mc5 - AVMA Take 2

[Irg] particular make/model of car? - NO
[Projoy] agricultural - NO
[Rosie] Airborne - NO (some laughter)
[Projoy] Wheeled? - YES
[Lib] Montgolfière? - NO
[UK] on rails - NO
[Raak] wiry? - NO
[UK] Does it carry its own fuel with it? - YES

Raak

Military?

ImNotJohn

[Raak] military? - originally YES, but now usually NO(more audience applause)

Phil

A jeep?

ImNotJohn

[Phil] Jeep? - NO (I thought that would be the next guess)

gil

A Hummer?

Uncle Korky

DUKW?

I Say, Porter!

Motorbike and sidecar?

I Say, Porter!

Scratch that. doesn't fit the 'bigger than a shed' criterion

Projoy

Mobile Canteen?

I Say, Porter!

One of those VW camper vans with the concertina top?

ImNotJohn

We have a winner

[Uncle Korky] - Well done. A DUKW it is!
The other answers are therefore obvious. I'm disappointed that no-one examined the animal connection, nor did I ever manage to answer both land and water transport.

One slightly damp baton handed on.

Uncle Korky

*is a little embarrassed at having lurked to victory again*

Sorry about this delay, but I've got a job interview this morning, which I need to concentrate on. I'll post your new clue when it's all over (probably about lunchtime).

Lib

[UK] Good Luck! Keep focused and you'll shine. I had an interview (in Cardiff of all places) yesterday and it was actually quite fun. (I know I am a strange thing.) It was fun because the topic for the presentation I was asked to prepare was 'me', and as I'm sure you all know I have no problems talking about myself! GOOD LUCK!!!! Or, hope it went well, if you've already done it.

I Say, Porter!

DUKW

I have a feeling that Connie Booth would have been found not guilty in Holy Grail - they'd never prove she weighed the same as a DUKW.

Uncle Korky

[Lib] Cheers, m'dear! It went pretty well, and should hear by the end of the week. [IS,P] Perhaps my guess was inspired by knowing England were going to face South Africa later that day...
Anyway - a new clue... let's say... animal.

Projoy

Alive?

Raak

The England cricket team?

Uncle Korky

Livin' Thing? YES
All out? NO
After a bit of thinking, I'll tinker with the classification to say that it's animal with an abstract element.

I Say, Porter!

One of it?

Projoy

A job title?

Uncle Korky

Singular? YES *applause*
Jobsworth? NO

I Say, Porter!

Fictional?

Uncle Korky

You're making it up? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...

Lib

Human?

Uncle Korky

Homo sapiens? YES *applause*

I Say, Porter!

is it art?

Uncle Korky

Art? Not even in the broadest or most generous uses of the term!

I Say, Porter!

Is it an avatar?

Raak

Is this person a charlatan?

I Say, Porter!

Mrs Trellis?

Lib

Ever been alive?

Uncle Korky

Avatar? I had to check the definition on this one: the only explanation I found was an earthly incarnation of a divine personage, so the answer to this is NO. However, I suspect this may not be what you meant...
Charlatan? NO.
Trellis? NO *some applause*
Ever been alive? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...

Lib

The lovely Samantha?

Uncle Korky

The invisible woman? NO *similar level of applause as before*, as I can see how you're thinking...

Lib

Male?

Uncle Korky

Blokeish? YES *applause*

Lib

Humph?

Uncle Korky

Lyttleton? NO *diminishing applause* I think you're getting misled by earlier applause...

Rosie

Archie Andrews?

Uncle Korky

An educated guess? NO

Projoy

Is heard on the radio?

Raak

An actor playing a role?

Aged under 40?

Sven?

Borat?

Mycroft?

Avatar

I was thinking 'graphical representation in a game of a real person'

Uncle Korky

Wireless? NO
Actor? NO
Under 40? YES
The rippling one? NO
Borat? NO
Mr Holmes snr? NO
Avatar II? NO - but the audience senses that IS,P is poking around the right area, and responds with appropriate *applause*.

Raak

Is this person advertising something?

Uncle Korky

Back after these important messages? NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it 'Uncle Korky' - is what I was trying, and failing, to get at.

Uncle Korky

We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Uncle Korky", so one morniversal baton is well and truly passed on!

I Say, Porter!

[uk] However did you think of that one?

The next one is Mineral. In the immortal words of Ron Pickering "away you go"

Tuj

Unique?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] One is one and all alone and evermore shall be so? NO

Tuj

Metallic?

Projoy

Useful?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Metallic YES
[Projoy] Useful? NOT AS SUCH

Tuj

Bigger than a toaster?

Uncle Korky

Is it art?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Toastier than thou? YES [Korky] Art for Art's Sake? NOT AS SUCH

I Say, Porter!

This is quite hard, isn't it? Ages since I did the setting for one of these.

Projoy

Is it beautiful?

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy] Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So... I wouldn't call it beautiful, whadda you think?

Raak

A work of architecture?

Uncle Korky

Is it bigger than the average garden shed?

I Say, Porter!

[Raak] Millenium Tent? NO
[Uncle 'Two Sheds' Korky] NO.

Projoy

Human-made?

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy]A made thing? YES

Uncle Korky

Is it still manufactured nowadays?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Two questions in one? I'll choose to answer Is it manufactured. NO

Uncle Korky

Hmmm... Human-made - yet NOT manufactured... Is it a by-product?

I Say, Porter!

All that is not unique is not manufactured.

[UK] Manufactured: to produce goods in large numbers, usually in a factory using machines.
Is it a by-product? Of what? The answer's NO anyway, I'm just curious.

I Say, Porter!

I think my point is you can make more than one of a thing without manufacturing being involved at all.

I Say, Porter!

... is going to sit in Place Luxembourg basking in the sunshine with a couple of cool beers ('cos it's Happy Hour - 2 for 1). Pissed if back later.

ImNotJohn

Are instances of this still being made?

(to re-pose the remainder of UK's question)

Irouléguy

Is this specific to a particular culture or country?

I Say, Porter!

[INJ] in production? The thing itself NO, images of the thing YES, in fact probably even manufactured (sorry, Korks).
[Irg]YES audience applause

Tuj

Begins with P?

Projoy

Bigger than a phone box?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] P Please Bob? NO
[Pj] Between Phonebox and Shed? NO

Kim

Is it an implement?

I Say, Porter!

[Kim] Implement? NO

Uncle Korky

Still confused... Is is hand-made?

ImNotJohn

Are the various instances of this essentially the same?

i.e. there is only one design and differences are due to variations in the making process.

Projoy

Bigger than a tea-chest?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Handmade YES
[INJ] YES, recognisably similar.
[Pj] NO even smaller still than a tea chest. For free, it's larger than a tea caddy.

Projoy

[ISP] We know it is. :) You already told us it's larger than a toaster :)

Projoy

An example of a craft?

*quietly points out that, etymologically at least, the word "manufactured" means "hand-made"**

I Say, Porter!

[Pj] Crafted? YES.
[Man-u-facture] Pardon me for using dictionaries to look up definitions. It won't happen again.

Uncle Korky

Is it light enough to be carried?

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Portable? YES but unhelpful I expect. Not my first unhelpful answer, either.

Tuj

A household item?

...however you wish to interpret that.

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] One in every home? NO

Tuj

Does it belong outside?

Irouléguy

Is the particular country/culture European?

Projoy

Metal all the way through?

I Say, Porter!

[Tuj] Out of doors? YES audience applause
[Irouléguy] Europe to something? YES indeed
[Projoy] Showing its mettle? YES more audience applause
Well done all three.

Street furniture?

Used in sport?

Red in colour?

[Pj] NOT street furniture.
[Irg] NOT used in sport
[Lib] Red? NOT AS SUCH.

CdM

A sculpture?

I Say, Porter!

[CdM] Sculpted? YES audience goes wild. I still maintain that it is not ars gratia artis as such.

CdM

Does it have a purpose beyond aesthetics?

(particularly since you claim it is not beautiful)

I Say, Porter!

[CdM] Purpose? YES it does indeed. (particularly since I think it's just a gimmicky piece of tat)

Is it painted?

[UK] Painted? NO

British?

Does it have moving parts?

I Say, Porter!

[INJ] British? NO, foreign, I'm afraid.
[UK] NO. raucous audience laughter

I Say, Porter!

Has discovered it's fun to say 'raucous'...

Uncle Korky

Does it convey information in some form?

*Blushing in the ridicule of the audience*

I Say, Porter!

[UK] Info? NO.

I Say, Porter!

PS it's not ridicule. You said 'parts'

Uncle Korky

Is it particularly British?

[IS,P] Ah! I just though I was being spectacularly wrong!

I Say, Porter!

Keep up, UK!

... INJ asked that forty minutes ago. NO still.

Uncle Korky

Is it... British? NO - I'M KIDDING! Is it Italian?

OK - NOW I'm blushing!

I Say, Porter!

Country specifics

[UK] Italian? NEANCHE.

CdM

The Manneken-Pis?

(although I'm not sure what its purpose would be)

I Say, Porter!

We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Manneken Pis", and its purpose is "fountain" unless that counts as street furniture in which case its purpose is "tourist attraction", particularly with all the crappy shabby costumes they put on the nasty little sod. One manneken pis baton shaped like a corkscrew passed on! Thank god for that, the answering questions is much harder than the asking. I shall be sure to avoid getting anything right for the foreseeable future.

I Say, Porter!

moving parts

[UK] It has water moving through its parts...

Uncle Korky

[IS,P] NOW I understand the merriment...!

I Say, Porter!

Can't help thinking that your 'parts' hilarity contributed to CdM's victory. After all, it was the first real guess.

CdM

[IS,P] Yes, that audience reaction contributed, together with your location and your "gimmicky piece of tat" comment. OK, this one is

VEGETABLE and ABSTRACT

ImNotJohn

A turnip in the shape of a thingy

With acknowledgements to Richard Curtis

A work of art?

A wooden sculpture?

Fictional?

Carrot flavour?

Barry Took?

An English rose?

Triffids?

An auspicious start

Thingy-shaped neep? No.
Work of art? No.
Wooden sculpture? No.
Fictional? No.
Carrot flavour? No.
Barry Took? No.
English Rose? No.
Triffids? No.

Chalky

Edible?

Uncle Korky

Is it manufactured?

*avoids stare from IS,P*

CdM

Edible? Yes. *some applause and a couple of giggles from the audience*
Manufactured? No.

I Say, Porter!

A culinary masterpiece?

Raak

Customarily eaten?

CdM

Culinary masterpiece? No. *a few more giggles*
Customarily eaten? Either a definite yes, or a definite no. I think I need to ask you to rephrase the question. *much animated discussion in the audience*

ImNotJohn

Eaten intentionally?

(i.e. would someone order this in a restaurant)

Inkspot

Is it made to be eaten?

Raak

A deep-fried Mars bar?

Uncle Korky

Is it eaten customarily only in a particular area or region?

CdM

Eaten intentionally? Yes. (although you wouldn't order it in a restaurant as such)
Made to be eaten? Yes. (although it is not made as such)
A deep-fried Mars Bar? No.
Region-specific? No.

Eaten raw?

Raw? In part.

customarily drunk?

...or inhaled?

More than one veg?

[Chalks] Thought that first one was a description ;op

Chalky

[ISPers] yes - the 3 words sit rather well together :-)

ImNotJohn

Is it normally an ingredient in other dishes?

Tuj

Begins with P?

:)

Lib

Brown in colour?

CdM

Customarily drunk/inhaled? No.
More than one veg? Yes. *substantial audience applause*
An ingredient? No.
Begins with either A-O, or Q-Z? Yes.
Brown? In part, probably yes.

irach

Vegemite?

CdM

Vegemite? No. (I think that would be more than brown "in part" :-) )

Raak

A salad?

Uncle Korky

Is it meant for human consumption?

Tuj

[CdM] Was that a yes to my question or yours?

I Say, Porter!

Shurely "a-o or q-z YES" = "P NO"...?

CdM

A salad? No. *scattered applause*
Meant for human consumption? Yes. *more giggles from the same impolite people who were giggling earlier*
Yes to my question or yours? Yes.
I remind you all that this is abstract as well as vegetable.

Projoy

Small potatoes?

ImNotJohn

Are there any specific required components?

i.e. Must this always include say, a particular veg.

CdM

Small potatoes? No.
Specific required components? No. *audience applause and some laughter*

Irouléguy

Humble pie?

CdM

Humble pie? No.

Chalky

A mess of potage?

... our speciality, just aubergine and carnation petals ... with a six-shilling bottle of Mule du Pape ... Flanders & Swann

I Say, Porter!

Meat-and-two-veg?

Fnarr Fnarr

Raak

Is this a figurative expression?

Irouléguy

Normally eaten cold?

ImNotJohn

5 a day?

I Say, Porter!

3 and in?

Fnarr Fnarr

CdM

Mess of pottage? No.?
Filet mignon a la Bearnaise, mousseline d'asperges and chips? No. *some audience laughter*
Figurative? No.
Revenge? No.
5 a day? No.
3 and in? No.

Projoy

Is it defined by the absence of something?

I Say, Porter!

Strawberry Tart without so much rat in it?

CdM

Defined by absence of something? Yes. *audience rises to feet and gives standing ovation*
Ratless tart? No.

Uncle Korky

"Yes - we have no bananas"?

CdM

Banananalessnessness? No.

I Say, Porter!

is tofu involved?

CdM

Tofu involved? It certainly could be.

Projoy

Vegetarian cuisine?

CdM

Vegetarian Cuisine? No. *audience erupts in rapturous cheers*

Tuj

Associated with a particular country or culture?

[IS,P] True. But usually when you ask a question you expect it to be answered rather than its negative answered. I think my confusion was justified anyway.

Lib

Does it involve pastry?

Projoy

Veganism?

CdM

The words on the card are "A Vegan Diet", but I think Projoy gets close enough. *Hands baton carved from sealbone to Projoy*

I Say, Porter!

I tried a vegan diet, but they're really hard to kill.

Projoy

And there was me about to guess fruitarianism...

Back in the hotseat again. Here's an honest-to-goodness ABSTRACT that shouldn't take a moment to guess.

I Say, Porter!

Is it art?

Projoy

[ISP] Turner-prizewinning? NO

I Say, Porter!

Occurs naturally?

Uncle Korky

Fictional?

Projoy

[ISP] Naturally occurring? YES
[UK] Fictional? DON'T KNOW

Raak

Self-referential?

Tuj

Begins with P?

I was going to guess "The answer", but then I saw Raak's question :P

Projoy

[Raak] Self-referential? NO
[Tuj] P? NO

Projoy

(I should own up to entertaing some doubt as to whether this is wholly, or indeed at all abstract, but OTOH, it is definitely none of the other three - abstract is probably a more helpful category than none at all)

Projoy

s/entertaing/entertaining

Raak

Is it a physical thing?

Tuj

A measurement of some kind?

Rosie

Anything to do with elementary particles?

I Say, Porter!

a phenomenon of some kind?

Projoy

[Raak] Physical? NO
[Tuj] Measurement? YES *applause*
[Rosie] To do with elementary particles? YES, I GUESS SO
[ISP] A phenumbenumenon? YES, I GUESS
That was a successful round.

I Say, Porter!

Beaufort? Richter?

Raak

A measurement of something electrical?

Lib

To do with time?

Projoy

[ISP] Beaufort, Richter? NO
[Raak] Something electrical? NO
[Lib] Time? YES *applause*

Raak

The number of vibrations of a cesium atom in one second?

I Say, Porter!

Carbon dating?

Projoy

[Raak] Wiggly Caesium? NO
[ISP] Carbon dating? NO

A Second?

A leap year?

A moment?

[Lib] A second? NO
[UK] Leap Year? NO
[Lib] A moment? YES, but that's not The Answer *significant and sustained applause*

Raak

The Planck time?

Lib

The moment of truth?

Uncle Korky

*sings "One moment in time..."* ?

Projoy

[Raak] Planck time? NO
[Lib] Moment of truth? NO
[UK] Whitney Houston, we have a problem? NO

Projoy

(espirit d'escalier: should have said "quick as a planck")

Raak

Half a mo?

Projoy

[Raak] Half a mo? DEFINITELY NOT!

Chalky

Is it a 3 - word answer?

I Say, Porter!

sings: Magic moments....

Raak

A pause?

...

I Say, Porter!

Something horrible and complicated to do with differential calculus?

Projoy

[Chalky] 3 word answer? NO, less than
[ISP] Bacharach? NO
[Raak] Pause? NO
[ISP] Horrible and complicated? Probably horrible, but by no means complicated. No idea whether it involves calculus.

I Say, Porter!

[Projoy] Shurely 'fewer than'

I Say, Porter!

Fewer than three words rules out "No time Toulouse"

I Say, Porter!

... and "That Condor Moment"

I Say, Porter!

Does the word 'moment' appear on the card?

Chalky

THIS moment?

Projoy

[ISP] 'Moment' on card? NO
[Chalky] That moment? NO (not this one either)

I Say, Porter!

big bang?

Projoy

[ISP] Heavy fringe? NO

Projoy

In retrospect, Raak's "Planck time" was entitled to some *hearty applause*.

Rosie

The half-life of a radioactive atom?

Projoy

[Rosie] Half-life? NO, not half anything.

Raak

Closing time?

Projoy

[Raak] Closing time? NO *audience shivers slightly as the temperature drops*

Lib

Would putting 'moment' into a thesaurus help?

Projoy

*tries that* No. Maybe in the future.

Lib

AArgghhh

That's not a guess. Its just my frustration as I feel I should be very close but I'm not.

Raak

Opening time?

Projoy

[Raak] Opening time? *audience phones Mountain Rescue and prays for a St Bernard*

Rosie

The Big Bang, i.e. the beginning of the Universe?

Raak

A tick?

Projoy

[Rosie] The B of the Bang? NO
[Raak] Tick? NO *audience stirs as if they'd seen a crocus or a rosebud, or a robin on the wing*

Projoy

(worries he's going to get roundly slated for this one, which he thought was reasonably heard-of, but now not so sure)

Projoy

Raak has gotten the closest by far of anyone so far.

Raak

A tock?

Raak

Or Tock himself?

Projoy

[Raak] Not a tock or Tock. Perhaps I shall be made to walk the Planck after all.

Rosie

Two ticks?

Lib

A jiffy?

Lib

Are we anywhere warm?

Chalky

Real time?

Projoy

[Rosie] Two ticks? NO
[Lib] Jiffy? NO
[Lib] Warm? NOT REALLY :)
[Chalky] Real time? NO
Recap: It's a measurement of time, one that is definitely not a half-anything (except half of two of itself). It may or may not be fictional (thus the Planck time doesn't qualify, but is damned close), and may be described loosely as "a moment". If you don't get it from that, then I chose too obscurely. :)

*scratches head*

Full time?

[Raak] Full time? NO

Is it literally an instant, i.e. having no length?

Projoy

[Rosie] A lengthless instant? NO *but audience breaks into wild cheering, stamping etc. Game on.*

Lib

So it has a defined lenght?

Projoy

[Lib] Defined length? YES

Lib

scientific speak? eg. a parsec?

Projoy

[Lib] Science Jargon? YES *applause*

Rosie

Is the length of time very short (i.e. a small fraction of a second)?

Projoy

[Rosie] Very short? YES! *applause*

Lib

nanosecond?

Projoy

[Lib] Nanosecond? NO

Lib

is it 10 to the power -x of a second?

Projoy

[Lib] 10^-n? NO

Chalky

split second?

Rosie

A 440 (one oscillation)?

I Say, Porter!

Sueprluminar (i.e. faster than light)?

When you say it 'may or may not be fictional' is it something that has not yet been, or may never be, proven?

Projoy

[Chalky] Split second? YEEES, I suppose so.
[Rosie] A440, NO
[ISP] Faster than light? NO
[ISP] Has not been/may never be proven? YES! *applause*

Raak

The end of the universe?

Projoy

[Raak] Goodbye to all that? NO

I Say, Porter!

Is it all relative?

Raak

The moment of religion, that divides the thought from the action?

Projoy

[ISP] Relativity? Some might say quite the reverse!
[Raak] Religious moment? NO (don't forget this is quite specifically a measure of time with a particular length and is also scientific jargon)

Raak

A chronon?

Raak

(The maximum rate of thought being one psychon per chronon.)

Projoy

[Raak] JUST IN TIME! It IS indeed a chronon, the proposed quantum of time, which is said (in one theory) to be 2x10⁻²³ seconds - considerably longer than the Planck time and not strictly a second x 10^-n. I apologise to those who are currently scratching their heads and going "a what?". I had heard of the chronon some years ago, and being an Arts Graduate, tend to assume that anything scientific that I've heard of has been heard of by everyone else at least ten years ago. However, the number of hits I belatedly googled on the topic suggest that perhaps it's not the household word I had at first supposed. I had every faith that Raak would get there eventually, tho! * hands the baton over to Raak so quickly that nobody sees it happen*

I Say, Porter!

I've heard of Chronon the Barbarian... grone

Projoy

(btw, another way of describing its length is 20 yoctoseconds)

Raak

I onyl know the chronon from the SF story "Gulf", by Robert Heinlein.

The next one is MINERAL, VEGETABLE, and ABSTRACT.

Projoy

Fictional?

I Say, Porter!`

Art?

Raak

[Projoy] Not fictional.
[ISP] Not art. (The audience is amused as it imagines an exhibit with this title.)

Occurs naturally?

[ISP] Not natural.

To do with food?

Manufactured using machines?

Raak

[Projoy] Nothing to do with food.
[ISP] Almost invariably.

Irouléguy

A household item?

Raak

[I] Yes, although most households probably don't have one.

CdM

A luxury item?

Tuj

Begins with P?

Raak

[CdM] Not a luxury item.
[Tuj] Does not begin with P.

Rosie

A piece of furniture?

Raak

[Rosie] Not furniture.

Rosie

A musical instrument?

Having at last got my nice Yamaha digital piano.

Raak

[Rosie] I can think of one musical piece where it might be used, but no, not a musical instrument.

ImNotJohn

Bigger than a toaster?

(trad)

Raak

[INJ] Bigger than a toaster.

Projoy

Newfangled?

Rosie

A gong?

Raak

[Projoy] Not at all newfangled.
[Rosie] Not a gong. That has rather wider musical applications than this does.

I Say, Porter!

A snooker table?

Raak

[ISP] As used in Herblfrontwick's Concerto for Snooker Table and Cue Ball? No.

CdM

Does the "abstract" refer to a metaphorical meaning of this mineral and vegetable thing?

Raak

[CdM] Yes, metaphorical. (Actually, similitudinous, to be precise.)

Projoy

Victorian?

Raak

[Projoy] Not specifically Victorian.

CdM

Is the vegetable component wood?

I Say, Porter!

A useful item?

Raak

[CdM] Yes, wood.
[ISP] Yes, useful. *the audience approve of these steps along the path to truth*

I Say, Porter!

A fitting (as opposed to furniture)?

Rosie

A container of some kind?

ImNotJohn

Does it have moving parts?

Raak

[ISP] Not a fitting.
[Rosie] *applause* Part of it is a container.
[INJ] No moving parts.

Projoy

bigger than a washing machine?

Lib

Does it function as a seat?

Raak

[Projoy] Smaller than a washing machine.
[Lib] Not a seat.

Rosie

A tea-chest bass?

Raak

[Rosie] Neither a tea-chest bass, a kazoo, a mighty Wurlitzer, nor a bagpipe. The musical angle is really not going to be helpful.

CdM

Still widely used today?

Raak

[CdM] Still in use.

ImNotJohn

Is the mineral part metal?

I Say, Porter!

A piece of equipment of some sort?

Raak

[INJ] Yes, metal.
[ISP] Yes, it's equipment.

Projoy

To do with safety?

Raak

[Projoy] Not to do with safety.

I Say, Porter!

Away in a Mangle?

I Say, Porter!

Bum. That has moving parts. Scratch it.

I Say, Porter!

Found in the kitchen?

Raak

[ISP] Not found in the kitchen.

I Say, Porter!

Is the room in the house going to help? Found in the drawing room?

Raak

[ISP] It might. But it is not to be found in the drawing room.

Lib

In the Bathroom?

Raak

[Lib] Nor in the bathroom.

Lib

Downstairs (in a house, not a bungalow of average room structure)?

Raak

[Lib] Could be. I think "household item" was misleading, this is merely something you might have in your house. Or in other places.

Raak

That's all until this evening -- offline all day.

Chalky

Is it a barrel of some sort?

Raak

[Chalky] Not a barrel.

CdM

Might you have it in your car?

Raak

[CdM] You might, if you were transporting it somewhere.

Lib

Does it come in more than one size?

Raak

[Lib] It could be of various sizes.

To recap and give a nudge into a more fruitful path: it's a container of things made of wood and metal, which features in a well-known simile, and which could be found in various places, including the home.

Tuj

Is it made to hold one specific thing?

Raak

[Tuj] It holds one specific type of thing.

Projoy

A wise old saw?

Projoy

[Projoy] Er, saws don't contain anything.

Projoy

[Projoy] Fair point.

Raak

[Projoy] *a ripple of interest in the audience* Not a saw, especially not a wise one.

Does it have a lid?

Is it hardware?

A hutch?

A box of tricks?

.. or something like

Raak

[Projoy] Probably doesn't have a lid.
[Projoy] *applause* Yes, hardware.
[Projoy] Not a hutch.
[Chalky] *for a moment the audience thought you were going to get it* Not a box of tricks.

Projoy

The sharpest tool in the box?

Raak

[Projoy] *the audience are excited* Not the sharpest tool in the box.

Projoy

A toolbox?

Raak

[Projoy] *applause* In a sense, yes.

CdM

Does either of the words "tool" or "box" appear on the card?

Raak

[Cdm] Yes.

I Say, Porter!

Boxing Helena? Boxcar Willie? Box girder bridge? Jack-in-the-box?

Raak

[ISP] None of the above.

I Say, Porter!

A jewellery box, a matchbox, Pandora's box, my kingdom for a box

Isn't 'not the sharpest tool in the box' more metaphor than simile?

I Say, Porter!

"it's a container of things made of wood and metal"

Is it a container of things, made of wood and metal; or is it a container of things made of wood and metal?

Raak

[ISP] None of those either, including "not the sharpest tool in the box".
[ISP] It's a container of things made of wood and metal. What the container is made of isn't important.

Projoy

Does the word "tool" appear on the card?

Raak

[Projoy] "Tool" does not appear on the card.

There are four words, including the indefinite article.

Projoy

A box of hammers (as in "as dumb as")?

Raak

[Projoy] You are sharp as a tack. A box of hammers is the exact phrase on the card.

Projoy

OK, here's a chance to go for something better known and redeem myself. ANIMAL

Lib

Giraffe?

Tuj

The Archbishop of Canterbury?

Hmm, new one on me.

Chalky

[Raak] Interestingly enough - googling " a box of ..." "simile" didn't produce 'hammers, which is a phrase I, personally, have never heard before [not that that is relevant because I've obviously led a sheltered life] - yet ... googling " as dumb as a box of hammers .. produced 1,040,000 results! < Thinks >*must learn to play this game betterer*

Chalky

Edible?

Rosie

Alive?

"A box of hammers" is not a phrase I have ever heard used by anyone in my long and not-exactly-sheltered life. Maybe the Yanks use it. Well, I'm not a Yank. As if there aren't countless other subjects that could have been used, the words of which exist in everyone's brain, it just being a question of having the inspiration to dig them out. The whole point of the game is that you don't have to Google it, the original game being live with no access to any source of knowledge. Box of Hammers. Stupid.

Projoy

[Lib] Giraffe? NO
[Tuj] Primate? NO
[Chalky] Edible? NO! *considerable laughter*
[Rosie] Alive? YES

[Rosie] While I had heard the expression 'box of hammers' somewhere in the dim and distant past, enough for me to consider worth googling it for credibility before making my guess, you didn't actually have to have heard of it in order to get the answer. Besides, this game (as CdM once pointed out) is different from the original, and both google, self-education and working outside one's comfort zone are much more part of its fabric. If that makes it harder for those good at rote memorisation of canonical knowledge and easier for those good at on-the-fly research then perhaps that's an unhappy circumstance, but it is at least an index of changes in the world around us! I tend to think it's a good thing, myself, but then I have succesfully googled/guessed quite a lot lately. :) Definitely would concede, having tested it, that chronon was very hard to google up without a fair amount of specialist knowledge and probably therefore inappropriate, but a box of hammers is a concept available to anyone who's heard of hammers and boxes. That said, I would say that my current one shouldn't require google (unless someone asks the wrong question, causing me to give a truthful but obscure and therefore counterintutive and hard-to-synthesise fact about the subject under question).

Projoy

(Not that there's such a thing as a 'wrong' question in this game, obviously)

Tuj

A specific, unique thing?

Projoy

[Tuj] Specific, unique? NO

Does it have legs?

[Chalky] Leggy? YES

2 legs?

4 legs?

6 or more legs?

Legginess quotient? Two possible sets of answers. Either (ignoring the answer to Tuj's question) YES, NO, NO; or - taking Tuj's answer into account - NO, NO, YES

I Say, Porter!

A grouping of animals - e.g. a flange of baboons?

Projoy

[ISP] A grouping? YES, but not of the type given in your e.g.

I Say, Porter!

Human race?

Tuj

A group of humans?

Oh dear, did I cause some trouble? I'm confused, at least.

Projoy

[ISP] Human race? NO
[Tuj] Group of humans? YES *applause*

I Say, Porter!

Primate: no, human: yes. Now I'm confused too.

I Say, Porter!

OK, got it now. It was Projoy's use of the term 'primate'.

Note to self: Read questions AND answers as answers alone may cause confusion.

Uncle Korky

Are these humans grouped together because of a shared interest?

Projoy

[UK] A shared interest? YES

Uncle Korky

Is this interest politcal?

Chalky

Is it a spiritual/religious interest?

I Say, Porter!

Furries?

Projoy

[UK] Political? NOT REALLY
[Chalky] Spiritual/Religious? YES! *applause*
[ISP] Furries? NO (my suspicion is that a lot of people would require google for furries!)

I Say, Porter!

I used to Google for furries and then I discovered Smirnoff

A specific sect?

Projoy

[ISP] A sect? DEPENDS ON POV.

Projoy

(I would say "no", tho)

I Say, Porter!

Scientologists?

Rosie

(Projoy) If you have to look up the answer it's no longer a game but a research project brought about largely, I suspect, by the instant accessibility of Google and the desire of certain people to show their specialised knowledge. A bit puerile. It ought to be like the original, a test of general knowledge and the ability to quickly connect and recall what's already in you head. This is not the same as rote knowledge, BTW. So the game no longer depends on the ability to think but on the ability to look things up and is therefore no longer a game, or any fun, but tedious. I'll cross it off my list.

I Say, Porter!

Cross it off your list

[Rosie] Whilst I am with you 100% in being irritated by the plethora of recent 'f**k me that was obscure' targets, I think that after you make your point, and people take it on board, you could enjoy the game once more and continue to contribute as fruitfully as you have in the past. (Hopes Projoy's religion is something that more than ten people have heard of). Please don't go!

Projoy

[ISP] Scientology? NO.
[Rosie, simul'd by ISP, but since you commented again] I must admit that I find looking stuff up fun (and success in this is totally about ability to think), but I do agree that some of the reward of this game is in either making the right lateral connections to perceive what in retrospect is obvious. Perhaps it would jolly the game up if we swing back for a while to obvious subjects, having had some obscurities on the trot, but equally I can't see any harm in being a bit more tolerant of stuff that falls outside 'Rosie's general knowledge' but within, say, 'Raak's general knowledge' (a category of knowledge in which I for one have found much fascination over the years).

Projoy

~~either~~

I Say, Porter!

Harry H Krishna?

Projoy

[ISP] Hare, Hare, while stocks last? NO

I Say, Porter!

Quakers?

Uncle Korky

Is this a Christian group?

Projoy

[ISP] Quakers? NO
[UK] Xian? NO

Druids?

The Peoples Temple?

Scientologists?

Paganism?

*thinks ISPers may have a short-term memory problem* :-)

Projoy

[ISP] Druidity? NO
[Chalky] People's ~~Princess~~ Temple? NO
[ISP] Scientology? NO
[Chalky] Paganism? NO

Tuj

Begins with P?

Better get that in while I can...

Chalky

Humanism?

I Say, Porter!

Scient.. Arse!

Hindus harmonizin' in the hall?

Projoy

[Tuj] Parseeism (and its alliterative religions)? NO
[Chalky] Oh, the humanity! NO
[ISP] Hindus? NO

Chalky

Buddhism?

CdM

Is this abstract as well as animal?

Raak

Did it start within the last 500 years?

[Rosie] "Dumb as a box of hammers" is a commonplace expression to me; it's difficult to know what will be commonplace to everyone.

Chalky

Should we be concentrating on -isms?

simul ... What CdM asked.

Chalky

Sun worshippers [with legs]?

Projoy

[Chalky] Buddhism? NO
[CdM] Abstract? NO
[Raak] Last 500 years? NO
[Chalky] focusism? It might help you get there, but The Answer is not an ism.
[Chalky] Solarists? NO

Irouléguy

Islam?

dumb as a box of... I always thought it was "dumb as a bag of spanners", but the collective wisdom of Google thinks otherwise.

Projoy

[Ig] Islam? *standing ovation* That is not the answer on the card.

Chalky

Could it be something as simple as 'Muslims'?

Projoy

[Chalky] IT COULD **audience applause**

CdM

Never heard of 'em.

Chalky

LOL

Easy-peasy :-)
Now this next one should be well within everybody's intellectual and cognisant reach. However, it may require a smidgin of websearchery as we draw closer to the solution - which is the way I enjoy playing this game.
M I N E R A L / A B S T R A C T

Raak

A figurative expression?

Irouléguy

Is the mineral metal?

Chalky

[Raak] Figurative? NO
[Irouléguy] Metal? Largely, NO [there may be traces]

Raak

Rock?

Projoy

Is the mineral stone?

Projoy

Oops. Misread Raak's simul. WHS.

Chalky

[Raak, Projoy] Rocky/Stony stuff? YES, plenty of that

Tuj

A single unique thing?

Raak

A work of art?

Projoy

A human construct?

Chalky

[Tuj] The one-and-only? YES
[Raak] Artwork? NO
[PJ] Human construct? NO

Projoy

Naturally occurring?

Uncle Korky

Fictional?

Irouléguy

A geographical feature?

Chalky

[Projoy] Naturally occurring? YES
[Uncle Korkers] Fictional? NO
[Irouléguy] A geographical feature? Good question. I'm tempted to answer 'Yes' but in fact this is NOT a geographical feature

Uncle Korky

Does it have anything to do with molten rock?

Projoy

Does it move?

Chalky

[Uncle Korkster] Anything to do with molten rock? Yes, molten rock might be in amongst all this.
[PJ] Does it move? YES *audience starts to murmur*

Uncle Korky

Is this a description of a process?

Raak

The Marianas Trench?

Projoy

A sand dune?

Chalky

[Uncle Korkee] description of a process? NO
[Raak] The Marianas Trench? NO
[Projoy] A sand dune? NO
*audience goes quiet*

Projoy

Is it biiiiiiiiiig?

Chalky

[Projoy] Biiiiiiiiiiig? It's Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge! *audience cheers*

[Chalky

aside

I'm 'at home' today which is why I'm able to pay attention to my chairing duty. Haven't seen it in ages, but is anyone else watching 'Countdown'? There's a gargantuan bloke in place of the fragrant Suzie Dent. Wha ...?]

[Uncle Korky

reply to aside

That's scandalous! I've spent years watching that show, just for Suzie Dent - she's seriously hot! OK, I do enjoy playing along as well...]

Uncle Korky

Is it on Earth?

Chalky

At last! The key question.
[Uncly Kork] On Earth? NO *thunderous applause from audience*

Raak

The planet Gliese 581 c?

Uncle Korky

Is it actually a planet?

*smug*

Chalky

[Raak] The Planet Gliese 581 c [rather than the star]? NO
[UK] A planet? Well, actually, NO

Raak

Is it in the Solar System?

Projoy

A comet?

Chalky

[Raak] In solar system? YES
[Projoy] A comet? NO

Raak

A satellite?

Projoy

A dwarf planet?

Chalky

[Raak] A satellite? YES
[Projoy] A dwarf planet? NO

Projoy

A moon?

Projoy

The moons of Jupiter?

Chalky

[Projoy] A moon? YES *audience senses the end game is here and start to pay attention*
[Projoy] For pity's sake child - tie down the moons of Jupiter? er - NO

A moon of Saturn?

*The* Moon?

Enceladus?

[PJ] A moon of Saturn-and-there-are-plenty-to-choose from? Er - NO
[Raak] OUR moon? NO
[Uncly Korkass] Enceladus? I refer the honourary member to my previous reply which went PJ-wise :-)

Projoy

Charon?

Tuj

One of Mars'?

Uncle Korky

One of Neptune?

*no longer smug*

Chalky

[Projoy] Charon? NO
[Tuj] Marses moonses? No, neither
[Uncle Korks] Neptune moon? YES!

Projoy

Proteus?

I Say, Porter!

Triton

There are only eleven others, so we're nearly there...

Projoy

[Chalky] If you like, you can assume I will ask all the other questions. :)

Raak

Does it have a name?

Uncle Korky

Nereid?

I Say, Porter!

What's in a name?

[Raak] They all seem to have names. Are you confusing Neptune with Jupiter/Saturn?

Chalky

[Projoy] Proteus? NO
[Uncle Korks] Nereid? NO
[Raak] A name? YES because ..

*fanfare* The victory goes to I Say, Lurker who popped into this game just at the right time.
TRITON it is, Neptune's largest moon, the seventh largest in the solar system, and one that even I've heard of. Thanks Raak, Uncle Korky and Projoy for your sterling efforts :-)

I Say, Porter!

Hey, Good Lurkin'

[Chalky] That'll teach me to take a day off work.
Another easy one? ANIMAL

I Say, Porter!

Hang on a mo... looks up 'Abstract' in dictionary. Decides 'bollocks to it' and leaves it as is.

Raak

A single individual?

Projoy

Human?

[ISP] Maybe it's that the Greek minor god of the Sea, Triton, is abstract?

I Say, Porter!

[PJ] I wasn't thinking about Chalky's Abstract actual existing real satellite, but now you mention it...