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AVMA Take 2
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Yes, it's another round of that classic guessing game - Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Abstract [or any combination thereof]. This effort - '03/'04 should address any queries, but then again, may just serve to confuse and baffle which some might say is the point of the game. Patience, integrity and a decent search engine may be useful ....
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[rab] I hope you'll forgive me for giving the answer as I DON'T KNOW. History records the name of said show, but not its genre. Quite startled at how recalcitrant this subject is proving.
Summary again
[rab] On further thought, the best answer is almost certainly NO to the genre question.

Handy summary: It's an ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, MINERAL, (ABSTRACT (ANIMAL)). On the card is a name - the name of something essentially fictional that is and isn't a person. One of the animal parts is part of a human, the other animal part is partially a person, and partially another specific mammal. The mineral part is man-made. Appeared first in a British TV Show (in English) that is no longer on.
First episode shown prior to 1980?
OK let's try a different tack.
[rab] First episode before 1980? YES
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Late entry from me.... Will be a bit of a bad steal if I'm right.
[Lib] MPFC? NO.
Is the human part an internal organ?
Re improv - touché
Is the thing also the name of the show?
[Ig] Internal organ? NO
[rab] name of show=words on card (or selection of permutation of)? NO
First shown on the BBC?
[Ink] BBC? NO
First episode before 1970?
[Ink] Before 1970? YES (hint - we are talking about the show that hosted the first appearance of this character, not necessarily the show most associated with it.)

[all] Are some clues needed at this stage? This clue seems to be losing steam a bit after more than a week in play!
(or is everyone suffering from the rapid approach of the worst day of the year?
Was this children's TV?
Clues - yes, please.
[Ig] Children's TV? YES! *considerable applause*

Blue's First Clue: it is the abstract (i.e. fictional) part that contains that which is partially human and partially some other mammal - in other words, we're talking about an anthropomorphic character, not of some invented species, either.
A ventriloquist act?
Sooty?
[Ink] Wind-speaking? NO
[Raak] Carbonaceous Ursine? NO
Catweazle?
Is it a anthropomorphic character male?
Is the human part a pair of hands?
Quick check; The answer is not the title a 1960s(?) ITV childrens programme but a character from it? ...and that's all till tomorrow.
[Ig] Felis Mustela? NO
[Ink] Male? YES
[Ink] Hands? *applause and cheering* YES (not sure if it's a pair or just one).
Was this a Gerry Anderson series?
[Raak] Supermarionation? NO, MILADY
[Inks re: your quick check] That's completely correct.
String puppets of any sort?
[Raak] String puppets? NO
Cartoon/animation?
A shadow puppet?
Basil Brush?
I think Chalky has got it...
[rab] Animated? Like this game lately, NOT VERY! :)
[Raak] Shadow puppet? NO
[Chalky, you naughy victorous lurker] Basil Brush? YES!! BOOM BOOM. Basil first appeared in Peter Firmin's kids' show The Three Scampies in, I think it was 1968 but too lazy to go back and check on Wikipedia. For all I know the show was a drama rather than Basil's later chatshow-style shows, but I couldn't find that out. The animal element which is part of a human is the operator's hand in the puppet, the mineral the nylon from which I fondly fancy the puppet is fashioned, with a side-bet on some vegetable elements in his clothes too. The abstract element (incorporating more animal: i.e. anthropomorphic fox-man) is the fictional character of Basil. * gets a bag of aniseed balls, and gives that to Chalky, as there's no longer a fox to hunt * Tally Ho!
Oh, and well done to rab, Irouléguy and Inkspot for doing most of the heavy lifting, there!
Grr, Basil Brush passed through my mind but I rejected it for not being a sequence of four things, as suggested by the way you laid out your clue. Oh well, well done Chalky.
Congrats and welcome back, Chalky - I think it needed a fresh pair of eyes to get that.
Lurking and assorted pastimes
That'll teach me. I'll blame the pub quiz victory [the first time in 5 weeks] and the brandy.
'Tis grand to be back .. thanks to PJ for a very thorough set of responses and to rab, Raak, Iroulé, Inks et al for pointing the way :-)

How's about a V E G E T A B L E to ease me back into MC Land ..
Is it a fruit?
Well done Chalky, to think I dismissed BB and The Three Scampies as he is still going strong TV and was thinking along the lines of a character no longer shown. Hey ho!
Is it edible?
Is it paper?
Has it been in the current Film Club?
Alive?
Sorry for delay - couldn't get into server for some reason
[Inks] Fruit? YES!
[Raak] Paper? No
[Iroul] Current Film Club? Wassat then?
[Rosie] Alive? In the light of my reply to Inkspot, probably not relevant :-) Unless one can describe fruit as either alive or dead. In which case I would say either/or.
again
Apologies Iroulé - I now see what you mean.
Current Film Club? I don't think I can spot it.
One particular species of fruit?
A fruit salad?
Sorry - you didn't answer the edible question?
Star fruit?
[Irouléguy] One particular species? Oh yes.
[Rab] Fruit salad? No
[Rab] edible? YES! [sorry]
[Libs] Star fruit? No.
Is associated with being one particular colour?
[Inkspot] One particular colour? Yes.
Mangosteen?
(only in italics)
Strawberry?
Is its colour part of the fruit's name?
[CdM] Mangosteen? No
[Irouléguy] Strawberry? No
[irach] Colour part of fruit's name? No
Is the whole thing normally eaten including the skin/peel?
Is it grown in the UK?
Is it a citrus fruit?
[Inkspot] Eaten whole? Erm ... Yes
[rab] Grown in UK? I don't think so [meaning I can't find any real evidence of such]
[Raak] Citrus fruit? No

BTW - have just spotted a reference to this fruit in the current Film Club
Kumquat?
Mango?
Greengage?
[Lib] Kumquat? No
[irach] Mango? No
[Raak] Greengage? No
Tomato?
Gourd?
[Kim] Tomato? No
[Lib] Gourd? No
A chilli?
[Irouléguy] Chilli? No
Is it generally only used as part of a recipe (like a chilli) rather than on its own (like an apple)?
Is it normally cooked?
[rab] Part of a recipe or on its own? Good question - it is widely known as something that is part of a recipe [although I dare say one could eat it on its own]
[Rosie] Normally cooked? Another good question :-) No - not cooked as such.
Is it a type of dried fruit?
[Raak] A type of dried fruit? Noooo ... but keep going in that direction
Is it a fruit converted into a liquid form?
Would it be good in a cake?
Not necessarily going to help the guessing, but I need to know!
Raisin?
[Raak] Converted into liquid form? Yes it is! [to be clear - it doesn't have to be but is better known once it has been converted]
[Lib] Good in a cake? Doubtful but not a definite No :-)
[irach] Raisin? No
timetable
Can answer any more questions after 10.30 pm, so keep 'em coming
Grape?
Juniper
Tonights discoevery is that raspberry gin is a very good thing....
Is it red?
Is it green?
[irach[ Grape? YES! Now .... which one?
[Lib} Juniper? No ... I agree ... raspberry gin is indeed a fine thing
[Irouléguy] Red? Yes
[Inks] Green? nah
Italian red grape?
Pomegranate?
[Inks] Italian? Not known as such
[Phil] Pomegranate? No
Pinot noir?
Grenache?
Wait -- you said it was widely known (not that Grenache is that obscure, but still). How about
Syrah/Shiraz?
Chardonnay?
Merlot?
Cabernet sauvignon?
Zinfandel?
Now that I've noticed it's a grape :)
Muscat (variously spelled)?
[irach] Pinot noir? No
[CdM] Grenache? No
[CdM] Syrah/Shiraz? No
[Widely known/Obscure? I think I meant widely known for being a grape that is used for wine production rather than just eating :-)]
[rab] Chardonnay? No
[Inkspot] Merlot? No
[Irouléguy] Cab Sauv? No
[Phil] Zinfandel? No
[Raak] Moscato/Moscatell/Moscatel/Muscat? No
Gamay?
Irouléguy has it! The GAMAY grape is the answer. Here - have a glass - CHEERS :-)
Don't mind if I do - it is Friday. Cheers, Chalky! OK, our next is ABSTRACT and MINERAL with ANIMAL connections.
the salf of the earth?
That is, the salt of the earth?
A geographical feature?
To do with language?
Raak - The salt of the earth? No
Rosie - A geographical feature? Um...yes, in one sense
Projoy - To do with language? No
Is it a figurative expression?
Raak] Is it a figurative expression? Not a lot
An historical monument?
Is is a statue of someone?
Is it a sculpture?
Is it a piece of writing?
Kryptonite?
Man In The Moon?
Inkspot] An historical monument? *applause* No, but...
Kim] Is is a statue of someone? *more applause* No, but...
Projoy] Is it a sculpture? I refer the honourable gentleman to my previous answers.
rab] Is it a piece of writing? No
Raak] Kryptonite? No
irach] Man In The Moon? No
The Angel of the North?
Is it fictional/legendary?
Rosie] The Angel of the North? No
rab] Is it fictional/legendary? No
Is it artwork?
Is it a physical structure named for someone?
Is it the headquarters of some organisation?
Is it visible to the human eye?
Lib] Is it artwork? No
Raak] Is it a physical structure named for someone? Yeah, but yeah, but no (imagine it as three separate questions)
Rosie] Is it the headquarters of some organisation? No
rab] Is it visible to the human eye? Yes
An Olympic Torch?
rab] An Olympic Torch? No, but the Olympic torch has been there.
Is it manmade?
Mt Olympus?
Lib - Is it manmade? Yes
Projoy - Mt Olympus? No
Is it larger than a standard four bedroom detached house?
Or there abouts!
Lib] Is it larger than a standard four bedroom detached house? Yes
Is it ancient?
Rosie - Is it ancient? No
Is it in Europe?
Is it a building, i.e. a structure with storeys and rooms?
Is it unique?
We seem to be honing in on something very concrete, yet this thing is supposed to be ABSTRACT. I'm confused.
Is it a popular tourist attraction in the place where it is located?
Inkspot - Is it in Europe? Yes
Raak - Is it a building, i.e. a structure with storeys and rooms? No
CdM - Is it unique? Yes
I probably should have clued this as MINERAL and ABSTRACT - apologies for any confusions. It's another of those borderline ones, where it all depends on what you mean by 'abstract'. I do think there is an abstractness to it, though - it's a location, which i wouldn't describe as 'something very concrete'.
Kim - Is it a popular tourist attraction in the place where it is located? *ringing applause* YES!
Does a name appear on the card? (e.g., Anne Hathaway's standard four bedroom detached house)
[I] It doesn't sound like any apology is necessary; you did clue it as both mineral and abstract. Being confused is quite a normal state for me.
In the UK?
A sport venue?
Is it a piece of civil engineering?
CdM - Does a name appear on the card? A name, yes
CdM] I meant the order really. I read ABSTRACT and MINERAL as mostly abstract and a bit mineral, whereas it's more helpful to think of it as the other way round.
ImNotJohn - In the UK? Yes
Inkspot - A sport venue? No
Rosie - Is it a piece of civil engineering? Yes (according to the Wikipedia definition of CE).
Is it in London?
The London Eye?
rab] Is it in London? *applause* A capital answer
Inkspot - The London Eye? No
Trafalgar Square?
Cleopatra's Needle?
A bridge?
We have a winner - it's Trafalgar Square! A pigeon is winging its way to INJ with the baton.
somewhat shamefacedly
Nearly a lurker's victory - still I'll take it.

The next is ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections

Animal = human?
A work of fiction?
An action?
[CdM] Human - Not necessarily, but YES is most helpful
[Irg] fiction - NO
[Inks] Action - NO
A figurative expression?
[Raak] A figurative expression? - NO
A character of myth or legend?
[Kim] Legendary character - NO
An emotion?
[Inkspot] emotion - NO
A symbol?
[Raak] symbol - NO
An action?
Is language involved?
A rite of passage?
[Rosie] Action - I refer the honourable gentleman to my previous answer
[Raak] Is language involved? - NO
[Inks] rite of passage - NO
A social connection?
re previous question - should've been in bed. Sorry.
Anarcho-syndicalism?
[Rosie] A social connection? - NO (in fact rather the reverse)
[CdM] Anarcho-syndicalism? - one day.... but not today
Connected with philosophy?
[CdM] Connected with philosophy - I'm sure you could find a philosopher who would say so, but my answer is NO
Is it a human invention/construct?
[Iroul] Human construct - NO (not this time)
Do I get some sort of prize for having the only question so far that has been answered with something other than 'NO'?
Is it something that applies to most humans?
A scientific law?
Could the animal be a cow?
[CdM] - NO
[Rosie] - Applies to most humans - YES
[Raak] scientific law - NO
[Inks] Could the animal be a cow - NO (Actually, I don't know - I would assume not. In any case it wouldn't help you to guess if the answer were yes.)
Is this an absence of something?
[Iroul] an - NO
To do with the mind?
[Raak] To do with the mind - NO
Solitude?
Is this a medical condition?
An undesirable characteristic?
[Raak] solitude - NO
[Chalky a medical condition - YES (applause)
[Rosie] An undesirable characteristic - 1)YES, 2)NO
Is it a subjective characteristic?
[PJ] subjective - NO
Do the symptoms of this condition manifest themselves externally?
[Chalky] external symptoms - YES
Are men and women equally likely to have this condition?
[Iroul] men & women equally - YES
A neurological syndrome named after a person?
[Irach] neurological syndrome named after a person? - NO and NO
Is it caused by an external pathogen, e.g. virus or bacterium
Is it a common complaint?
[irach] caused by an external pathogen - YES
[Kim] common complaint - YES (applause)
A cold?
I wonder why I thought of that one.
And The Common Cold it is. (or cobbod code, as I would have said 3 days ago) -
Over to Rab
I feel we've had too many abstracts, but the only things I can think of right now are ABSTRACT. So there we go.
(I've chosen only one of them!)
Abstraction?
Nope.

Further reading suggests a possible mineral component.

A stony silence?
Human construct?
[Rosie] No.
[CdM] I don't believe so (the existence of humans is not - as far as I know - conditional on its existence)
A physical phenomenon?
Yes
Could life exist without it?
I expect so.
An astronomical phenomenon?
Possibly, but I would suspect only indirectly.
The tides?
The aurora borealis?
[Rosie] It would be more than a suspicion if it were the tides!

[Irouléguy] No.

An astrological phenomenon?
To do with the weather?
[Raak] No.

[Inkspot] YES!

Is it a wind?
To do with global warming?
The atmosphere?
[Inkspot] Wind is involved.

[Raak] Maybe, not sure.

[irach] "The atmosphere" are not the words that appear on the card.

The ozone hole?
Le mistral?
Jet stream?
[Raak] No.

[Irouléguy] No.

[irach] No.

Does it involve high winds?
Tornado?
[Raak] Yes.

[irach] No.

A hurricane?
Cyclone/
[Raak] No.
[irach] No\
Is the possible mineral component water?
Yes.
A perfect storm?
"The Tempest"?
El Nino?
A storm surge?
It seems that the thing I've chosen is not particularly well-defined but I believe that my answers are consistent with most people's understanding of what this us.

[Raak, irach, CdM, Rosie] No.

s/us/is
Is this associated with a particular part of the world?
Does it at ground level?
Is the abstractness anything to do with literature?
[Irouléguy] Yes. *applause*
[Inkspot] Does it what at ground level?
[Raak] No - not a human creation.
The global conveyer
(it is associated with a particular part of the world, albeit a very large part)
Is it seasonal?
[rab]That's what happens from simulposting the same thing then trying to think of something else, all before the first cup of tea of the morning.
Is it in the northern hemisphere?
El Niño?
The monsoon?
[Raak] Certainly associated with the northern hemisphere, but not sure if it's confined to it.

[Rosie] I wouldn't be that pedantic (see CdM's last guess).

[Ir] Nope.

The doldrums?
Is it a specific named wind like the monsoon?
Trade Winds?
Trans-Atlantic Drift?
Low Bailey 986 expected South Utsire 971 by this time tomorrow?
Is the wind associated with this phenomenon always from a particular direction, more or less?
(rab) Sorry, didn't see CdM's El Nino. I'm sure he pronounced it right, though.
[Inkspot] Not the doldrums.
[Irouléguy] The least misleading answer is probably 'no'. I'll elucidate further later if need be.
[irach] Not trade winds.
[Chalky] Nor a Trans-Atlantic Drift, although one or two audience members have woken up.
[Rosie] Low Bailey... 'fraid not.
[Rosie] Again not sure, but with 95% certainty I would say YES!
(that last to Rosie's direction question, and a different one-or-two audience members are starting to look agitated)
Does the answer on the card contain a geographical reference?
[Rab] You didn't answer a couple of earlier questions - 'Is it seasonal?' and 'The global conveyor?'
[ImNotJohn] YES! *applause*
Whoops - seasonal yeah, global conveyor no.
The Azores High?
Nope.
Equinoctial gales?
The Gulf Stream?
[Rosie, Raak] No.
Is it a hot desert wind of North Africa?
[irach] *Considerable peals of laughter, hooting, rolling about and slapping of thighs from the audience* No.
Okay, then. Is it an Arctic Express wind blast?t
That's good enough for me - it was Arctic Blast that was on the card.
This one is ANIMAL and VEGETABLE with a dash of MINERAL as well.
A tequila shot?
[Raak] After the day I've had, I wish it was a tequila shot. But 'no" is the answer to your "shot in the dark".
Is it something you eat or drink?
Is it larger than a washing machine? (an average sized british one).
[Iroleguy] Yes.
[Lib] No.
Is it a sandwich?
Smoky bacon crsisps?
Does fluid account for more than 50% of its volume?
[Kim] Not generally a "sandwich", although in one incarnation it may be so.
[Raak] Yummy!! But no.
[rab] This one is a little tricky... It is made up mostly of fluids, but it shouldn't be fluid when bought, or presented for consumption
Is rab's question easier to answer if you leave it at room temperature for a while?
[CdM] It cerainly is, in the affirmative.
Is Ice Cream involved?
[rab] Yes! "Ice cream" are the exact words on the card. (although at minus 17 degrees Celsius room tempaerature, and a minus 30 degree windchill here in suburban Boston, I'm not sure I want any just now. Over to you.
Whoops
Sorry, it's me again. MINERAL
Man-made?
Metallic?
[Rosie] No.

[irach] No.

A geographical feature?
Liquid?
Is there just one of these?
[Rosie] No.
[Raak] No.
[Irouléguy] It describes a class of things.
Is the mineral rock?
A geological term?
[irach] No.
[Rosie] No.
plastic?
Terrestrial?
IINJ] No.
[irach] No.
Sea salt?
Metal?
Is this found in the atmosphere?
Asteroids?
[irach] No.
[Raak] No.
[Chalky] Possibly (and that goes for terrestrial too, actually).
[Rosie] No.
A gas?
[Rosie] More gassy than anything else I would have thought.
To do with volcanoes?
A "greenhouse" gas?
A plasma, e.g. on the sun?
[Raak] No
[irach] No
[Rosie] No - but getting warmer (and not because you mentioned the sun).
Cosmic rays>
The solar wind?
Still mentioning the sun. :-)
Aurora borealis?
[Raak] I don't think cosmic rays are completely disconnected from what's written on the card.
[Rosie] Nope.
[irach] No.
Is it found in interstellar space?
[Raak] I believe so.
Is it found within our solar system?
Hydrogen?
[Inkspot] It might be.
[Rosie] No.
Is it made of subatomic particles (not assembled into nuclei)?
A particular element?
[Raak] Probably, yes.
[Irouléguy] No.
Dark matter?
If that isn't the answer, it should be.
YES! - Dark Matter it is.
Coo - I got a science one. OK, our next is quite different - ANIMAL and VEGETABLE (and ABSTRACT insofaras the answer's a concept, rather than a straighforward description).
Edible?
Raak] Edible? Yes
Meat and potatoes?
A particular dish?
A vegetarian diet?
Associated with a particular geographic area?
A Stew?
Raak] Meat and potatoes? Both could be included
Darren - A particular dish? Ye..es
Rosie - A vegetarian diet? *laughter rings round the audience* No
ImNotJohn - Associated with a particular geographic area? *applause* YES
irach - A Stew? No
A soup?
Is it a recipe?
A Cornish pasty?
Is the name of the geographic area on the card?
Somewhere in the UK?
Some sort of curry?
irach] A soup? No
Kim] Is it a recipe? No
Raak] A Cornish pasty? No
ImNotJohn] Is the name of the geographic area on the card? A derivative of the name is.
rab] Somewhere in the UK? *applause* Yes
Darren] Some sort of curry? Naan
England?
Scotch broth?
That was gonna be my next guess...
Fish pie?
rab] England? *applause* Yes
Raak - Scotch broth? Nae chance
Inkspot - Fish pie? No
Sweet (as opposed to savoury)?
ImNotJohn] Sweet (as opposed to savoury)? No
Is the place name a town?
Raak] Is the place name a town? No
If the audience had been more awake, they'd have cheered rab's last guess much more loudly.
Is the place name component "English"?
Not that I can think of a di...sh called English anything.
A Sunday Roast?
Scrub that, how about A Full English Breakfast?
An English muffin?
YES! Lurking pays off! A full English it is.
Oh dear. For once I don't have a topic in store. *sound of thinkage*...

Let's have this MINERAL
An artefact?
Solid?
[INJ] Artefact? YES
[Raak] Solid? YES
Unique?
Mainly or entirely metal?
A work of art?
...that is, something made just to be appreciated rather than to be used.
[Rosie] Unique? NO
[INJ] Mainly metal? YES
[Ig] Work of art? NO
Did these exist before the 20th century?
[Raak] Pre-1901? YES
Eating implement?
Fighting implement?
Food or fighting? NO
Larger than a breadbin?
[INJ] > breadbin? YES
Any connection to transport?
Is it connected with agriculture?
Is it connected with building?
Transport? NO
Agriculture? NO
Building? NO
Does it essentially have moving parts?
Essential moving parts? YES
Is it a piece of industrial equipment?
Larger than a telephone box?
Industrial eq.? NO
Smaller than a telephone box.
A household item?
Household item? *some laughter* NO, not in the generic sense.
Does it use fuel?
No fuel (like, say, an old fuel).
Used in a typical workplace?
Is it clockwork?
Powered by human effort?
Typical workplace? NO
Clockwork? NO
Human effort? YES *applause*
A trombone?
Normally used outdoors?
[Raak] Come on, we've already been told it isn't a fighting implement.
A trombone? NO *significant and sustained applause*
Normally used outdoors? YES and NO (strictly NO)
A musical instrument?
Musical instrument? YES! *applause*
Is there a part for it in any of the Beethoven symphonies?
French horn?
Is it a percussion instrument?
Did Beethoven write for it? NO
French Horn? NO
Percussion? NO
A tuba?
Tuba? YES, but that's not the answer. *much applause and cheering*
Some member of the tuba family?
A sousaphone?
A member of the tuba family? YES!
Sousaphone? YES! Ig takes it by a short head from Raak.
According to various googleable sources, the first Sousaphones (not in their current forward-facing configuration) turned up in the 1890s, although a specific date is tricky to track down.
A short note on the use of the trombone as a fighting implement:- Only attack music stands. 100% success guaranteed.
Trivia note - one of the first John Coltrane records I ever bought was him playing with a tuba player called Ray Draper. It's not great jazz, though Coltrane is pretty good on it.
*pause for what passes for thought* OK, our next is ANIMAL and ABSTRACT.
Begins with P?
Blimey, haven't looked at this game for a while.
Fictional?
Character of myth or legend?
Begins with E?
Unicorn?
Tuj] Begins with P? Probably not (and welcome back!)
Raak] Fictional? Yes
Kim] Character of myth or legend? No
Projoy - Begins with E? Equally unlikely
irach - Unicorn? No
A specific animal character in fiction, e.g. the White Rabbit in "Alice in Wonderland"?
An alien being??
irach - A specific animal character in fiction, e.g. the White Rabbit in "Alice in Wonderland"? *applause* YES
Inkspot - An alien being?? *giggles from sections of the audience* Probably not
Does the character normally go on two legs?
Created in the twentieth century?
Is the character in the title of the book, film, play etc?
Is the animal non-human?
Raak] Does the character normally go on two legs? Yes
Projoy] Created in the twentieth century? Yes
Rosie - Is the character in the title of the book, film, play etc? No
irach - Is the animal non-human? Hmmm...I think it's mean to be sort of human
Is its first appearance in a TV programme?
rab] Is its first appearance in a TV programme? *CANNED APPLAUSE* Yes
Thinking about irach's question, a better answer would be that you probably wouldn't think of it as a human character (though it might be).
Cat from Red Dwarf ?
A cartoon character?
Is the genre science fiction?
American TV programme?
Inkspot] Cat from Red Dwarf ? No
Raak - A cartoon character? No
Kim - Is the genre science fiction? No
Projoy - American TV programme? Yes
An alien?
Oh, you already answered that. How about A TV programme from after 1980?
Projoy] - A TV programme from after 1980? No
Howdy Doody?
Sesame Street character?
irach - Howdy Doody? Nope
Inkspot - Sesame Street character? *some applause* No
A puppet?
The Banana Splits?
Miss Piggy?
Projoy - A puppet? *the audience wave their hands appreciatively* YES!
Raak - The Banana Splits? Worst. Children's. Programme. Ever? No
irach - Miss Piggy? *collective cry of "Moi?" from the audience* Very close!
Waldorf?
Actually, forget that. Too obviously human. How about Beaker?
Animal?
Ha-ha.
Kermit?
*throws drumsticks at Tuj* AARGH! TUJ! LURKER! WINNER!
While attempting to google for information on Animal's supposed species, I found this lovely quote from the show:

Kermit the Frog: "What's wrong with your drummer? He seems a little crazed."
Sgt. Floyd Pepper (Animal's handler and bandmate): "He's just upset because he missed the Monet exhibit at the British Museum."
Animal: "RENOIR!! RENOIR!!"
Didn't meant to be lurking... I was fairly sure that was wrong...
*throws baton at Iroléguy*
...OK, not Irouléguy, someone else. But the reason I didn't take part is I have very little time on my hands! Someone else best do it.
[Tij] No, you do it. Unless you're not gonna be here to answer people's stuff..
Tuj] Sorry if I offended you - it was a joke, honest :) Do set one...
Projoy] Did you find anything one way or another?
FFS somebody start one.
Yeah, looks like Tuj has timed out.
I nominate Projoy
I'm pro Projoy as well.
Hm. Well, here's a hopefully pretty easy one, then, altho I'm interested to see how it responds to an attempt to pin it down deductively.

It's ABSTRACT with mainly ANIMAL connections (but there's arguably connections to the other two too).
Begins with P?
Yeh sorry guys, that was my point... I apologise for feigning so much offense Irouléguy :P
I'm very in-and-out at present, as you probably haven't noticed: hence 2 queries to the last one & not having been here since my last comment.
[Tuj] P, please, Bob? NO.
Is the ANIMAL in question human?
(sigh)
[Tuj] Human connection? YES, basically.
NB to all. I suspect there's going to be a few questions where true pedantry would insist on a YES AND NO answer. However, I intend to employ a bit of lassitude sometimes in order to give helpful answers.
Is it as basic as life itself?
Lassitude? Isn't that the state of being dog food? Did you mean latitude, or are you actually knackered? :-)
Oops. Yes. Latitude.
As basic as life itself? NO. Some silly people might say YES, but they are silly.
Is it something you could do in bed without help from others?
A human construct?
Tuj] No worries.
Somethihng you can do in bed alone? NO
Human construct? YES
Doesn't lassitude make you poo?
Is it a fictional 'human construct' (whatever that may be)
Is it an action?
Is it an art form?
Some people think farting is an art form, and so it is, but I didn't mean that.
[ISP] Fictional? NO
[Raak] An action? NO
[Rosie] An artform? YES
Is music involved?
This one's gonna go quickly, I think
[Lib] Music involved? YES
A musical?
Opera?
[Lib] A musical? OOOH. ALMOST. *muchos audience applause*
[Raak] Opera? OOOH. ALMOST. *muchos audience applause*
First one to the punch will nod this one in, I think.
The Musical?
Music?
Phantom of the opera?
[rab, Rosie] A touch more specific than music and a touch less than Phantom of the Opera, the words on the card are Musical Theatre, which I think is close enough for Lib to claim the victory. *passes baton to Lib in order to complete the circle of life before the parade passes by*
(Projoy) Quite so. No probs. :-)
Hello everybody. I've not done this before. Did I lurk a bit? Sorry! Hmmm. Let me think.... Right. An easy one for my first time, methinks. This one's Animal and Vegetable.
The Good Old British Sausage?
[Raak] Big Banger? No.
Is it edible?
Bigger than a toaster?
Alive?
[Irouléguy] Edible? Mmmmm. Yep! [Tuj] Bigger than a toaster? Not usually, but some would prefer it that way! [Rosie] Alive? Nah.
Hmmm, time to sign up for that basic HTML nightclass.
Begins with P?
Hahahaha!
Is the animal a specific animal (species)?
Might one eat this in a restaurant?
Opens HTML handbook....
[Tuj] No peas please. No.
[Irouléguy] Specific animal Yes.
[Raak] Rest-your-auntie? Not usually.
Is the animal a bird?
[Inkspot] Birdy song? No.
A pie of some kind?
Is this usually eaten cold?
[Rosie] Pied? No
[Irouléguy] Chilly? Not usually, but not uncommon either!
Is the animal part meat?
[Raak] Meaty goodness? Yes.
Shepherd's Pie?
er, except that fails on the "pie" technicality, doesn't it. Oh well.
Does it require significant preparation?
Is pastry involved?
Is just one type of vegetable involved?
[CdM] Significant preparation? Kinda depends on what you call significant. To a student the answer probably would be yes, as it takes more effort than putting water onto the pot noodle. To Gordon Ramsey then probably yes too, but his would be far too flouncey. To me and you, No.
[Raak] Puff? No pastry.
[Irouléguy] 5-a-Day? There is more than one type of vegetable.... *scratches chin, and hopes that isn't misleading....*
Did it originate in a particular part of the world?
[Inkspot] Original? Yes, I think so.
Pizza?
Is bread involved?
Chip Butty?
Fast food?
[Projoy] Pizza? No.
[Raak] Right said Fred? Yes! (Much applause from the audience)
[INJ] Chip butty Nah.
[rab] Speedy eats? Not so fast, No within traditional definitions although they have become a bit blurred.
You're all getting very warm...
Bacon sandwich?
*Apologises for lurking*
*hits Uncle Korky over the head with a nice bacon butty for winning having lurked* Well Done Guys. Uncle Korky has seized the victory. The words on the card are indeed A Bacon Sandwich. I was rather impressed at Raak's first guess, well done that man!
Oops!
OK - I'll reiterate my apologies! Hopefully this'll be easy enough to guess so that someone more appropriate can take over the reins quickly... This one's animal and vegetable.
Sausages?
[Projoy] Walls have ears? Nope.
Is the animal part alive?
Foodstuff?
Is the animal a specific animal (species)?
it was right lat time...
[Projoy] Livin' thing? Definitely not
[Lib] Munchable? Nope
[Irg] Particular genus? Not one specific one, no...
Elephant's foot umbrella stand?
[INJ] Leg of Nellie No - not a specific animal, remember? :-) (Although one or two audience members were heard to murmur at INJ's question...)
Larger than a toaster?
[Lib] On the appliance graph... Yes, definitely bigger than a toaster
A stuffed animal head mounted on a wall?
Is the animal part leather?
Does it involve an elephant?
Bigger than a phone box?
Is it something you wear?
[Irg] "Bagged that one at..." 'fraid not
[Raak] Tanning? Yes indeedy! (outbreak of audience applause)
[Lib] More Nellie? Unlikely in the extreme!
[Projoy] TARDIS-shaped? Bigger? Difficult to say, but I'd tend towards "No". Certainly not taller.
[Inkspot] Apparrel? No (although someone extremely pedantic might argue this one).
Is it intended for protection?
(The 'elephant's foot umbrella stand' used to be a common standby in early ISIHAC Word Disassociation games)
[INJ] Safe whatever? No (but this also might be argued by someone extremely pedantic). Didn't know that about the 'EFUS' - ta!
A wigwam?
[Projoy] Teepee-tastic? No. Surely wigwams are taller than telephone boxes?
Is the leather part in the form of straps, rather than hides stitched together?
Not the one I made at infant school :) Admittedly, that wasn't leather.
[Projoy] Bondage gear? No.
I'd be interested in reading your reports from Mrs Crazy Horse...
Is it a manufactured item?
[Inkspot] "Men have made these..." Indeed it is. (Burst of applause from audience)
Is the vegetable part wood?
[Raak] Wood? Yes (or equivalent). (More applause)
A whip?
[Irg] *k'tishhhh!* Nope.
Something you sit on?
A piece of furniture?
[Rosie] Seating? Yes! (Applause, some cheering)
[Lib] Furnishings? 'fraid not.
Saddle?
Pic-nic table with leather decorations?!?!
[irach] Saddle? Nope, but there're indications that things are getting warmer...
[Lib] Words fail me... How can I put this...? No, and I'm not convinced that I want to go on a picnic with you now... :-)
Some sort of sledge?
Is seating its primary function?
I was going to suggest a Throne. But I presume UK would have called it a piece of furniture.
A chesterfield?
Sorry misread that - let's try
a chariot?
A shooting stick?
[Projoy] Sister? No (although the audience did sense a positive shift in direction here)
[Lib] Reason why? I would not say that the seating aspect is the primary function, although (clue) I believe that it is an essential factor
[INJ] Boudicca?No (although the audience have again seized on something here)
[Rosie] Bang bang? Sorry - way off the mark.
Rickshaw?
A means of transport?
Do it got wheels?
[Inkspot] Rickshaw? Sorry, no
[Rosie] Transportation? Most definitely (copious applause from audience)
[Projoy] Dey go round 'n' round? No wheels here...
A water-borne craft?
[Inkspot] Splosh Certainly is! (some audience standing to applaud now)
A kayak?
A coracle?
A rowboat?
A scull?
*blatantly lurking * - a dinghy?
Lurking behind Chalky
The Kon-Tiki?
We have a winner!
Hats off to Irouléguy - the actual words on the card were "A Traditional Welsh Coracle", but he's close enough to merit the win in my opinion! Comiserations to everyone else!
Well, that was a half-lurk, at least - apologies to those who did the hard work. With my usual impeccable timing, I'm keyboardless most of tonight and tomorrow, so let's have an easy(ish) one - our next is MINERAL and VEGETABLE.
A manufactured item?
irach] A manufactured item? *animated discussion in the audience* The more useful answer is 'no'.
Tin of Baked Beans?
Kim] Tin of Baked Beans? No (though this might go well with it)

Maybe back online later tonight - sorry, folks
Is the mineral salt?
Food?
oven ready chips?
Was the debate about manufacturing because there is preparation involved?
Mashpertater?
Is the vegetable Antony Worrall-Thompson?
Larger than a can of coke?
irach] Is the mineral salt? *applause* Yes!
Raak] Food? No(though this might go well with it)<
Inkspot] oven ready chips? See above
CdM - Was the debate about manufacturing because there is preparation involved? *more applause* Yes!
Projoy - Mashpertater? I refer the honourable gentleman to my previous-but-one answer.
I Say, Porter! - Is the vegetable Antony Worrall-Thompson? No
Lib - Larger than a can of coke? This doesn't really have a size

Apologies for the delay - as a partial defence, I was delayed in The Doric Arch until closing time, so I was in the Morniverse in spirit.
Celery Salt?
Or is the vegetable pepper?
Projoy] Berry astute - salt and pepper it is. One lightly seasoned baton handed over...
OK, here's an ABSTRACT
Can you see it?
Visible? NO
Can it be perceived by the other four traditional senses?
Olfactable, Audible, Haptable, Linguable? NO
Er, having looked those up, I think I meant "olfactible, audible, tactible, gustable"
Truth?
Quid est veritas? NO
Is it a human construct?
Mathematical?
Human construct? YES
Numberish? NO
Is it a system of government?
Is it a British thing?
government? NO
British? NO, not exclusively
Solitude?
The absence of something?
Solitude? SORT OF *audience applause*
Absence of something? YES *more applause*
Have you lots your mind?
aargh. Sorry. That's wrong. I mean lost and not lots...
[Lib] No, I haven't since you ask. :)
Bereavement?
Bereavement? NO *more applause*
Death?
DEATH? NO
Widowhood?
Solipsism?
Widowhood? YES, the very word on the card. That went surprisingly quickly. Over to Rosie.
Well, that was a bit lucky, so here we go with something less grim, and it's MINERAL
Diamond?
(Lib) No, not as un-grim as that, I'm afraid.
Metallic?
Manufactured?
A particular element?
(Projoy) Not metallic, essentially.
(Lib) Manufactured would be rather an odd description, but, actually, YES.
(Irouléguy) Not an element.
Made by hand?
A liquid?
Extruded?
(Projoy) Partly hand-made, mostly not.
(Irouléguy) Not a liquid. *audience laughter*
(ISP) Not extruded. *further merriment*. Sorry about the audience; they're a cruel lot.
One specific thing?
Silly putty?
(Tuj) One specific thing? - Very much so.
(Raak) Very much not so.
Is it solid?
(Raak) YES- solid.

I think I should add that the subject also has an ABSTRACT quality, which maybe ought to have been in the original definition, otherwise this may take ages.

Fictional?
Bigger than a toaster?
(Projoy) It really exists.
(ISP) Not an Oscar.
(Tuj) If not it would have to be some toaster, so YES.
Are there many examples of it?
Do you own one?
Artwork? Sculpture?
(Projoy) There is but one.
(Lib) Erm, no. *audience hilarity*.
(ISP) Not art or sculpture.
Is it in Britain?
Is it outside?
The holy grail?
tourist attraction?
(Raak) YES - in Britain.
(Lib) *some thoughtful audience murmurs - some suppressed giggles* In the sense you ask, YES. Not the holy grail, though.
(ISP) Probably, in a very minor way.
An architectural construction?
Is it associated with Monty python? (Or am I very naughty girl?)
Stonehenge?
Some huge image carved out of the hillside somewhere?
On the coast?
(Raak) Not really architecture.
(ISP) Not Stonehenge or a man with a huge willy.
(Lib) NO, and I'D SAY YES :-)
(Projoy) On the coast? Not really ON it so much as . . .
The Coast?
The white cliffs of Dover?
Or a particular part of the British coast?
The Sands of Dee?
The Jurassic coast?
(Projoy 1) Not the coast itself.
(Lib) Not the White Cliffs.
(Projoy 2) Not The Coast anywhere.
(irach) Not the Sands of Dee.
(Irouléguy) Not the ~Jurassic coast.

You have all wandered into the outer regions of darkness where it is very cold. Look at the answer to Lib's second question. This is man-made.

A lighthouse?
(Inkspot) Not a lighthouse.
Made of stone?
A structure for sea defence?
A connection with transportation?
Chunnel?
Is it bigger than a standard ex-council three bed semi?
Projoy - YES, made of stone.
Raak - Not a sea defence.
Inkspot - YES, connected with transport *audience cheers*
ISP - Not the Chunnel, but *HUGE audience cheers*
Lib - Certainly is in one direction, maybe two.
Bah! Humber! Is it a bridge or similar construction?
The Seikan Tunnel?
[Raak] That's stretching the 'yes' for your earlier 'in Britain' question a bit far...
Is it a road?
Is it a tunnel?
ISP - NO, not a bridge
Raak - See ISP's comment.
Chalky - NO, not a road.
Lurker Kim - YES, it's a tunnel.
Is it in England?
A railway tunnel?
The Severn Tunnel?
The Blackwall Tunnel?
The world's first passenger train tunnel, the 800-yard Tyler Hill Tunnel?
One of the tunnels which make up LU?
Lib1 - Half of it
UK lurker - YES
Chalky - Not the Blackwall Tunnel
Lib2 - Would I put up anything as arcane as that? 828 yds, BTW :-)
ISP - Not part of the tube.

But we have a winner, and it's RAAK, with the Severn Tunnel. Your go.

The next is primarily MINERAL, with a small ABSTRACT connection.
No, scratch that, the next one is ABSTRACT, with MINERAL connections, tenuously related to Rosie's one.
Actually, it's ABSTRACT and ANIMAL, with a MINERAL connection tenuously related to Rosie's one.
Iron horse?
Is it an organisation?
Shurely not Riddlesdown Tunnel?
An excavation?
[irach] Not an iron horse.
[Inkspot] Not an organisatsion.
[Rosie] Not Riddlesdown Tunnel.
[Rosie] Nor an excavation.
Is the mineral connection the River Severn?
[Irou] Not connected with the River Severn. The connection is more indirect.
Is there a railway connection?
[UK] No railway connection. BTW, the mineral connection is unlikely to be helpful in solving this.
Human construct?
Is the animal human?
[CdM] The mineral connection is.
[Kim] Yes, human.
Is this a space for the use of humans?
[Rosie] Not a space.
Are we talking more than one construct here...?
[UK] No: one mineral construction tenuously related to the actual answer.
Is there just one of these?
[I] Just one (of both the actual answer and the tenuously and completely unhelpfully related mineral construction).
Is this really as complicated as it seems?
Am I correct in assuming the term "construct" is not being used in the sense of an idea or invention but in this case simply means a structure?
A bus shelter, say, as opposed to anarcho-syndicalism.
[Chalky] Not at all complicated. Just an ABSTRACT ANIMAL that I expect everyone has heard of.
[Rosie] Yes: the unhelpfully distantly related mineral thingummy is a physical structure.
Was it built during the Victorian era?
[I] Um...[google]...no.
Does it commemorate an event?
[Inkspot] Not commemorative.
And to answer again the "human construct" question (a concept I'm not quite clear on), the ABSTRACT ANIMAL is a human creation.
[Inkspot] Oh, and the ABSTRACT ANIMAL was created in the Victorian era.
Is it a place in the physical world associated with a fictional person?
[Inkspot] Quite the reverse.
Is the person a synecdoche? e.g. "the unknown soldier"?
[Projoy] Not synecdocheic. Synecdochoic. Synecdochish.
Does this mean... that we're looking for a fictional person associated with a place in the physical world...?
[UK] That is the nub, gist, and essence of the matter. Of course, the association is tenuous and unhelpful.
From the works of Lewis Carroll?
[I] applause! Yes.
The lion, from the Lion, the witch and the wardrobe?
Hmm. I sense I accidently lurked as went away for the weekend. Sorry! But its probably not right anyway.
[Lib] ROWRR! Not Aslan.
Alice herself, perhaps?
[UK] Not Alice.
The Mad Hatter?
Cheshire cat?
AArgh. I do realise what I've done above... I feel such a confused fool. sigh. Sorry for being such a plank.
Mr Tumnus, Idi Amin's doctor?
[irach] Not the Mad Hatter.
[Lib] Not the Cheshire cat. (Don't worry, ISP's just done the same.)
[ISP] I'll have whatever you're smoking.
Tweedledum (or-dee)
A character exclusively from "Through The Looking Glass"?
The queen of Hearts?
Who made some tarts.
Jabberwock? Althogh I'm not clear to which place the Jabberwock is tenuously connected
[re: C.S. Lewis Carroll] In my defence, Lib started it.
[Raak] Mr Tumnus - Narnia - James McAvoy - Last King of Scotland
The Snark (who was a Boojum, you see)
[irach] is that 'Number 23... the Snark' ... 'Number 24 The Spanish Inquisition'
In the Alice books?
[irach] Not Tweedledum-diddle-dee.
[Projoy] Yes! From "Through The Looking Glass".
Hence also [INJ] Yes, and [everyone else] No.
The Carpenter (of Walrus and the Carpenter fame?)
Humpty Dumpty
(who I believe has a particular connection to a particular wall in Gloucester)
[irach] Not the Carpenter.
[Projoy] Not Humpty Dumpty.
One of the chess pieces?
The Red King?
The White Queen?
[I] Yes, one of the chess pieces.
[i] Not the Red King.
[P] Not the White Queen.
http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext91/lglass19.txt
A silly English kernnnnnnigget?
[ISP] Yes! But which one?
The White Knight?
Tho I'm not sure of the mineral connection. Is it the "design/To keep the Menai bridge from rust/By boiling it in wine"?
The knight who says 'Ni!'
[Projoy] That sounds tenuous and unhelpful to me.
In the interest of balance, I feel compelled to ask... the Black Knight?
[UK] It's just a flesh wound. What Black Knight? Have you confused Through the Looking Glass with Monty Python and the Holy Grail? If so, my fault.
I confess - I've never read the book... made an assumption based on chess that if there's a white knight, the should be a black knight. I suppose you're going to tell me it's red instead! :-)
Indeed it is, so either you or Projoy has won (unless there are other knights I didn't notice).
Technically, there are four knights, and the white one Alice meets, according to Carroll's detailed schema for the book, is the White King's knight. The other Knight is the Unicorn. On the red side, the Red Knight that the White Knight fights is also the King's knight, with the Carpenter as the Queen's Knight. (The Walrus is the Red Queen's bishop and the Lion is the Red King's rook).
(Incidentally, the White Knight has Hatta (the Mad Hatter from the first book) as his pawn)
[Projoy] It is indeed The White Knight, and you have correctly identified the tenuous and unhelpful connection with water-traversing constructions.
[UK] You must read it, and Alice in Wonderland forthwith!
OK. This one is ANIMAL, VEGETABLE and MINERAL.
Something you would find in the home?
A model of a Modern Major-General?
Human animal?
Is the vegetable wood?
[ISP] Found in the home? NO
[Lib] Human? YES, but somewhat misleading
[irach] Vegetable wood? YES, but also somewhat misleading.
Is it a single thing or are there loads of them?
A grave?
[Lib] A single thing? NO
[Raak] A grave? NO, but that may be involved
[Lib] Single thing? Well, actually, YES, this is a single thing (there is not more than one of it), but then again, it isn't.
Heather Mills' prosthetic wooden leg/
[irach] NO :)
Is the mineral metal?
[Ig] YES, but somewhat misleading.
A coffin?
A collection of objects or people?
Scrap "coffin". Must've pressed the wrong button.
[Rosie] A collection of objects or people? YES! That should save a lot of misleading answers!
Life, the Universe and Everything?
A nation?
Delimited geographically?
[INJ] The whole caboodle? NO
[UK] A nation? NO
[INJ] Delimited geographically? YES *applause*
A graveyard?
[Raak] Thriller? NO
Tate Modern or simlah?
[ISP] Art gallery? NO
Do these people have some common interest?
Haven't heard caboodle since my Mum died. Or shemozzle, though I use it myself.
[Rosie] A common interest? ARGUABLY. More YES than NO, I'd say.
Is this some sort of educational institution?
[Chalky] Nursery, school, college, Uni etc.? NO
A place? Geographical-like?
A geographicalistical place? YES!
A large city?
Not Pontefract, for example.
In Europe?
A smallish location ( a single building/city block or smaller)?
Clarification required. When you answered 'yes' to 'Is the mineral metal?', did that mean that some of the mineral involved was metal, but not necessarily all?
[Rosie] Large city? NO
[Ig] European? YES
[INJ] Smallish? NO, as you define it.
Clarification: metal is involved, but also many other minerals; there is a similarly wide variety of vegetable and animal matter.
A population centre?
[ISP] Population centre? YES, if I've understood the terminology.
St Dogmaels?
Gone, but not forgotten.
In a BENELUX country?
By population centre I meant town, village etc.
[INJ] St Dogmaels? NO *some applause*
[ISP] Benelux? NO
In Wales?
Powys to the People?
[Raak] Wedi ei wneud yng Nghmru? YES! *more applause*
[ISP] In Powys? NO
In it to Gwynedd?
[ISP] Gwynedd? NA
In south Wales
With a questionmark?
Is there a Doctor Who connection?
The contents of the Torchwood vaults?
Can you wear it? [re: Torchwood] Shurely Cardiff is bigger than Pontefract, apart from the obvious 280000 more inhabitants.
A oes cysylltiad a'r Morniverse?
Sort that out, y' bugger. :-)
[Rosie] That;s never a direct translation of 'sort that out y'bugger'
(ISP) Dead right. Actually it means Is there a connection with the . . . . . ., for the benefit of all, esp. Projoy.
[Rosie] Ah, but connections with the Morniverse are myriad, just check the appendixes to your Stovold's.
Appendices!
[Ig] South Wales? NO
[UK] Doctor Who? NO (that I can think of)
[Raak] Torchwood connection? NO
[ISP] Can you wear it? Have you ever worn a population centre?
[Rosie] Connected with the Morniverse? Hey, that's the first time a word I coined (well, I think I coined it) has been used in a Welsh sentence. :) NO.
Centre for Alternative technology?
Random tourist attraction generator in action there.
[Lib] CAT? NO. Not in Powys (see response to ISP above).
On the coast?
[Ig] Going Coastal? YES
Near the Menai Bridge?
Is it in Ceredigion?
Portmeirion?
That was more action from the Random Tourist attraction generator.
Is the generally used name of English origin, eg Swansea?
(ISP) I can no longer even lift my copy of Stovold's without doing my back in.
[Raak] Near the Menai Bridge? YES *applause*
[Chalky] Ceredigion? NO
[Lib] The village? NO
[Rosie] Anglicised name? NO!
I think the next person should be able to nod this one in.
Wild stab in the dark... Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?
Can you wear it?
[Projoy] It's not CARDIGAN then.
[Uncle Korky] Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch? YDY!! One extremely lengthy baton handed over. [ISP] Ah!
Still feel a bit of a fraud & lurker... still, something to be said for being in the right place at the right time... OK - I'm thinking of something ANIMAL and ABSTRACT.
Fictional creature?
[UK] Fret not about lurking, you did ask a couple of questions before getting it - it's not as if the answer was your only contribution on our communal road to Anglesey via Pontefract and other major population centres in Western Europe.
[IS,P] NO. The more I think about what I've picked, the more uncertain I become with the definition at the top. Let's say... ABSTRACT, with an ANIMAL connection, and hope I don't get lynched.
Is it a creature as such, then?
Maybe I'll let someone else play in a bit.
[IS,P] NOT A CREATURE. Oh, you go for it! :-) At least no-one can suggest you've been lurking! lol
Re: At least no-one can suggest you've been lurking
... or working!
A symbol?
A Human Construct?
An edifice?
[Raak] NOT A SYMBOL
[Chalky] HUMAN CONSTRUCT? ERM... TECHNICALLY... although this could be misleading...
[IS,P] NOT AN EDIFICE
Mad Cow Disease?
Many instances of it?
Tennis Elbow?
A figure of speech?
[IS,P] MOO? NOO!
[Projoy] NO (but this also could be misleading...)
[Chalky] NO - not even Badminton Bottom
[Raak] NO
Is the Animal connection necessarily human?
[Rosie] The animal connection is DEFINITELY human.
Does it refer to something that occurs naturally?
[Projoy] NO *some chuckles from audience members*
An ailment of some kind?
Sex-related?
[IS,P] NO *further chuckles from cynical audience members*
[snorgle] NO - not that I've noticed, anyway...
Is this a GOOD thing, would you say?
[Korks] Could erm ... would ... um .. you kindly pop a word or two from the question next to your reply so we don't have to search back .. pretty please :-)
Clothing or accessory?
To do with belief?
Is this found in Britain?
Could you give me one?
A double entendre?
(forced)
Connected in any way with a piece of technology?
(INJ) Forced, my fifth metatarsal. You're only marginally less salacious than Lib, not that that's saying much.
[Rosie] You know me so well, and we've never properly met!
(Lib) Shall we nip off while Uncle Korky's not looking?
Apologies for absence - not getting online at weekends at the moment. [Chalky] Comments noted and agreed! [Rosie] Comment noted - see me after class!
[Chalky] A good thing? Very much a matter of opinion.
[ISP] Clothing / Accessory? Nope.
[Projoy] Belief? I don't wish to mislead you, but many would say it's more a matter of disbelief. I hope you'll see the humour in this when you know the answer!
[Irg] In UK? Sometimes...
[Lib]I'm not that kind of chap - you'd have to buy me dinner first! Oh... er... no! :-)
[INJ] Double entendre? Non!
[Rosie] Connected with technology? Not specifically.
Any religious connection?
[Irg] God-bothering? Nope.
Connected with fiction?
[Projoy] Fiction? No (sadly not, according to some)
Global-Warming deniers?
[Rosie] Global warming deniers? No. And, as a first clue, we're looking for something more frivolous.
Food- or drink-related?
Connected with the arts?
Connected with the Morniverse?
[Irg] Scoff/quaff? No.
[Projoy] Arty? Yes *applause*.
[IS,P] Morniversal? Nope.
Skulpchah?
A particular artwork?
[IS,P] Bust? Nope
[Projoy] You've been framed? Nope
A particular artform? (can include really crap ones!)
[Projoy] I feel it would be safer to describe it as an example of a particular artform...
An example of a particular artform which is not an artwork. Curiouser and curiouser.
Karaoke?
Connected with the Visual arts?
[Projoy] Empty orchestra? Nope, but the audience knows a positive change in direction when they see it!
[INJ] Visual arts? There is a connection...
The winning entry in the Eurovision Song Contest?
That's near enough for me! The answer on the card was The Eurovision Song Contest, so a frequently cheesy and tone-deaf is passed to Irouléguy by Terry Wogan!
Erm... the word "baton" should have appeared in that sentence... *slinks away embarrassed*
I've never understood the appeal of Eurovision, myself *ducks*.
O-OK, our next is ABSTRACT with strong MINERAL connections, possibly ANIMAL or VEGETABLE or BOTH
A human construct?
Does it have its own wikipedia entry?
The activities of a group of people?
(Irg) No need to duck. Even when "ah were a lad" I thought it pretty awful and that's going back a bit. It actually seems to have got worse over the years, something we then didn't think possible.
Fictional?
I Say, Porter! - A human construct? Possibly.
Projoy - Does it have its own wikipedia entry? *Googles, Wikis* Yes. The words on the card actually have several Wiki pages, and a disambiguation page, but not all of them refer to the actual answer.
Rosie - The activities of a group of people? Possibly in the future
Eurovision] Mind you, I didn't think heavy metal could get any worse either...
Tuj - Fictional? This exists in fiction, but it may not be fictional.
A process
Projoy - A process? In one sense, possibly (but I don't think that's very useful).
Religious?
Tuj - Religious? It might be (and in several fictional representations definitely is).
An icon?
I Say, Porter! - An icon? No, Cina.
Clarification - are the animal and/or vegetable aspects also "connections" or do they refer to The Answer itself?
The animal and/or vegetable aspects may be The Answer (though none of the words on the card are animal or vegetable names)
A biological classification?
Is it a three word answer?
Rosie - A biological classification? *applause* YES
Chalky - Is it a three word answer? *more applause* YES
As a further clarification, The Answer could also be neither animal nor vegetable.
Genetically Modified Goods?
Scrub that... Is it connected with cloning?
Projoy - Is it connected with cloning? It might be (that would have served as an answer to the GM question as well).
Single-celled organism?
(I know it isn't this, but just throwing a stone to see if it hits anything)
Genus, species, commonname?
Wouldn't even know where to begin with this one...!
(stealing an extra go as this one's so hard) Is it connected with mutation?
Is at least one of the words on the card Latin?
Projoy - Single-celled organism? It could be.
Lib - Genus, species, commonname? No to all
Uncle Korky - Wouldn't even know where to begin with this one...! The answer is a very common phrase, which I think everyone will recognise (not least because of its use in other contexts).
Projoy - Is it connected with mutation? It might be.
Rosie - Is at least one of the words on the card Latin? No - all plain English
Rosie] To be properly pedantic, one of the words is a Latin word which is in everyday use in English.
Something to do with alien life?
(It's not "little green men" as all three of those words are Germanic in origin).
Projoy - Something to do with alien life? *the audience begin humming John Williams tunes* YES
Extra Terrestrial Beings?
Unidentified Flying Objects?
Projoy - Extra Terrestrial Beings? Yes, but more specifically...
Raak - Unidentified Flying Objects? No
Invaders from Mars?
(or possibly just Life on Mars, I suppose.)
*Sailors fighting in the dancehall
Oh man, look at those cavemen go*
Life on Mars it is - which I thought would be got a lot sooner. Hopefully we'll grok the next one quicker...
Huzzah! I slightly carpet-bombed my way to that one, but I was bored at work today... Had a few abstracts lately, so here's an honest-to-goodness VEGETABLE
Actually, I just thought of a better one, which is NONE OF THE ABOVE
Gravity?
[Raak] Newton/Apple? NO
Can I hold it?
Is it a feeling or sensation of sorts?
[Lib] Can you hold it? NO
[irach] A feeling/sensation? NO
[Lib] There is an extremely unhelpful, but nonetheless plausible case in which one could be said to hold this thing, but NO is by far the best answer.
Nothing?
None of the above! I'd imagined that may be argued with.
A vacuum?
Not a Hoover, Dyson, Dustette, Electrolux Lite etc.
[Tuj] Nowt? NO
[Rosie] Vacuum? NO
Is it fictional?
Not Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Abstract?
[UK] Fictional? NO, or 'twould be abstract
[Chalky] None of those.
[Chalky] If you put a gun to my head I might call it as "mineral-esque"
Is it on this planet?
[UK] On Earth? YES
Is it a form of energy?
Light?
[UK] Form of energy? YES, pretty much
[Néa] Light? YES, to an extent *applause for both questions*
A rainbow?
"My bowe betwene you and mee/in the fyrmamente shalbe"? NO
A photon?
[UK] Photon? NOT OHP.
Electromagnetic radiation?
Lightning?
Fire?
[UK] Good guess!
[rab] Electromagnetic radiation? IT IS INVOLVED...
[UK] Lightning? NO
[Tuj] Fire? YES, altho as this has been short, I shall be a stickler and note that that is not what's written on the card.
Is it all about elementary particles?
Well, everything is, but you know what I mean.
[Rosie] Elemental, my dear boson? YES, but Tuj pretty much has his finger on the answer. At this moment it's a mere matter of near-synonymity.
Flames?
A pestilential conflagration of vapours
[UK] Close enough. The words on the card are A Flame. Hands immolatory Olympic torch to Uncle Korky
[Projoy] Thanks, my good sir!
[Tuj] Apologies - seems I was more bored at work today than you!
Why do I do this? Win just before the weekend, when I won't be online 'til I'm back in the office at 8.30 on Monday? Never mind, it'll give you all a chance to get your thinking caps on again... This one's MINERAL.
A single specific object?
I am genuinely doing this in a (temporarily paused) meeting.
Naturally occurring?
[Raak] You think that's impressive? I frequently post to MC sites in meetings, even, occasionally, bi-lateral ones.
Ok, I am now posting from a meeting in progress.
Mainly metal?
Well, I'm posting, between shovelfuls, from the footplate of a large steam engine which I can hardly stand up on. Bloody railtours.
Well, I'M not even bothering to post a question - so there :)
(Chalks) Very sensible, m'dear. We could have a discussion on the likely subject in the light of UK's previous, the Eurovsion Song contest. As it's mineral shall a start the ball rolling by suggesting an OLD HEAVY CHINA TEAPOT, which could be hurled at the box during the broadcast of this ludicrous eisteddfod.
Potty syntax - "shall a" = "I shall".
Diamond?
It's got to come up one day.
edible?
Related to salt?
Why have I guessed three times? I dunno, I just felt like it.
Well, I'm not posting this from a meeting, it being Saturday morning, but I am listening to Radio 4 while riding a unicycle and cooking breakfast for four hundred Swedish Naval officers.
It's now Sunday and I'm posting this from the Dome of St. Paul's cathedral, where I'm wearing a "Kiss Me Slow" hat and blessing nearby paupers with holy porridge.
[Projoy] Yer mad you :-) AND why are you posting so early when we've all lost an hour's sleep? Talking of lost hours, which we weren't, but I'm going to anyway ... how long can I get away with the "oops sorry I'm late waking up/for work/cooking the dinner, but my head tells me it's still a whole hour earlier"?

This is AVMA, yes? I'm still not posting a question, so there.
[Chalky] The lost hour thing doesn't last for long I'm afraid. I was a particularly happy bunny as I was on nights this time (apart from the fact that it was over my birthday, so I had to work twice on said day) but I gained the short shift when 1am magically became 2am.
Can you hold it?
I am playing this game. All alone at the moment. Anyone want to play with me?
Okay, folks - weekend's over, and can give you my full attention once more:
[Raak] Single specified object? YES, but might be misleading
[Projoy] Naturally occurring? YES
[Rosie] Mainly metal? ERM... QUITE POSSIBLY. Teapot? ERM... NO
[Lib] Diamond? NO. Edible? NO (audience is amused). Related to salt? NO.
[Projoy] There's another 'AMVA game' on this site, y'know!
Smaller than a toaster?
Erm, still wondering if you can hold it...
[Lib]
[Lib] Smaller than a toaster? NO. Manually graspable? NO.
Larger than a phone box?
Size does matter!
Bigger than St. Paul's?
Bigger than Wales?
[Lib] Larger than a phone box? YES. Size matters? Hmmph. Well, I've never had any complaints...
[Raak] Bigger than St Paul's? YES
[Lib] Bigger than Wales? YES
The Earth?
[Lib] Terra firma? NO
The planet Mercury?
[Rosie] Mercury? NO
Part of the Earth?
Bigger than the moon?
[Raak] Part of the Earth? NO
[Lib] Bigger than the moon? YES
Bigger than the Earth?
I'm going to get its size eventually!
[Lib] Bigger than the Earth? I'd have to say YES, although (and this is a big game-ending clue) this would be AS A WHOLE...
The Universe?
Erm, sorry guys. I'm revising you see. Get easily distracted from the finer points of pharmacology.
[Lib] The whole caboodle? NO
The Kuiper belt?
The galaxy?
Is it gaseous?
Does it contain more mass than the earth?
*Wanders in. Remembers last time. Beats a hasty retreat.*
The (main) asteroid belt?
(According to Wikipedia, "The total mass of the Asteroid belt is estimated to be 3.0-3.6×1021 kilograms,[4][5] which is 4% of the Earth's Moon. Of that total mass, one-third is accounted for by Ceres alone.")
The moons of Jupiter?
[Raak] Kuiper belt? TOO FAR OUT, MAN...
[Lib] The Galaxy? NO
Tuj] Gaseous? NO (although probably depends on your sense of scale!)
[Rosie] More mass than the Earth? APPARENTLY NOT! Glad I didn't have to look that one up myself!
[Irouléguy] Tie 'em down, child! NO
[Projoy] The (main) asteroid belt? We have a winner! One knobbly and rock-encrusted baton passed on!
Just passing...
Oops, overslept this morning so only just saw this. I won't be able to check in until this evening, but in the meantime have this VEGETABLE
s/check in/check in again
Broccoli?
[Lib] George H. W. Bush's least favourite food? NO
Edible?
Manufactured?
Wooden?
Unique?
Fictional?
Now extinct?
[Ig] Edible? YES
[Lib] Manufactured? NO
[Raak] Wooden? NO
[Tuj] Unique? NO
[ISP] Fictional? NO
[UK] Extinct? NO
One vegetable or made of many?
[Lib] YES, er, NO... er...
Grown in Britain?
Common?
[Raak] Grown in Blighty? NO
[Lib] Common? DEPENDS, but not common in Britain, for example.
[Lib] Further clarification on your last. I was slightly fatuously pretending not to know what you meant as it wasn't a yes/no question. There is, however, a clear answer: ONE VEGETABLE.
A piece of fruit?
Have a banana.
Begins with P?
[Lib] Fruit? YES! *applause*
[Tuj] P-headed? NO
A berry?
[Ink] I come not to praise Caesar...? NO
pomegranite
pear
plum
peach
persimmon
paw-paw
papaya
pomelo
passion fruit
durian?
WHO BROUGHT THAT DURIAN IN HERE?


Grows on a tree? (rather than a bush/on the ground etc)

Inna bunch?
Mango?
[CdM] Durian? NO
[INJ] On a tree? NO
[Ink] Bunched? NO
[Lib] Mango? NO
Equal to or larger than your average avacado?
[Lib] >= avocado's number? NO
Is it eaten with its skin rather than peeled?
Is it a berry?
Grown in Europe?
[Lib] BZZZT!
Drat! I read PJ's reply, and I didn't think that berries were bunched so I got confused, I'll try again...

Does it have a stone?

Is it a dried fruit?
Avocado's Number. I like that. :-)
I Say, Porter!
[Lib] They're not, I think the BZZZT was for repetition of 'is it a berry' half an hour after Projoy had said 'no'.
Can it be eaten raw?
[Inks] skIn? NO
[UK] EU? NO
[Rosie] Dried? NO
[Ig] Edible raw? YES (I think).
Is it usually served as/in a drink?
Have you ever eaten one (or part of)?
Dr [Inks] ? NO
[Rosie] Have I eaten one? NO
Have I ever eaten one?
[CdM] I wouldn't put it past you.
originally from Africa?
Lib's question about being stoned still awaits an answer.
A tropical fuit?
Does it stink as badly as a durian?
Is it generally considered to be a suitable foodstuff for humans?
[Lib] Got stone? NO (sorry for delay)
[INJ] Out of Africa? YES
[Inks] Tropical? I THINK SO (arguable, I think)
[Raak] My dog's got no nose? NO
[UK] Fit for human consumption? YES.
Peanuts?
[INJ] See response to Tuj.
Does its plant have thorns?
Can't help myself...
[flerdle] Does it have runic letters on it? YES, and nice to see you back here.
:-)
pequi?
Don't really know what one of those is.
Ps. Hello flerdle. Lovely to see you.
[Lib] See response to Tuj :)
Bah!
Green when ripe?
[ISP] Green when ripe? NO
Is it a nut?
[I knew I should have said 'Ground Nuts')
orange colour?
[INJ] Nut? NOT
[Lib] orange? YES!
Mandarin?
Naartjie?
(though actually that grows on a tree)
Tangerine?
That's more african, I believe.
Something Cactussy?
[Lib] ... but not quite 'Tree-NO' or 'Thorns-YES'.
Hmmmm. Indeed. *strokes chin and ponders*
[Lib] Mandolin? NO
[INJ] Naartjie? NO
[Lib] Tangerine? NO
[ISP] Cactussy? NOT REALLY.
Thy search hath borne fruit
A recap: An edible fruit, native to Africa. It is orange (when ripe), grows on a bush, which boasts thorns, and does not begin with P. It is larger than an avocado and does not contain a stone. It is not a berry, nor, as a free clue, a citrus fruit.
Larger than an avacado?
I was working on smaller than...
Does it have pips?
If it does then I'll never eat it. I've got a mild phobia of pips. They're horrid! Keep them away from me.
[Lib, re size] That would be understandable, now that I come to realise that I clearly don't know the difference between < and > ! Curses, and apologies. In addition to being definitely larger than an avocado, it is not eaten with its skin and I'm not sure if it would be described as tropical, altho I can see reasons why it might.

[Lib] Pipped to the post? YES
Does it belong to the melon family?
Size certainly matters, as I'm sure you know! But its easy to get confused. I'm particularly bad at right and left, slightly concerning when I'm at work and these things matter!
[Lib] Of the House of Melon? YES! *muchos applause*
The orange melon?
[Raak] The Orange Melon? NO
Honeydew melon?
I'd like to retract that, Can I guess...

Canteloupe?

ah, size makes all the difference. p.s. you can get orange honeydews.
Is it grown in New Zealand?
[Lib] Honeydew or Canteloupe? NO
[flerdle] Grown in NZ? YES
Horned Melon?
[Lib] Horned Melon? (or Horny Melon, as I like to call it) YES!!. And just in time for me to get on a train to Manchester and disappear for a few hours. Apologies once again for misleading you all about the size. * hands bulbous, spiky baton to Lib*
*Wonders if she'll bump into Projoy tonight when she ventures into central Manchester for a concert...*
Right. ABSTRACT, MINERAL with possibly some ANIMAL thrown in.
Second thoughts. That one was crap....
ABSTRACT, with some ANIMAL and MINERAL.
A fictional thingy?
A hip operation?
A human concept
I keep using that, saw it first here, have no idea what it means really.
[IS,P] Totally fictitious? NO. [Rosie] Hip, Hip Horray? NO. [IS,P] Humane? YES.
Hmmm, missing some breaks I think. Will be better next time!
Can you tell us what the first one was without giving a clue to the second?
:P
Can I tell you what the first one was? YES
Partially ficitious?
[Pj] Slightly made up? YES, and NO. Sorry.
Connected with emotions?
[Pj] Feeling emotional? YES.
Positive emotions, particularly?
Is the mineral water?
[Pj] Positivity? Can't answer this, sorry.
[Rosie] Dihydrogen oxide? NO
Does it begin with an E?
Does it begin with P?
[Pj] On E? NO
[Tuj] Can I have a P please Bob? NO.
Is the animal bit human?
[Irouléguy] Humane? YES!
A theory or something theoretical?
[Tuj] That's the theory. NO
Is the mineral an artefact?
A particular class of thing?
[Irouléguy] artifactual? NO
[Projoy]Classy? NO, it is a specific thing, although still abstract!
Is confused about "fictitious no, but fictional yesandno"
is it art?
Is it to do with empathy?
[ISP] I feel your pain.
Art? YES.
Empathy? NO.

Clarification. Sorry to confuse you, I've confused myself too. so...
Fictional? (ie 1. the class of literature comprising works of imaginative narration, esp. in prose form. 2. works of this class, as novels or short stories: detective fiction. 3. something feigned, invented, or imagined. 4. the act of feigning, inventing, or imagining. 5. an imaginary thing or event, postulated for the purposes of argument or explanation.) NO
Fictitious? Having looked at many definitions, NO to most but YES to "imaginatively produced or set forth".

Sorry to get in a twist, hope this helps a little. (The dictionary definitions are to help my easily overwhelmed mind, as I know you are all far more eloquent than me!)

A particular artwork? Tracy Emin's Bed?
[ISP] One in particular? YES
Dirty sheets? NO
A piece of visual art?
[Irouléguy] Seen? NO
Heard?
[Irouléguy] Noisy? YES! *much applause from audience*
Classical music
A brass band?
Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?
Sixties pop?
[Projoy] Classical? YES
[Rosie] Shiny brass? NO
[CdM] Lonely hearts? NO
[IS,P] 60s? NO
The Anvil Chorus?
[Raak] Anvil Chorus? NO
Pre-19th century?
Written for voices (with or without instruments)?
[Raak] Pre 1800? NO
[Projoy] Choral? NO
Geman composer?
[UK] Bratwurst? NO
The Planets?
[Raak] Holst's Finest? NO.
Owt to do with Edvard Greig?
[UK] Grieg-y baby? NO.
For brass? Thinking Libery Bell
[IS,P] Shiny brass? Still NO
Bugger. Missed Rosie's post. Sorry.
Brass?
Only joking. Italian composer?
[IS,P] Pizza maker? NO.
Despite all these NOs you really are quite close. I'm here for another twenty minutes then am going to be examined, so will be back drunk later.
English?
Cool! I want one of those examinations that gets you drunk. Are you studying to be a sommelier?
[IS,P] Her Majesty's finest? NO
The getting drunk time is after the exam. I suspect that during it wouldn't go down too well.
French? Is the nationality of the composer going to help?
Gotcha. Isn't April a bit early for exams?
[IS,P] Frog's legs? YES! It may help a little, but isn't the holy grail.
Not uni exams. Postgrad medical exams. Bloody hard ones at that too. I'm taking anaesthetic exams.
Claude Achille Debussy, died nineteen eighteen?
Anaesthetic exams
Shurely all exams are anaesthetic.
[IS,P] Debussy? NO
Indeed all exams induce somnolence.
Ravel and his sodding Bolero?
[IS,P] Sodding bolero? NO. God I hate that piece. The only cool bit is the gong at the end, and its a long 20 minute wait till that features.
Dukas and his Sorcerer's Apprentice?
Dominating this simply because you've only got ten minutes. Well, that's my excuse.
[IS,P] Fansatia? NO
Well, have a good exam. I've run out of ideas.
La Cathédrale Engloutie?
[Raak] Isn't that Debussy?
Jean-Michel Jarre? Oxygene?
Tubular Bells?
[Raak] LOOL. You're taking the mickey, right? Mike Oldfield's not French.
A member of Les Six?
I'm under the infulence. Head spinning. Exam over.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. Can't manage more HTML than that. Sorry.
Died in C20th?
Still alive? Was it a practical exam?
Carnival of the Animals, Vegetables, Minerals and Abstracts?
[Projoy] Died 20C? YES!
[IS,P] Still alive? NO, dead. Animal carnival, very very warm.
Danse Macabre?
Erik Satie?
Saint-Saëns?
Is all Ravel out, or just Bolero? Might I suggest Ravel's "N'allez pas au bois d'Ormonde"?
Sorry for my absence. I had to go to work twice which was quite a shock to the system. You're all exceedingly warm, and I hope someone gets it in the next hour as I'm off to Wales for Easter. Anyway, enough chat, onto the matter in hand...
[Projoy] deatly dancing? NO
[Irouléguy] Eric the hungry catapiller NO.
[gil] The fantastic Camille Saint-Saëns? YES!!! But there's something else on the card.... Think BIG!
[StormWraith] Revels, anyone? Ravel is totally out.
Third Symphony, with its big throbbing organ?
[Projoy] Big organ goodness? YES!!! The exact words on the card are far more polite, briefly stating Saint-Saëns' Third symphony ("organ concerto"). Well done. *hands an organ pipe shaped baton back to Projoy*
Phew. Well, I don't expect this to take off as everyone's going to be disappearing off for the long weekend, but here's a VEGETABLE.
Is it alive?
[GL] It lives?! NO
edible?
Wooden?
[INJ] Eat Me! YES *applause*
[Rosie] Tree-born? NO
Exotic?
Typically eaten raw?
[Rosie] Exotic? NO *one or two audience members begin to applaud as you begin to talk but quickly stop themselves*
[CdM]Raw? NO (with some potential for quibbling).
Does it grow on trees?
Taking "not tree-born" above to mean not wooden.
[Rosie] Grows on trees? NO is by far the best answer. There's a defensible YES answer, tho.
Is it usually dried?
[Raak] Dried? NO
Edible part leafy?
[Rosie] It's all edible. No leaves involved. :)
A tomato?
[Rosie] Tomato? NO
Does it grow on a bush?
[Raak] George W? NO
Does it grow 'beneath' the soil?
A fungus?
Can I find it in Tesco?
[Chalky] Comes out of the ground? NO *some laughter from audience*
[Raak] Fungus? NO (ISTR a debate a while back about whether to count fungi as Vegetable. I'm in the "no" camp on that one, fwiw. :))
[ISP] Tescabile? YES!
Does it come in a variety of colours?
[Raak] Variety of colors? YES, as in, more than one.
Honey?
[Raak] Is there honey still for tea? NO
Is it solid?
...by which I mean rigid, pickuppable, even if it has voids within
[Raak] Solid? YES, in the sense you give.
Cabbage?
The most disgusting taste known to mankind.
[Rosie] Eat yer greens? NO
Normally eaten on its own?
[Ig] A solo dish? YES
Strong flavour?
[Lib] Strong flavour? This is subjective, but I would be inclined to say NO, on balance.
Is it primarily grain?
[Raak] With the grain? NO
Is it usually processed before being eaten (other than simply cooking)?
Does it feature in Peanuts round about this time of year?
Does it come in a bunch?
[Phil] Processed? YES! *applause*
[ISP] I don't read Peanuts, so I'm NOT SURE, but it wouldn't surprise me if that were so.
[Lib] Bunch? NO
From the genus Cucurbita?
[Ig] Cucurbita? NO
Dates?
[Rosie] Genus Calenda? NO
Easter eggs?
[Raak] Hoorah! YES!, the answer is "Easter Egg" (meaning the chocolate variety. I didn't include ANIMAL (milk) as I believe you can get dark chocolate eggs. *hands over bulbous, brown, slighly sticky baton to Raak*
The next one is M I N E R A L.
Stonehenge?
Diamond?
Solid?
Metal?
[Tuj] Not Stonehenge
[Lib] Not diamond.
[Projoy] Pickuppable, yes.
[Rosie] Primarily metal.
Peanuts
[Projoy] I was referring to the Great Pumpkin, and on reflection I'm not sure it's this time of year - I've a niggling voice in my head that suggests halloween.
[ISP] Not art.
Smaller than a toaster?
[Projoy] Smaller than a toaster.
Bigger than a matchbox?
A manufactured object?
Projoy - Bigger than a matchbox.
ImNotJohn - A manufactured object.
Matchboxes
Actually, it could be smaller than a matchbox, but not usually.
A child's toy?
A tool of some kind?
[ISP] Not a toy.
[Rosie] One would not ordinarily call it a tool.
A container?
A device?
[ISP] Not a container.
[ISP] YES! A device.
electronic?
[Projoy] Can be electronic.
Does it measure something?
Communication device?
[ISP] Yes, it measures something.
[Lib] Not a communication device.
A tape measure?
Weighing?
[Projoy] Not a tape measure.
[Lib] Does not weigh anything. Er, if you see what I mean.
Measures something invisible?
[Projoy] *applause* Yes, it measures something invisible.
Are most instances of it electronic these days?
A carbon monoxide detector?
[Projoy] Yes, usually electronic.
[Rosie] Not a carbon monoxide detector.
Measuring distances?
Measures some sort of radiation?
[I1] Not distances.
[I2] Not radiation.
Multimeter? Electricity meter?
A barometer?
[gil] Does not measure volts, amps, ohms, continuity, capacitance, impedance, hFE, diode leakage, or anything else electrical.
[Projoy] Not a barometer.
Used indoors?
Anemometer?
[ISP] Used indoors.
[Projoy] Not an anemonomometer.
Am I likely to own one?
Does it measure time?
A stopwatch?
[I] Quite likely to own one.
[P] *cheering* Yes, it measures time.
[P] Not a stopwatch.
An alarm clock?
[INJ] BRRRRRNNNNGGGG! It is indeed an alarm clock.
*applauds* That was a good one.
Ooooh
OK - I'm going out this evening, so you've got about half an hour and then a gap of 14 hours. This one is basically Mineral with Animal connections
Is it art?
Is it science?
[IS,P] Yes, but is it art? - NO
[Chalky] Science - NO (except in extremely broad uses of the term)
Is it found in the home?
[IS,P] domestic? - NO
Constructed?
[IS,P] constructed - YES
A single, specific object?
[IS,P] - zoo - NO
[PJ] one is one and all alone? - NO (they may not be legion, but there is more than one)
A building of some sort?
[IS,P] building - NO
A Henge?
Stonehenge, Brasshenge, Bakelitehenge etc.
[Rosie] hengist? - NO
Bigger than a phone box?
[Projoy] > phone box - YES
Bigger than a terraced house?
Something made largely of chalk?
[Projoy] 2 up 2 down - NO
[IS,P] Chalky - NO
Is it functional?
Is it specific to a particular country or culture?
Bigger than a shed?
Old, i.e. >500 yrs?
[IS,P] functional? - YES
[Irg] cultural specificity - Hmmm. YESish (but that's probably not going to help much)
[Projoy] > shed - YES
[Rosie] Old? - NO
Is it in a specific location?
Is there only one of it?
Generally lives outside?
Mostly metallic?
Too nice a day to be inside
[IS,P] In specific location - NO
[IS,P] Only one? - NO (see previous answer)
[Projoy] in the open air? - YES (some applause)
[Rosie] Mostly metallic? - YES (the 'basically mineral' description means that there will be some vegetable and animal, but not significant amounts)
Found in densely populated places or in the country?
A Henry Moore sculpture?
[Projoy] dense people - could be either, I've seen one in a densely populated area
[Raak] lots of brass - NO
Anything to do with transport?
[Raak] Transport? - YES (Applause)
A preserved steam engine?
A traction engine?
[Rosie] steam engine - NO
[Projoy] in traction? - NO
Essentially mobile?
For transporting people?
A milk float?
[Rosie] essentially Mobile - YES
[Irg] For transporting people? - YES
[Projoy] Erniemobile - NO
Does it carry just a single person?
Some sort of lorry?
[Raak] just for one - NO
[Projoy] Lorry - NO
Bus?
Client site all day today - don't know how often I'll get on here
[Projoy] bus - NO
A particular make/model of car?
Connected with farming?
Airborne?
Do it got wheels?
A hot air balloon?
Does it run on rails?
Does it run on cables?
Does it carry its own fuel with it?
Sorry - no access today until now
[Irg] particular make/model of car? - NO
[Projoy] agricultural - NO
[Rosie] Airborne - NO (some laughter)
[Projoy] Wheeled? - YES
[Lib] Montgolfière? - NO
[UK] on rails - NO
[Raak] wiry? - NO
[UK] Does it carry its own fuel with it? - YES
Military?
[Raak] military? - originally YES, but now usually NO(more audience applause)
A jeep?
[Phil] Jeep? - NO (I thought that would be the next guess)
A Hummer?
DUKW?
Motorbike and sidecar?
Scratch that. doesn't fit the 'bigger than a shed' criterion
Mobile Canteen?
One of those VW camper vans with the concertina top?
We have a winner
[Uncle Korky] - Well done. A DUKW it is!
The other answers are therefore obvious. I'm disappointed that no-one examined the animal connection, nor did I ever manage to answer both land and water transport.

One slightly damp baton handed on.

*is a little embarrassed at having lurked to victory again*
Sorry about this delay, but I've got a job interview this morning, which I need to concentrate on. I'll post your new clue when it's all over (probably about lunchtime).
[UK] Good Luck! Keep focused and you'll shine. I had an interview (in Cardiff of all places) yesterday and it was actually quite fun. (I know I am a strange thing.) It was fun because the topic for the presentation I was asked to prepare was 'me', and as I'm sure you all know I have no problems talking about myself! GOOD LUCK!!!! Or, hope it went well, if you've already done it.
DUKW
I have a feeling that Connie Booth would have been found not guilty in Holy Grail - they'd never prove she weighed the same as a DUKW.
[Lib] Cheers, m'dear! It went pretty well, and should hear by the end of the week. [IS,P] Perhaps my guess was inspired by knowing England were going to face South Africa later that day...
Anyway - a new clue... let's say... animal.
Alive?
The England cricket team?
Livin' Thing? YES
All out? NO
After a bit of thinking, I'll tinker with the classification to say that it's animal with an abstract element.
One of it?
A job title?
Singular? YES *applause*
Jobsworth? NO
Fictional?
You're making it up? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...
Human?
Homo sapiens? YES *applause*
is it art?
Art? Not even in the broadest or most generous uses of the term!
Is it an avatar?
Is this person a charlatan?
Mrs Trellis?
Ever been alive?
Avatar? I had to check the definition on this one: the only explanation I found was an earthly incarnation of a divine personage, so the answer to this is NO. However, I suspect this may not be what you meant...
Charlatan? NO.
Trellis? NO *some applause*
Ever been alive? You could argue this either way, he says enigmatically...
The lovely Samantha?
The invisible woman? NO *similar level of applause as before*, as I can see how you're thinking...
Male?
Blokeish? YES *applause*
Humph?
Lyttleton? NO *diminishing applause* I think you're getting misled by earlier applause...
Archie Andrews?
An educated guess? NO
Is heard on the radio?
An actor playing a role?
Aged under 40?
Sven?
Borat?
Mycroft?
Avatar
I was thinking 'graphical representation in a game of a real person'
Wireless? NO
Actor? NO
Under 40? YES
The rippling one? NO
Borat? NO
Mr Holmes snr? NO
Avatar II? NO - but the audience senses that IS,P is poking around the right area, and responds with appropriate *applause*.
Is this person advertising something?
Back after these important messages? NO
Is it 'Uncle Korky' - is what I was trying, and failing, to get at.
We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Uncle Korky", so one morniversal baton is well and truly passed on!
[uk] However did you think of that one?
The next one is Mineral. In the immortal words of Ron Pickering "away you go"
Unique?
[Tuj] One is one and all alone and evermore shall be so? NO
Metallic?
Useful?
[Tuj] Metallic YES
[Projoy] Useful? NOT AS SUCH
Bigger than a toaster?
Is it art?
[Tuj] Toastier than thou? YES [Korky] Art for Art's Sake? NOT AS SUCH
This is quite hard, isn't it? Ages since I did the setting for one of these.
Is it beautiful?
[Projoy] Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So... I wouldn't call it beautiful, whadda you think?
A work of architecture?
Is it bigger than the average garden shed?
[Raak] Millenium Tent? NO
[Uncle 'Two Sheds' Korky] NO.
Human-made?
[Projoy]A made thing? YES
Is it still manufactured nowadays?
[UK] Two questions in one? I'll choose to answer Is it manufactured. NO
Hmmm... Human-made - yet NOT manufactured... Is it a by-product?
All that is not unique is not manufactured.
[UK] Manufactured: to produce goods in large numbers, usually in a factory using machines.
Is it a by-product? Of what? The answer's NO anyway, I'm just curious.
I think my point is you can make more than one of a thing without manufacturing being involved at all.
... is going to sit in Place Luxembourg basking in the sunshine with a couple of cool beers ('cos it's Happy Hour - 2 for 1). Pissed if back later.
Are instances of this still being made?
(to re-pose the remainder of UK's question)
Is this specific to a particular culture or country?
[INJ] in production? The thing itself NO, images of the thing YES, in fact probably even manufactured (sorry, Korks).
[Irg]YES audience applause
Begins with P?
Bigger than a phone box?
[Tuj] P Please Bob? NO
[Pj] Between Phonebox and Shed? NO
Is it an implement?
[Kim] Implement? NO
Still confused... Is is hand-made?
Are the various instances of this essentially the same?
i.e. there is only one design and differences are due to variations in the making process.
Bigger than a tea-chest?
[UK] Handmade YES
[INJ] YES, recognisably similar.
[Pj] NO even smaller still than a tea chest. For free, it's larger than a tea caddy.
[ISP] We know it is. :) You already told us it's larger than a toaster :)
An example of a craft?
*quietly points out that, etymologically at least, the word "manufactured" means "hand-made"**
[Pj] Crafted? YES.
[Man-u-facture] Pardon me for using dictionaries to look up definitions. It won't happen again.
Is it light enough to be carried?
[UK] Portable? YES but unhelpful I expect. Not my first unhelpful answer, either.
A household item?
...however you wish to interpret that.
[Tuj] One in every home? NO
Does it belong outside?
Is the particular country/culture European?
Metal all the way through?
[Tuj] Out of doors? YES audience applause
[Irouléguy] Europe to something? YES indeed
[Projoy] Showing its mettle? YES more audience applause
Well done all three.
Street furniture?
Used in sport?
Red in colour?
[Pj] NOT street furniture.
[Irg] NOT used in sport
[Lib] Red? NOT AS SUCH.
A sculpture?
[CdM] Sculpted? YES audience goes wild. I still maintain that it is not ars gratia artis as such.
Does it have a purpose beyond aesthetics?
(particularly since you claim it is not beautiful)
[CdM] Purpose? YES it does indeed. (particularly since I think it's just a gimmicky piece of tat)
Is it painted?
[UK] Painted? NO
British?
Does it have moving parts?
[INJ] British? NO, foreign, I'm afraid.
[UK] NO. raucous audience laughter
Has discovered it's fun to say 'raucous'...
Does it convey information in some form?
*Blushing in the ridicule of the audience*
[UK] Info? NO.
PS it's not ridicule. You said 'parts'
Is it particularly British?
[IS,P] Ah! I just though I was being spectacularly wrong!
Keep up, UK!
... INJ asked that forty minutes ago. NO still.
Is it... British? NO - I'M KIDDING! Is it Italian?
OK - NOW I'm blushing!
Country specifics
[UK] Italian? NEANCHE.
The Manneken-Pis?
(although I'm not sure what its purpose would be)
We have a winner! The very words on the card are "Manneken Pis", and its purpose is "fountain" unless that counts as street furniture in which case its purpose is "tourist attraction", particularly with all the crappy shabby costumes they put on the nasty little sod. One manneken pis baton shaped like a corkscrew passed on! Thank god for that, the answering questions is much harder than the asking. I shall be sure to avoid getting anything right for the foreseeable future.
moving parts
[UK] It has water moving through its parts...
[IS,P] NOW I understand the merriment...!
Can't help thinking that your 'parts' hilarity contributed to CdM's victory. After all, it was the first real guess.
[IS,P] Yes, that audience reaction contributed, together with your location and your "gimmicky piece of tat" comment. OK, this one is

VEGETABLE and ABSTRACT
A turnip in the shape of a thingy
With acknowledgements to Richard Curtis
A work of art?
A wooden sculpture?
Fictional?
Carrot flavour?
Barry Took?
An English rose?
Triffids?
An auspicious start
Thingy-shaped neep? No.
Work of art? No.
Wooden sculpture? No.
Fictional? No.
Carrot flavour? No.
Barry Took? No.
English Rose? No.
Triffids? No.
Edible?
Is it manufactured?
*avoids stare from IS,P*
Edible? Yes. *some applause and a couple of giggles from the audience*
Manufactured? No.
A culinary masterpiece?
Customarily eaten?
Culinary masterpiece? No. *a few more giggles*
Customarily eaten? Either a definite yes, or a definite no. I think I need to ask you to rephrase the question. *much animated discussion in the audience*
Eaten intentionally?
(i.e. would someone order this in a restaurant)
Is it made to be eaten?
A deep-fried Mars bar?
Is it eaten customarily only in a particular area or region?
Eaten intentionally? Yes. (although you wouldn't order it in a restaurant as such)
Made to be eaten? Yes. (although it is not made as such)
A deep-fried Mars Bar? No.
Region-specific? No.
Eaten raw?
Raw? In part.
customarily drunk?
...or inhaled?
More than one veg?
[Chalks] Thought that first one was a description ;op
[ISPers] yes - the 3 words sit rather well together :-)
Is it normally an ingredient in other dishes?
Begins with P?
:)
Brown in colour?
Customarily drunk/inhaled? No.
More than one veg? Yes. *substantial audience applause*
An ingredient? No.
Begins with either A-O, or Q-Z? Yes.
Brown? In part, probably yes.
Vegemite?
Vegemite? No. (I think that would be more than brown "in part" :-) )
A salad?
Is it meant for human consumption?
[CdM] Was that a yes to my question or yours?
Shurely "a-o or q-z YES" = "P NO"...?
A salad? No. *scattered applause*
Meant for human consumption? Yes. *more giggles from the same impolite people who were giggling earlier*
Yes to my question or yours? Yes.
I remind you all that this is abstract as well as vegetable.
Small potatoes?
Are there any specific required components?
i.e. Must this always include say, a particular veg.
Small potatoes? No.
Specific required components? No. *audience applause and some laughter*
Humble pie?
Humble pie? No.
A mess of potage?
... our speciality, just aubergine and carnation petals ... with a six-shilling bottle of Mule du Pape ... Flanders & Swann
Meat-and-two-veg?
Fnarr Fnarr
Is this a figurative expression?
Normally eaten cold?
5 a day?
3 and in?
Fnarr Fnarr
Mess of pottage? No.?
Filet mignon a la Bearnaise, mousseline d'asperges and chips? No. *some audience laughter*
Figurative? No.
Revenge? No.
5 a day? No.
3 and in? No.
Is it defined by the absence of something?
Strawberry Tart without so much rat in it?
Defined by absence of something? Yes. *audience rises to feet and gives standing ovation*
Ratless tart? No.
"Yes - we have no bananas"?
Banananalessnessness? No.
is tofu involved?
Tofu involved? It certainly could be.
Vegetarian cuisine?
Vegetarian Cuisine? No. *audience erupts in rapturous cheers*
Associated with a particular country or culture?
[IS,P] True. But usually when you ask a question you expect it to be answered rather than its negative answered. I think my confusion was justified anyway.
Does it involve pastry?
Veganism?
The words on the card are "A Vegan Diet", but I think Projoy gets close enough. *Hands baton carved from sealbone to Projoy*
I tried a vegan diet, but they're really hard to kill.
And there was me about to guess fruitarianism...
Back in the hotseat again. Here's an honest-to-goodness ABSTRACT that shouldn't take a moment to guess.
Is it art?
[ISP] Turner-prizewinning? NO
Occurs naturally?
Fictional?
[ISP] Naturally occurring? YES
[UK] Fictional? DON'T KNOW
Self-referential?
Begins with P?
I was going to guess "The answer", but then I saw Raak's question :P
[Raak] Self-referential? NO
[Tuj] P? NO
(I should own up to entertaing some doubt as to whether this is wholly, or indeed at all abstract, but OTOH, it is definitely none of the other three - abstract is probably a more helpful category than none at all)
s/entertaing/entertaining
Is it a physical thing?
A measurement of some kind?
Anything to do with elementary particles?
a phenomenon of some kind?
[Raak] Physical? NO
[Tuj] Measurement? YES *applause*
[Rosie] To do with elementary particles? YES, I GUESS SO
[ISP] A phenumbenumenon? YES, I GUESS
That was a successful round.
Beaufort? Richter?
A measurement of something electrical?
To do with time?
[ISP] Beaufort, Richter? NO
[Raak] Something electrical? NO
[Lib] Time? YES *applause*
The number of vibrations of a cesium atom in one second?
Carbon dating?
[Raak] Wiggly Caesium? NO
[ISP] Carbon dating? NO
A Second?
A leap year?
A moment?
[Lib] A second? NO
[UK] Leap Year? NO
[Lib] A moment? YES, but that's not The Answer *significant and sustained applause*
The Planck time?
The moment of truth?
*sings "One moment in time..."* ?
[Raak] Planck time? NO
[Lib] Moment of truth? NO
[UK] Whitney Houston, we have a problem? NO
(espirit d'escalier: should have said "quick as a planck")
Half a mo?
[Raak] Half a mo? DEFINITELY NOT!
Is it a 3 - word answer?
sings: Magic moments....
A pause?
...
Something horrible and complicated to do with differential calculus?
[Chalky] 3 word answer? NO, less than
[ISP] Bacharach? NO
[Raak] Pause? NO
[ISP] Horrible and complicated? Probably horrible, but by no means complicated. No idea whether it involves calculus.
[Projoy] Shurely 'fewer than'
Fewer than three words rules out "No time Toulouse"
... and "That Condor Moment"
Does the word 'moment' appear on the card?
THIS moment?
[ISP] 'Moment' on card? NO
[Chalky] That moment? NO (not this one either)
big bang?
[ISP] Heavy fringe? NO
In retrospect, Raak's "Planck time" was entitled to some *hearty applause*.
The half-life of a radioactive atom?
[Rosie] Half-life? NO, not half anything.
Closing time?
[Raak] Closing time? NO *audience shivers slightly as the temperature drops*
Would putting 'moment' into a thesaurus help?
*tries that* No. Maybe in the future.
AArgghhh
That's not a guess. Its just my frustration as I feel I should be very close but I'm not.
Opening time?
[Raak] Opening time? *audience phones Mountain Rescue and prays for a St Bernard*
The Big Bang, i.e. the beginning of the Universe?
A tick?
[Rosie] The B of the Bang? NO
[Raak] Tick? NO *audience stirs as if they'd seen a crocus or a rosebud, or a robin on the wing*
(worries he's going to get roundly slated for this one, which he thought was reasonably heard-of, but now not so sure)
Raak has gotten the closest by far of anyone so far.
A tock?
Or Tock himself?
[Raak] Not a tock or Tock. Perhaps I shall be made to walk the Planck after all.
Two ticks?
A jiffy?
Are we anywhere warm?
Real time?
[Rosie] Two ticks? NO
[Lib] Jiffy? NO
[Lib] Warm? NOT REALLY :)
[Chalky] Real time? NO
Recap: It's a measurement of time, one that is definitely not a half-anything (except half of two of itself). It may or may not be fictional (thus the Planck time doesn't qualify, but is damned close), and may be described loosely as "a moment". If you don't get it from that, then I chose too obscurely. :)
*scratches head*
Full time?
[Raak] Full time? NO
Is it literally an instant, i.e. having no length?
[Rosie] A lengthless instant? NO *but audience breaks into wild cheering, stamping etc. Game on.*
So it has a defined lenght?
[Lib] Defined length? YES
scientific speak? eg. a parsec?
[Lib] Science Jargon? YES *applause*
Is the length of time very short (i.e. a small fraction of a second)?
[Rosie] Very short? YES! *applause*
nanosecond?
[Lib] Nanosecond? NO
is it 10 to the power -x of a second?
[Lib] 10^-n? NO
split second?
A 440 (one oscillation)?
Sueprluminar (i.e. faster than light)?
When you say it 'may or may not be fictional' is it something that has not yet been, or may never be, proven?
[Chalky] Split second? YEEES, I suppose so.
[Rosie] A440, NO
[ISP] Faster than light? NO
[ISP] Has not been/may never be proven? YES! *applause*
The end of the universe?
[Raak] Goodbye to all that? NO
Is it all relative?
The moment of religion, that divides the thought from the action?
[ISP] Relativity? Some might say quite the reverse!
[Raak] Religious moment? NO (don't forget this is quite specifically a measure of time with a particular length and is also scientific jargon)
A chronon?
(The maximum rate of thought being one psychon per chronon.)
[Raak] JUST IN TIME! It IS indeed a chronon, the proposed quantum of time, which is said (in one theory) to be 2x10−23 seconds - considerably longer than the Planck time and not strictly a second x 10-n. I apologise to those who are currently scratching their heads and going "a what?". I had heard of the chronon some years ago, and being an Arts Graduate, tend to assume that anything scientific that I've heard of has been heard of by everyone else at least ten years ago. However, the number of hits I belatedly googled on the topic suggest that perhaps it's not the household word I had at first supposed. I had every faith that Raak would get there eventually, tho! * hands the baton over to Raak so quickly that nobody sees it happen*
I've heard of Chronon the Barbarian... grone
(btw, another way of describing its length is 20 yoctoseconds)
I onyl know the chronon from the SF story "Gulf", by Robert Heinlein.

The next one is MINERAL, VEGETABLE, and ABSTRACT.

Fictional?
[Projoy] Not fictional.
[ISP] Not art. (The audience is amused as it imagines an exhibit with this title.)
Occurs naturally?
[ISP] Not natural.
To do with food?
Manufactured using machines?
[Projoy] Nothing to do with food.
[ISP] Almost invariably.
A household item?
[I] Yes, although most households probably don't have one.
A luxury item?
Begins with P?
[CdM] Not a luxury item.
[Tuj] Does not begin with P.
A piece of furniture?
[Rosie] Not furniture.
A musical instrument?
Having at last got my nice Yamaha digital piano.
[Rosie] I can think of one musical piece where it might be used, but no, not a musical instrument.
Bigger than a toaster?
(trad)
[INJ] Bigger than a toaster.
Newfangled?
A gong?
[Projoy] Not at all newfangled.
[Rosie] Not a gong. That has rather wider musical applications than this does.
A snooker table?
[ISP] As used in Herblfrontwick's Concerto for Snooker Table and Cue Ball? No.
Does the "abstract" refer to a metaphorical meaning of this mineral and vegetable thing?
[CdM] Yes, metaphorical. (Actually, similitudinous, to be precise.)
Victorian?
[Projoy] Not specifically Victorian.
Is the vegetable component wood?
A useful item?
[CdM] Yes, wood.
[ISP] Yes, useful. *the audience approve of these steps along the path to truth*
A fitting (as opposed to furniture)?
A container of some kind?
Does it have moving parts?
[ISP] Not a fitting.
[Rosie] *applause* Part of it is a container.
[INJ] No moving parts.
bigger than a washing machine?
Does it function as a seat?
[Projoy] Smaller than a washing machine.
[Lib] Not a seat.
A tea-chest bass?
[Rosie] Neither a tea-chest bass, a kazoo, a mighty Wurlitzer, nor a bagpipe. The musical angle is really not going to be helpful.
Still widely used today?
[CdM] Still in use.
Is the mineral part metal?
A piece of equipment of some sort?
[INJ] Yes, metal.
[ISP] Yes, it's equipment.
To do with safety?
[Projoy] Not to do with safety.
Away in a Mangle?
Bum. That has moving parts. Scratch it.
Found in the kitchen?
[ISP] Not found in the kitchen.
Is the room in the house going to help? Found in the drawing room?
[ISP] It might. But it is not to be found in the drawing room.
In the Bathroom?
[Lib] Nor in the bathroom.
Downstairs (in a house, not a bungalow of average room structure)?
[Lib] Could be. I think "household item" was misleading, this is merely something you might have in your house. Or in other places.
That's all until this evening -- offline all day.
Is it a barrel of some sort?
[Chalky] Not a barrel.
Might you have it in your car?
[CdM] You might, if you were transporting it somewhere.
Does it come in more than one size?
[Lib] It could be of various sizes.

To recap and give a nudge into a more fruitful path: it's a container of things made of wood and metal, which features in a well-known simile, and which could be found in various places, including the home.

Is it made to hold one specific thing?
[Tuj] It holds one specific type of thing.
A wise old saw?
[Projoy] Er, saws don't contain anything.
[Projoy] Fair point.
[Projoy] *a ripple of interest in the audience* Not a saw, especially not a wise one.
Does it have a lid?
Is it hardware?
A hutch?
A box of tricks?
.. or something like
[Projoy] Probably doesn't have a lid.
[Projoy] *applause* Yes, hardware.
[Projoy] Not a hutch.
[Chalky] *for a moment the audience thought you were going to get it* Not a box of tricks.
The sharpest tool in the box?
[Projoy] *the audience are excited* Not the sharpest tool in the box.
A toolbox?
[Projoy] *applause* In a sense, yes.
Does either of the words "tool" or "box" appear on the card?
[Cdm] Yes.
Boxing Helena? Boxcar Willie? Box girder bridge? Jack-in-the-box?
[ISP] None of the above.
A jewellery box, a matchbox, Pandora's box, my kingdom for a box
Isn't 'not the sharpest tool in the box' more metaphor than simile?
"it's a container of things made of wood and metal"
Is it a container of things, made of wood and metal; or is it a container of things made of wood and metal?
[ISP] None of those either, including "not the sharpest tool in the box".
[ISP] It's a container of things made of wood and metal. What the container is made of isn't important.
Does the word "tool" appear on the card?
[Projoy] "Tool" does not appear on the card.

There are four words, including the indefinite article.

A box of hammers (as in "as dumb as")?
[Projoy] You are sharp as a tack. A box of hammers is the exact phrase on the card.
OK, here's a chance to go for something better known and redeem myself. ANIMAL
Giraffe?
The Archbishop of Canterbury?
Hmm, new one on me.
[Raak] Interestingly enough - googling " a box of ..." "simile" didn't produce 'hammers, which is a phrase I, personally, have never heard before [not that that is relevant because I've obviously led a sheltered life] - yet ... googling " as dumb as a box of hammers .. produced 1,040,000 results! < Thinks >*must learn to play this game betterer*
Edible?
Alive?
"A box of hammers" is not a phrase I have ever heard used by anyone in my long and not-exactly-sheltered life. Maybe the Yanks use it. Well, I'm not a Yank. As if there aren't countless other subjects that could have been used, the words of which exist in everyone's brain, it just being a question of having the inspiration to dig them out. The whole point of the game is that you don't have to Google it, the original game being live with no access to any source of knowledge. Box of Hammers. Stupid.
[Lib] Giraffe? NO
[Tuj] Primate? NO
[Chalky] Edible? NO! *considerable laughter*
[Rosie] Alive? YES

[Rosie] While I had heard the expression 'box of hammers' somewhere in the dim and distant past, enough for me to consider worth googling it for credibility before making my guess, you didn't actually have to have heard of it in order to get the answer. Besides, this game (as CdM once pointed out) is different from the original, and both google, self-education and working outside one's comfort zone are much more part of its fabric. If that makes it harder for those good at rote memorisation of canonical knowledge and easier for those good at on-the-fly research then perhaps that's an unhappy circumstance, but it is at least an index of changes in the world around us! I tend to think it's a good thing, myself, but then I have succesfully googled/guessed quite a lot lately. :) Definitely would concede, having tested it, that chronon was very hard to google up without a fair amount of specialist knowledge and probably therefore inappropriate, but a box of hammers is a concept available to anyone who's heard of hammers and boxes. That said, I would say that my current one shouldn't require google (unless someone asks the wrong question, causing me to give a truthful but obscure and therefore counterintutive and hard-to-synthesise fact about the subject under question).
(Not that there's such a thing as a 'wrong' question in this game, obviously)
A specific, unique thing?
[Tuj] Specific, unique? NO
Does it have legs?
[Chalky] Leggy? YES
2 legs?
4 legs?
6 or more legs?
Legginess quotient? Two possible sets of answers. Either (ignoring the answer to Tuj's question) YES, NO, NO; or - taking Tuj's answer into account - NO, NO, YES
A grouping of animals - e.g. a flange of baboons?
[ISP] A grouping? YES, but not of the type given in your e.g.
Human race?
A group of humans?
Oh dear, did I cause some trouble? I'm confused, at least.
[ISP] Human race? NO
[Tuj] Group of humans? YES *applause*
Primate: no, human: yes. Now I'm confused too.
OK, got it now. It was Projoy's use of the term 'primate'.
Note to self: Read questions AND answers as answers alone may cause confusion.
Are these humans grouped together because of a shared interest?
[UK] A shared interest? YES
Is this interest politcal?
Is it a spiritual/religious interest?
Furries?
[UK] Political? NOT REALLY
[Chalky] Spiritual/Religious? YES! *applause*
[ISP] Furries? NO (my suspicion is that a lot of people would require google for furries!)
I used to Google for furries and then I discovered Smirnoff
A specific sect?
[ISP] A sect? DEPENDS ON POV.
(I would say "no", tho)
Scientologists?
(Projoy) If you have to look up the answer it's no longer a game but a research project brought about largely, I suspect, by the instant accessibility of Google and the desire of certain people to show their specialised knowledge. A bit puerile. It ought to be like the original, a test of general knowledge and the ability to quickly connect and recall what's already in you head. This is not the same as rote knowledge, BTW. So the game no longer depends on the ability to think but on the ability to look things up and is therefore no longer a game, or any fun, but tedious. I'll cross it off my list.
Cross it off your list
[Rosie] Whilst I am with you 100% in being irritated by the plethora of recent 'f**k me that was obscure' targets, I think that after you make your point, and people take it on board, you could enjoy the game once more and continue to contribute as fruitfully as you have in the past. (Hopes Projoy's religion is something that more than ten people have heard of). Please don't go!
[ISP] Scientology? NO.
[Rosie, simul'd by ISP, but since you commented again] I must admit that I find looking stuff up fun (and success in this is totally about ability to think), but I do agree that some of the reward of this game is in either making the right lateral connections to perceive what in retrospect is obvious. Perhaps it would jolly the game up if we swing back for a while to obvious subjects, having had some obscurities on the trot, but equally I can't see any harm in being a bit more tolerant of stuff that falls outside 'Rosie's general knowledge' but within, say, 'Raak's general knowledge' (a category of knowledge in which I for one have found much fascination over the years).
either
Harry H Krishna?
[ISP] Hare, Hare, while stocks last? NO
Quakers?
Is this a Christian group?
[ISP] Quakers? NO
[UK] Xian? NO
Druids?
The Peoples Temple?
Scientologists?
Paganism?
*thinks ISPers may have a short-term memory problem* :-)
[ISP] Druidity? NO
[Chalky] People's Princess Temple? NO
[ISP] Scientology? NO
[Chalky] Paganism? NO
Begins with P?
Better get that in while I can...
Humanism?
Scient.. Arse!
Hindus harmonizin' in the hall?
[Tuj] Parseeism (and its alliterative religions)? NO
[Chalky] Oh, the humanity! NO
[ISP] Hindus? NO
Buddhism?
Is this abstract as well as animal?
Did it start within the last 500 years?
[Rosie] "Dumb as a box of hammers" is a commonplace expression to me; it's difficult to know what will be commonplace to everyone.
Should we be concentrating on -isms?
simul ... What CdM asked.
Sun worshippers [with legs]?
[Chalky] Buddhism? NO
[CdM] Abstract? NO
[Raak] Last 500 years? NO
[Chalky] focusism? It might help you get there, but The Answer is not an ism.
[Chalky] Solarists? NO
Islam?
dumb as a box of... I always thought it was "dumb as a bag of spanners", but the collective wisdom of Google thinks otherwise.
[Ig] Islam? *standing ovation* That is not the answer on the card.
Could it be something as simple as 'Muslims'?
[Chalky] IT COULD **audience applause**
Never heard of 'em.
LOL
Easy-peasy :-)
Now this next one should be well within everybody's intellectual and cognisant reach. However, it may require a smidgin of websearchery as we draw closer to the solution - which is the way I enjoy playing this game.
M I N E R A L / A B S T R A C T
A figurative expression?
Is the mineral metal?
[Raak] Figurative? NO
[Irouléguy] Metal? Largely, NO [there may be traces]
Rock?
Is the mineral stone?
Oops. Misread Raak's simul. WHS.
[Raak, Projoy] Rocky/Stony stuff? YES, plenty of that
A single unique thing?
A work of art?
A human construct?
[Tuj] The one-and-only? YES
[Raak] Artwork? NO
[PJ] Human construct? NO
Naturally occurring?
Fictional?
A geographical feature?
[Projoy] Naturally occurring? YES
[Uncle Korkers] Fictional? NO
[Irouléguy] A geographical feature? Good question. I'm tempted to answer 'Yes' but in fact this is NOT a geographical feature
Does it have anything to do with molten rock?
Does it move?
[Uncle Korkster] Anything to do with molten rock? Yes, molten rock might be in amongst all this.
[PJ] Does it move? YES *audience starts to murmur*
Is this a description of a process?
The Marianas Trench?
A sand dune?
[Uncle Korkee] description of a process? NO
[Raak] The Marianas Trench? NO
[Projoy] A sand dune? NO
*audience goes quiet*
Is it biiiiiiiiiig?
[Projoy] Biiiiiiiiiiig? It's Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge! *audience cheers*
aside
I'm 'at home' today which is why I'm able to pay attention to my chairing duty. Haven't seen it in ages, but is anyone else watching 'Countdown'? There's a gargantuan bloke in place of the fragrant Suzie Dent. Wha ...?]
reply to aside
That's scandalous! I've spent years watching that show, just for Suzie Dent - she's seriously hot! OK, I do enjoy playing along as well...]
Is it on Earth?
At last! The key question.
[Uncly Kork] On Earth? NO *thunderous applause from audience*
The planet Gliese 581 c?
Is it actually a planet?
*smug*
[Raak] The Planet Gliese 581 c [rather than the star]? NO
[UK] A planet? Well, actually, NO
Is it in the Solar System?
A comet?
[Raak] In solar system? YES
[Projoy] A comet? NO
A satellite?
A dwarf planet?
[Raak] A satellite? YES
[Projoy] A dwarf planet? NO
A moon?
The moons of Jupiter?
[Projoy] A moon? YES *audience senses the end game is here and start to pay attention*
[Projoy] For pity's sake child - tie down the moons of Jupiter? er - NO
A moon of Saturn?
*The* Moon?
Enceladus?
[PJ] A moon of Saturn-and-there-are-plenty-to-choose from? Er - NO
[Raak] OUR moon? NO
[Uncly Korkass] Enceladus? I refer the honourary member to my previous reply which went PJ-wise :-)
Charon?
One of Mars'?
One of Neptune?
*no longer smug*
[Projoy] Charon? NO
[Tuj] Marses moonses? No, neither
[Uncle Korks] Neptune moon? YES!
Proteus?
Triton
There are only eleven others, so we're nearly there...
[Chalky] If you like, you can assume I will ask all the other questions. :)
Does it have a name?
Nereid?
What's in a name?
[Raak] They all seem to have names. Are you confusing Neptune with Jupiter/Saturn?
[Projoy] Proteus? NO
[Uncle Korks] Nereid? NO
[Raak] A name? YES because ..

*fanfare* The victory goes to I Say, Lurker who popped into this game just at the right time.
TRITON it is, Neptune's largest moon, the seventh largest in the solar system, and one that even I've heard of. Thanks Raak, Uncle Korky and Projoy for your sterling efforts :-)
Hey, Good Lurkin'
[Chalky] That'll teach me to take a day off work.
Another easy one? ANIMAL
Hang on a mo... looks up 'Abstract' in dictionary. Decides 'bollocks to it' and leaves it as is.
A single individual?
Human?
[ISP] Maybe it's that the Greek minor god of the Sea, Triton, is abstract?
[PJ] I wasn't thinking about Chalky's Abstract actual existing real satellite, but now you mention it...
[Raak] Single individual - YES
[Projoy] Human - YES. Told you it was easy.
Alive?
[UK] Living? Not as such.
Alive in the 20th Century?
[UK] Sorry, I meant 'Not alive as such'.
... enters into deep philosophical contemplation about whether he should have used 'Abstract'
Fictional?
[UK] Fictional - YES *applause*
Aha! British author?
Definitely abstract then, as I found out to my cost a few games back! :-)
Abstract schmabstract.
[UK] British Author? NO
I'm gonna let someone else have a go.
Jumping in!
Begins with a P? :D
\
Is the fiction set in the real world?
Does the character appear in more than one publication by the author?
Does this person originally appear in a book?
Is the character female?
[Tuj] What an unexpected question! P? - NO
[Raak] Real World? - I'll say a tentative NO to that one
[INJ] More than one publication? - YES
[UK] Book? "a set of pages that have been fastened together inside a cover to be read or written in" - YES
[Irg] Female? NO
Did this person first appear in print in the 20th century?
[UK] C20? YES
Is there more than one author overall?
[UK] +1 Author? - YES
Doctor Who?
[Raak] Time Lord? - NO
[Raak] Can't be - not a British author (see above). I'm going to have a wild stab in the dark at the answer (got a gut feeling...)
Is it Asterix?
[UK] Three points for a Gaul? NO
Bo**ox.
However... this doesn't mean my line of questioning is dead... Are the authors Goscinny & Uderzo?
[UK] Goscinny & Uderzo? Nope. That rules out Lucky Luke an' all.
Definite bo**ox.
Originally written in English?
[INJ] Written in English? YES
Have the works this character appears in been filmed?
[UK] Filmed? YES
A cartoon/comic/graphic novel character?
[Raak] cartoon/comic/graphic novel character - YES * thunderous applause *
... is off to dress rehearsal. Back tomorrow!
[Uncle Korky] re: Doctor Who and British Author. Don't forget that both Sydney Newman and Anthony Coburn were Australian! :)
[Projoy] Except for Sydney Newman, who was Canadian. But Korky's point was exactly that the roots of Dr Who are non-British. But, of course, the sixty thousand dollar question is "who cares?"
A Marvel character?
[Inks] Marvel? YES * audience applause *
Superman?
[Raak] Not Superman
Superman's DC comics, I think...
Spiderman?
although Peter Parker definitely begins with a P...
Captain America?
[CdM] Not Spidey, and not Peter Parker Picked A Peck Of Pickled Peppers
[Irg] Not Captain America.
One of the X-Men?
[Chalky] Not one of the X-Men, but we're certainly getting warmer by a process of elimination.
Conan the Barbarian?
[Chalky] Not Conan. I wasn't even aware he was a Marvel character.
British Author
[Projoy] I was talking nonsense earlier - rereading, Korky's point seems to indicate that Who had British roots, which is of course a load of dalek-poo.
The Hulk?
[Chalky] Rapturous applause from the crowd but it's not the name on the card!
The Incredible Hulk?
or Dr. Robert Bruce Banner?
AWOOOOOGAH! We have a winner. Dr. Robert Bruce Banner is the name on the card. One first edition grey baton still in the original wrapping passed on.
celebrating another lurker's victory
Cheers ISPers - and 'break a leg' this weekend. Naturally we shall want YouTube evidence.

V E G E T A B L E
Thanks Chalky! Dress rehearsal went well yesterday, which bodes badly for tonight.
Barry Took? oblig.
Wood?
edible?
[IS,P!] Barry Took? Nah :-)
[Projoy] Wood? No-o-o, not exactly, but you're on the right track
[ImNotJohn] edible? No

I won't be online much over the weekend, so apologies in advance
Something to do with corK?
[irach] CorK? No [nice to see you in here :)]
Paper?
smaller than a toaster?
[CdM] Paper? YES!
[Phil] Smaller than a toaster? Mmm - it can be
Paper with something written on it?
A specific piece of paper?
A single piece of paper?
[PJ] Paper with something written on it? Yes [and I know I should have added a tiny bit of M I N E R A L to the definition but I thought it might mislead, and also guessed that 'paper' would be arrived at fairly quickly]
[Tuj] A specific piece of paper? Don't know what you mean by 'specific' so I can't answer that.
[Raak] A single piece of paper? Yes, definitely
Laser display board used at the pilg?
The piece of paper Chamberlain 'had in his hand'?
*resuming normal service*
[Lib] Laser Display Board? :) No
[I Say, Porter!] Chamberlain's bit of paper? No
Is the writing "now wash your hands"?
A voting card?
A map?
Does the piece of paper have monetary implications?
[IS,P!] "Now wash your hands"? No
[Phil] A voting card? No
[Inkspot] A map? No
[Uncle Korks] Monetary implications? No
Is it in a museum?
Is it a piece of paper of historical significance?
A particular piece of paper?
A particular piece of paper being something specific like the Magna Carta, I would interpret a single peice of paper as something more general like a calender. just so I don't go too far off track
[Raak] In a museum? No. [for clarification: when I replied 'yes' to a 'single piece of paper' I meant that only one sheet of paper was involved, as opposed to a pamphlet, magazine or book]
[Kim] Historical significance? Yes
ah ...simul
[Inkspot] A particular piece of paper? Well, it's 'particular' in that it's a suitable subject for AVMA - but if you're asking if it's the one-and-only of its kind - then NO
20th Century?
Does the piece of paper have musical implications?
[IS,P!] 20th Century? Would you kindly frame your question in a more precise manner m'dear?
[Uncle Korky] Musicalimplications? No
Is it a famous printed text?
At last ! A question
[Projoy] Famous Printed Text? No
Is there something "artistic" on the paper?
Hello [Phil] "artistic"? Well, YES, there is a pictorial representation of something.
A cartoon?
[Projoy] A cartoon? No
Was it first printed before 1900?
Like a tube map?
Is the content of this piece of paper printed?
[IS,P] 'fraid we already know it's not a map.
A poster?
[UK] Arse! Not paying attention. Anyway, that'd also be a "famous printed text" which we know it 'aint.
[Inkspot] First printed before 1900? Yes
[ISPers] Wot UK said
[Uncly Korko] Is the content printed? For the most part, yes
[ISP!] A poster? No

It may be worth checking back on my reply to Inkspot's "Is it a particular piece of paper?" question
A certificate of some kind?
Is it a document of title?
Is it a Constitution or a Declaration of Independence?
Or a treaty of some kind...
OOOPS! Not famous. Bum. Probably no to both the above... OK I'm stuck.
[Uncle Korky] A certificate of some kind? YES!
[IS,P!] Constitution/Declaration/Treaty? No
Is this a specifically British document?
Some kind of award?
[Uncle Korky] Specifically British document? The one I'm thinking of IS - YES [although there are many other 'types']
[IS,P!] Award? No
A passport?
A legal document of some kind?
Scratch the 'passport' as it's no longer a single piece of paper.
Driving licence?
Is it money?
[IS,P!] Legal document of some kind? Yes
[UK] Driving licence? No
[Lib] Money? No
Birth/Marriage/Death certificate?
[IS,P!]Birth/Marriage/Death certificate? Yes
A Birth Certificate
Relating to a specific person?
A Death Certificate
Relating to a specific person?
A Marriage Certificate
Relating to two specific people (oblig.)
[IS,P!] A Birth Certificate? YES! Now how easy-peasy was that?

[As for relating to a specific person, I did try to steer you all towards the fact that there are literally millions of these].
AR*E!
Korky's Arse
[UK] As I did the one before Chalky's, why don't you do the next?
Does it look big in these?
[IS,P] Very kind of you, my dear sir, but I wouldn't want to steal your thunder. Nor would I want to play a game where I couldn't be a good loser. :-) Please go ahead, and I'll redouble my efforts this time!
Someone Post One Please
I'm off to Rome tomorrow morning for six full days, I therefore cede the initiative to whichever of you buggers gets in first.
Why didn't you say?!
Oh well, in that case... MINERAL & VEGETABLE
Is it art?
[IS,P] Oh, hello again! :-) NO, it's not art.
It's still not tomorrow morning yet.
Is the mineral rock?
Rocky! YES - well, one of them...
Is thevegetable wood?
Smaller than a toaster?
Normally found in the house?
Also contains metal?
Frying pan with a wooden handle?
Is this an object that we might all aspire to own?
A mass manufactured item?
Right... catch-up time!
[Raak] Woody? YES
[Tuj] Toaster or less? NO
[INJ] Domestic as a rule? NO
[Projoy] The clangy stuff? YES
[irach] Full-English equipment? NO
[Chalks] I Want One Of Those? QUITE POSSIBLY - MATTER OF PERSONAL TASTE
[Inkspot] Rolls off the conveyorbelt? I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... NO
Does it contain any moving parts?
[INJ] Mobile bits? YES applause
Does it have a definite 'use'?
[Chalky] Definite 'use'? YES
A tool of some sort?
[INJ] Tool? NO
Is the rocky part artificial, i.e. concrete, brick, etc.?
Smaller than a house?
[Raak] Two parts sand, etc? NO
[Tuj] Smaller than the average domicile? YES
Is it mobile?
Not necessarily under its own steam.
Bigger than a phonebox?
[INJ] Mobilty? NO
[Projoy] Size matters? YES - but not in all directions.
Bigger than a phonebox in more than one dimension? (not counting time!)
[Projoy] Dimension comparison: BIGGER IN TWO OUT OF THREE.
Is it a container?
Is it made of more than just wood, metal and stone?
Does it require power [ie.electricity] in order to function?
[Inkspot] What's in da box? NO
[Projoy] Ingredients? YES (Some may well have an additional ANIMAL component, but don't let this confuse you)
[Chalky] Plug it in? NO
Could you buy it as a single unit?
[Projoy] One at a time? YES
Does it have wheels?
[Lib] Let's go cruise the strip? USUALLY NOT (I'd consider them optional extras)
Is the purpose of the rock part to provide weight?
Is it's purpose to provide amusement?
Ouch! - sorry about the apostrophe.
Begins with P?
[Raak] Heaaavy, man? NO
[INJ] Playtime? YES *copious applause*
[Tuj] Snow, mushy or processed? NO
Would you find it at a funfair?
[Raak] This way to the egress? NO
Used in a competitive sport?
[INJ] They think it's all over? YES *standing ovation*
A curling stone?
[Raak] Giant's bathplug? NO
A goalpost?
Hmmm?
Well, I thought we were just about there, but I can't get it.
Used in competitive sport, larger than phone box in 2 of 3 dimensions, contains wood, metal, rock (plus other), has moving parts but not wheels, except as optional extra, does not require a power source, not mobile, not mass-manufactured(ish). I think when someone does get it, it will be obviously correct. A fair summary?
snooker table?
anthropomorphism
With balls, of course.
Pool table?
To cover that base as well (though I would say they are mass-manufactured)
I would also say that Pool Table could probably be judged to begin with P. Snooker table seems like a very good guess, though.
Billiard table?
[INJ] It is, indeed, a snooker table. Congrats, and please accept this cue-shaped baton! Comiserations to everyone else.
It's always a good idea to try to state the problem - it just came to me when I had written it all down.
The next one is ANIMAL
Alive, alive-o?
(What's the stone in a snooker table?)
OK, let's try writing down what we know so far. This one is animal.


Hmmmmm... Nope, still not coming to me.
[Projoy] Slate
Human?
[Projoy] kicking? - NO
[CdM] Human - YES
Male?
[Chalky] He-Man? - YES
Historical?
Did he die in the 20th century?
[Lib] been & gone? - YES
[Raak] died in C20 - NO
Royalty?
[Lib] crowned head? - YES (some murmurs in the audience)
British?
By this I mean bearer of the Brtish crown, as opposed to having had to have be born on this island.
[UK] UK? - NO
European?
[Lib] European - YES
Charlemagne?
[CdM] Big Charlie? - NO
French?
Napoleon?
[Lib] French - NO
[Raak] Boney - nor Corsican
Died before 1500?
[Projoy] Died before 3pm? - NO
Died this century?
Died after 1800?
[Raak] C21? - NO
[Projoy] C19? - NO
To save time, the personage in question died in the 18th century.
A pope?
[Projoy] pontificating? - NO
Does 'crowned head' in this case mean 'sovereign'?
Well asked
[Projoy] lying uneasy? - NO (Loud and prolonged applause - plus a few murmurs from one or two of the audience)
I realised afterwards that my way of rephrasing Lib's question might have been confusing, so for clarity: royalty, yes; sovereign, no.
The spouse of a sovereign?
spouse? - NO
Assassinated?
French royalty?
[Raak] Assassinated? - NO
[Projoy] French Royalty - NO
Spanish Royalty?
[Projoy] Spanish? - NO
Russian Royalty?
[Projoy] Russian Royalty? - NO
Check your assumptions.
Died in Europe?
[Projoy] Died in Europe? - YES
The Charlie formerly known as Bonnie Prince?
And the next one please
Thought it wouldn't last long. It is Charles Edward Louis John Casimir Silvester Maria Stuart, aka The Young Pretender, aka Charles III of Britain, aka Bonnie Prince Charlie. Uncle Korky's 'British?' question was clarified in such a way as to allow maximum confusion.
The true baton is passed over the water to CdM.
OK, this is VEGETABLE and MINERAL possibly also with ABSTRACT connections.
Actually, remove the "possibly" there.
Possibly, remove the "actually" there.
Is it art?
Is the mineral metal?
Art? No.
Metal? No.
Is it bigger than a toaster?
Or smaller than a semi-d?
Is it edible?
Does it begin with 'P'?
[Tuj] Sorry
Is it normally found in a domestic situation?
Does it begin with R?
[UK] No worries, every little helps!
Is is useful?
Has anyone other than me actually heard Smith & Jones' head to head where they do 20 questions?
Is it musical?
[IS,P] Not me, I'm afraid - you'll have to let me have a copy! :-)
Bigger than toaster? Yes. Smaller than semi-d? No.
Begin with P? No.
Domestic? No.
Begin with R? No.
Useful? No.
Musical? No.
Is the vegetable wood?
Is there just one of this?
*cough* *points to his previous question*
British?
[Raak] Bigger than a semi detached house yet still edible. Never mind what's on the card, what are you thinking of?
[ISP] A field of corn? A tanker of cooking oil? The wine lake?
Wood? In part.
Unique? Yes.
Edible? No. (sorry)
British? Yes.
The Cutty Sark?
Cutty Sark? No.
Is it a geographical area?
Is it a building of some sort?
[Raak] Fairy nuff.
Is the non-abstract part manufactured?
To clarify, I mean deliberately constructed, not just man-made in the sense that say, a farmed landscape, is.
Geographical Area? Yes! *applause*
Building of some sort? No (although there are buildings in this geographical area).
Manufactured? No.
In England?
Is it an island?
In England? No.
An island? No.
In Scotland?
Eliminating
Scotland? Aye!
Are we looking for a specific conurbation of some size?
The Bonny bonny banks o' Loch Lomond?
Is it on the Scottish mainland?
Conurbation? No.
Last one across the border's a sissy? No.
Mainland? Yes.
Is it within a conurbation?
Conurbtained? No.
Is it a mountain?
Mountain? No.
The Trossachs?
Is it a Scottish county?
Trossachs? No.
County? No.
An area known for its natural features?
Known for natural features? No (except indirectly).
The Electric Brae?
Gleneagles?
sorry, just unsure as to the definition of 'geographical area'
Electric Brae? No.
Gleneagles? No.
Glenfiddich?
Glengarry Glen Ross? Glen Madeiros? Glen Nhoddle? Does the word 'Glen' or the word 'Loch' appear on the card?
Is it known for something produced there?
Is it a tourist attraction?
Bannockburn?
linked to a historical event?
Urban?
Lochnesslessness
Glen or Loch? No.
Production site? No.
Tourist attraction? Yes.
Bannockburn? No.
Historical? Yes. *applause*
Urban? No.
Glencoe?
Glencoe? No. *Some members of the audience, sensing that this one is almost over, start leaving their seats in order to avoid the rush to the exits*
Culloden?
Culloden Field, site of the downfall of Charles Edward Louis John Casimir Silv- well, what INJ said up there, is indeed the correct answer. *hands bloody baton to Raak*
Incidentally, you will be glad to know that Wikipedia judges the battle of Culloden to have been a "decisive British victory"
[CdM] It now says "decisive Hanoverian victory". (It wasn't me, honest.)

The next is A B S T R A C T.

Is it fictional?
anarcho-syndicalism?
One day, just you watch.
Is it art?
[INJ] Taking it in turns to act as executive officer for the week?
Three words on the card?
A human construct
(trad)
[UK] Not fictional.
[INJ] The anarcho-syndicalists will have their day...but not today.
[ISP] Not art.
[Lib] One word on the card.
[Projoy] Yes, a human construct.
Created in the 20th century?
Begins with TUJ?
A state of mind?
[UK] Created in the 20th century.
[CdM] Few things begin with TUJ, and this is not one of them.
[Chalky] Not a state of mind.
Related to the workplace?
A belief system?
[INJ] Yes, but not exclusively.
[ISP] Not a belief system.
A language of some kind?
A quality control system?
[Chalky] Not a language.
[ISP] Not quality control.
The workplace answer I would amend to "not specifically".
Can I touch it?
Is it a law?
A language?
bugger that should have been previewed. A system other than a belief system?
[Lib] Cannot be touched. There is physical stuff to this thing, but one would not talk of touching the ting itself.
[UK] Not a law.
[ISP] Not a language.
[ISP] "System" is a rather vague word, covering just about anything. Yes, it's a system, and not a belief system.
A hierarchy?
Something to do with I. T.?
To do with finance?
To do run ron ron, to do run ron?
[Chalky] Not a hierarchy.
[ISP] Yes! To do with I.T.
[Chalky] Um...yes.
[ISP] Can I get some of what you're smoking?
SAP or Oracle or the like?
[re: smoke] You need to live near the Dutch border to get the good stuff. It doesn't all reach Brussels.
[ISP] *applause* The like.
A specific, named IT product?
[INJ] Not a product.
a virus?
A generic IT feature?
i.e. one produced by many suppliers in many guises under many names e.g. database, spreadsheet.
A website?
An IT company?
[Lib] Not a virus.
[INJ] Not a generic feature.
[Lib] In a sense, yes; in a sense, no.
[Phil] *more applause* An IT company.
[Phil] Not Apple.
That's [ISP] Not Apple.
IBM ?
although, IMHO, IBM qualifies as a virus :-)
Linux?
Google?
Dell?
Not IBM, Linux, or Dell, but Google. Over to ISP.
Bugger.
Let's go for ABSTRACT and ANIMAL
I wonder if this game would work as 'reverse'... Probably not.
Fictional?
Symbolic?
Human?
[Pj] Fiction? YES
[Raak] Symbol? NO
[CdM] Human? NO
Talking?
[Raak] Talking? Yes
A cartoon character?
From a book?
Is the animal, on which the fictional version is based, normally smaller than a domestic cat?
Begins with P?
*mutter*
[Raak] Cartoon? YES
[Projoy] Book? NO
[Phil] Smaller than a cat? Depends how big the cat is.
[Tuj] Begins with a P? YES applause, and why not.
Pepe le Pew?
Phil the Cat?
[Phil] Pheeeeew? No
[Projoy] Phil the Cat? NO Never heard of him.
From a Disney animation?
[Phil the bigger-than-a-cat-landlord] Disney? NO
animated cartoon? (i.e. film cartoon rather than strip cartoon)
[Phil] Animated? Yes
Porky Pig?
[UK] Piggie? No
Pink Panther?
Pokémon?
[Lib] Pink Pussycat? NO
[Phil] Pogue Mahone? NO
Re: Cartoon - YES
A pub discussion over the weekend, and the most recent posts in here, have put doubt into my mind about the above answer. I think on reflection I'll change it to Cartoon - NO. Apologies.
Computer animation?
[UK] PC? Nope.
Is the character listed at imdb.com?
[Phil] A search on IMBD under 'character' with the words on the card will produce the expected results, so YES.
Claymation?
[UK] Not Claymation.
Stop-motion stuff (eg Ray Harryhausen)?
[UK] Stop Motion? YES * applause * Ray Harryhausen? NO
Originating on TV?
Parsley the Lion?
Paper cutouts (such as South Park)?
Pugwash (Captain)?
PC McGarry No 452?
Professor Yaffle?
[Projoy] Originating on TV? YES indeed only available on TV afaik. Parsley? NO
[CdM] Paper Cut? NO
[UK] Pugwash, NO, PC McGarry NO, but PROFESSOR YAFFLE is the name on the card, and this piece of broken wood which could be 'fixed' into a winner's baton by the mice from the mouse organ is therefore passed on. I, Say Porter! goes to sleep.
[IS,P] Ta! I believe the precedent is that all your friends now go to sleep too. *snores*
[UK] NO! Set a new one!
[IS,P] Well, as it so happens, Emily has brought something new into the shop, so let's see if the viewers at home can work out what it is. This is ABSTRACT through and through.
Is it art?
[IS,P] Arty? NO
Bigger than a toaster?
[IS,P] Toaster comparison. CANNOT ANSWER
Intriguing. Is it a human concept?
[IS,P] Human concept? YES *applause*
Is it related to the previous object?
[Raak] Woodpecker et al? NO
Connected with emotions?
(As in, "my love is bigger by far than any toaster!")
Religiously inclined?
[Projoy] Emotional response? YES
[IS,P] God-bothering? NO
An emotion itself, or a reaction to an emotion?
[IS,P] NO to both
A subjective experience?
[Projoy] I knew I shouldn't have gone for an abstract, because I'd end up getting confused when the discussion gets philosophical :-) ! As far as I can work out, the best answer I can give is YES.
Yes, but what do we *mean* by subjective?
:)
To do with conscious thought?
*beginning to feel out of his depth! *
[Projoy] Conscious thought? YES
Is it something one can do?
[Projoy] An action? Sticking strictly to what's written on the card, NO
blubble blubble blubble...
leaves Pj & UK to it
Can it be quantified in numbers?
[Projoy] Count 'em up? Technically, YES, but I feel this will not help in any way.
The ways in which Elizabeth Barrett Browning loved Robert Browning?
[Projoy] OK. You've lost me completely.
Anything to do with Science?
(Sorry, was being silly)
A sensation?
[uk] Could PJ mean "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways" - or was that Roger Rabbit...
[Projoy] Scientific? NO
[Phil] Sensational? NO
[Pj & IS,P] Thanks for illumination!
Hope you're not waiting for me. As soon as I see 'human concept - YES' I sit back and watch.
*ahem*
...

Begins with a P?
To do with language?
[Tuj] Standard opening? NO
[Chalky] Language-related? YES (to an extent)
Is it real (as opposed to explicitly fictional)?
[Projoy] Real? YES
Is it a process?
[Projoy] Process? NO
Is this universal, or culturally specific?
[Irg] Naughty! How can I answer y/n to that?! I don't wish to be a pedant, however, so I'll offer:
Universal? NO
Culturally specific? YES (probably)
Probably specific to British culture?
[Raak] UK? YES
To do with the media?
Afternoon tea?
[Raak] Media-related? NO
[irach] One lump or two? NO
A saying?
Specific to any region of the UK?
To do with sport?
[Projoy] A saying? YES (in a way)
[Raak] Specific part of UK? NO
[Irg] Sporty? NO
a cliché?
[Projoy] Cliché? YES - but don't let this mislead you.
Is there more than one word on the card (not counting articles)?
[Projoy] Multiple words? YES
Free clue: you're looking for a generalisation rather than a specific phrase.
Child-related?
[INJ] Kids' stuff? YES (but not exclusively)
Fings ain't what they used to be?
A way of speaking?
Young People Today?
Before I answer specifics, I feel that the 'free clue' appears to have done more harm than good. Remember - the words on the card are not a specific phrase. I'll try to make it even easier: it's an "example", or a general description of one item from a category.
[Irg] NO (specific phrase)
[INJ] NO (see explanation above)
[Projoy] NO (specific phrase)
Is it associated with a certain class of people?
[Raak] Classy? NO
Is it about young people in some way?
[Projoy] Yoof? NOT "ABOUT", NO...
Youth itself?
txtspk?
kthxbye ?
[Projoy] NO - it's a saying, remember
[CdM] Texting? NO
[Phil] I have no idea what that means!
A "saying" which is not "a specific phrase". See? That's why I took a back seat earlier.
[IS,P] Funnily enough, I'm regretting picking this one now - I expect to get pilloried at the end of this.
A cliché?
Do the words on the card describe some words?
[INJ] See answer to Projoy further up
[Projoy] YES *applause*
RP?
[Raak] A manner of speech? NO - the answer to Projoy's most recent question should be taken as very significant.
complaints about the weather?
(you said it was a UK-specific thing)
Do the words on the card express or imply criticism?
(Sorry, didn't look far enough back)
Is it a good thing?
[Projoy] Bit nippy? NO
[INJ] Criticism? NO (and no worries!)
[Irg] Good thing? WELL, THAT DEPENDS - subjective experience also, remember!
Do the words on the card describe a type of response?
e.g esprit de l'escalier
Hard to see how to carry on making progress with this
[INJ] Are you preparing the pillory or am I?
Are the words referred to generally spoken as part of a conversation?
Are the words referred to some sort of metaphor or simile?
[INJ] Type of response? NO
[Projoy] Part of conversation? COULD BE
[Irg] Metaphor / similie? NO, but *applause* for a question relating to 'categories'...
[IS,P] I'm putting my trainers on, and preparing to sprint. If you all want a new topic, I'll tell you what's on the card and run away very quickly.
Is it self-referential?
Give it a bit longer - somewhere, there's a killer question lurking. Anyway we haven't got the pillory set up yet.
Onomatopoeia?
[INJ] Could you clarify, please?
[IS,P] BZZZT? NO
Is it a way of speaking?
[Lurker (kimming)] Manner of speech? NO
Chav related?
[Lib] Burberry bling? NO
To do with right and wrong language use?
[Raak] Syntax, grammar, etc.? NO
Next free clue: you're all being far too serious.
Furzigig wibble epoptolith?
Is it a joke or witticism of some sort?
[Raak] I was going to say that.
British understatement?
A knock-knock joke?
Anything to do with comedy?
'Management bollocks'?
Technobabble/nerd-speak?
Thank God! INJ & Raak were close, but Thos, lurking with panache, has seized on the exact words on the card in one post. Dear all - the answer is "A knock-knock joke". Relay baton passed to Thos, whilst I sprint for the hills.
Who's there? Me? Oops.
Oh dear. That was rather a lurker victory. Hadn't really imagined that I would chance upon the solution! Perhaps someone else might consider taking on the challenge of setting the next, since I am currently locked in the cupboard under the sink on Mother-of-Mine's instructions and unable to post for a few days.
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Control Freak. Now you have to say 'Control Freak Who?'"
little old man who?
Control Freak Who?
A new one...
Right-ho, I'm back in Blighty, so here goes with a new one (and apologies if you've had this before - I only glance in on this game occasionally): This is mineral but you used to be able to get it/this/them in vegetable too...
Is it art?
Tennis racket?
Made of plastic?
Was it formerly made of wood?
Violin strings?
[ISP] Art - no, [Phil] Racket - no, [Inkspot] Plastic - yes, [Raak] Formerly wood - no, [Kim] Strings - no.
I must add that I would love to see a wooden one, as I can't imagine how it might work!
A container?
Was the vegetable rubber?
[ISP] Container - well, I suppose it could be used as one but that is not its purpose, so no. [Raak] Rubber - yes.
associated with a recreational activity?
Takes batteries?
Lib started it...
[Lib] Recreational - only in the loosest sense in that you would indeed use it to bring you some form of pleasure and I can't see a business usage, but I think I would have to say no overall. [ISP] Batteries - no - and completely no to where you seem to be headed :)
Is it a protective covering?
Used in a sport or game?
Would you normally store and use it in the kitchen?
A mackintosh?
Wellies?
Plastic that was formerly also rubber: An eraser
[Raak] Protective covering - no [ISP] sporty/gamey - no [Inkspot] Kitchen based - no (although in fairness, you could use or store it there if you wanted - but it would be most unusual) [Raak] Mackintosh - no [Projoy] Wellingtons - no [ISP] Eraser - no.
Further Clarification
Just to elaborate a bit on the response as to whether it was a recreational activity, I might have unwittingly misled you with my reply. The object is used as a recreational activity, in that you would utilise it in your spare time and for fun, but it would be unlikely to have a a long term usage, like a hobby, or a passtime, hence my answering with a no. Hope this helps...
Is it round?
[Raak] Round - yes, it is!
Is it hollow?
[Inkspot] Hollow - hmm, sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think, however, that in the traditional understanding of hollow, you would not say that it was, so once again I'd plump for overall no.
Is it commonly sold in packets of three?
Is it a disc?
[Raak] Wouldn't that be a protective covering?
[Phil] Yes, but the trend of all the other answers was too strong to ignore.
frisbee?
Lib has a lot to answer for.
Has it moving parts?
A rubber duck?
OK, not terribly round and somewhat hollow, but I'll just throw it in and see if it causes any ripples.
Hula Hoop?
Anything to do with wheels?
Woof! What a lot of lovely guesses! [Raak] Packets of three - no (but arf!) [Inkspot] Discy, as Stanley Unwin might have it, - no [ISP] Frisbee - no [Projoy] Moving parts or rubber duckiness - no* and no [ISP] Hula Hoop - no [Raak] Wheeled - no.

*BUT clarification (as always): Whilst I say there are no moving parts, one element of the object will move if the item is utilised...

Is it used in conjunction with some other thing or things?
Is it a sphere more than 50mm diameter?
Is it associated with a particular country or culture?
Used at home? Indoors?
Would it be somthing to be used "at the weekend"?
Persisting with Raak's line of enquiry :-)
Was this 'round' thing around before 1950?
[CdM] Used with other things - not specifically: It can be utilised alone without any problem though you might get more out of it if you involve other items [Inkspot] Sphere - it is not a sphere, [Irouleguy] Associated with a country/culture - no [ISP] Used indoors - usually yes, but it could be used outside, and I am sure has been, [Phil] Weekend use - this little beauty can be used at any time and is, [Chalky] Did it exist prior to 1950? - not according to my sources...
Is it likely that I own one?
Round, but neither a disk nor a sphere. Hmmmm.
Prismatic?
A whoopee cushion?
Does one inflate it?
Used in conjunction with water?
Is it toroidal? A rubber ring?
(fnar)
Tubular?
Cut to the Chase....
With a Greek Chorus chanting "More Tea, Vicar?" in the background, I am happy to declare that ImNotJohn is entirely on the button with a whoopee cushion. *Applause*. Actually, I thought Chalky was playing games with me (so to speak) when she actually picked the year that they were actually invented! *bows towards INJ and scarpers....*
Whoopee!!
A fine bit of lurking, though I say so myself.
We're off again with ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections
BTW would it be taken as an insult to say that having met Thos made it easier to guess?
Getting it out of the way
Does it have to do with anarcho-syndicalism?
The key question
[Néa] - anarcho-syndicalism? - NO (but one of these days...)
Be it verily the construct of humanity?
[Projoy] human construct - Yea verily
[INJ] I wouldn't take it as an insult, at all. Now would you like to look through this telescope (ignore the wetness of the eyepiece)...?
Re: Human Construct - yes. OH BOLLOCKS.
[IS,P] Yes. You will note I'm still in hiding after the last one.
Is it a fictional human?
An emotional response?
[Kim] fictional human? - NO
[IS,P] Emotional response? - NO
Does it begin with a P?
Is it fictional? (trad)
An organisation?
To do with religion?
We apologise for the break in transmission
[IS,P] P.... - NO
[Projoy] fictional - YES
[Rosie] organisation - NO
[IS,P] religious - NO
Detective fiction?
[IS,P] Sam Spade etc - NO
Quiet in here, isn't it? Cartoon or animation related?
I'm getting quite lonely
[IS,P] Cartoon/Animation? - The answer has to be YES (some applause), but that wasn't my original inspiration.
BTW I think this is already quite close to a resolution.
Related to a myth or fairy tale?
[Néa] myth/fairy tale - NO
Super powers?
[IS,P] I thought you didn't do abstract human construct stuff!
[IS,P] Super-powered? - NO (a few chuckles in the audience)
A particular genre of fiction?
(meaning is The Answer a word describing a particular genre, rather than The Answer being categorisable under one).
[Projoy] a genre? - NO
A fictional story that was originally textual but which has since become an animated or cartoon representation of such?
[UK] Generally not, but INJ was rather lonely, I thought, and I wanted to give the game a shove.
Well, thank you.
[IS,P] book later animated - YES (applause)
Just to clarify my last response. I could strictly have answered NO in that the answer is not a fictional story that etc. as such, but I gave the more helpful and leading answer. As ever, you may need to make sure you aren't making any unjustified assumptions.
Idéfix?
Is The Answer the title of a book?
[CdM] Idéfix - NO
[Projoy] book title - NO (that was the point I was trying to hint at)
Is the answer on the card the name of a character? (I know Fiction-YES and Human-NO)
Getting warm
[IS,P] character's name? - YES (applause - some members of the audience start to put jackets on)
Lewis Carroll?
Bambi?
A.A. Milne?
Something From Rudyard Kipling?
And his exceedingly good pies?
[UK] Shurely "cakes"
As the sands of time draw inexorably towards a close
[IS,P] A.A. Milne - YES (further loud applause)
The other answers are therefore superfluous
As 'Pooh' has been ruled out, how about "Tigger"
Wol?
Keep Going
[IS,P] Tigger - NO (I had been thinking of 'Paddington' originally, but remembered the 'P' question.)
[Phil] - Wol - NO
Last chance for today
I'll be leaving this laptop behind in about 15 mins and not connecting again until tomorrow.
Piglet?
Wait, don't think of an elephant - is it a Heffalump?
Eeyore?
And we have a winner.It is Eeyore.
So I'll pass this baton to CdM, but I don't suppose it'll do him any good.
Rats! I thought I'd done enough to win it - indeed I was going to add Eeyore after Phil's Wol but thought others should be given a chance to chip in - at least it wasn't a lurker.
Game stalled
I think it's the phrase "And we have a winner. It is Eeyore". Everyone's waiting for Eeyore to post a new topic.
I can't post a clue. I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side.
*runs in*
Sorry I'm late. All right, this is
ABSTRACT with ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, MINERAL and ABSTRACT connections.
I should warn you that I am traveling for most of the next 48 hours, so my connections will be intermittent.
Oh, and [IS,P] -- thanks for doing all the heavy lifting on that last one. :-)
Is it constructed humanly?
Is the answer "something"?
[Projoy] YES. The words on the card are a human construct. However in another sense the answer is YES AND NO.
[Raak] YES. The words on the card are a thing. However in another sense the answer is NO.
Any religion/spirituality connection?
Goddity? I can think of several. However, the least misleading answer is NO.
[Raak] By the way, if you meant "is the word(s) on the card 'something'?", the answer is NO.
Is it fictional?
Fictional? NO, the words on the card are not fictional. However, in another sense the answer is YES AND NO.
When you talk about "another sense", is it the same "other sense" for each question?
Is the animal connection one particular species?
Is the answer a well-known or 'set' phrase?
Is it connected with a sport or game?
Is it a filament of our imagination?
figment obviously. Pardon me.
Is another sense always the same sense? YES.
One particular species? NO.
Is the answer a well-known phrase? NO.
Is the answer a 'set' phrase? YES. *laughter*
Connected with a sport or game? NO. (But in another sense YES AND NO.)
A figment of our imagination? I think the best answer is NO.

Sorry about the absence. I was hellishly busy for the last two days. Normal service should be resumed shortly.
Connected with mathematics?
Connected with mathematics? Fundamentally I would say NO, although you are (I think) drawing the right conclusion from the earlier laughter. In another sense, of course, the answer is YES AND NO.
Is this a form of reproduction?
A form of communication?
Reproduction? NO. (or YES and NO)
Communication? NO. (or YES and NO)
Six of one and half a dozen of the other?
6 and 6? NO. (and in another sense, NO.)
Is it anything to do with sorting?
To do with sorting? To be honest, I am not exactly sure what you mean. It is not to do with sorting in the sense of, say, computer code, but it is to do with sorting in some sense, I suppose. Of course, in another sense the answer is YES AND NO.
Is the answer self-referential?
Schroedinger's cat?
Does the word "everything" appear on the card?
Is it a matter of opinion?
Self-referential? NO. *applause*
Superpussition? NO.
'Everything' on the card. *applause* As I have worded the card, NO. But it would be badly misleading to give that answer, so I will tell you that the phrase "all things" does appear on the card.
Matter of opinion. 100% of those polled say NO.
The phrase "Man is the measure of all things"?
No, it's not a well-known phrase, and it's not a matter of opinion...

How about Are there more than four words on the card?
More than four words? YES.
All things come to those who wait?
Patience is its own reward? NO. (Not a well-known phrase, remember)
(Incidentally, I'm rather surprised to find that 'superpussition' only has two googlehits. It's more original than I thought.)
Looking back, I saw that I answered "connected with a sport or a game?" as NO (as well as YES AND NO). While that is still probably the least misleading answer, it occurs to me that the answer does have some connection to a game.
The end of all things?
All things fall into one or more of the categories: Abstract, Animal, Vegetable or Mineral
End of all things? NO.
Everything AVMA? NO. *a tiny smattering of applause*
This game, of all things?
This game? NO.
The universe?
What's left after you take away life and everything? NO.
More than six words on the card?
Is it All Things That Fall Into This Category as per the famous Chinese Encyclopaedia?
Mm. Or "Those That Fall Into the Present Classification". Altho, perhaps unsurprisingly, Borges may have made it up.
More than six words? YES.
All things that fall into this category? NO. Not self-referential, remember. But you are on the right track and so, to speed things along, I will tell you that the first six words on the card are "The set of all things that".
The set of all things that have not been played in this game?
Are you still sane?
The set of all things that can be classified?
The set of all things that may be classified under the headings Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Abstract?
Except that would be self-referential again.
The set of all things that do not exist?
[Raak] I suspect you had it with your previous question.
Tsoatt !played? NO.
Am I still sane? ARTICHOKE.
Tsoatt can be classified? NO. (see self-referential=NO)
Tsoatt can be classified as AVMA? NO. (see this comment)
Tsoatt aren't? NO.

Perhaps it's time to start asking some questions again?
Is this set finite? i.e. could you, at least in theory, count the items in it?
Are there any chihuahuas in this set?
Finite? I know enough mathematics to know I need to be careful around infinities, but I am pretty confident that this set is neither finite nor countably infinite.
Chihuahuas? *applause for the question* There almost certainly are chihuahuas in this set. However, a much more helpful observation is that a chihuahua is not in this set.
<fastshow>What are the schools like in your area?</fastshow>
Do all the chihuahuas in the set exist, or have they existed?
Chihuahuas in the set (Shurely "badgers in the sett")
Is this chihuahuas nonsense related to the famous Beyond the Fringe monologue:
... I opened the door accordingly and went in, and there was Moore seated by the fire with a basket upon his knees. ‘Moore’, I said, ‘do you have any apples in that basket?’ ‘No’, he replied, and smiled seraphically, as was his wont. I decided to try a different logical tack. ‘Moore’, I said, ‘do you then have some apples in that basket?’ ‘No’, he replied, leaving me in a logical cleft stick from which I had but one way out. ‘Moore’, I said, ‘do you then have apples in that basket?’ ‘Yes’, he replied. And from that day forth, we remained the very closest of friends.
All things that on earth do dwell?
*thinks he needs to google fastshow*
Have all chihuahuas in set existed? NO.
Badgers? For free, I will tell you that a badger is also not in the set or the sett.
All earth-dwellers? NO.
Is it connected with color?
Why avoid the obvious?
Tsoat plural?
Connected to color? I can think of several connections to color. However, color is not in this set.
Tsoatt are plural? NO. However, plurals are in this set.
TSOATT - is the next word 'can'?
Can? NO. Also, cans are not in this set.
Do the contents of the set change over time?
Are any non-plurals in this set?
I'm having fun here
Contents change over time? I suppose they do, yes, but I don't think that is very helpful. The contents of the set are not in the set, by the way.
Any non-plurals in the set? YES. Non-plurals are not in the set, though.
The set of all things beginning with P?
The set of all things that have not been mentioned in this game
We have a winner!
The set of all things that begin with P is indeed the answer. Raak is now in possession of a passed baton

This reminded of me of the time I chose 'Human Construct' as an AVMA subject -- then, as now, everyone oddly failed to ask the standard question, making the quest much more difficult than I expected.
The next one is MINERAL.
Metal?
[CdM] Doooh! Brilliant.
Ceramic?
stone?
Man-made?
[Projoy] Not metal.
[Phil] Not ceramic.
[INJ] Not stone.
[Rosie] Can be man made.
A substance?
[Phil] Not a substance. (Substance is involved, but the answer is not some substance.)
Plastic?
[Projoy] Not plastic.
Glass?
reflective?
[Néa] Not glass.
[Projoy] Yes, reflective.
liquid?
[INJ] *applause* Liquid.
Mercury?
Set of all things beginning with P
The problem with 'does it begin with a P' is that it is really Lib's question and she hasn't been around for a while, so sometimes we forget to ask it...
Meanwhile, in this game ... wonders how Mercury is not 'metal' and also how it 'can be man-made', then wonders about the varying definitions of 'man-made' and gives up.
Does it begin with a P
[Projoy] Not mercury (not a metal, remember?)
[ISP] These things can be created deliberately, and (more usually) they can arise by themselves.
[ISP] Does not begin with a P.
Is a water surface involved?
[Rosie] *cheering* A water surface is involved.
Oil on the water?
Smoke on the water? On the Waterfront? Watership Down? The Water Margin?
[ISP] None of the above.
A flood?
Mrs INJ's old school is closed because there are several hundred people sleeping in it at the moment, waiting for the water to go down enough to go home.
moving water?
[ISP] The "P" question is Tuj's, shurely?
[Projoy] Might or might not be moving, since...
INJ has it: a flood. One slowly turning Poohstick handed on.
Well, that was quick
Having wadwd out to collect the baton, may I propose:
Vegetable
Barry Took? (oblig.)
[Projoy] Yes, but see above.
A Pea?
[IS,P] The P question has been asked more often than not in recent rounds.
[IS,P] Barrington Took? - NO
[CdM] - Petit, marrowfat, snow, etc. - NO (though it did cross my mind)
Is it teh edible?
Is size important?
[Pj] re: Tuj/Lib - oops, yes, I meant Tuj. Tuj hasn't been around much either.
[PJ] comestible - YES
[IS,P] the big question - NO is probably the best answer, but I'm not sure what you're asking
Normally eaten raw?
A fictional vegetable?
Can it be grown in Britain?
[Irg] - Normally eaten raw? - NO
[IS,P]Pomegrapeberry - NO
[Rosie] Can be grown in Britain? - YES
A particular dish/recipe?
[Irg] particular dish - NO (but worth asking)
Im away from my desk until Thursday, so connectivity may have to depend on finding a friendly wifi.
Is it widely cultivated in Britain?
Does it grow on trees, you know?
[CdM] widely cultivated in Britain - Not very
[Projoy] Like spaghetti? - NO
I could have answered several questions as 'Not Applicable'
Is it typically eaten?
Grows on a bush?
[CdM] eaten - YES
[Pj] bushy - NO
Is this a group of vegetables?
Grows in the dark, dark soil?
[Chalky] group of veggies - No
[Pj] Grows in the dark? - NO
needs dark soil - NO
grows underground - NO
Have I covered every meaning of the question? As ever, the watchword is check your assumptions.
Checking assumptions:
An edible vegetable, typically eaten cooked, doesn't grow on a tree or bush or underground, cultivated (though not widely in Britain), not a group of veg.
So we are looking at vegetable as in "a plant, root, seed, or pod that is used as food"? how about 'rice'.
Nope
[IS,P] rice - NO
Several mistaken assumptions there. The main one is that it is 'a' vegetable.
I may have been unhelpful in trying to be too helpful. So, the answer on the card is not cultivated as such. Try to sort that out and you'll be closer.
Is it leafy?
is it a class of vegetables (eg, brassicas)?
[Rosie] leafy? - NO
[K(l)] a class of vegetables - NO (although Mrs INJ is far more familiar with classes of vegetables than I am, since she is a teacher.)
clarification
Had I been pedantic, instead of trying to be helpful, I could have answered NO to the questions 'Can it be grown in Britain? and 'Is it widely cultivated in Britain?'
Does it contain mind-altering substances?
[Rosie] Does it contain mind-altering substances? - Not usually, though it's not unknown for it to do so. (some laughter and applause)
Is this something that you put something else inside?
[Raak] something that you put something else inside? - NO
Can contain alcohol?
[Projoy] can contain alcohol? - depending on your definition of 'contain' (also true for Rosie's question), but YES, it can, although it normally doesn't
Is chocolate involved?
[Raak] chocolatey? - NO
A trifle, or similar?
A mere bagatelle.
Has it been processed?
[Rosie] trifling - NO
[Phil] Processed - YES (some applause)
Does it taste sweet?
[Projoy] sweet? - YES (loud applause)
Is this something you put into something else?
Sugar
?
Licorice?
... Pontefract Cakes?
Nearly there
[Raak] something you put into something else? - YES
[Chalky] Sugar? - YES - The word 'sugar' is on the card but that is not the full answer (sorry if you couldn't hear that above the applause)
[IS,P] - NO & NO (obviously)
A sugar cube?
Caster Sugar?
Scrub that... how about icing sugar, apropos MCiOS chat game as of now?
Alan Sugar?
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down?
[Raak] - YES, it is A Sugar Cube. One baton with the name 'Raak' down the middle handed on.
The next object is MINERAL, with ANIMAL connections. (A ripple of laughter goes through the audience at the answer is revealed on the laser display board.)
A milking machine?
[Projoy] Not a milking machine.
Some sort of fossil?
[Projoy] I'm still giggling.
A secretion?
[Dujon] Not a fossil.
[Rosie] Not a secretion.
Red Bull?
[CdM] Not Red Bull.
Manufactured?
A fake dog poo?
[CdM] Made, yes, but you wouldn't say it was manufactured.
[Phil] Ick? No.
An example of a craft?
Is it potable or edible?
[Projoy] Not a craft (in any sense of the word).
[Rosie] You can't eat it or drink it.
Is it shaped like an animal?
[Phil] Not shaped like an animal. *the audience start falling asleep*
Is the mineral metal?
[Phil] Some of the mineral is quite likely metal. *the audience snore gently*
Bigger than a toaster
*nudges audience*
If the mineral is only "quite likely" metal would it be true to say that the composition of parts of this object is mostly unknown?
[Phil] Bigger than a toaster. *the audence open one eye and close it again*
[Rosie] Not unknown to the people who made it.
Has it a function?
Is there one in the Raak household
Is it used outdoors?
[Projoy] It has a function.
[Phil] I don't have one.
[Rosie] YES and NO would both be both accurate and misleading.
Does it have *one* function?
[Projoy] One function? It depends on how you subdivide things. One more or less broad class of functions, yes.
Have these/has this been around for more than a couple of centuries?
{Projoy] 200 years old? No.
A building?
Is this 'thing' fictional'?
Is it a single unique thing?
Have these/has this been around less than a hundred years?
[ISP] *the audience awakens from its dogmatic slumber and cheers* Yes, a building.
[Dujon] Non-fictional.
[CdM] Yes, a unique thing.
[Projoy] In one sense, definitely not, in another, I expect not. (Ditto for 200 years.)
A place of worship?
[Phil] Not a place of worship.
In Britain?
Does anyone live in it?
[CdM] Not in Britain.
[Projoy] Quite possibly, but it's not usual.
In Europe?
A place of worship? Sacrifice? Macchu Picchu?
[Projoy] Yes, in Europe.
[ISP] I refer you to my last answer to Phil.
The Ice Hotel?
[INJ] *Applause* Not the Ice Hotel.
Is its nature dependent on the climate of where it is?
[Projoy] Not dependent on climate.
The European Parliament Building?
In Western Europe?
The Louvre Pyramid?
[Phil] Not the EU Parliament.
[Projoy] In Western Europe.
[Dujon] Not the Louvre Pyramid.
In Germany?
Does the building have a political purpose / significance?
[Projoy] Not in Germany.
[UK] No political purpose.
In France?
[Projoy] Yes, in France.
So, it's between 100 and 200 years old, yes?
(since you ruled out >200 and <100)
Old age
[Projoy] How do you work that out? You asked:
more than a couple of centuries? ANSWER NO
less than a hundred years? ANSWER In one sense, definitely NOT, in another, I expect NOT. (ditto for 200)

I make that = non-existent, despite its non-fictional nature.
Is the animal connection human?
Sports connections?
Sorry, I misread the 100 years question. This thing is, in one sense definitely less than 100 years old, and in another sense I don't know. Or to be more explicit, as it's been established to be a building, its present use is less than 100 years old, but I don't know when it was constructed.
[Phil] Yes, the animal connection is human.
[ISP] No connection with sports.
Ever used for a military purpose?
[Projoy] Military? Not that I know of.
Is it in Paris?
Is it a cave? note to self: Is a cave a building as such...
"Discovered" less than 100 years ago? A settlement of some kind? Archeological ruins?
[Projoy] *cheering* It is in Paris.
[ISP] Not a cave.
[ISP] Not discovered.
Having found a picture of it, I can say that the building itself is definitely less than 100 years old.
A government building?
Bibliothéque nationale de France?
+ è - é
[Projoy] Not a government building, nor the Bibliotheque.
A hint: the animal connection is not merely that it is a building that people use.
Named after somebody?
(I thought about guessing Centre Pompidou, but I would doubt that Raak would ever have thought that might have been old.)
[CdM] Er...sort of named after someone.
Marche aux Puces?
[Chalky] Not the flea market.
A museum?
A station on the Paris Metro?
Aeroport Charles de Gaulle?
[CdM] Not a museum.
[ISP] Not a station.
[ISP] Not an airport. (Close attention to the audience's reactions may suggest a less random direction to explore.)
A park or public open space?
[Raak] Re: reactions - I get that to be cheers at Builiding in Paris, and applause at the Ice Hotel.
[ISP] Not a park or open space.
(The audience murmurs approvingly at ISP's perspicacious summary.)
A hotel or guest house?
Somewhere at EuroDisney (although that's not paris per se)
[ISP] Yes, a hotel.
[ISP] Not at EuroDisney.
Hotel George V?
No, is it The Paris Hilton?
The Ritz - named after the famous cracker.
simmed by Projoy - serves me right for lurking.
[Irg] Still in with a chance - there are five Paris Hiltons not counting the slapper.
I think we can hand the baton to Projoy now; there is no need to wait for Raak.
(In other words, the George V is clearly the right answer.)
[ISP] There are indeed five Hilton hotels in Paris, but only one is...
[Projoy] ...The Paris Hilton Hotel. One nth-generation videotape passed under the counter to Projoy.
An apostrophe?
[CdM] Curses! So predictable! It is, indeed, an apostrophe. *hands over curly baton to Cd'M*
Rapture?
Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent?
I'm assuming that Projoy is going to come back and set a real one.
Ah, then I've managed to be unpredictable for once, since I'm not. Must repeat this. Over to you. :)
Very well.
ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections (and to a lesser extent mineral and vegetable connections also)
Rapture? No.
Witt and wisdom? No.
Is the animal human?
Human? Yes, the animal connections are human.
It is an activity?
It is/Is it
Is it a contrivance of homo sapiens?
An activity? No, although I suppose you could say it is connected to an activity.
Done by folks? Yes.
Connected to a sport or game?
A childhood thing?
Connected to sport or game? No. I don't think the "activity" route will help.
Childhood thing? No.
Fictional?
Describes a relationship?
Is it a good thing?
Is money involved?
Fictional? No.
Describes a relationship? No (if I understand the question correctly)
A Good Thing? That is a matter of opinion, but I think most people would be more inclined to answer yes rather than no.
Money involved? Yes is I think the best answer. *a little applause*
Is it an occupation?
An occupation? No. *a little applause*
Connected with art?
Connected with art? No (except tangentially).
Connected with social activity?
Connected with social activity? Hmmm. I'm really not sure how to answer that -- it depends what you mean by 'social activity'. I will say that the animal connection involves a number of humans, all of whom are broadly engaged in some kind of activity.
...some kind of common activity...
Watching the Eurovision Song Contest?
Has this happened throughout human history (AFAYK)?
Eurovisioauraling? No.
Happened throughout history? Well, it is something that exists, rather than happens. And the answer is No.
I guess Raak actually asked about Eurovisiovisioing. The answer is still No.
Do people need to meet to carry out this activity?
Need to meet? In the case of the thing mentioned on the card people certainly do, but one could imagine the activity being carried out with minimal face-to-face contact. Even in the case of the thing mentioned on the card, some of the people involved probably never meet.
Do these people have a political or religious belief in common?
Politics or God? No.
Is it The Morniverse, or similar community?
Morniverse? No.
Similar community? No, but it is in some ways a community (although that isn't the word one would usually use), in that involves a group of people engaged (as I said before) in some kind of common activity.
As INJ would say, examine your assumptions.
Is this some sort of 'fan' group (e.g. Trekkies)
For most of its participants is this activity basically a hobby?
Fan group? No.
Hobby? No. *applause for the question*
Is there a language connection?
Do people get paid for doing this?
Is it an academic activity?
Language connection? Sort of, but I think that would be a red herring.
Do people get paid for doing this? *some applause* People do get paid for the activity, yes. Note that the answer on the card is not the activity, though.
Academic activity? No.
Is it something that happens online?
Does the payment for this activity come from some Government department?
Is writing involved in this activity?
Online? Not exclusively, although there is a substantial online component these days.
Government funded? No.
Writing involved? Yes. *applause*
A type of journalism?
Journalism? The activity is journalism, yes. *applause*
A newspaper?
Journalistic Licence?
Paparazzi? Paparazzi? Ya no quieres caminar...
sings... porque no tienes, porque le falta, marijuana que fumar...
Poetic Licence?
A gossip column?
The fourth estate?
TV critic?
Newspaper? No. *smattering of applause*
Journalistic License? No.
Pappa Paparra Papparra Obnoxious photojournalists? No.
Poetic License? No.
Gossip column? No.
Fourth Estate? No.
TV Critic? No.
The audience has gone very quiet.
A diary?
OK, I'm reduce to guessing at the moment, sorry.
Crossword compilers?
Diary? No.
Crossword compilers? No.
"Fourth Estate" should perhaps also have had a smattering of applause.
Perhaps a brief summary would help. This thing is abstract with animal connections. It is a non-fictional human construct that has not always existed. The animal connection involves a number of humans, all of whom are broadly engaged in the common activity of paid journalism.
Cookery columns?
A prize of some sort?
Cookery columns? No.
A prize of some sort? No.
A press conference?
A press conference? No.
Does the connection involve a particular area of expertise (such as economics, sport, fashion)?
City columnist?
Is this exclusively in the area of newspaper journalism?
Has it been around more than two hundred years?
Tony Blair's 'feral beast'?
Making some progress
Involve particular area of expertise? No (that is, not beyond what is already implied by the fact that you know that there is a connection to journalism). *some applause for the question*
City columnist? No.
Exclusively newspaper journalism? No. *applause*
More than 200 years? No (but I will give you a hint and tell you that I did have to check).
Blair the wild things are? No.
As one clarification, I want to stress that I have said that the animal connection involves people "broadly" engaged in journalism, but a pedant (not that there are any around here) might claim that the activity is not journalism per se.
Letters to the Editor?
Ignore that question - your comment "engaged in the common activity of paid journalism" just nudged the penny.
An interview?
Yours sincerely, Disgusted of Katoomba? No.
An interview? No.
The parliamentary lobby?
Obituaries?
Parliamentary Lobby? No.
Obituaries? No.
The Groucho Club?
Groucho Club? No. *the audience is asleep*

I think you need more questions.
I hope I haven't misled with the "not journalism per se". Journalism is definitely involved.
I'm about to travel to France and so may be away from the internets for 24 hours or so.
Is it a system?
Does it involve writing for a specific section of a newspaper?
Leaders/Editorials?
A system? Not sure what you mean, but I am pretty sure the answer is No.
Specific section? No.
Editorials? No.
diarising
... am disinclined to suggest 'blogging' as that is an exclusively internetty experience
Reporting?
Diarising? No.
Reporting? No. *substantial applause from their audience, although their enthusiasm should not be overrated, stemming as it does partly from relief that they finally have an excuse to do something other than sit there mutely*
Remember the answer on the card is not the activity itself.
Is the answer an adjective describing a person who may be journalistically inclined?
Current affairs?
Are the mineral and vegetable connections just ink and paper respectively?
Adjectivally descriptive answer? No. The answer is not an adjective, and does not describe someone journalistically inclined.
Electric adultery? No.
Mineral and vegetable = ink and paper? Basically, yes. You could add computers, buildings, and so on, but I don't think these connections tell you anything you don't already know.
so-called "Fleet Street"?
Fast Track? No.
Sub-editors?
Subeditors? No.
International/'foreign' coverage?
Reviews of some kind?
Small earthquake in Chile? No. *smattering of applause*
Reviews? No.
Travel writing?
Travel writing? No. You all need to think bigger. Also, there has only been one guess that has even approximated the kind of entity that is on the card.
The Murdoch Media Juggernaut?
News?
Rupert the Bear? No. *audience applause that, by means of subtly shifting cadences, conveys the message that they are applauding not so much for the name Murdoch as for the fact that there have now been two guesses that approximate the entity on the card*
News? OK, you don't need to think quite that big. Nevertheless *applause, tinged with relief that we may finally be getting somewhere*
Is it a specific organisation?
Specific organisation? Yes. *applause*
Reuters?
The Rothermere press?
Reuters? No. *sustained applause*
Rothermere Press? No. *sustained silence*
A specific news agency?
A specific news agency? Yes.
AP?
AHN?
Really, what else could it have been?
A P is indeed what is on the card. This just in from our correspondent: a baton has been delivered to East Anglia.
A N I M A L
H U M A N?
[CdM] Not human.
Mammalian?
[Projoy] Yes, mammalian.
A specific species?
Topical?
[Projoy] To be very nitpickingly precise, not a specific species.
[Rosie] Not topical.
Feline?
[[I] Not a cat.
A specific, individual animal?
[CdM] Not an individual.
Does it live in the water?
[I] Not alive.
[I] Not in water.
An extinct creature?
[CdM] Not extinct.
Animal byproduct?
[Inkspot] Yes, an animal product.
Food for humans?
[Rosie] Yum? Bleah.
A stuffed animal (taxidermist wise)?
Is it from the male and female?
[Dujon] (applause)Taxidermy is involved.
[Inkspot] Could be from either.
Is the answer of the form "an <animal><part of animal>" (e.g., a moose head)?
[CdM] *applause*! That is included in the answer.
A stuffed moose head?
An elephant's foot umbrella stand?
[Projoy] Not a moose.
[CdM] *wild cheering* The very words on the card! One Victorian sword-stick passed on.
eeeek! Sorry. My internets access is intermittent right now. Let me set an easy one.
MINERAL with ANIMAL connections
*audience laughter, with a second wave of laughter as the first one is dying down*
Is the mineral man-made?
Is the mineral physically connected to the animal?
Something to do with sex?
A parrot-handle umbrella?
A cast-iron elephant's foot umbrella stand?
Man-made? Could be. *audience laughter*
Physically connected to the animal? Well, yes. But then again, no. *audience laughter*
To do with sex? Well, er, it could be, though it is probably fair to say, not normally. *audience laughter* Not that I am passing any judgment on what is normal, you understand. *audience laughter*
Parrot-handle umbrella? No.
Cast-iron efus? No.
Is it bigger than a shoe box?
Bigger than a shoebox? The question is not really meaningful.
I mean, *chastity* belt?
Very strange, I posted with a misprint, hence the correction, which seems to have overwritten the original.
Probably just clicked Preview by mistake.
Chestity belt? Charity belt? Elastity belt? No.
Is this a substance, or substances, as opposed to an object?
Substance? Yes. *applause*
My God, it's not a turd, is it?
Looks like ... smells like ... tastes like ... thank god I didn't step in it...? No, but *sustained audience applause and laughter*
You're not taking the piss, are you?
Bogies?
And I don't mean those four-wheel assemblages you find under railway carriages.
Does it begin with...?
Urine is the word on the card. One Andres Serrano representation of a baton returned to Raak.
Let me try to raise the tone with this M I N E R A L and A B S T R A C T.
Ancient Greek sculpture?
A work of art?
Bigger than a toaster?
[Raak] Shurely your winning question last round should have been "Does it begin with pee"
[I] The audience applauds, but only for your good taste. Not ancient Greek sculpture.
[R] In a sense, yes.
[ISP] Bigger than a toaster.
On reflection, I think the ABSTRACT is inaccurate, and this should be classified simply as MINERAL.
A natural geographical feature?
[Inkspot] Not natural.
A building?
A bridge?
[Rosie] Yes! A building.
[I] Not a bridge.
In Europe?
[Néa] In Europe.
Built after 1900?
[I] Not built after 1900.
In Britain?
[I] Yes, in Britain.
Open to the public?
[Rosie] Partly open to the public.
Prehistoric?
[Néa] Not prehistoric.
A religious place?
In narrow sense, excludes banks, sports grounds,....
The Houses of Parliament?
[Inkspot] Not a religious place.
[Irouléguy] Not the H of P.
In England?
[Néa] In England.
St Pancras Station?
Would this edifice be a tourist attraction?
[Rosie] Not St. Pancras.
[Dujon] Quite possibly, I'm not sure.
Is it a residence?
In southern England?
Using the 'south of a line drawn between the Wash and the Severn' definition.
[Inkspot] Not a residence.
[Irouléguy] In southern England.
By the seaside?
[ISP] Not by the seaside.
In London?
Built before 1800?
[Inkspot] Built before 1800.
Do you have to pay to go in?
[Rosie] (laughter from the audience) Quite the reverse.
(I note an assumption of present tense that might usefully be questioned.)
Newgate debtors' prison?
[I] Not Newgate.
Is it still standing?
[Inkspot] Partly.
A prison?
Ahem - my London question hasn't had an answer yet.
A fortification?
[Irouéguy] Sorry -- it is/was in London. Not a prison.
[Inkspot] Not a fortification.
Have missing "l".
Built before 1700?
London Bridge?
All stations to Tunbridge Wells West. Join the front coach for Hurst Green Halt.
Built by the Romans?
[I] Not built before 1700.
[R] Not London Bridge.
[I] Not built by the Romans.
Marble Arch?
Is any of it still visible?
[Projoy] Not Marble Arch
[Rosie] Some of it is still visible.
North of the river?
Is it underground?
[I] North of the river. [P] Overground.
Did it commemorate an event?
[I] Not commemorative.
The British Museum?
The British Museum? Pah! Who is this man, he is an insult to me. "It's primary purpose is of course functional". What a load of WILLIES! It's primary purpose is of course sexual. It is a massive assertion of the phallique power of London. These huge columns plunging into Mother Earth!
Highgate cemetary?
Would it have had an address?
i.e. is it a building on a street, or is it in another context?
Is there a health connection?
[ISP on something] Not the BM.
[ISP] Not Highgate.
[Projoy] Yes, a building on a street.
[I] No health connection.
Time for a summary: A building in London, north of the river, built between 1700 and 1800, part of which is still standing. It is (or was) partly open to the public, overground, and on a street. It is not: a religious place, a bridge, the Houses of Parliament, a prison, a fortification, St Pancras Station, Marble Arch, the British Museum or Highgate Cemetery. Nor does it have any health connection. The question “Do you have to pay to go in” produced laughter from the audience and the response “Quite the reverse”.
The bank of England?
Was it the residence of a well-known person?
Did it produce something for sale?
add "Not a residence" to summary.
[I] (applause!) Yes! These very words appear on the card! But that is not the whole answer.
[R] I don't know if any of the Bank of England's officials ever had their residence there.
[I] Not exactly.
Google may be your friend at this pont.
The Temple of Mithras?
(Google is indeed a friend)
[Projoy] Not the Temple of Mithras (which was built too long ago).
Sir John Soane's Bank of England?
[Projoy] The very words on the card. Over to you.
Hm. I should be doing other work, but here's an ABSTRACT .
Sabbatarianism?
[Ig] The very words on the - actually, NO. :)
Human construct?
Is it art?
Related to your work?
[Kim] Among the mighty works of man? YES
[ISP] Is it art? Strictly, NO. *applause*
[Raak] Clever question! Related to my work, YES. *applause*
An artistic technique?
To do with museums?
(Scratch that last, I'm out of date.) Something to do with the theatre?
[Ig] Artistic technique? NOT EXACTLY *small ripple*
[Raak] (I do occasionally still do something in a museum, but not often) To do with theatre? NOT BY DEFINITION (but can be)
(i.e. not intrinsically to do with theatre)
To do with computers?
Computer-related? NO. (again, not intrinsically but could be)
To do with music?
[Raak] Music? YES *muchos applausos*
A particular musical form or format (ie overture, song, duet)?
[Ig] A form or format? NO
A degree in musical composition?
Faculty + Staff? NO
Furry fandom?
Abything to do with technique?
Nearly got it right just then.
[Phil] Furry music? NO
[Rosie] Technique? NO
Begins with P?
..and no, I'm not Lib...
Is this specific to a particular type of music (ie rock, classical, folk)?
[Tuj] Begins with P? PNO
[Ig] Particular type of music? NO, in the sense you give for type(however, it's not universal either).
Is it a specifically musical term, eg a cadenza
[Rosie] YES, tho perhaps in a subtly different way to your e.g.
Is there more than one word on the card?
[Phil] Multiple words? YES
Are any of the words on card in Italian?
Is it to do with electronic music?
[Rosie] Eye, Tie? NO
[Ig] Electronic music? NO (not intrinsically, but could be)
A time signature?
[Rosie] Time signature? NO *some applause*
Musical notation?
[Phil] Notation? NO, tho it does manifest in same.
An accelerando?
[Raak] A fastening? NO
A clef, bass or treble?
Not tenor or alto for they are manifestations of the Marquis de Sade.
[Rosie] Clef? NO *but an eruption of enthusiastic applause from the erudite audience*
Key signature?
[Rosie] YES, it is one key signature... *applause*
B flat?
Slimmer's instruction to stomach? NO
C major?
What Lamont failed to do on Black Wednesday? NO
A Flat Minor?
[Phil] A child under a bulldozer? NO, but soooo close!
A Minor?
[Phil] Not A Minor nor a minor. Getting colder.
A flat major
Surely?
G flat (major)
(Phil) Ab minor? That's bad spelling; it's G# minor. I dunno. You of all people. I suspect your Ab is correct, you bastard. :-)
[Rosie] A flat minor is 7 flats isn't it? And also a very old punchline.
[Phil] Yes, you have it with One Squashed Bandleader. *hands over neat military cork-tipped conductor's baton*
Many thanks - glad to get one again, at last :)

Your next AVMA for consideration and interrogation is ABSTRACT

All together now... a human construct?
A bluesy minor third?
[Projoy] Human construct, dagnammit? YES!
[Rosie] 33% of a depressed child? NO
An idea of the twentieth century?
Related to your work?
[Projoy] 20th century origin? NO
[Irouléguy] Pub-related? NO
Anything to do with music?
Specific to a particular culture?
[Rosie] Musical? NO
[ILG] Specific to a particular culture
YES
An idea from before 1000CE?
[Projoy] <1000AD? NO
Specific to a European culture?
[ILG] A European culture? YES
Specific to British culture?
Converging on . . . . .
[Rosie] British Culture? NO
From before 1500CE?
Specific to a western European culture?
[Projoy] <1500? NO
[Irouléguy] W. Europe? YES
Anything to do with religion?
[Irouléguy] To do with religion? *sharp intake of breath from some audience members* After some thought, officially, NO.
Anarcho-syndicalism?
Atlast!
From before 1800?
[INJ] Anarcho-wotsit? Well, blow me down - NO
[Projoy] <1800? NO *audience anxiously awaits Projoy's next era query*
A celebration?
From before 1850?
May as well mine this seam out.
[Rosie] celebration? NO
[Projoy] <1850? NO *audience drums its collective fingers*
A Mediterranean country's culture?
[INJ] Med Country? NO
[Projoy] Just to make sure we're on the same wavelength, it did not come into being (inasmuch as an abstract entity can) in any of the timespans you've suggested.
From Germany?
[Irouléguy] From Germany? NO *Audience dozes quietly*
So it did come into being between 1850-1900?
Belgian or Dutch?
[Projoy] Originating 'twixt 1850 and 1900? YES (21st century was the only alternative left, I think)
[IS,P!] Belgian/Dutch? NO
A sport?
Irish?
Specific to a Nordic Culture?
[Rosie] A sport? My first thought was "yes", but it's actually "NO" *sudden re-awakening of audience followed by huge applause despite the "no"*
[Irouléguy] Irish? YES *yet more applause*
[Projoy] Nordic? see above.
A political idea?
Scrub that, not easily mistaken for a sport (except by politics junkies like me). A game?
[Projoy] A game? NO. Although, to clarify a little, games and sport are involved. *appreciative nods and applause from the audience*
To do with children in particular?
St Patrick's Day?
The Gaelic Athletic association?
Scrub previous - it's a celebration.
A particular event or date?
or the Celtic Revival (aka Irish Renaissance)?
Now we're getting somewhere...
[Projoy] Children in particular? NO
[Rosie] The GAA? Not the answer on the card, but you're getting warm *enthusiastic applause as the audience awaits the dénouement with eager anticipation*
[Irouléguy] a date, event or the celtic revival? NONE of those
The GAA rules?
[Irouléguy] The GAA Rules? NO, but they are associated with the answer on the card. *hushed anticipation*
The All-Ireland Championships?
The Rules of Gaelic Football?
[Irouléguy] The All-Ireland Championships? Two words missing from what's on the card (and if you get the second of them I'll be satisfied). *mutters of "harsh, but fair" from the Irish members of the audience*
[Rosie] See Irouléguy's question.
The All-Ireland Gaelic Football Championships?
or the All-Ireland Senior Football Championships, even?
Google is indeed our friend
[Irouléguy] ARGH! No, not quite - SO close, yet I can't give it to you on either post.
The All-Ireland Junior Football Championships?
[Projoy] A-I JFC? NO, you changed the wrong word - sorry.
The All-Ireland Senior Hurling Champuionships?
Gotta be, so it has.
[Rosie] Hoorah! Yes, indeed, 'tis the hurling. Here, take this camán and sliotar, and be off with you :-)
(Phil) Er, what do I do with them? Don't answer that.

Right, earwig-o with ABSTRACT and MINERAL or ABSTRACT..

Nothing whatsoever to do with steam engines.

Is it to do with the weather?
A ton of bricks?
Related to 'the arts'?
(Projoy) Yes, it's weather-related.
(Raak) Not a ton of bricks.
(Dujon) Nothing to do with the arts.
Is the mineral water?
A measurement?
(Raak) Water? Most of it is.
(Phil) No, not a measurement.
Noah's Flood?
Connected with climate change?
(Raak) Notable historic widespread intense precipitation event? No.
(Projoy) Nothing to do with climate change, manmade or otherwise.
Perhaps something to do with short term weather forecasting?
(Dujon) Not seaweed, hair, thunder-bottles, Positive Vorticity Advection or any other attempt at divination.
Fictional?
A particular form of precipitation?
(Raak) No, it's real (both meanings)
(Irouléguy) Not a hydrometeor, as they call it in the learned journals.
Is it a type of weather?
By the way, you would hit the sliotar with the camán.
Is the water, ice?
(Phil) Not strictly a type of weather, but in effect yes. (Irish implements) Ah, it's becoming a little clearer. Neither would fit where the sun don't shine, then.
(Inkspot) Ice? Most certainly not. *a few chuckles from the audience*
Normally linked with a particular part of the world?
Scotch Mist?
Scotch Mist?
oops - forgot the protocol.
Indian Summer?
(Irg) YES *audience applause*
(Phil) Not reduced visibility due to half a bottle of GlenPissartist
(ISP) Not an Indian Summer.
A monsoon?
A hurricane?
(Raak) Not the monsoon.
(Irg) A hurricane? Not a bit of it. *cruel laughter by knowledgable audience*

This is not a technical term but possibly used to be.

A named wind?
(Dujon) Not a named wind. *further audience chuckles*
The doldrums?
The El Niño/Southern Oscillation effect?
A tsunami?
(Irg) Not ENSO (It's a technical term)
(Raak) Not a tsunami.
but:
We have winner! It's the totally becalmed CdM. Well done, sir. (Local knowledge?). Over to you.
I think we ought to draw a line under this and move on, as they say.
I certainly drifted into a lurker's victory there.
This is ABSTRACT with very strong ANIMAL AND VEGETABLE connections, mainly MINERAL but also ANIMAL and VEGETABLE, and ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, MINERAL AND ABSTRACT. Also perhaps ABSTRACT.
Life, The Universe and Everything?
Indeed! *marks baton "Return to Sender"*
Ooh. Is that the first genuine hole in one in this game?
(CdM) Sorry about that. Sometimes it's worth a pop from the halfway line. :-)

Now, this time it's MINERAL

Rain?
(Irg) - Not rain. *some thoughtful chuckles from audience*
Naturally occurring?
[Rosie] No apology necessary! An excellent piece of guessing. When I set it I thought there was some chance that it would just click for someone.
[Projoy] What, my "apostrophe" wasn't a genuine hole in one? :-)
Condensation of some description?
(CdM) Naturally occurring? Unfortunately not.
The lavish definitions seemed to indicate only one thing. :-)
(Dujon) Not a form of condensation.

Switiching off at 3.45 BST, 2.45 GMT.

Made of plastic?
(Inkspot) Er, not plastic. *huge peals of laughter from audience*

Clarification: This (or these) can occur naturally, but it is rare, and the words on the card are always thought of as not a part of nature.

Solid, when at home?
(Projoy) Yes, it's solid.
Is it sold?
(Projoy) You can't buy one of these. *audience split their sides. Paramedics called.*
Man made?
An artificial body part?
(Inkspot) Manmade? YES.
(Raak) Not an artificial body part.
Larger than a double-decker bus?
(Irg) YES, larger than a double-decker bus, though not equally in all directions.
Made of stone?
(Projoy) Made of stone? YES, but only partly. *audience now becoming animated*
Is there a metal part?
(Phil) Metal? There may be a very small proportion, but essentially NO.
Made of concrete?
(Inkspot) Concrete? YES, but only partly.
A monument?
Are these specific to a particular culture or country?
A pyramid?
(Phil) Not a monument.
(Irg) Not specific to any culture or country though often popularly associated with one particular country.
(Projoy) Not a pyramid. More utilitarian.
A building?
(Phil) NO, not a building.
This "particular country" - is it in Europe?
Are there 10 or more in the world?
(Projoy) NO, not in Europe.
(Phil) Many, many more, but it is difficult or inappropriate to enumerate them precisely.
Is the country in Africa?
Is the name of the country (or a derivative thereof) part of the answer?
(Projoy) Not in Africa.
(Irg) No, the answer contains no reference to any country.

REMINDER "The country" is nothing more than the instinctive answer most people would give to the question "Where would you find (words on the card)?" (Words on the card) can be found in many countries.

Is the country in the Americas?
(Projoy) In the Americas? YES.
Are they as high as a double-decker bus?
South America?
(Phil) High as a double-decker? I'm sure some are even higher but some aren't.
(Projoy) Not South America.
Is there eny writing on them?
s/eny/any
A bridge?
No, not a bridge - how about a freeway?
(Phil) No, there isn't eny. :-)
(Projoy) Not a freeway, (or a bridge). *audience murmurings indicate some panel members may be showing detectable atomic motion.*
Should I pay much heed to the audience's laughter earlier?
Is it something vehicles can use?
(Phil) YES. Shurely one always should. They aren't a collection of wannabe Machiavellis as far as I know. (Projoy) Used by vehicles? YES (in some cases), a literal but unhelpful truth.
Is water involved?
Does this 'thing' enclose or partly enclose an open space?
(Phil) Water involved? Very much so, Des. (© M Lawrenson.)*audience now hyperventilating*
(Dujon) Enclose an open space? YES, in a sense, but beware.
Is ice involved?
(Projoy) Ice? You're getting colder.
Is steam involved?
(Phil) Nothing to do with steam, believe it or not.:-)
A levee?
A LEVEE it is! Well done, Phil. I'm afraid that makes it your shout.
Wow! That was a bit of a shot in the dark, but it was also the result of considered deduction of all previous answers. To be honest, I'm quite chuffed with getting that. I very nearly put "dam", but that would not be popularly associated with N America.

Right, your next AVMA is

ANIMAL or ABSTRACT

Yankee?
[irach] Yankee? NO
Is it art?
[IS,P!] is it art? Hmmmm....the Animal sense is not, the abstract sense is. *a little applause and a few whispers in the audience*
[sounds like porn...] Is it deceased (e.g. pickled)
Is it something as straight-forward as a picture of an animal...?
Depiction of a human?
[IS,P!] Nothing is deceased (and filth is not involved).
[UK] Picture of an animal? NO *a couple of audience members briefly sait forward part-way through the question*
[Rosie] Depiction of a human? "NO" & "Sort of" are the two unhelpful answers
A clarification: The words on the card can be construed in two different ways. One is animal, the other is abstract.
Is the abstract meaning a figurative reference to some quality of an animal or human?
[Rosie] figurative reference to some quality? NO
Is the animal human?
Back to basics.
[Rosie] The animal from which I have elicited an "Animal" sense of the answer is indeed human. *a little cautious applause*
A specific human?
[Irouléguy] A specific human? YES - specific, but not fixed.
A position or title (e.g., Queen of Melanesia)?
[CdM] Position/title? NO
Is this person the same person for everyone?
I.e. not "my mother-in-law".
[Rosie] Is this person the same person for everyone? NO *considerable applause*
One's "better half"?
[Rosie] Better half? NO *a little chuckling*
Is the person some kind of inspiration?
Breathe in.
[Rosie] An inspiration? For the animal sense of the answer, NO. For the abstract sense, YES *appreciative applause*
A fairy godmother?
[Rosie] FG? NO
Always of one sex?
[CdM] Always one sex? NO
A little summarisation and clarification
There are two different senses or potential meanings arising from the words on the card. My answers have been very carefully worded, but I think an incorrect assumption may have been made. In particular, be careful what you infer from: The animal from which I have elicited an "Animal" sense of the answer is indeed human. See also my answer to IS,P!'s first question as well. I think that may have been overlooked.
Is the "art" that of drawing or painting?
[Rosie] Drawing or painting? NO, but there is a connection to painting that might be misleading.
An artist's model, perhaps?
Artist's model? No.
A muse?
A Muse? No.
I suspect you're all heading in the wrong direction, based on an incorrect assumption of what my careful use of the word "Animal" means.
The Hand of God?
Hand of God? NO
Does the Animal refer to a part of the human body?
{Rosie] A part of the human body? YES *the last remaining audience member fetches the rest from the bar, and they all applaud excitedly*
The heart?
Mm, only because they're all pissed.
[Rosie] Heart? NO
Is the body part involved in perception?
It seems to be just you and me. Where is everybody? Do they know something?
[Rosie] Involved in perception? NO (unless you include the sense of touch).
I think they're all too busy testing their nerdiness on MCiOS ;-)
A limb?
[Phil] I'm madbusy atm.
Does the animal part of this puzzle refer to name of a person?
Sorry if that sounds odd, but I'm trying to work out the logic of some of the earlier questions and answers.
Hang on, hang on. Don't answer that one, Phil, if you don't mind. Rephrasing my query - does the card include the name of a person?
[Projoy] Limb? NO *sharp intake of breath, and some applause*
[Dujon] A person's name on the card? NO
In that case, a guess: a hot head (or a hothead if you prefer)?
[Dujon] hothead? NO
Rosie's question of 30th August is worth paying attention to.
Is the answer a phrase or
Is the answer a phrase or saying?
Hit the wrong key earlier.
Is it an appendage?
[Rosie] A phrase or saying? NO, not really.
[Projoy] Appendage? According the dictionaries I've consulted, that's the same as a limb, in biological terms, so: NO
Your father's moustache?
Not yours but ones.
[ROsie] "Your father's moustache"? NO, but getting towards the right lines. *some applause*
A joint?
I haven't been ignoring this game; I've just been woefully short of inspiration.
[CdM] Joint? NO, not in any sense of the word.
the moving finger?
[CdM] The moving finger? NO
Is the art representational art?
[Irouléguy] Representational art? Ummmm....not really relevant as far as I can tell, as it's not drawing or painting.
Do "the words on the card" include a relative?
[Rosie] A relative? NO
Anyone for a summary?
The words on the card, which are not a phrase or saying, and do not include a relative or the name of a person, can be taken in two ways:
The first is "Animal" in its nature, and is a part of the human body, although the human is not the same person for everyone, or even the same sex. The body part is not a limb, appendage or joint. It is reasonable to assume from the audience's lack of reaction that it is not a moustache, finger or hand.
The second is "Abstract" in nature, is art, is not painting or drawing. As such it is not "representational art", but could be said to be inspirational. There is, however, a connection to painting or drawing that is not implicitly mentioned on the card.
cont.
The body part is also not a heart, and not involved in perception, other than the fact that it has nerve ending, and therefore has the sense of touch. There are also plenty of incorrect guesses that I've brushed over in order to concentrate on what's important.
Bugger
I meant "explicitly", not "implicitly".
Is music involved?
[INJ] Music involved? NO
Does this involve the dermis (corium)?
Does a smile come into it?
[Dujon] Dermis? Only in that the body part is coated in it
[Rosie] A smile? NO
Does the art involve dance?
My Left Foot?
Although I'm not sure that it's neither a limb nor an appendage.
[Irouléguy] Dance? NO
Oops
[INJ] "My Left Foot" are indeed the words on the card! Congrats, and thank God someone got it in the end. I looked up appendage and limb and, in biological terms, they are both attached directly to the body; so, reluctantly, I had to say no.
Somewhat easier I hope
Try this one: Mineral and Vegetable
[INJ] Salt and pepper?
[Raak] Crueties - NO
Edible?
[Rosie] Edible? - I think I could justify both YES and PARTLY
A drink?
See - I said this would be easier
[Inks] Drinkie-poos? - YES (applause - there would be more, but many of the audience have not yet retaken their seats after the last marathon and those that have are still arguing about 'appendage')
An alcoholic drink?
Hidden textAppedage, n. Biology. A part or organ, such as an arm, leg, tail, or fin, that is joined to the axis or trunk of a body
[Phil] The devil's brew? - YES
It depends on your dictionary - but you did make it clear when you rejected it that you'd taken it as a synonym for 'limb', so that's fair enough.
A cocktail?
[Kim] Cocktail? - YES
A Mojito?
[Iroul] Get your mojito working? - NO
Main ingredient vodka?
[Inkspot] Vodka-based? - NO
Rum based?
Tequila sunrise?
Would it be informative to pursue the "mineral" component, or is it something ordinary like "ice"?
[Inks] A rum do? - NO
[CdM] Tequila Mockingbird? - NO
[CdM] NO and YES (It's not a Margarita)
Long Island Tea?
Getting quite thirsty now
[Iroul] Long Island Tea - NO (and as a bonus, it's also not a Hairy Navel)
Is it fizzy?
Does it contain more than three ingredients, not including ice?
Does it contain more than one spirit?
Homing in
[Phil] plink-plink fizz? - YES
[CdM] more than three ingredients? - NO
[Iroul] more than one spirit? - NO
Gin and tonic?
Now to be pedantic
[Inks] Jinnan Tonnyx? - YES, those words are on the card. However there are in fact 9 words on the card including the indefinite article, so I want a little more - though I won't insist on the exact wording. (catcalls from the audience)
Gordon's Gin and Schweppes tonic with ice and lemon?
No point in being silly about it
[Phil] Well the actual answer (containing the indefinite article, remember) was A large gin and tonic with ice and lemon - It was just what was in my mind at the time!
I'll let you and Inkspot fight over who deserves that one.
Oh God No! I'm still drained rfom the last one....
I have a surfeit of both gin and tonic at my disposal, so I'll stand back and let Inkspot pick up the baton.
Gingerly picks up the baton
Thank you Phil for your generosity in giving up the chair, very kind of you sir.

Itsa MINERAL and ABSTRACT

A geographical feature?
Is the mineral metal?
[Irouléguy] A geographical feature - No
[ImNotJohn] - mineral metal - No
Is the mineral stone?
[ImNotJohn] - Is the mineral stone? No
Is the abstract bit a human concept/construction/invention..?
Is the mineral water?
An object with a figurative significance?
(Phil) Is the mineral water what? Er, sorry.
[Irouléguy] Is the abstract bit a human concept/construction/invention - Yes
[Phil] Is the mineral water - No
[Rosie]An object with a figurative significance - Sorry about this but I don't know, could you give me and example of what one is. I would prefer to hold up my hands and admit to being a idiot, rather than mislead you
(Inkspot) Yes, it is a bit elliptical. What I meant was an object used as a metaphor, eg target, ball-park, field-marshal's baton, roadmap, hurdle, dustbin, crown etc.
(Rosie)After all that - No
A manufactured object?
[Rosie] A manufactured object - YES
A latter-day gadget, i.e. not around in 1950?
Any jokes about my age will be used as landfill.
Is it made of plastic?
Rosie - A latter-day gadget, i.e. not around in 1950 - No (which means it was around in the 1950s)
CdM - Is it made of plastic - YES
Anything to do with communication?
Not much plastic around in the '50's. Bakelite maybe.
[Rosie] Anything to do with communication - No
A household object?
[Rosie] A household object......No mmmmmmm but found in the house - Yes
Anything to do with electricity?
[Rosie] Anything to do with electricity - No audience slump back into their seats
A utensil?
[Rosie] If you use bakelite does the cake have fewer calories?
A container?
(ISP) Nice, that. But bakelite, alas, is three syllables.
[I Say, Porter!] A utensil - No [Rosie] A container - No
The whatever was made originally in the very, very, very late 40s in plastic by a descriptive name, but later it adopted its present plastic formulation and present whatjamacallit.
To do with music?
[Phil] - To do with music - No
An object small enough to be carried around?
Bakelite
[Rosie] Ah! Bakelite must refer to Colin as opposed to Tom
[Rosie] An object small enough to be carried around - YES, so light a child can [I Say, Porter!]- Bakelite - No
A frisbee?
A hula-hoop?
[CdM] A frisbee? No [Rosie] A hula-hoop? No
the children in the audience start paying attention
A toy?
This include mobile phones.
[Rosie] A toy - Found in a toy shop YES
Lego?
We have a WINNER, well done Phil Lego it is, and special thanks to Rosie.
A google for "invented in 1949" and "toy" revealed the solution (although it was interesting to see what else was invented that year).
Next, I'll go for Vegetable
Wood?
[Raak] Wood? NO
Edible?
[Raak] Edible? Hmmmm.....after some checking, YES.
The fruit of some tree or plant?
Or its root, stem or flower?
[Rosie] fruit ? NO
[Kim] Root, stem or flower? The most commonly consumed part of the plant falls into one of those categories.
Related to medicine?
Leaves?
Having eaten and shot, of course.
[Dujon] Medicinal? A correct answer is YES, but that's not what the answer is known for.
[Rosie] Leaves? NO
Is this used for something other than eating and medicine?
Is it easy to grow this vegetable in this country?
[Raak] Used for something other than eating and medicine? YES *some applause*
[Rosie] grown in this country? YES *a little more applause*
Is it used for textiles?
[Raak] textiles? NO
Is this an extract of the root/stem/flower rather than the item itself (if that makes sense)?
[Dujon] Yes, it makes sense, but NO, the root/stem/flower itself is used (sometimes dried and slightly processed), not an extract.
Ah well, in that case I'll nominate a liquorice stick - not the black extract one, the real chew-a-root variety. Yum.
Vanilla?
[Dujon] Liquorice? NO
[Raak] Vanilla? NO
Used as a flavouring?
[Raak] Flavouring? YES, but not exclusively.
Hops?
popeor
Beer
[Raak] Hops? Oh yes, Lordy, YES! A matter close to my heart :-) and hearty congrats, sir.
The next is MINERAL.
Is it a mass produced item?
[Inkspot] Yes, mass-produced.
Does it occur naturally?
[Ki] Does not occur naturally. If it did, it wouldn't have to be mass produced.
Money?
[I] Not money.
Mineral mostly (or entirely) metal?
[Rosie] Yes, mostly metal.
Bigger than a telephone box?
I can think of things that occur naturally and are also mass produced. Diamonds, for example.
A tool or implement?
Does it run on electric power?
[CdM] I would say that Rakk answered the question on 'mass produced' correctly, as it means the production of large numbers or quantities standardised items, I do not see how this could apply to diamonds.
[CdM] Not bigger that a telephone box.
[Rosie] Tool? Only very broadly speaking.
[Inkspot] Can be electric.
Bigger than a toaster?
Perhaps "mass-processed" would have been more accurate. Metals occur naturally but most have to be processed in order to have any use.
[Kim] Smaller than a toaster.
Would it normally be used inside the home?
Kikm I agree that minerals can individually be processed, however telephones, fridges, cars etc are not mass processed they are mass produced.
[Inkspot] Normally used in the home.
Would most players of this game own one?
[Inkspot] I'd say that this company and this company are pretty clearly mass-producing diamonds.
[CdM] I expect most players would own one (or more).
Those companies aren't digging them out of the ground.
A toothbrush?
[Raak] No. They are producing them. En masse. Which is my point. If the answer on the card was "Diamonds", then the correct response to both "Occurring naturally?" and "Mass-produced?" would be "Yes".

How about chicken eggs as another example? Unless you take a very narrow view of mass-production, I think they would qualify. Or what about fresh water from a desalination plant?
A knife?
I read Raak's answer as meaning that this particular thing doesn't occur naturally, rather than arguing that the two categories are mutually exclusive.
Whisk?
still wondering at CdM's "mostly metal" toothbrush...
A razor?
[IS,P] Good point. I was actually meaning to ask razor before, but then somehow talked myself into toothbrush, along the way forgetting why I had dismissed that idea earlier.
A watch or clock?
[CdM] Ok.
[I] Not a knife.
[ISP] Not a whisk.
]CdM] Not a razor.
[Rosie] *riotous applause* Yes, a watch or clock.
BTW, I have not checked to see whether this is a repetition of an earlier object. If so, perhaps the time has come...
A wrist-watch?
An alarm-clock
though mine seems to be mostly plastic.
The time has come...? Noooooooooo!
[Rosie] A wrist-watch could serve as one, but...
[Irouléguy] An alarm-clock it is.
And I see that not only has that been set before, but it was set by me before. Hm...
[Raak] Set before? Hmmm, wonder why it didn't go off. Better buy a new one.
Mine didn't go off this morning, either - though that was because I didn't set it :)
Okay, our next is ABSTRACT WITH ANIMAL connections.
The Labour Party?
Totally topical.
A fictional cgaracter?
doh! fat fingers!
g/h
Rosie] Brown is the new blue? Wholly wrong (also not the answer)
Inkers] Cgarlie in the Cgocolate Factory? No
A creative activity?
Rosie] Making something? No, but this could lead to a creative activity.
Are the animal connections human?
CdM - Person to person? Yes, essentially (other animals could be involved, and it could be argued that other animals do this, but this wouldn't be a useful line to explore.)
To do with communication?
ImNotJohn - To do with communication? In a broad sense, yes, but that's not how most people would classify this.
I Say, Porter! - Mime? *shakes head, frowns*
Is this an organisation of creative people?
Rosie - Is this an organisation of creative people? No
Is it a communicative medium?
Does it involve a specific subset of people?
Kim - Is it a communicative medium? Not entirely sure what you mean by that (and a quick Google doesn't help me). I think the answer is the same as to INJ's previous question.
ImNotJohn - Does it involve a specific subset of people? A specific instance of this would involve a specific subset of people, but in general, no.

Being completely pedantic, this can also be done with/to an inanimate object, so the definition should strictly be ABSTRACT with ANIMAL and possibly VEGETABLE and/or MINERAL connections, but this is another red herring.
Anything to do with sex?
Nudge, nudge.
Rosie - Anything to do with sex? *applause* Yes (though the answer (and the thing itself) are quite SFW).
Mostly to do with sex?
Phil - Mostly to do with sex? I don't see how you could quantify it, but there are a lot of sexual connotations, yes.
A dance?
I don't recognise "SFW". *shrugs* So f------ what.
[Rosie] Suitable for work
Flirting?
(Phil) Ah! Thanks. Now, what is this thing called work?.
Would a specific instance typically involve just two people?
[Rosie] Do you do a lot of flirting with inanimate objects, then? :-) (Excluding the trombone, of course.)
(CdM) Yes - the sax section. Woo! subversive.
Rosie - A dance, or flirting? No to both (though you might well do this while engaged in either).
Sorry about the jargon - I've seen people use 'NSFW' in Another Place, so I thought it would be understood (though I used it as 'Safe for Work')
CdM - Would a specific instance typically involve just two people? *applause* Yes
Eye contact?
Rosie - 'Oo you lookin' at? No
Does this involve physical contact?
'E 'it I, so I 'it 'e.
Rosie] A touching enquiry? *loud applause* Yes
A massage?
Phil - A massage? No
Hugging?
Rosie - Hugging? Closer, but no
Kissing?
Phil] Kissing? YES - X marks the spot! Over to Phil
In that case, your next problem to solve is ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections
Shagging?
Worth a squirt.
[Rosie] I presume you mean chasing and catching fly balls in baseball practice? Anyway, whatever you meant: Shagging? NO!
Is the animal connection human?
An action?
(Phil) Of course. Precisely that. :-)
[INJ] Human? YES
[Rosie] An action? NO
Culturally specific?
[INJ] Relating to a certain group of people? YES
Only found in a particular part of the world?
[Irouléguy] One part of the world? NO
Is the group of people related by profession?
[INJ] related by profession? NO
Is there a religious connection?
Any artistic connection?
[Irouléguy] Religious connection? YES *tumultuous applause*
[INJ] Artistic? NO
Is the answer a religion/religious group/sect?
[CdM] Religion/religious group/sect? YES *more applause*
Is it gender specific?
[Inkspot] Gender specific? NO
Scientology?
[CdM] Scientology? NO
Christian?
[Rosie] Christian? YES, but not quite the word on the card *deafening applause, followed by a few disdainful grumbles*
Christianity?
[CdM] Christianity is the word on the card - congrats!
Wot, me again?
I think that the disdainful grumblers have a point, but in any case I'll accept the baton (which was manufactured from actual genuine pieces of the crown of thorns), and offer something

ABSTRACT and MINERAL/VEGETABLE (I think), with ANIMAL and VEGETABLE connections.
Something to do with the environment?
Not grumbling, for once.
Environmental? No. Not hereditary either.
Something to do with food?
Foody? The vegetable connection has something to do with food.
Begins with P?
A method of cooking?
Is it art?
Begins with P? It does, as a matter of fact, although I hadn't noticed until you asked.
Method of cooking? No.
Art? *audience laughter* Well, it depends on how broadly you define 'art', but I think the best answer is No.
Is the "p" followed by another consonant?
This is getting out of hand
Is the P followed by another consonant? Yes, several.


Oh, you mean immediately. No.
Is it a one word answer?
In a word? No.
Is the mineral/vegetable plastic?
Is the mineral/vegetable manufactured?
Plastic? In part (I think).
Manufactured? Yes.
(The "I think" is not any kind of trick answer; it simply reflects that I am having to take an educated guess at one aspect of the answer.)
Is it a two word answer?
Two words? No. I'll tell you for free (because I think it will be no help at all :-) ) that I vacillated between two different ways of expressing the thing on the card, one of which is six words long and does not begin with P, and on of which is shorter and does. I went for the latter.
All right, I'll be generous
It is three words including the definite article.
Passing the buck?
The deer don't stop here? No. *a scrap of applause that quickly dies away, followed by laughter, scattered applause, and much chattering*
Are both the Abstract and the Mineral/Vegetable descriptions of the same thing ?
Feeling a bit thick. Shut up at the back there.
Abstract and Mineral/Vegetable descriptions of the same thing? Yes. (Good question.)
Is the abstract meaning figurative? (E.g. the cat's whiskers)
Figurative? No. *more scattered applause, though*
Game-related?
Game related? No. *amused discussion in the audience*
Part of an animal?
Part of an animal? No.
Is this specific to a particular culture or country?
Culturally and geographically specific? Yes. I would associate it primarily (and perhaps exclusively) with one country.
Is that country the UK?
UK-based? Yes.
A dish (i.e an edible preparation)
Edible preparation? No.
Is the animal human?
This one's a bugger, innit?
Human? No.
Is the animal one particular species?
Animal = one particular species? Yes.
Is the animal emblematic?
Does this date from before 1500?
Emblematic? No. *some audience laughter*
Pre 1500? No.

A summary: This is ABSTRACT and MINERAL/VEGETABLE, with ANIMAL and VEGETABLE connections. The answer is three words, including a definite article, and begins with P immediately followed by a vowel. The abstract and mineral/vegetable are different descriptions of the same thing. The mineral/vegetable description is in part plastic (I think) and is manufactured. The abstract meaning is not figurative. The animal connection refers to one particular non-human species, and is not emblematic. The vegetable connection is connected to food but neither it, nor the overall answer, is a dish.

The answer is primarily or perhaps exclusively associated with the UK and dates from sometime after 1500. It is not art (except under a very broad definition), nor a method of cooking. It is not environmental, nor is it game-related.

Three questions provoked odd reactions from the audience, viz: "Passing the buck?", "Is it game-related?", and "Is the abstract meaning figurative? (E.g. the cat's whiskers)". The suggestions that it was art and that it was emblematic also provoked amusement.
The Pink Panther?
Pink Panther? No *considerable audience applause, nonetheless*
A fictional beast?
Going from the particular to the general.
Fictional beast? Yes. *applause*
Originally from a novel?
Once a novelty? No.
Twentieth century?
Twentieth Century? Yes.
A fearsome creature?
Originally from TV?
A fearsome creature? *audience laughter* No, not fearsome.
Once a novelTV? Yes. *applause*
Is the first word a name
Is there a question mark missing?
Parsley the Lion?
Parsley the Lion? Yes! *hands over garnished baton*
[CdM] Was your first thought "A very friendly lion called Parsley"?
[CdM] Oh well done, didn't see that coming.
Well, that was a surprisingly successfull de-lurk. Here's a plain old ABSTRACT
42?
The letter P?
Human construct?
[Raak] 42? NO
[Tuj] The letter P? NOPE (nor does it begin therewith)
[Rosie] A human construct? YES
Does it have to do with language?
[Raak] Hot tongue action? NO (except inasmuch as all answers in this game do)
Is it a philosophy?
Science-related?
[IS,P] That was indeed what I first planned to put on the card! I was amused by Irouléguy's early guess of "Passing the buck" because, even though it was completely wrong, it had the right opening syllable (at least in some accents), the right structure, and an animal as the last word.
Anything to do with sport?
CdM] Completely wrong but structurally similar - story of my life, really...
To do with the emotions?
[Phil] Osophy? NO is the best answer. * some applause *
[CdM] Sciencey-ness? NO, not really...
[Ig] Sport? NO
[Raak] Emotions? I GUESS SO.
Something to do with mental health?
Stoicism?
[Rosie] Mental health? NO, not specifically
[Raak] Stoicism? NO * scattered but uncertain applause *
In retrospect, maybe the is-it-a-philosophy guess should have had * sustained and enthusiastic applause*
Connected to a belief system?
[CdM] A belief system? YES is the least misleading answer *applause*
It isn't anarcho-syndicalism, is it?
Is this an attitude?
By that I mean such things as homophobia, racism, nationalism, patriotism and their like.
[Tuj] Anarcho-whatsit? NO *a few Anarcho-syndicalists in the audience take audible issue with this statement*
[Dujon] An attitude? NOT PER SE, but *some applause*
Is this specific to a culture or country?
[Ig] culture or country specific? There are defensible YES and NO answers. I think NO is probably more helpful.
Is there a specific person associated with it?
[Raak] Specific person associated? YES *applause*
Is it a one word answer?
Is this an -ism?
[Tuj] One word? NO
[Chalky] ism? NO
A cult of some kind?
[CdM] Reaching for one's Cult .44? NO
Is it a named law?
Is there a person's name in the answer?
[Raak] A named law? NO
[Phil] Nominated? NO
A religion?
[Phil] Religion? NO
Is it a theory of something?
[Raak] A theory? NOT AS SUCH, but for free I will mention it is theoretical. *applause*
An ideal?
[Phil] An ideal? YES! *some laughter and applause*
Is the associated person still alive?
"Slow food"?
[Phil] living person? NO - (it's actually associated with two people)
[Ig] Slow food? NO
Marx & Engels?
Are they Gilbert and Sullivan?
[Ig] Commies? NO
[Indian Pooh-Bah] GODDAMIT NO, I hate G&S.
Svengali and Trilby?
Has this anything to do with gay rights?
[Raak] Hypnotist and Hat? NO
[Chalky] Gay rights related? NO is the most helpful answer (altho it could have to do with it - but so could many other things).
Are the two people fictional?
[Phil] Fictional people? YES and NO
A fictional character, and the creator of that character?
[Raak] Fictional character? YES. Creator? NO.
To do with education?
Doest
Does the fictional character origina
Does the fictional character originate from the last century?
Sorry - work keeps getting in the way
[Phil] Education? TANGENTIALLY, but the most helpful answer is NO.
[Ig] C20th character? NO
RECAP
This thing is an ABSTRACT human construct. It is connected to philosophy but is not a philsophy per se. It is theoretical, but not a theory per se. It is connected with an attitude but is not an attitude per se. It is connected to a belief system, but is not a belief system per se. It is associated with two people, one of whom is fictional. The fictional character does not originate in the C20th. I originally said flatly that it was not connected to Science or Religion, but on further research, I find it is connected to both, tho not in a particularly famous way. Although it might be connected to many things (anarcho-syndicalists, for instance, might consider it connected to anarcho-syndicalism and gay rights campaigners might consider it connected to gay rights), it is not especially connected to mental health, sport or cults, is not an -ism, named after anyone or a law.
Oh, and it is an ideal.
Ooh, you've all gone quiet.
Does that mean I win? I'm off to Rome on Saturday, so hopefully someone will ask a breakthru question before then.
A field of study?
[Ig] Field of study? NO
To do with "rights", as opposed to specifics, such as "gay rights"?
[Phil] Rights? NOT IN PARTICULAR
Is the fictional character British?
[Phil] British? NO
Is the fictional character European?
Is the real person an actor? Playing the part of the non-fictional person?
[Ig] Character European? YES! *applause*
[Phil] Actor? NO (but think about it the other way around...)
I'm thinking, but nothing's happening :-(
Hamlet's soliloquy?
[Phil] Happiness is...? NO, but you're getting warmer.
Is the fictional person acfually mentioned in a work of fiction (as opposed to just being an imaginary person)?
Is the fictional character from Shakespeare?
[Phil] Person from a work of fiction? YES! *applause*
[Tuj] Bardish? NO
So, to clarify what I think I understand: the two associated people are (i) the author of a fictional work and (ii) a character in that work. However, the answer itself is neither the author, nor the character. Is that correct?
[CdM] The author? NO! *audience gasps*. A character? YES. The answer is neither? CORRECT.
I suppose you could associate it with the author, come to think of it, but I'm not sure that many people do. But I may be wrong in that, so if it helps you to consider that it's associated with three people, then plz do so...
Fiction from pre 1000AD/CE?
[Phil] Pre-1000CE? NO
Man and Superman
[INJ] Clark Kent and alter ego? NO
Pre 20th century fictional character?
[Phil] Pre-C20th, YES *applause*
Is anyone ready for a clue?
I think I'm about ready, as my train of thought seems to be stuck for eternity at Clapham.
a clue
By far the most significant fact about The Answer so far revealed is that it is "an ideal".
Oh drat - that's the fact that's confusing all my other thoughts. Better sleep on this one then.
Brave New World?
[CdM] Miranda Huxley? NO
PS. [Phil] Bear in mind that there is more than one meaning for the word "ideal"...
A Platonic ideal?
[Raak] Perfectly Plato? NO
Hmm....Is/was the real person a writer?
My Greek O-level already reminded me of that :-)
OOPS!!! That was me, not Projoy, sorry!
[Projoy, er Phil] A writer? YES
Is it associated with a psychological condition?
doo-de-doo, third week of this clue
[INJ] Psychological condition? NO

Another recap: This ABSTRACT - which could be called "an ideal" - is associated with two people: a European (non-British) fictional character from the period 1000-1900CE and a real person (from the same period), who was a writer. It could also be associated with the author (also from the same period) who created the fictional character, who is not the same person as the real-person-writer, and is not Shakespeare, Gilbert, Sullivan, Marx nor Engels. There is a strong philosophy connection, altho it is not "a philosophy" per se, nor "an attitude" nor "a belief system", but is connected to these ideas. There are also science and religion connections. It is not a law, stoicism, eponymous, a platonic ideal, to do with sport, anarcho-syndicalism, a psychological condition, a cult, a method of cooking, a field of study, Man and Superman, "Brave New World" nor to do with education. It could be argued that it is country/culture specific, but also that it isn't (I think no is the most helpful answer).

Anarcho-syndicalists would associate The Answer with Anarcho-syndicalism. Gay rights campaigners would associate it with gay rights.
Man and Superman?
[Chalky] M&S? NO, see my reply to INJ. Not Nietzsche, Shaw or Siegel and Shuster.
Anything to do with utopia?
[Raak] Utopia? VERY NEARLY!! *tumultuous applause*
The Lost World?
[INJ] Lost world? NO *some applause*
Nirvana?
[Phil] Nirvana? NO *audience muttering about Europe*
Communism?
Bit of a wild stab in the dark, this one.
[nights] Communism? NO, though a Communist would disagree.
Is this anything to do with fascism or ethnic purity?
Is the answer the title /author of a book?
sorry if this has already been askeded
Eutopia?
Were the ideas of this author reflected in the work of Bunyon's Pilgrim's Progress, though the latter was far more 'religious'?
[Chalky] Fascism/Ethnic Purity? NO (altho Fascists and ethnic puritans would disagree)
[Chalky] Title/author? NO
[Phil] Eutopia? NO, but that is arguably a closer guess than "Utopia" *a huge oooooh of approval from the audience*
[Dujon] Were the ideas...? I haven't read/studied Bunyan, but going by Wikipedia's description of PP, I would be inclined to say NO.
"The best of all possible worlds"?
Metaphysico-theologico-cosmolonigology?
Is the fiction 19th century?
[Phil] C19th, NO
[Raak] All that jazz? NO, for
[Irouléguy] YES!!. The very words on the card. I must admit I didn't read the Wikipedia entry on Leibniz before setting the clue, so didn't realise in time that the idea had such a close relationship with science and theology in its initial incarnation, having first heard of it via Voltaire's Dr Pangloss.
Congrats, Irouléguy. I'd never have got that, as I'd never heard of it, alas, and my web-trawling didn't lead me anywhere near it :-(
Thanks, Phil - and well done Projoy - that must be a record! I can't claim any great web-trawling skills, it just came to me. I think I did the play in French A level *cough* years ago, but I didn't know of the connections with Leibniz.

Well, our next should be a short one, so here goes - it's ABSTRACT, VEGETABLE and MINERAL with ANIMAL connections.
Is it fictional?
[Ig] Not sure what took so long on that one, altho there did seem to be a bit of a lack of deductive questions in the middle stages. [Phil] Well, there you go, and I was convinced, Candide aside, that it was an everyday expression...
Is the animal connection human?
[Projoy] At least I've learn a new word ('theodicy'). Tangentially; I'm a bit concerned about where the "all" comes from in a translation of the French "le meilleur des mondes possibles", but I don't think it changes the meaning enough for me to lose sleep over, and I'm sure it's been discussed to death over the last 293 years already. That was a criticism of whoever translated it, not you, btw.
The seed that fell on stony ground?
Projoy - Is it fictional? No
I thought it was an everyday expression too, but I just twigged it from your answer to 'Utopia' and the European connection.

Phil - Is the animal connection human? Yes
I thought 'theodicy' was Homer's follow-up...

Raak - The seed that fell on stony ground? No
Raak] If that was a prediction rather than a guess, then you may be right.
Is the vegetable wood?
Projoy - Is the vegetable wood? Yes, but there are other vegetables/vegetable products also involved.
Is any of it edible?
Raak - Filling your face? What it's made of isn't edible, but there are edibles in it.
Is paper involved?
Raak - Is paper involved? There's paper in it.
Is it a place?
Chalky - Is it a place? *the audience awakes cheering* Yes.
Fictional?
[Raak] Fictional? NO. See Ig's answer to me, above. :)
Is it larger than a town?
The Natural History Museum?
Projoy - Is it larger than a town? *applause* Than some towns, yes...
Team-hosting - I like it!
I Say, Porter! - The Natural History Museum? No
An island?
Is it a country?
Is it man-made?
Apologies for my long absence - back at the keyboard now.
Projoy - An island? No
Tuj - Is it a country? No
Raak - Is it man-made? Yes
A building?
Does it still exist?
Projoy - A building? No
Raak - Does it still exist? Yes
A defined municipal area?
Projoy - A defined municipal area? *collective "oooh" from the audience, mixed with the occasional muttered "cleverclogs" A most precise definition of the class of things to which this particular belongs.
In England?
A green belt?
Projoy - In England? No
Raak - A green belt? No

Coincidentally
In the UK?
Does it begin with P?
Projoy - In the UK? Yes
Tuj - Does it begin with P? No
A single specific named area?
ImNotJohn - A single specific named area? Yes

In case it wasn't clear, the answer to Projoy's "defined municipal area" was an emphatic "yes".
Is it a place where things are sold?
Scotland?
Raak - Is it a place where things are sold? Things are sold in this place.
Projoy - Scotland? OCH AYE
The Gorbals?
ImNotJohn - The Gorbals? No
The Toy Parliament?
A current administrative division?
+ <i>
Raak - Wholly rude about Holyrood? No
Projoy - A current administrative division? Yes
+ </i>
Does it incorporate any islands?
Does it incorporate any mainland?
Does it fall entirely within another defined municipal area?
Projoy - Does it incorporate any islands? No
CdM - Does it incorporate any mainland? ;) It's on the mainland of Scotland
ImNotJohn - Does it fall entirely within another defined municipal area? No
Is "shire" anywhere in the name of it?
Does it have historical significance?
Projoy - Tolkein connections? No
CdM - Does it have historical significance? *applause* Yes
Culloden?
CdM - Culled? No
Stirling?
Does it have the word "and" anywhere in its name?
Phil - On the money? No
Projoy - Does it have the word "and" anywhere in its name? *applause* Yes
The Highlands?
(Couldn't resist)
Dumfries and Galloway?
CdM - The Highlands? *applause* No
(Couldn't resist) That's a little harsh - 1314, 1715, 1745?
Projoy - Dumfries and Galloway? No

CdM is both conceptually and geographically closer
Perth and Kinross?
Ross and Cromarty?
(Although that does contain a few islands)
But and Ben?
[Raak] Flobble obble obble! Weeeeed!
I take it that's a nobbleobble.
Projoy - Perth and Kinross? No
ImNotJohn - Ross and Cromarty? No
Raak - But and Ben? No
I Say, Porter! - [Raak] Flobble obble obble! Weeeeed! Thank you, but I've given up

People should look again at the various meanings of 'municipal', and at CdM's last question.
Callander?
Aye Janet.
So is this thing not "a settlement which has the status and powers of a unit of local government." (Wikipedia)?
ImNotJohn - Callander? Nae, Doctor
Projoy - So is this thing not "a settlement which has the status and powers of a unit of local government." (Wikipedia)? Yes, it is - most of the previous answers didn't fit that definition, hence my reminder.
Is it uninhabited?
Yes, it is not, or yes, it actually is? :-)
If it is a municipal area, and it is a current municipal area, and if it is not incorporated wholly in any other municipal area, is it, in fact a unitary authority of Scotland?
Raak - Is it uninhabited? No
Projoy - Yes, it is not, or yes, it actually is? :-) Yes, it actually is

*deep breath* It is a current municipal area, not incorporated wholly in any other municipal area, but it is not a unitary authority.
Is it a parliamentary constituency (for either parliament)?
Is it a London Borough?
Projoy] Is it a parliamentary constituency (for either parliament)? No - though I'll throw in as a clue that the names of the two constituencies (one in each parliament) that this is located in consist of the same three words, but not in the same order.
nights] Is it a London Borough? Barking & Dagenham up the wrong tree - it's in Scotland

And so to bed.
Presumably this thing also crosses a unitary authority boundary?
Projoy - Presumably this thing also crosses a unitary authority boundary? No

Time for a recap? This is a place in Scotland, a defined municipal area, wholly on the Scottish mainland, not falling within another defined municipal area, which is a current administrative division. It is larger than some towns (a question which reaped applause). It has historical significance, and the word 'and' in its name. It could also be defined as "a settlement which has the status and powers of a unit of local government." It is not a constituency (for either parliament), nor is it a unitary authority, and it falls wholly within a unitary authority. Most of the specific wrong guesses have been neither settlements nor municipal areas (though the Highlands got applause despite being neither). It is not Callander, Culloden or Stirling.

Are we working on different definitions of 'municipal'? My dictionary gives "of or pertaining to a town, city or burgh", and I'm using it as a synonym for 'urban' here. Apologies if different definitions have caused confusion.
The Balmoral Estate?
I feel that "falling wholly within a unitary authority" contradicts "not falling within another defined municipal area" (taking "municipal" to refer very specifically to local government, as per Wikipedia), but the clarification helps!
Aberdeen?
PS. I'm not sure what else in Scotland has "the status and powers of a unit of local government" other than unitary authorities (except the very small community councils), but I guess we can argue about it after the answer is revealed. :)
St Andrews?
Projoy - The Balmoral Estate? No
I feel that "falling wholly within a unitary authority" contradicts "not falling within another defined municipal area" (taking "municipal" to refer very specifically to local government, as per Wikipedia), but the clarification helps!
Sorry for the confusion- the dictionary I was using equated municipal with urban, but looking around Wikipedia that seems to be less than universal (though Wikipedia also has contradictory definitions of what exactly this place's status is).

Projoy - Aberdeen? No (but *applause* for part of your PS) On further inspection, the answer to "a settlement which has the status and powers of a unit of local government" should have been "settlement" YES "status" UMM "powers" NOT REALLY, NO, UNLESS YOU COUNT ORGANISING BANDSTAND CONCERTS AND A FLORAL COMPETITION.

CdM] St Andrews Yes - a hole in one! Well lurked, sir. Let me hand over this mashie-shaped baton while I prepare to debate the precise nature of Scottish local government after the 1973 settlement.
Heh. Well, I guess it does have a Community Council (According to Wikipedia and the BBC, tho, the two parliamentary constituencies are exactly identically named - however, the two sources disagree about the exact syntax of the name!). Ah well...
Who are you calling a lurker? I asked five questions, until I got stuck on (a) the same problem that confused Projoy and (b) the differing constituency names. My guess of the Highlands was intended as a joke; at that time I was just assuming the answer was of the A and B variety. Anyway
This is Mainly Mineral and Vegetable.
A geographical feature?
Is it unique?
Geographical feature? No is the best answer.
Unique? Yes.
(You could also make a case that this is ABSTRACT, by the way, but I think that is less helpful.)
Is it a piece of countryside?
Is it man-made?
Does it begin with P?
Countryside? No.
Man-made? Yes.
Begins with P? The answer to that question begins with N.
One or more buildings?
One or more buildings? Yes, the mainly mineral part refers to one or more buildings. *applause*
(More precisely, the mainly mineral part mainly refers to one or more buildings. Mainly.)
Does it (physically) exist?
Physical existence? Yes.
The vegetable component - is that the building's contents?
Projoy] Sorry about the constituency names - I got that from the Wiki page on St Andrews itself. The parliaments' official pages do have the same name. I really should know better than to trust Wiki...
CdM] Good questions they were too - sorry about the lurker crack. The applause for the Highlands was meant to acknowledge that your joke was on target.
Was it established in the last 100 years?
I think this one will fall fast
Vegetable component = building's or buildings' contents? Yes. *applause*
Established in last 100 years? No.
Is this edifice and contents a museum?
Is it a university?
Spitalfields market?
Kew Gardens?
In the UK?
Museum? No. * a smattering of applause, none the less*
A university? No.
Spitalfields? No.
Q? No, 007.
Inuk? No.
Open to the general public? (with or without a fee)
Houses of Parliament?
It its purpose to display the vegetable matter?
s/It/Is
Is it in Europe?
Open to Public? Yes.
HoP? No.
Purposeful veggie display? No. *some applause accompanied by some whispered debate*
In Europe? No.
Is the vegetable matter inside it by design?
Vegetable matter by design? Yes.
Is it in the U.S.A?
Does your definition of 'Europe' exclude the U.K.?
Inus? Yes.
Does my definition of 'Europe' exclude the U.K.? Of course it doesn't! Does your definition of 'Australasia' exclude Australia? :-)
A park or public garden?
Park or Public Garden? No. This may be a time to, as INJ often exhorts, examine your assumptions.
Do the buildings have roofs?
Is the vegetable matter alive?
Do the buildings have roofs? Yes. *laughter*
Living vegetables? No.
A church or other religious building?
Godhouse? No. *some chattering and laughter in the audience from people who know Néa*
Is it Botanical gardens?
In North America?
Is this a group of buildings mainly with a single purpose?
(I suppose that's really two questions)
Hershey's Chocolate Factory?
Nobody listens to CdM
Botanical gardens? No. (See non-living vegetable matter)
North America? Yes. (See in the USA, above)
Group of buildings mainly with simple purpose? Yes. *applause*
Willy Wonka? No.
Is the answer the name of a distinct metropolitan area?
Is the vegetable mostly wood?
Is the vegetable matter intended to be consumed in some form?
Wall Street?
The White House?
Metropolis? No.
Mostly wood? Yes. *applause with that subtle timbre that indicates relief*
Vegetable intended for consumption? No, at least for the standard narrow meaning of 'consumption' (see 'wood', above)
Wall Street? No.
The White House? No. *tiny smattering of applause*
A government building?
The Bridges of Madison County?
Government building? Yes.
Bridges of Madison County? No.
The Supreme Court?
Supreme Court? No.
Is it in New York?
In New York? No.
In DC?
Did you know you'd changed INJ's "single purpose" to "simple purpose" in your answer?
In DC? Yes.
Was I aware of my typo? No. The group of buildings mainly has a single purpose, and I suppose you could say that purpose is pretty simple as well.
Camp david?
The Library of Congress?
Camp David? No.
Library of Congress? YES! One baton duly recorded and put into storage. Projoy can have this stick instead.
OK. VEGETABLE (+ some MINERAL), or ABSTRACT
The Woodentops?
I feel thick after not knowing anything about 2 of the last 3 answers :-(
Vegetable in its natural state, eg a forest, meadow etc?
[Phil] The most stupid, boring programme ever made? NO
[Rosie] Natural state? NO
Is it unique?
Printed paper conveying ideas?
[Quendalon] Unique? The best answer from my research is NO.
[Raak] Printed paper conveying ideas? YES
An Abstract?
A book?
Does it have a single author?
[Rosie] An abstract? NO, not in that sense.
[Raak] A book? YES! *applause*
[Quen] One author? YES.
(NB. just for simplicity, I'm going to take my facts for this round from Wikipedia)
Fiction?
[Raak] Fiction? NO (some laughter)
Is this a biography of some kind?
A reference book?
[Duj] Biography? NO
[Phil] Reference? I would say YEEES.
Magna Carta?
A record of the proceedings of some body?
[Rosie] Poor Hungarian Peasant Girl? NO
[Raak] Proceedings of a body? NO *much audience laughter*
Encyclopaedia Morningtonia?
Available on Amazon?
Originally written in English?
Religious in nature?
[Kim] E.M.? N.O.
[Raak] Amazonian? YES
[INJ] English orginally? NO
[Q] Religious? YES
Originally written in a south Asian language?
To do with Islam?
Christian?
[Ig] South Asian? YES
[irach] Mecca-noid? NO
[Phil] Crucials? NO
The Mahabharata?
What a great Channel 4 series that was.
The Lotus Sutra?
[Phil] Mahabarata? NO *applause*
[Raak] Lotus Sutra? NO *sustained applause*
Does the answer have the form "The [X] Sutra"?
The Kama Sutra?
Lurking shamelessly
He who lurketh laugheth lenthily
[Ig] A hole in one! As it were. It is The Kama Sutra. * hands over slightly suggestive-looking baton*
Stolen from under Raak's nose, for which apologies. Our next is ABSTRACT with MINERAL and ANIMAL connections.
Shagging?
Going with the flow. Not too sure about the connections, though.
Rosie - Shagging? *sardonic laughter* No

The KS does illustrate most possible permutations of connections...
Is it a human construct?
Standard opening.
Does it begin with a 'T'?
A recording?
[Projoy] I'd just like to say how much I'm enjoying re-reading your "YEEES" answer to my "reference book" question.
Anything to do with death?
Kim - Is it a human construct? Yes
Chalky - Quick cuppa? No
Phil - A recording? No
Projoy - Anything to do with death? *applause* Yes, though not directly.
A religious idea?
An addiction?
Is it fictional?
[Chalky] Eh? You do have some funny ideas.
Projoy - A religious idea? Religiously derived, yes
Dujon - An addiction? No
Tuj - Is it fictional? *animated discussion among audience* Part of it (hopefully) is fictional.
- Eh? You do have some funny ideas.*applause*

I should say that the mineral bit of the definition is slightly tongue-in-cheek, and a dead end as an avenue of enquiry.
Tithing?
Is it an old idea, now largely ignored?
Does it pertain to a specific religion
?
Projoy - Tithing? No
Rosie - Is it an old idea, now largely ignored? It is an old idea (though I can't find any dating for it). The best answer for "largely ignored" is that it's not applicable.
Kim - Does it pertain to a specific religion? No
The Golden Rule?
Raak - Whoever has the gold, makes the rules? No

Amplifying the answer to Kim's previous question: the religious reference in the answer is common to many religions, but this would have originated as a reference to one particular religion.
To do with the afterlife?
Projoy - To do with the afterlife? Yes
From a Middle Eastern originated religion?
To do with some kind of underworld?
Re-incarnation?
Projoy - From a Middle Eastern originated religion? Yes
Tuj - To do with some kind of underworld? *scattered applause* in some religions, yes (though not the originating one).
Rosie - Re-incarnation? No
Purgatory?
Croydon on a Saturday afternoon.
Limbo?
A Christian idea?
Rosie - Purgatory? No
Phil - Dancing? No
Projoy - A Christian idea?*applause* Yes (though not exclusively - as above)
Hell?
Rosie - Hell? *applause* Damned right! 'Hell' is one of the five words in the answer
A snowball in Hell/?
A snowball in Hell's Chance?
... I meant. Altho I don't suppose there's any likelihood that's the answer.
Projoy - A snowball in Hell's Chance? *loud applause - the audience sit bolt upright awaiting the next move* Sooo close - but not the exact words on the card
A cat in hell's chance?
The day hell freezes over?
A cold day in hell?
And the next move it is - "a cat in hell's chance" being the exact words on the card. One kitten now passed over to Projoy.
ANIMAL, VEGETABLE and MINERAL
Is it, or does it contain, an entire ecosystem?
Animal human?
[Quen] Entire ecosystem? NO
[Rosie] Animal human? NO
Culinary in nature?
[Quen] Culinary? YES.
A dish, served hot? (both)
Is the mineral component substantial (i.e., more than a pinch of salt)?
[Rosie] A dish? YEEES. Served hot? NO
[CdM] Mineral substantial? NO
Food for humans?
[Raak] Human beans? YES
Is it traditionally a starter?
[Phil] A starter? NO
Made from a specific animal?
It is traditionally a dessert?
[Ig] specific animal? YES, altho check your assumptions
[Kim] A dessert? YEEEES, but see answer re: dish. In fact in retrospect, NO would be a better answer to the dish question.
Lemon curd?
[Q] Citric Spread? NO
Whipped cream?
[GIII] No, thank you.
A sauce?
Lassi?
[Q] Saucy? NO
[Raak] Come Home? NO
Is it revenge?
[Kim] Revenge? NO (remember that the answer to "is it a dish?" has been revised to NO...)
Is it liquid?
Does it contain an animal 'product'?
Would it be eaten at a specific time of year?
[Raak] Liquid? NO
[Chalky] Animal product? YES
[Tuj] Specific time of year? NO
Does it contain alcohol?
Does it taste sweet rather than savoury?
Contains Dairy Produce?
[Q] Booze? NO
[Chalky] Sweet? YES
[INJ] Dairy? YES
Does its preparation require cooking?
[Q] I would say YES, but that's a broadly worded question.
Is it a dressing?
[Rosie] Dressing? NO
Is milk the animal product?
[Chalky] Got milk? YES!
Rice pudding?
[Rpsie] Lovely rice pudding for dinner again? NO (remember that the answer to "is it a dish?" has been revised to NO...)
Cheese?
Are we using the standard definition of cooking: 'preparing food by a process which includes the application of heat to it' - or the bachelor definition 'any part of meal preparation, including looking up the phone number of the local pizza delivery'?
Yoghurt?
[INJ] Cheese? NO (this is sweet, not savoury, as per Chalky's question)
Is it 'cooked' by the standard definition of cooking? YES, but be careful with your assumptions. It was a very broadly phrased question.
[Kim] Yoghurt? NO
*recalls that there is such a thing as sweet cheese and apologises to INJ*
Custard?
[Custard] Graham III? NO
Milkshake?
Milk Chocolate?
[Kim] Milkshake? NO
[Chalky] Milk Chocolate? *tumultuous applause* The Answer does indeed contain milk chocolate (but The Answer does not contain the words "milk chocolate")
Angel Delight (milk choccy version)
Hoping it doesn't count as a dish.
Is it a pudding of any sort?
Walnut Whip? [teehee]
An after dinner mint?
[Rosie] Angel Delight? NO (don't forget I only said Yeeees to "dessert", not "YES!")
[Q] Pudding on the Ritz? NO
[Chalky] Walnut Whip? NO *strongly supportive applause*
[Dujon] After Dinner Mint? NO
Is it ever eaten on its own, not as a part of a meal?
Mocha?
Is it an item of confectionery?
[Rosie] Eaten on its own? CERTAINLY
[irach] Mocha? NO
[Phil] Confectionery? YES! *applause*
(and I've just looked up dessert in Wiktionary, and realised that this basically isn't one, so sorry about that)
Does the answer involve a brand name?
[Raak] Brand name? YES! *applause*
Creme Egg (yum)
[Phil] Creme Egg? NO *exactly the same amount of applause as for Walnut Whip*
A Mars bar?
[Raak] Mars Bar? NO
A bar of chocolate as opposed to a box of sweets?
A Cadbury's Flake?
Does it begin with P?
Is it crunchy?
Made by Cadbury's?
[Rosie] Bar? NO
[Ig] Flake? NO
[Tuj] Begins with P? NO *smattering of applause*
[Chalky] Crunchy? NOT REALLY
[Phil] Cadbury? NO
A Hershey Bar?
May they rot in hell for inventing such an insult to chocolate.
Oh bumbags, it's not a chocolate bar - scratch my last question please :-)
Made by Nestlé?
[Phil] Hershey Bar? NO *some applause, all the same*
[Phil] Formula pushers? NO
A Tim Tam?
[Chalky] Coffee straw? NO
It's got to be Nestlé Power Bar? Shurely
If not that brand - is it a Nestlé product?
MilKy Bar?
A British confectionery?
[Chalky] It's not Nestlé
M&Ms?
Thanks Phil. Missed your question.
[irach] M & M's - are they not 'crunchy'?
[Phil] British? NO! *audience gasps, several ladies faint*
[irach] eminems? NO *and yet, a faint stirring in the audience as if they sensed a connection with The Answer, yet it is too obscure to express in more than a sigh*
MMM...Maltesers?
[Ig] The lighter way...? NO
Is this product made by Mars, Cadbury, Nestle or Hershey?
Think we need to eliminate
Is it a European manufacturer?
Hershey's Kisses?
[Chalky] Is it one of those manufacturers? Strictly, YES, but beware.
[Chalky] European? NO
[irach] Hershey's Kisses? NO *some applause*
(please also note that previous questions have ruled out Cadbury and Nestlé)
Rolo?
strike that. It's a Nestlé product.
Almond Joy?
Hershey's Bites?
[Chalky] The joy of the almond? NO
[Chalky] Hershey's bites? NO
Hershey's pops?
I'm getting bored now
[Chalky] Hershey's Pops? NO (I fear you did not heed my "beware" on your manufacturer question!)
Hint to avoid boredom: ask more deductive questions and stop making wild guesses :-P
A seasonal confection?
An M&M/Mars product? Like Minstrels, say?
Wild guesses? I was riding on the applause meted out to Hershy-ness answers.
[irach] Seasonal? NO
[Chalky] Mars manufactured? NO, which as you so rightly say leaves Hershey revealed as the manufacturer. But again, I say beware. :)
Is the brand name in the answer "Hershey" (or "Hershey's")?
Does this involve chocolate chips?
Is it solid (i.e. does not flow, wobble, or ooze, even if cut open)?
[Phil] Is "Hershey" in the answer? NO *more audience gasps*
[irach] Chips with everything? NO
[Raak] Solid? YES
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
[Chalky] YAY! It is indeed A Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. One baton filled with peanut goop handed over.
*sighs* Oh well, as wikipedia says "possibly one of Hershey's best-known products due to long-running massive advertising campaigns". Another never-heard-of one for me. Still, I shan't give up!
(Phil) Me neither.
Ey?
What in the world is a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup? Having read Phil's Wikipedia extract I am just as in the dark as would be a chocolate coated peanut. Yes I could, but no I won't, go a-Googling.
*went a-googling*
Phew! Thanks PJ for a challenging, yet somehow obvious, little puzzle [ie; not obviously Hershey, not a bar, not crunchy]. Having put SO much effort into it, I feel pleased to have finally nailed it :-)

Next up:

A N I M A L / A B S T R A C T

Animal instinct?
A symbolic animal?
[irach] Animal instinct? NO
[Raak] A symbolic animal? NO
Something I'm likely to have heard of?
Is the animal human?
[Phil] Something you're likely to have heard of? YES :-)
[irach] Is the animal human? YES
Fictional?
Male?
Alive (if not fictional)?
[Raak] Fictional? YES
[Projoy] Male? YES
[Phil] as above
Originally from a novel?
A young person?
[Irouléguy] Originally from a novel? YES
[Rosers] A young person? YES is probably the most useful answer.
A novel from before 1950?
Do some or all of the words on the card appear in the title of the novel?
[Reese's] Have none of you ever watched E.T.? (OK, it's not exactly the same product, but it is close.)
[Reese's] They are on sale in the UK now, too. You can get 'em in my local corner shop, and very nice they are too.
Dorian Gray?
Has the character appeared in film?
Is/was the novelist English?
[CdM] I've only seen the re-release in 2000 (or whenever it was), and only because my children insisted. I didn't pay attention though.
[Projoy] A novel from before 1950? NO
[CdM] Do some or all of the words on the card appear in the title of the novel? NO . But despite the negative answer the * audience applauses* because it was a significant question.
[Kim} Picture in the Attic? NO
[Raak] Has the character appeared in film? YES
[Irouléguy] Is/was the novelist English? NO
CORRECTION! [PJ] A novel before 1950? YES YES YES
sorry chaps - schoolgirl typing error
Is/was the author (and indeed his character) French?
A novel before 1900?
Is/was the novelist British?
[Dujon] Is/was the author [and character] French? YES!
[Projoy] A novel before 1900? YES
[Phil] British? NO
Is the author Dumas?
American author?
[Graham III] Dumas? YES *hoorah hoorahs from a very lively audience*
[Projoy] American? Nah
I am now out and about for a couple of hours and will not have access to the 'net tomorrow - so keep 'em coming. We can wrap this up by mid-afternoon.
D'Artagnan?
Oops. Didn't read previous answer re: nationality of author
Porthos?
'The Man in the iron Mask'?
All "Three Musketeers"- like the candy bar?
Edmond Dantès?
The Count of Monte Cristo?
Sorry - got delayed
[Irouléguy] Porthos? NO
[I'mNotJohn] The Man In The Iron Mask? NO
[irach] All 3 Musketeers? NO
[Graham III] The Count of MOnte Cristo? NO .. but .. * mega-cheering from audience* because ...

[Raak] Edmond Dantès? HAS GOT THE ANSWER ON THE CARD!

Chalké passés le baton to Raak.
Free at last! Drat, I've only tunnelled into another cell. This one is VEGETABLE, with ABSTRACT connections.
Is it edible?
Not edible.
Is it wood?
Yes, it's wood.
Is it Norwegian?
[CdM] No reason it couldn't be, but not specifically. (Norwegian?) Not a Christmas tree either.
Is it alive?
Not alive.
Is it a specific (one-off) article?
Is it a carving/sculpture?
[INJ] Not a specific article.
[Phil] *murmuring in the audience* Mm...no. Not a carving or sculpture.
Is it the cross on which Jesus was crucified?
[Raak, Chalky] Whoops, forgot they were the same person...!
Does it resemble its original form (i.e. looks like, or rather like it did when it was alive?)
[G III] Not the Cross.
[Projoy] Does not resemble its original form.
Has the wood been chopped/mash/shredded/generally bashed around to achieve its current state?
[Chalky] The wood is undistressed.
[Projoy, clarification] That is, it is not a tree.
An outdoors object?
Assuming being sawn, planed etc does not cause distress.
[Rosie] Not an outdoors object.
So it has no bark?
[Projoy] No bark. Wood, processed from its original state in the tree, but not in the destructive and ham-handed ways mentioned by Chalky.
Has it been carved?
Would this have been created by a carpenter or cabinet maker?
As opposed to an artist or lumber merchant.
Is this specific to a particular country or culture?
[Phil] Not carved.
[Dujon]The audience murmurs at one of those words. Taking that as four questions: no, possibly, possibly, and no. (I had to look up Wikipedia to find out what a carpenter was, more precisely than someone who works in some way with wood.)
[I] Not very specific.
Is it created in order to contain something?
[Projoy] Does not contain anything.
Is it a part of something?
Has the wood been 'turned'?
[I] Complete in itself.
[Chalky] The wood has been turned.
Ornamental and decorative?
Is there symbolism attached to this turned wooden item?
[Chalky] Not ornamental or decorative.
[Phil] Not symbolic.
[Phil, re "carved'] Actually, carving might have a part to play in its creation.
Found in the home?
Used in a game?
[Phil] It can be found in some homes.
[I] Not used in a game.
Is it smaller than a telephone box [the proper red one]?
[Chalky] Smaller than a telephone box.
Is it essentially long & thin?
Defined as more than 3 times as long in one dimension than in either of the other two.
P.S. Where's Tuj, we don't know this object's initial P-ness?
Can you put something on it?
[INJ] It could be long and thin, but not esentially so.
[Chalky] You can put something on it. *sounds of demurral from the audience, whereupon the chairman produces one and demonstrates putting something on it. "Aha", say the audience.*
Does it have a primary specific function?
Is it larger than a toaster?
[CdM] It has a primary specific function.
[Chalky] It can be larger than a toaster.
A rolling pin?
[Rosie] Not a rolling pin.
A wooden alarm clock?
[CdM] Brrthbbthb? No.
There is actually a smidgen of Mineral in this, but it's primarily Vegetable.
Aah .. NOW you tell us :-)
Does it frame something?
[Chalky] Not a frame.
Is this a tool?
Is it a kitchen utensil?
A mug tree?
[Chalky] It performs a function, but it wouldn't ordinarily be called a tool.
[ " ] Not a kitchen utensil.
[Projoy] Not a mug tree.
Is this a prosthesis?
[Dujon] Not a prosthesis.
Is its cross-section circular for its entire length?
A board of some kind?
[Phil] Not wholly circular.
[Rosie] Not a board.
Is it typically used in conjunction with some other object?
[CdM] Yes. Various other objects.
Could you buy one in a depaertment store?
[Phil] What's with the posh accent?
[Phil] It's not the first place I'd look, but you might find one thaere.
Could you buy one in a haerdwaer store?
Is it a hatstand?
Is the mineral element nails? Or screws? or Glue?
[CdM] Not found in a hardware store.
[G III] Not a hatstand?
[ " ] Could be nails; wouldn't be screws or glue.
Are most of us likely to have one (or more than one)?
Is it a piece of furniture?
[Cdm} That's how it's spelt in Flemish.
[I] Most of us are unlikely to have one. I have one, though.
[R] Not furniture.
Does it have any moving parts?
An abacus?
[Q] It has moving parts.
[CdM] Not an abacus.
Is it a descant, treble, tenor, alto or bass recorder?
Or even a Sopranino?
Is it a type of flute?
{Chalky] Not a wind instrument of any sort.
Is it a musical instrument?
[Phil] Not a musical instrument of any sort.
Is it used in sport?
[Phil] Not used in sport.
Are the nails that could be present used simply to join pieces of wood together, or do they serve some other function?
(The only way in to this problem that I am seeing right now is the odd notion that this could include nails but not screws.)
Does one have to 'hold' this thing in order for it to function?
[CdM] The nails (or other fasteners) hold it together.
[Chalky] Hm...part of its function requires handling it, part requires not handling it.
Does it have a handle?
Have these been around since before 1900?
[CdM] No handle.
[Projoy] I don't know, but I think it's very likely to have been around since before 1900.
Are they or could they ever be made of something other than wood?
A wooden arras?
[Hi CdM - seems like we're posting at the same time. Have to confess, I'm fascinated by this particular puzzle, but have to go out in half an hour so will miss any activity this afternoon].
Is it customarily of European origin?
[CdM] They could be made of other things, but I've never come across them made of anything but wood.
[Chalky] Not a wooden arras.
[Phil] Yes, European.
*going off on one, like she does*
C'mon Raak. Does this audience have a pulse? Or does it merely murmur at the question of carpenter v cabinet maker and then 15 hours later summon up the energy to demur at the notion that something 'could be put on top' of this thing? Hey, I know you're a cool dude an' all that, but please - can we have a bit of encouragement, or even a clue? :-)
Time for a precis I think:

It is or does:

made of wood
undistressed
possibly created by a cabinet maker or artist (audience murmurs)
complete in itself
turned wood
found in some homes
smaller than a telephone box
possibly long and thin but not essentially so
able to have put something on it
has a primary specific function
can be larger than a toaster
used in conjunction with various other objects
have moving parts
does have mineral fasteners to hold it together, but these are not screws or glues
require handling as part of its function (CARE - see also the 'not' section)
very likely to have been around prior to 1900 AD
possible that this could be made of material other than wood, but the Chairman has not seen such
European

It is not or does not:

edible
alive
specific (one-off) article
carving or sculpture (though audience reacts)
the Calvary cross
resemble its original form
an outdoor object
retain bark
carved (though might have a part to play in its creation)
specific to a country or culture
contain anything
ornamental or decorative
symbolic
used in a game
a toaster
a rolling pin
a wooden alarm clock
normally purchased in a department store (though one might)
found in a hardware store
a hatstand
something that most people would have, though the Chairman is blessed
a piece of furniture
a frame
a tool (despite it performing a function)
a kitchen utensil
a mug tree
a prothesis
wholly circular
a board
a musical instrument of any sort
used in sport
requires not handling it as part of its function (CARE - see also the 'is' section)
have a handle
a wooden arras

NOTE: Ruddy 'eck that's long. Please forgive me if I've missed something.
Raak, you might run your eye over it in case I've misinterpreted anything. Ta.
Sorry, CdM
Nor is it an abacus
[Dujon] I think you left out a "not" -- this is something that most people would not have, although I do.
Is its purpose connected with art?
[Projoy] *cheering in the aisles* Yes, connected with art.
An easel?
[Projoy] Not an easel.
An artists palette?
(For Projoys sake, Im leaving it unclear if Im talking about one or multiple artists.)
[CdM] Not a palette.
I took a closer look at mine, and there are a few screws in it.
A wooden posable model thingy for artists to use to get human forms right?
[Phil] *applause* You have precisely guessed the words on the card! It is indeed a wooden posable model thingy for artists to use to get human forms right!
[Raak] Is there an official name for a WPMTfAtUtgHFR?
The simplest description I've found is an artists' manikin.
Here goes another one: ANIMAL, VEGETABLE & MINERAL
A cornet player dressed up (in natural fibres) as a pink fairy?
Is the animal element human?
[Raak] As the costume was polyester, your guess falls by the wayside, I'm afraid. Not a bad effort, but completely off the mark :-)
[Kim] Human? NO
Is the Animal alive?
[Rosie] Live animal? NO
Is it edible?
[GIII] Edible? NO
Does the whole thing occur naturally?
Part of an animal, eg fur?
[Kim] A natural occurrence? NO
[Rosie] Fur-esque? YES *Applause*
An item of clothing?
[Rosie] Confirmation that I was only referring to the animal element when answering your last question.
[Raak] Item of clothing? NO
Is bone involved?
[Raak] Bone involved? Not to my knowledge.
Contains leather?
[Rosie] Contains leather? YES *Some applause*
Can you put things into it?
[Kim] Can things be put into it? YES
A HAND-baaag?
A wallet?
A suitcase?
A leather tankard?
[Rosie] Handbag? NO
[GIII] Wallet? NO
[nights] suitcase? NO
[Raak] Leather tankard? NO
A large object, not normally moved?
[Rosie] Two questions for the price of one! A large object? YES Not normally moved? NO
Is it a piece of luggage?
[Raak] Piece of luggage? NO
Is it a piece of furniture?
An elephant's foot umbrella stand?
[Chalky] Piece of furniture? NO
[INJ] Nellie's brollies? NO
Used for transport?
A pair of clown shoes?
[INJ] Used for transport? YES *Loud applause*
[Raak] clown shoes? NO
Part of a means of transport?
[Rosie] Part of a means of transport? NO
A motor car?
A saddle?
A type of carriage?
A Surrey with a Fringe on Top?
Forgive the simulpost, but that was what I was actually thinking of.
[Chalky] A motor car? YES *More loud applause*
[Raak] Saddle? NO, see above
[INJ] Carriage or song from Oklahoma!? NO, see above
Are we trying to guess the make and model?
A Rolls Royce?
No, damn it. Please ignore the previous and replace with "A Morgan". Ta.
[Chalky] Make & Model? Yes please :-) *more applause*
[Dujon] Moggie? NO
[INJ] Good grief. I had been planning (since before this round began) "Surrey with a Fringe on Top" as my next AVMA subject.
Still in production?
English?
/British?
[INJ] In production? YES
[GIII] English/British? Hmmmm...British-built, but not owned (any more) *Audience gasps at how much information the usually-tight-lipped Phil is giving away*
Mini?
Is this a car that you own?
What me? Nosey?
[GIII] Mini? NO
[Chalky] My car? NO *Laughter from the audience*
Is it a single, specific car?
Luxury/High performance?
Yeah, yeah, I know that's two questions.
[Raak] single, specific car? NO, presuming you mean something like "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" or "John Major's Nova", otherwise see Chalky's penultimate question.
[INJ] Luxury/high performance? YES on both counts *a little more applause*
Soft-top/convertible?
[GIII] Convertible? YES *a bit more applause*
Is it a Chevrolet (yes, the make them) Corvette?
[Red Wolf] Chevvy? NO, see Graham III's third last question.
Is it an Aston Martin DB9?
[Phil] Graham III's last question was if it was a soft-top/convertible. Corvettes do have that option, they are luxury and high performance, at which they are only beaten out by the Dodge Viper (flames to come from that, I'm sure). Even then, a 'Vette is still preferred.

The issue comes in that I forgot the British point 3 questions ago. See new guess above.

[RW] DB9? Fraid not, even though a friend of mine has one...the lucky (rich) swine. Btw, if you look closely, you'll see that I said "third last question" :-)
Bentley Continental GTC?
[GIII] Bentley? NO
Rolls Royce drophead coupe?
[GIII] Not a Roller either - not quite that de luxe
Is it an Aston Martin?
I admit, I missed that and can be blind at times. Forgive me, all. The logic behind the above question: [Phil] said that it wasn't the DB9, then that it wasn't a Bentley or a Rolls, but he never specifically said it wasn't an AM. So, it isn't as dumb a question as it might seem... I hope...
[RW} Nope, it's not any kind of Aston Martin.
Is it a Lotus of some kind?
I'm running out of marques. I am also struggling to find a niche for Lotus in the luxury class of vehicles.
[Dujon] Not a Lotus either. It's a very well known make of car, worldwide.
Bentley?
[Raak] Not a Bentley. Maybe my idea of luxury/high performance is not as high-spec as everyone else's, but the on-the-road price is about £70k
BMW 6-series convertible?
MG - Rover?
Jaguar?
[GIII] BMW? NO
[Chalky] MG-Rover? NO
[INJ] Jaguar? YES, dagnammit, YES! *rapturous applause dies off rapidly as audience remembers that the model is required too*
Jaguar XK 4.2 convertible
Well I bet there's an 'X' in there somewhere
Jaguar XK 4.2L convertible
Just a cheeky pedant's guess ;-)
Jaguar XKR 4.2L supercharged convertible
Although a more serious guess just to make sure all of the bases are covered ;-)
[INJ] Not that one
[GIII] Not that one either
[GIII take 2] YES, that one!
Gosh. That was exciting. well played GIIIIIIII
It was almost as exciting as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
Goodness me, well there's a turn-up for the books. Let's try something Abstract.
Altogether now... a Human Construct?
Anarcho-syndicalism?
Come on, let's keep in time.
[Projoy] If by that you mean something dreamt up by a human being, then YES.
[Kim] Unionised chaos? NO
Does it begin with a 'P'?
Well, if Kim is going to steal my lines, I'll just have to take TUJ's
Did the idea originate before 1900?
[INJ] P? Ah, NO [Projoy] pre-1900? YES
Musical?
[Raak] YES! *applause*.
European?
After 1700?
[Kim] No
[Projoy] No
Is it American?
Prepare for a SPAM of 3
Is it British?
Is it Asian?
[Red Wolf 1] The USA didn't exist before 1700.
[Red Wolf 2] See above
[Red Wolf 3] NO.
A scale?
[Rosie] Interesting, but NO.
A particular piece of music?
[GIII] The Americas have been around for 100 million years or so, though.
Is it anything to do with North African drum rhythms?
[GIII] Sorry, I missed those... The Europeans have had records of the American continents, though, since the 11th century, thanks to the Vikings, and have been visited since about the 6th century, thanks to the Celts. American Indian music is noteworthy.
Is it specific to any continent?
A type of singing, chanting or other non-instrumental sound?
[CdM] Particular piece? YES
[CdM] To say yes to it being American would have been misleading. The Americas have existed for a very long time, however in common parlance 'America' means nothing but the USA.
[Red Wolf] Drumming? NO
[Projoy] YES, though see CdM's question above.
[Rosie] See answer to CdM.
But is it, as Rosie asks, an exclusively vocal piece?
[Projoy] It is performed as such now, though it was probably performed with instruments originally.
So, it originated in Africa?
(just to rule out Australasia/Oceania)
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