! *considerable laughter*
[Rosie] Alive? YES

[Rosie] While I had heard the expression 'box of hammers' somewhere in the dim and distant past, enough for me to consider worth googling it for credibility before making my guess, you didn't actually have to have heard of it in order to get the answer. Besides, this game (as CdM once pointed out) is different from the original, and both google, self-education and working outside one's comfort zone are much more part of its fabric. If that makes it harder for those good at rote memorisation of canonical knowledge and easier for those good at on-the-fly research then perhaps that's an unhappy circumstance, but it is at least an index of changes in the world around us! I tend to think it's a good thing, myself, but then I have succesfully googled/guessed quite a lot lately. :) Definitely would concede, having tested it, that chronon was very hard to google up without a fair amount of specialist knowledge and probably therefore inappropriate, but a box of hammers is a concept available to anyone who's heard of hammers and boxes. That said, I would say that my current one shouldn't require google (unless someone asks the wrong question, causing me to give a truthful but obscure and therefore counterintutive and hard-to-synthesise fact about the subject under question).

Projoy

(Not that there's such a thing as a 'wrong' question in this game, obviously)

Tuj

A specific, unique thing?

Projoy

[Tuj] Specific, unique? NO

Does it have legs?

[Chalky] Leggy? YES

2 legs?

4 legs?

6 or more legs?

Legginess quotient? Two possible sets of answers. Either (ignoring the answer to Tuj's question) YES, NO, NO; or - taking Tuj's answer into account - NO, NO, YES

I Say, Porter!

A grouping of animals - e.g. a flange of baboons?

Projoy

[ISP] A grouping? YES, but not of the type given in your e.g.

I Say, Porter!

Human race?

Tuj

A group of humans?

Oh dear, did I cause some trouble? I'm confused, at least.

Projoy

[ISP] Human race? NO
[Tuj] Group of humans? YES *applause*

I Say, Porter!

Primate: no, human: yes. Now I'm confused too.

I Say, Porter!

OK, got it now. It was Projoy's use of the term 'primate'.

Note to self: Read questions AND answers as answers alone may cause confusion.

Uncle Korky

Are these humans grouped together because of a shared interest?

Projoy

[UK] A shared interest? YES

Uncle Korky

Is this interest politcal?

Chalky

Is it a spiritual/religious interest?

I Say, Porter!

Furries?

Projoy

[UK] Political? NOT REALLY
[Chalky] Spiritual/Religious? YES! *applause*
[ISP] Furries? NO (my suspicion is that a lot of people would require google for furries!)

I Say, Porter!

I used to Google for furries and then I discovered Smirnoff

A specific sect?

Projoy

[ISP] A sect? DEPENDS ON POV.

Projoy

(I would say "no", tho)

I Say, Porter!

Scientologists?

Rosie

(Projoy) If you have to look up the answer it's no longer a game but a research project brought about largely, I suspect, by the instant accessibility of Google and the desire of certain people to show their specialised knowledge. A bit puerile. It ought to be like the original, a test of general knowledge and the ability to quickly connect and recall what's already in you head. This is not the same as rote knowledge, BTW. So the game no longer depends on the ability to think but on the ability to look things up and is therefore no longer a game, or any fun, but tedious. I'll cross it off my list.

I Say, Porter!

Cross it off your list

[Rosie] Whilst I am with you 100% in being irritated by the plethora of recent 'f**k me that was obscure' targets, I think that after you make your point, and people take it on board, you could enjoy the game once more and continue to contribute as fruitfully as you have in the past. (Hopes Projoy's religion is something that more than ten people have heard of). Please don't go!

Projoy

[ISP] Scientology? NO.
[Rosie, simul'd by ISP, but since you commented again] I must admit that I find looking stuff up fun (and success in this is totally about ability to think), but I do agree that some of the reward of this game is in either making the right lateral connections to perceive what in retrospect is obvious. Perhaps it would jolly the game up if we swing back for a while to obvious subjects, having had some obscurities on the trot, but equally I can't see any harm in being a bit more tolerant of stuff that falls outside 'Rosie's general knowledge' but within, say, 'Raak's general knowledge' (a category of knowledge in which I for one have found much fascination over the years).

Projoy

~~either~~

I Say, Porter!

Harry H Krishna?

Projoy

[ISP] Hare, Hare, while stocks last? NO

I Say, Porter!

Quakers?

Uncle Korky

Is this a Christian group?

Projoy

[ISP] Quakers? NO
[UK] Xian? NO

Druids?

The Peoples Temple?

Scientologists?

Paganism?

*thinks ISPers may have a short-term memory problem* :-)

Projoy

[ISP] Druidity? NO
[Chalky] People's ~~Princess~~ Temple? NO
[ISP] Scientology? NO
[Chalky] Paganism? NO

Tuj

Begins with P?

Better get that in while I can...

Chalky

Humanism?

I Say, Porter!

Scient.. Arse!

Hindus harmonizin' in the hall?

Projoy

[Tuj] Parseeism (and its alliterative religions)? NO
[Chalky] Oh, the humanity! NO
[ISP] Hindus? NO

Chalky

Buddhism?

CdM

Is this abstract as well as animal?

Raak

Did it start within the last 500 years?

[Rosie] "Dumb as a box of hammers" is a commonplace expression to me; it's difficult to know what will be commonplace to everyone.

Chalky

Should we be concentrating on -isms?

simul ... What CdM asked.

Chalky

Sun worshippers [with legs]?

Projoy

[Chalky] Buddhism? NO
[CdM] Abstract? NO
[Raak] Last 500 years? NO
[Chalky] focusism? It might help you get there, but The Answer is not an ism.
[Chalky] Solarists? NO

Irouléguy

Islam?

dumb as a box of... I always thought it was "dumb as a bag of spanners", but the collective wisdom of Google thinks otherwise.

Projoy

[Ig] Islam? *standing ovation* That is not the answer on the card.

Chalky

Could it be something as simple as 'Muslims'?

Projoy

[Chalky] IT COULD **audience applause**

CdM

Never heard of 'em.

Chalky

LOL

Easy-peasy :-)
Now this next one should be well within everybody's intellectual and cognisant reach. However, it may require a smidgin of websearchery as we draw closer to the solution - which is the way I enjoy playing this game.
M I N E R A L / A B S T R A C T

Raak

A figurative expression?

Irouléguy

Is the mineral metal?

Chalky

[Raak] Figurative? NO
[Irouléguy] Metal? Largely, NO [there may be traces]

Raak

Rock?

Projoy

Is the mineral stone?

Projoy

Oops. Misread Raak's simul. WHS.

Chalky

[Raak, Projoy] Rocky/Stony stuff? YES, plenty of that

Tuj

A single unique thing?

Raak

A work of art?

Projoy

A human construct?

Chalky

[Tuj] The one-and-only? YES
[Raak] Artwork? NO
[PJ] Human construct? NO

Projoy

Naturally occurring?

Uncle Korky

Fictional?

Irouléguy

A geographical feature?

Chalky

[Projoy] Naturally occurring? YES
[Uncle Korkers] Fictional? NO
[Irouléguy] A geographical feature? Good question. I'm tempted to answer 'Yes' but in fact this is NOT a geographical feature

Uncle Korky

Does it have anything to do with molten rock?

Projoy

Does it move?

Chalky

[Uncle Korkster] Anything to do with molten rock? Yes, molten rock might be in amongst all this.
[PJ] Does it move? YES *audience starts to murmur*

Uncle Korky

Is this a description of a process?

Raak

The Marianas Trench?

Projoy

A sand dune?

Chalky

[Uncle Korkee] description of a process? NO
[Raak] The Marianas Trench? NO
[Projoy] A sand dune? NO
*audience goes quiet*

Projoy

Is it biiiiiiiiiig?

Chalky

[Projoy] Biiiiiiiiiiig? It's Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge! *audience cheers*

[Chalky

aside

I'm 'at home' today which is why I'm able to pay attention to my chairing duty. Haven't seen it in ages, but is anyone else watching 'Countdown'? There's a gargantuan bloke in place of the fragrant Suzie Dent. Wha ...?]

[Uncle Korky

reply to aside

That's scandalous! I've spent years watching that show, just for Suzie Dent - she's seriously hot! OK, I do enjoy playing along as well...]

Uncle Korky

Is it on Earth?

Chalky

At last! The key question.
[Uncly Kork] On Earth? NO *thunderous applause from audience*

Raak

The planet Gliese 581 c?

Uncle Korky

Is it actually a planet?

*smug*

Chalky

[Raak] The Planet Gliese 581 c [rather than the star]? NO
[UK] A planet? Well, actually, NO

Raak

Is it in the Solar System?

Projoy

A comet?

Chalky

[Raak] In solar system? YES
[Projoy] A comet? NO

Raak

A satellite?

Projoy

A dwarf planet?

Chalky

[Raak] A satellite? YES
[Projoy] A dwarf planet? NO

Projoy

A moon?

Projoy

The moons of Jupiter?

Chalky

[Projoy] A moon? YES *audience senses the end game is here and start to pay attention*
[Projoy] For pity's sake child - tie down the moons of Jupiter? er - NO

A moon of Saturn?

*The* Moon?

Enceladus?

[PJ] A moon of Saturn-and-there-are-plenty-to-choose from? Er - NO
[Raak] OUR moon? NO
[Uncly Korkass] Enceladus? I refer the honourary member to my previous reply which went PJ-wise :-)

Projoy

Charon?

Tuj

One of Mars'?

Uncle Korky

One of Neptune?

*no longer smug*

Chalky

[Projoy] Charon? NO
[Tuj] Marses moonses? No, neither
[Uncle Korks] Neptune moon? YES!

Projoy

Proteus?

I Say, Porter!

Triton

There are only eleven others, so we're nearly there...

Projoy

[Chalky] If you like, you can assume I will ask all the other questions. :)

Raak

Does it have a name?

Uncle Korky

Nereid?

I Say, Porter!

What's in a name?

[Raak] They all seem to have names. Are you confusing Neptune with Jupiter/Saturn?

Chalky

[Projoy] Proteus? NO
[Uncle Korks] Nereid? NO
[Raak] A name? YES because ..

*fanfare* The victory goes to I Say, Lurker who popped into this game just at the right time.
TRITON it is, Neptune's largest moon, the seventh largest in the solar system, and one that even I've heard of. Thanks Raak, Uncle Korky and Projoy for your sterling efforts :-)

I Say, Porter!

Hey, Good Lurkin'

[Chalky] That'll teach me to take a day off work.
Another easy one? ANIMAL

I Say, Porter!

Hang on a mo... looks up 'Abstract' in dictionary. Decides 'bollocks to it' and leaves it as is.

Raak

A single individual?

Projoy

Human?

[ISP] Maybe it's that the Greek minor god of the Sea, Triton, is abstract?

I Say, Porter!

[PJ] I wasn't thinking about Chalky's Abstract actual existing real satellite, but now you mention it...

[Raak] Single individual - YES
[Projoy] Human - YES. Told you it was easy.

Uncle Korky

Alive?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Living? Not as such.

Uncle Korky

Alive in the 20th Century?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Sorry, I meant 'Not alive as such'.

I Say, Porter!

... enters into deep philosophical contemplation about whether he should have used 'Abstract'

Uncle Korky

Fictional?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Fictional - YES *applause*

Uncle Korky

Aha! British author?

Definitely abstract then, as I found out to my cost a few games back! :-)

I Say, Porter!

Abstract schmabstract.

[UK] British Author? NO

Uncle Korky

I'm gonna let someone else have a go.

Tuj

Jumping in!

Begins with a P? :D

Raak

\

Raak

Is the fiction set in the real world?

ImNotJohn

Does the character appear in more than one publication by the author?

Uncle Korky

Does this person originally appear in a book?

Irouléguy

Is the character female?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] What an unexpected question! P? - NO
[Raak] Real World? - I'll say a tentative NO to that one
[INJ] More than one publication? - YES
[UK] Book? "a set of pages that have been fastened together inside a cover to be read or written in" - YES
[Irg] Female? NO

Uncle Korky

Did this person first appear in print in the 20th century?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] C20? YES

Uncle Korky

Is there more than one author overall?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] +1 Author? - YES

Raak

Doctor Who?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] Time Lord? - NO

Uncle Korky

[Raak] Can't be - not a British author (see above). I'm going to have a wild stab in the dark at the answer (got a gut feeling...)

Uncle Korky

Is it Asterix?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Three points for a Gaul? NO

Uncle Korky

Bo**ox.

Uncle Korky

However... this doesn't mean my line of questioning is dead... Are the authors Goscinny & Uderzo?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Goscinny & Uderzo? Nope. That rules out Lucky Luke an' all.

Uncle Korky

Definite bo**ox.

ImNotJohn

Originally written in English?

I Say, Porter!

[INJ] Written in English? YES

Uncle Korky

Have the works this character appears in been filmed?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Filmed? YES

Raak

A cartoon/comic/graphic novel character?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] cartoon/comic/graphic novel character - YES * thunderous applause *

I Say, Porter!

... is off to dress rehearsal. Back tomorrow!

Projoy

[Uncle Korky] re: Doctor Who and British Author. Don't forget that both Sydney Newman and Anthony Coburn were Australian! :)

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy] Except for Sydney Newman, who was Canadian. But Korky's point was exactly that the roots of Dr Who are non-British. But, of course, the sixty thousand dollar question is "who cares?"

Inkspot

A Marvel character?

I Say, Porter!

[Inks] Marvel? YES * audience applause *

Raak

Superman?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] Not Superman

I Say, Porter!

Superman's DC comics, I think...

CdM

Spiderman?

although Peter Parker definitely begins with a P...

Irouléguy

Captain America?

I Say, Porter!

[CdM] Not Spidey, and not Peter Parker Picked A Peck Of Pickled Peppers
[Irg] Not Captain America.

Chalky

One of the X-Men?

I Say, Porter!

[Chalky] Not one of the X-Men, but we're certainly getting warmer by a process of elimination.

Chalky

Conan the Barbarian?

I Say, Porter!

[Chalky] Not Conan. I wasn't even aware he was a Marvel character.

I Say, Porter!

British Author

[Projoy] I was talking nonsense earlier - rereading, Korky's point seems to indicate that Who had British roots, which is of course a load of dalek-poo.

Chalky

The Hulk?

I Say, Porter!

[Chalky] Rapturous applause from the crowd but it's not the name on the card!

Chalky

The Incredible Hulk?

Chalky

or Dr. Robert Bruce Banner?

I Say, Porter!

AWOOOOOGAH! We have a winner. Dr. Robert Bruce Banner is the name on the card. One first edition grey baton still in the original wrapping passed on.

Chalky

celebrating another lurker's victory

Cheers ISPers - and 'break a leg' this weekend. Naturally we shall want YouTube evidence.

V E G E T A B L E

I Say, Porter!

Thanks Chalky! Dress rehearsal went well yesterday, which bodes badly for tonight.

Barry Took? oblig.

Projoy

Wood?

ImNotJohn

edible?

Chalky

[IS,P!] Barry Took? Nah :-)
[Projoy] Wood? No-o-o, not exactly, but you're on the right track
[ImNotJohn] edible? No

I won't be online much over the weekend, so apologies in advance

irach

Something to do with corK?

Chalky

[irach] CorK? No [nice to see you in here :)]

CdM

Paper?

Phil

smaller than a toaster?

Chalky

[CdM] Paper? YES!
[Phil] Smaller than a toaster? Mmm - it can be

Projoy

Paper with something written on it?

Tuj

A specific piece of paper?

Raak

A single piece of paper?

Chalky

[PJ] Paper with something written on it? Yes [and I know I should have added a tiny bit of M I N E R A L to the definition but I thought it might mislead, and also guessed that 'paper' would be arrived at fairly quickly]
[Tuj] A specific piece of paper? Don't know what you mean by 'specific' so I can't answer that.
[Raak] A single piece of paper? Yes, definitely

Lib

Laser display board used at the pilg?

I Say, Porter!

The piece of paper Chamberlain 'had in his hand'?

Chalky

*resuming normal service*

[Lib] Laser Display Board? :) No
[I Say, Porter!] Chamberlain's bit of paper? No

I Say, Porter!

Is the writing "now wash your hands"?

Phil

A voting card?

Inkspot

A map?

Uncle Korky

Does the piece of paper have monetary implications?

Chalky

[IS,P!] "Now wash your hands"? No
[Phil] A voting card? No
[Inkspot] A map? No
[Uncle Korks] Monetary implications? No

Raak

Is it in a museum?

Kim

Is it a piece of paper of historical significance?

Inkspot

A particular piece of paper?

A particular piece of paper being something specific like the Magna Carta, I would interpret a single peice of paper as something more general like a calender. just so I don't go too far off track

Chalky

[Raak] In a museum? No. [for clarification: when I replied 'yes' to a 'single piece of paper' I meant that only one sheet of paper was involved, as opposed to a pamphlet, magazine or book]
[Kim] Historical significance? Yes

Chalky

ah ...simul
[Inkspot] A particular piece of paper? Well, it's 'particular' in that it's a suitable subject for AVMA - but if you're asking if it's the one-and-only of its kind - then NO

I Say, Porter!

20th Century?

Uncle Korky

Does the piece of paper have musical implications?

Chalky

[IS,P!] 20th Century? Would you kindly frame your question in a more precise manner m'dear?
[Uncle Korky] Musicalimplications? No

Projoy

Is it a famous printed text?

Chalky

At last ! A question

[Projoy] Famous Printed Text? No

Phil

Is there something "artistic" on the paper?

Chalky

Hello [Phil] "artistic"? Well, YES, there is a pictorial representation of something.

Projoy

A cartoon?

Chalky

[Projoy] A cartoon? No

Inkspot

Was it first printed before 1900?

I Say, Porter!

A map?

I Say, Porter!

Like a tube map?

Uncle Korky

Is the content of this piece of paper printed?

[IS,P] 'fraid we already know it's not a map.

I Say, Porter!

A poster?

[UK] Arse! Not paying attention. Anyway, that'd also be a "famous printed text" which we know it 'aint.

Chalky

[Inkspot] First printed before 1900? Yes
[ISPers] Wot UK said
[Uncly Korko] Is the content printed? For the most part, yes
[ISP!] A poster? No

It may be worth checking back on my reply to Inkspot's "Is it a particular piece of paper?" question

Uncle Korky

A certificate of some kind?

Kim

Is it a document of title?

I Say, Porter!

Is it a Constitution or a Declaration of Independence?

I Say, Porter!

Or a treaty of some kind...

I Say, Porter!

OOOPS! Not famous. Bum. Probably no to both the above... OK I'm stuck.

Chalky

[Uncle Korky] A certificate of some kind? YES!
[IS,P!] Constitution/Declaration/Treaty? No

Uncle Korky

Is this a specifically British document?

I Say, Porter!

Some kind of award?

Chalky

[Uncle Korky] Specifically British document? The one I'm thinking of IS - YES [although there are many other 'types']
[IS,P!] Award? No

I Say, Porter!

A passport?

I Say, Porter!

A legal document of some kind?

Scratch the 'passport' as it's no longer a single piece of paper.

Uncle Korky

Driving licence?

Lib

Is it money?

Chalky

[IS,P!] Legal document of some kind? Yes
[UK] Driving licence? No
[Lib] Money? No

I Say, Porter!

Birth/Marriage/Death certificate?

Chalky

[IS,P!]Birth/Marriage/Death certificate? Yes

I Say, Porter!

A Birth Certificate

Relating to a specific person?

Uncle Korky

A Death Certificate

Relating to a specific person?

I Say, Porter!

A Marriage Certificate

Relating to two specific people (oblig.)

Chalky

[IS,P!] A Birth Certificate? YES! Now how easy-peasy was that?

[As for relating to a specific person, I did try to steer you all towards the fact that there are literally millions of these].

Uncle Korky

AR*E!

I Say, Porter!

Korky's Arse

[UK] As I did the one before Chalky's, why don't you do the next?

Uncle Korky

Does it look big in these?

[IS,P] Very kind of you, my dear sir, but I wouldn't want to steal your thunder. Nor would I want to play a game where I couldn't be a good loser. :-) Please go ahead, and I'll redouble my efforts this time!

I Say, Porter!

Someone Post One Please

I'm off to Rome tomorrow morning for six full days, I therefore cede the initiative to whichever of you buggers gets in first.

Uncle Korky

Why didn't you say?!

Oh well, in that case... MINERAL & VEGETABLE

I Say, Porter!

Is it art?

Uncle Korky

[IS,P] Oh, hello again! :-) NO, it's not art.

I Say, Porter!

It's still not tomorrow morning yet.

Is the mineral rock?

Uncle Korky

Rocky! YES - well, one of them...

Raak

Is thevegetable wood?

Tuj

Smaller than a toaster?

ImNotJohn

Normally found in the house?

Projoy

Also contains metal?

irach

Frying pan with a wooden handle?

Chalky

Is this an object that we might all aspire to own?

Inkspot

A mass manufactured item?

Uncle Korky

Right... catch-up time!
[Raak] Woody? YES
[Tuj] Toaster or less? NO
[INJ] Domestic as a rule? NO
[Projoy] The clangy stuff? YES
[irach] Full-English equipment? NO
[Chalks] I Want One Of Those? QUITE POSSIBLY - MATTER OF PERSONAL TASTE
[Inkspot] Rolls off the conveyorbelt? I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... NO

ImNotJohn

Does it contain any moving parts?

Uncle Korky

[INJ] Mobile bits? YES applause

Chalky

Does it have a definite 'use'?

Uncle Korky

[Chalky] Definite 'use'? YES

ImNotJohn

A tool of some sort?

Uncle Korky

[INJ] Tool? NO

Raak

Is the rocky part artificial, i.e. concrete, brick, etc.?

Tuj

Smaller than a house?

Uncle Korky

[Raak] Two parts sand, etc? NO
[Tuj] Smaller than the average domicile? YES

ImNotJohn

Is it mobile?

Not necessarily under its own steam.

Projoy

Bigger than a phonebox?

Juncle Korky

[INJ] Mobilty? NO
[Projoy] Size matters? YES - but not in all directions.

Projoy

Bigger than a phonebox in more than one dimension? (not counting time!)

Uncle Korky

[Projoy] Dimension comparison: BIGGER IN TWO OUT OF THREE.

Inkspot

Is it a container?

Projoy

Is it made of more than just wood, metal and stone?

Chalky

Does it require power [ie.electricity] in order to function?

Uncle Korky

[Inkspot] What's in da box? NO
[Projoy] Ingredients? YES (Some may well have an additional ANIMAL component, but don't let this confuse you)
[Chalky] Plug it in? NO

Projoy

Could you buy it as a single unit?

Uncle Korky

[Projoy] One at a time? YES

Lib

Does it have wheels?

Uncle Korky

[Lib] Let's go cruise the strip? USUALLY NOT (I'd consider them optional extras)

Raak

Is the purpose of the rock part to provide weight?

ImNotJohn

Is it's purpose to provide amusement?

ImNotJohn

Ouch! - sorry about the apostrophe.

Tuj

Begins with P?

Uncle Korky

[Raak] Heaaavy, man? NO
[INJ] Playtime? YES *copious applause*
[Tuj] Snow, mushy or processed? NO

Raak

Would you find it at a funfair?

Uncle Korky

[Raak] This way to the egress? NO

ImNotJohn

Used in a competitive sport?

Uncle Korky

[INJ] They think it's all over? YES *standing ovation*

Raak

A curling stone?

Uncle Korky

[Raak] Giant's bathplug? NO

Lib

A goalpost?

ImNotJohn

Hmmm?

Well, I thought we were just about there, but I can't get it.
Used in competitive sport, larger than phone box in 2 of 3 dimensions, contains wood, metal, rock (plus other), has moving parts but not wheels, except as optional extra, does not require a power source, not mobile, not mass-manufactured(ish). I think when someone does get it, it will be obviously correct. A fair summary?

ImNotJohn

snooker table?

ImNotJohn

anthropomorphism

With balls, of course.

ImNotJohn

Pool table?

To cover that base as well (though I would say they are mass-manufactured)

CdM

I would also say that Pool Table could probably be judged to begin with P. Snooker table seems like a very good guess, though.

Lib

Billiard table?

Uncle Korky

[INJ] It is, indeed, a snooker table. Congrats, and please accept this cue-shaped baton! Comiserations to everyone else.

ImNotJohn

It's always a good idea to try to state the problem - it just came to me when I had written it all down.
The next one is ANIMAL

Projoy

Alive, alive-o?

(What's the stone in a snooker table?)

CdM

OK, let's try writing down what we know so far. This one is animal.

Hmmmmm... Nope, still not coming to me.
[Projoy] Slate
Human?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] kicking? - NO
[CdM] Human - YES

Chalky

Male?

ImNotJohn

[Chalky] He-Man? - YES

Lib

Historical?

Raak

Did he die in the 20th century?

ImNotJohn

[Lib] been & gone? - YES
[Raak] died in C20 - NO

Lib

Royalty?

ImNotJohn

[Lib] crowned head? - YES (some murmurs in the audience)

Uncle Korky

British?

By this I mean bearer of the Brtish crown, as opposed to having had to have be born on this island.

ImNotJohn

[UK] UK? - NO

Lib

European?

ImNotJohn

[Lib] European - YES

CdM

Charlemagne?

ImNotJohn

[CdM] Big Charlie? - NO

Lib

French?

Raak

Napoleon?

ImNotJohn

[Lib] French - NO
[Raak] Boney - nor Corsican

Projoy

Died before 1500?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] Died before 3pm? - NO

Raak

Died this century?

Projoy

Died after 1800?

ImNotJohn

[Raak] C21? - NO
[Projoy] C19? - NO
To save time, the personage in question died in the 18th century.

Projoy

A pope?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] pontificating? - NO

Projoy

Does 'crowned head' in this case mean 'sovereign'?

ImNotJohn

Well asked

[Projoy] lying uneasy? - NO (Loud and prolonged applause - plus a few murmurs from one or two of the audience)
I realised afterwards that my way of rephrasing Lib's question might have been confusing, so for clarity: royalty, yes; sovereign, no.

Projoy

The spouse of a sovereign?

spouse? - NO

Assassinated?

French royalty?

[Raak] Assassinated? - NO
[Projoy] French Royalty - NO

Projoy

Spanish Royalty?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] Spanish? - NO

Projoy

Russian Royalty?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] Russian Royalty? - NO

ImNotJohn

Check your assumptions.

Projoy

Died in Europe?

ImNotJohn

[Projoy] Died in Europe? - YES

CdM

The Charlie formerly known as Bonnie Prince?

ImNotJohn

And the next one please

Thought it wouldn't last long. It is Charles Edward Louis John Casimir Silvester Maria Stuart, aka The Young Pretender, aka Charles III of Britain, aka Bonnie Prince Charlie. Uncle Korky's 'British?' question was clarified in such a way as to allow maximum confusion.
The true baton is passed over the water to CdM.

CdM

OK, this is VEGETABLE and MINERAL possibly also with ABSTRACT connections.

CdM

Actually, remove the "possibly" there.

CdM

Possibly, remove the "actually" there.

I Say, Porter!

Is it art?

ImNotJohn

Is the mineral metal?

CdM

Art? No.
Metal? No.