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AVMA Take 2
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Yes, it's another round of that classic guessing game - Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Abstract [or any combination thereof]. This effort - '03/'04 should address any queries, but then again, may just serve to confuse and baffle which some might say is the point of the game. Patience, integrity and a decent search engine may be useful ....
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Stationery?
Is it a single unique item?
Anything to do with writing?
[Chalky] Yes, found in the home.
[Projoy] Yes, existed by 1900.
[Tuj] Not stationery.
[Inkspot] Not unique.
[Rosie] Nothing to do with writing.
Existed by 1800?
[Projoy] Yes, by 1800.
Is it generic item?
I would say a generic item (if that's the right term) is something like the wheel, a cup or a crown rather than an attributable invention?
[Inkspot] Yes, a generic item.
Does it have moving parts?
A container of some kind?
Spectacles?
[Projoy] No moving parts.
[Rosie] YES, partly.(Applause!)
[Chalky] Not spectacles.
Begins with a P?
[Tuj] (laughter from the audience at the double entendre) Does not begin with a pee.
Not a toliet is it?
Cuh!
[Tuj] Neither a toliet nor a toilet.
A handbag?
It is I, Rosie.
Usually made of plastic?
Was about to guess "pencil case", then looked at my last-but-one question.
[Rosie in drag] A HANDBAG???? No.
[Tuj] Can be plastic.
Saturday is the last day to get this, as I'm off for a week in the south of France Sunday morning.
Is there a food connection?
Is the mineral part glass?
Back in normal clothing.
[Projoy] Yes, a food connection.
[Rosie] (A sharp intake of breath) Not among civilised people. One has heard that they may do such things on the Continent.
Is the mineral china?
A gravy boat?
An appropriately snooty term.
[Inkspot] YES! (Almost always.)
[Rosie] No.
A cup of tea?
Oops - possibly also animal! (beef tea perhaps?)
A saucer?
[Tuj] A saucer is part of it.
[Dandalf] YES: a cup of tea. Actually, the words on the card are "a nice cup of tea", but that's close enough. (The possible animal part is the milk.)
Oh! just found out I'd won as I was away for weekend. (Kicks himself re milk, but no use crying etc.). Next is ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections.
Begins with a P?
Hah!
Three-ring circus?
Is the animal human?
Human construct?
[Tuj]- P....? NO
[flerdle]- 0-0-0 circus? NO
[Rosie]- Human? Both human and non-human.
[CdM] HC? hmmmmm...I think YES.
Is it an action?
To do with the body?
[Inkspot]Not an action, but implies activity.
[Projoy]Only remotely to do with the body.
A condition?
A thought process?
Small pox?
[Projoy] Condition? Could be.
[Rosie] Thought Process? NO.
[Lib] Smallpox? Not a pox, whatever the size.
To do with emotion?
A person?
[Projoy] Emotion? NO
[Tuj]A person? NO
Bird flu?
Horse racing?
50-1
Any religious connection?
A bodily function?
Does it require human involvement?
Could someone define "human construct" please, I find these the marmite on toast of the game.
[Inkspot] Quick definition off the top of my head: something that could not exist without a conscious human mind. Others can now refine it: think of this as a wikidefinition.
[Lib] bird flu? NO
[Rosie]Horse Racing? NO (but audience breaks into applause)
[Tuj] NO religious connection
[INJ] Bodily function? NO
[Inkspot]Human involvement? YES
Is the word "horse" in the answer?
Is it a sporting activity?
Hunting?
[Tuj] No horse.
[Kim] Not a sporting activity, though one of the words on the card could be related to sports.
[Rosie] Not hunting.
Is the word 'race' on the card?
[CdM] YES (tumultous applause! Some murmuring that Dandalf gave the game away.)
A Caucus Race?
A one-man race?
Three legged race?
(The) Rat Race?
The human race?
A game face?
[Rosie] The Rat Race YES Well done! [Others} See above.
Right. Earwig-o. An easy one. Nothing whatever to do with the World Cup, or trombones, or steam engines, but nevertheless MINERAL
Non-metal?
(Dandalf) Sometimes non-metallic - not usually.
Begins with P?
A household object?
wahay - a Rosie one! Is it manufactured?
(Tuj) Does not begin with a P
(irach) Found in all households, I'd say
(Chalky) Manufactured - yes.
Does it require electric power?
Found primarily in the kitchen?
(Inkspot) Does not require electric power. *some audience amusement is discernible*
(Tuj) Not usually in the kitchen.
Does "all households" include those in mid- and/or low-income countries?
Is it found usually in the bathroom?
Larger than a toaster?
A mirror?
(CdM) "Households" really means those of the Western world.
(Kim) Unlikely in the bathroom, but possible.
(Dandalf) Larger than a toaster? Certainly in one dimension.
(Tuj) Not a mirror.
Is part of it made from glass?
(Inkspot) Contains no glass.
A piece of cutlery?
(irach) Not cutlery.
Functional (as opposed to primarily decorative)?
Longer than 1 metre?
To do with draperies?
(CdM) Very functional
(Dandalf) Not longer than 1 metre
(irach) Drapery-related? Yes. *considerable applause*
Towel-rail?
Curtain rod?
(Dandalf) Not a towel rail
(irach) Not a curtain rod. I have misled you with the previous answer. It's correct by a strict dictionary definition but misleading. So substitute "Not really". The audience are also dictionary pedants. Ignore them - at least this time.
Coat-hanger?
A COAT HANGER it is! How boring! That was too easy. Next time it will be something to do with steam engines, and not just any bloody steam engine, either. I jest, of course. Well done Dandalf, and over to you.
Well, well! Looks like its time for a hard nut to crack. Try this one - ANIMAL.
Human?
European?
alive?
Anything whatsoever to do with that Fußball Weltmeisterschaft caper?
Human? NO
European? NO
Alive? YES
WC caper connection? NO
Just realised I'll be away until Monday, so if you don't want to wait,we can suspend this and someone can start another in the meantime. Apologies
I'm back and in a position to respond!
A single specific animal?
A mamal?
[INJ] YES [Inkspot] NO
Or rather:
[INJ] YES
[Inkspot] NO
A reptile?
African?
In the news recently?
[Raak]Repile? NO
[Inkspot] African? YES but not exclusively.
[Rosie] In the news recently? Not that I know of.
A migratory bird?
Domesticated?
Dead?
An unladen African swallow?
(since you mentioned hard nuts to crack)
[Inkspot] Not a bird.
[Tuj] Not domesticated.
[Projoy] See above. Don't read anything into my nutty comment.
A fish?
[irach] A fish? YES. Applause, (a few murmurs of nothing much more left was there?)
Saltwater fish?
[irach]saltwater? YES
Shark?
*ahem* *indicates an unanswered question above*
Is a single specific animal someting like the horse called Orca or a specific species eg the lesser spotted Orca?
[irach] NOT a shark
[Raak] Oops. Sorry. Can be dead or alive.
[Inkspot] Not e.g. a fish called Wanda, not a spcific species but a particular genus.
A coelocanth?
Err...
Sorry, I'm a little confused. Is the answer a specific individual animal, per your answer to INJ, above, or a genus of animal? Isn't genus an abstract?
Fished for food?
[INJ] YES!!! Wow. Well done. Coelacanth (or coelocanth) Genus Latimeria which contains two species: the African L. chalumnae and L. menadoensis from Indonesia. Hope that clears up Kim's confusion. [Raak] The coelacanths is not considered a prime food fish but finds its way to fishmarkets, which is where the Indonesian species was discovered. (Thanks Wikipedia)
Well, what do you know?
I don't usually guess that early.

Here we go then, with ABSTRACT with animal connections

A character from a book?
The World Cup?
A particular species or genus of animal?
A living fossil?
[Inks] character from a book? - NO
[Iroul] World Cup? - NO
[Kim] particular species or genus of animal? - NO (but not every species)
[Dandalf] living fossil? - NO
Some subclass of the animal kingdom?
[Raak] Some subclass of the animal kingdom? - NO
Is the animal connection primate?
Is it related to time?
[irach] animal connection primate? - could be
[Inks] related to time? - YES (to some extent) small ripple of applause
To do with the Flood?
Chinese Calendar?
Anarcho-syndicalism?
I only put this up because the words appear in a letter in today's Grauniad relating to the Spanish Civil War and I know the subject fascinates you.
Anarcho-syndicalism, that is.
sorry - wall-to-wall meetings today
[Raak] the flood - NO
[Dandalf] Chinese Calendar? - NO
[Rosie] Anarcho-syndicalism? - NO (nor the Spanish Civil War FWIW)
An event?
[Inks] an event - NO (not a single event, which is my assumption of what you mean)
Evolution?
re - meetings. Thank You For Not Saying Back-To-Back.
Anything to do with huntin' and fishin'?
Are the animals all from one particular area of the world?
[Rosie] evolution - NO
[Dandalf] huntin' and fishin'? - NO (nor shootin')
[Iroul] Are the animals all from one particular area of the world? - NO (they may be, but don't have to be)
Associated with religion?
Does it have to do with generations?
Carbon dating?
Hibernation?
still cold
[Inks] Associated with religion? - NO
[Kim] Nothing to do with generations
[Raak] Carbon dating? - NO
[Dandalf] Hibernation? - NO
To do with agriculture?
Mating season?
Is this something animals do?
Is this particular to humans?
Are te animal featured in works of art (in the widest sense)?
[Raak] To do with agriculture? - NO
[Dandalf] To Mating season? - NO
[Rosie] Is this something animals do? - YES (animals are involved, but it's not an activity as such)
[Inks] Is this particular to humans? - NO
[Iroul] featured in works of art ? - NO
Sorry
I'm going to struggle to get online much for the next week or so.
I'm starting on a new client site, but won't get an internet connection until I've got a desk/workstation/signon sorted out, and then I don't know what I'll be able to access. Also you're nowhere near getting this, so it may be better to suspend it and go for another.
That's The Linesman BTW, and a leek-flavoured podume to anyone who can say it properly.

As Inkspot and I are the only ones to have got a YES in the last one and he's not here just now I'll start a fairly easy one.

It's MINERAL

Manmade?
Ball rolling.
Metal?
Made of one material?
[Rosie] I can say it, but probably not properly.
(Tuj) - Manmade, yes
(Chalky) Not metal
(Inkspot) Yes, more than one material You have obviously survived the attempt. :-)
Smaller than a toaster?
Solid?
(Tuj) As encountered, yes, but not necessarily
(Raak) Solid? Not always.
A household article?
Edible or Drinkable?
(Raak) Yes, but not really an article
(Chalky) Edible or drinkable? Yes, but don't try it..
Would this be a cleaning compound?
Usually found in a kitchen?
(Dujon) Not a cleaning compound *some just perceptible murmurs from the audience*
(Tuj) Probably not in a kitchen, but not impossible.
Bathroom?
Is it used as a spray?
Solid at room temperature?
(Tuj) Bathroom? Not usually.
(Inkspot) Not a spray
(Dandalf) Solid @ R.T.? Yes and no.
Some sort of fat or grease?
Is it for lubrication?
Does it do exactly what it says on the tin?
Train oil?
(Dandalf) Fat or grease? No
(Raak) Not for lubrication
(Irouléguy) It doesn't say what it does
(Projoy) Not train oil. (Haven't got a model railway. Honestly)
A detergent?
Ink?
Is part of it a container?
(Projoy) Not a detergent
(Raak) Not ink
(Inkspot) Not part of a container.
Polish?
(Raak) Not polish.
Does it begin with P?
[Rosie] You may have missed a capitalisation there.
(Tuj) Does not begin with a P.
Is it something solid that is disolved in a liquid before use?
An alcohol based concoction?
(Inkspot) No.
(Dujon) No alcohol, industrial, medicinal or recreational.
Is this usually produced from distillates of wood, coal, petroleum and their ilk? (That's it for today 'cos everyone else is in the land of nod).
Plant-related?
[Dujon] 'Fraid not.
(Dujon) YES, it's "chemical"
(Tuj) Not plant-related.
Silly putty?
(Raak) Not silly putty. Much more mainstream.
Sensible putty?
(Raak) Not putty of any kind, but a "sensible" substance nevertheless.
A polymeric material?
Is it something used as a filler or adhesive?
Candle wax?
(irach) YES *applause from knowledgable members of audience*
(Raak) YES *more applause*
(Dujon) Not candle wax.
Blu-tack?
Cyanoacrylate super glue?
Starch?
Silicone rubber?
Just a reminder to all that it's edible or drinkable, but not recommended!
[Dandalf] That doesn't rule out very much really...
(Tuj) Not Blu-tak
(irach) Not cyanoacrylate superglue
(Dandalf) Not starch
(Raak) Not silicone rubber
Polyfilla?
[Rosie] But... blu-tack... I'm in a blu-tack daze as I've just removed 325 bits of the stuff from the walls of my room at uni.
Caulk?
(Tuj) Not polyfilla
(irach) Not caulk.

The "word on the card" is a brand name but the generic term will do.

Bostik?
(Raak) Not Bostik
KY Jelly?
(irach) Not KY jelly. (See the YES's above)
Is it both a glue and a filler?
Sorry Rosie but seeking a clarification to the "or" question by Raak.
(Inkspot) Not both a glue and a filler. I'll tell you it's a glue. :-)
An edible or drinkable (though not recommended) mineral glue? I give up, unless "e or d" means physically capable of being ingested.
(Dandalf) I think you can take it that "not recommended" means it's not intended for ingestion. It was a joke. Sorry if you were misled. This stuff is pretty famous.
UHU Glue?
(Dandalf) Not UHU.
Araldite?
YES! Araldite it is. Everything I possess has got a dab of it somewhere. Well done, Raak. Over to you, squire.
ABSTRACT, with ANIMAL connections. This may be a difficult one, but it's in Wikipedia. Two words, no articles.
Birthday party?
[Tuj] (some applause from the audience) No.
connected to time in some way?
[CdM] Not really. It would be misleading to say "no", but not helpful to say "yes".
Is the animal connection human?
[I] Yes.
An organisation?
[Rosie] No.
Connected to celebration in some way?
A characteristic?
[CdM] Yes!
[Rosie] No.
Connected to marriage in some way?
Connected to a religion?
[Irouéguy] Er....yes, it is. (Laughter.)
[Inkspot] Yes.
Is the religion Christianity?
[Néa] No.
Is the religion Buddhism?
[Irouéguy] No.
Islam?
...why not keep going?
Zoroastrianism?
(Tuj) why not...?
[Tuj] No.
[irach] No.
Did the religion start in Asia?
Judaism?
[I] Yes.
[D] No.
A vow taken by a monk?
[I] No.
Summary: a celebration relating to humans, marriage, and a religion originating in Asia, excluding Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Zorro, or Judaism. Sort-of-ish-like connected with time. Not a birthday party, an organisation, a characteristic, or a vow.
Part of the Hindu ceremony?
Is the marriage element a real marriage (one person to another)?
[Inkspot] Not Hindu.
[Kim] No. Not a marriage, just a connection with marriage in general.
Is the religion Chinese?
[I] Not Chinese.
Is this some kind of Japanese ritual?
[Rosie](APPLAUSE!) Yes.
Does it happen annually?
Japanese Tea Ceremony?
[Tuj] Yes, annually.
[Projoy] Not the tea ceremony.
Rambling over Mount Fuji ?
[Inkspot] Not Mount Fuji.
Star festival (Tanabata)?
[I] Not Tanabata.
Shogatsu?
[R] Not Shogatsu.
Two words, remember, and some sort of connection to marriage.
Are the two words Japanese?
Is it a celebrated as national holiday?
[Ir] Both words are Japanese.
[In] Not a national holiday.
Hounen Matsuri?
*clutches at straws*
[Irouéguy] The ceremonial straw hat is yours! It is indeed Hounen Matsuri, the Penis Festival.
The what now? On the Wiki article I looked at, it was the harvest festival. Still, the article was just a stub…

Last minute change of plan - my original idea has unfortunate connotations, so our next is ANIMAL, VEGETABLE and MINERAL.
[I] I had in mind the specific one held at Komaki. I hadn't noticed the more general harvest festival significance. See the usual nine syllables dot thoeny.com/peter/tagata/tagata1.html.
The Earth and all that treads upon it?
Salty bacon crisps?
A geographical feature?
irach] The Earth and all that treads upon it? No
Raak - Salty bacon crisps? Mmmmm...salty bacon crisps, but no
Chalky - A geographical feature? No :)

Raak] For fuck's saké! Imagine explaining a set of those to Customs.
Smaller than a toaster?
Animal human?
Is it one specific object?
[Irouéguy] Be sure to click onto the following pages to see the three-metre phallus processed through the streeets.
Tuj] Smaller than a toaster? Yes
Rosie] Animal human? No
Raak] Is it one specific object?No

I hadn't noticed there were more pages - I'll check them out when I'm home again.

Just in case there's any ambiguity, Raak's link is definitely NSFW, for almost all values of 'work'.
Is the animal part - part of an animal?
Can you buy it in the shops?
Chalky] Is the animal part - part of an animal? No
Raak] Can you buy it in the shops? In some shops (though mostly a shop isn't the first place you'd go for this).
Is it ornamental?
Is it used in the house?
Raak] Is it ornamental? No
Rosie] Is it used in the house? Hmmm...it can be, but mostly isn't (hesitation becaused 'use' isn't the verb you'd most associate with it).
If not "used", then eaten?
(Thanks for hint)
Rosie] If not "used", then eaten? *applause* Close - some people eat some of it, but 'eat' isn't the most juste either.
Is the mineral part a container?
A cocktail of some kind?
Raak] Is the mineral part a container? No
Rosie] A cocktail of some kind? Yes, but only in the sense of a mixture of different ingredients.
A medication of some kind?
Would it be on the menu of a restaurant?
A drink?
CdM - A medication of some kind? Some people use it for that, but strictly, no.
Inkspot - Would it be on the menu of a restaurant? Quite likely
Chalky - A drink? How kind - large G&T, please
*cheers* YES! It's a drink
An alcoholic drink?
A drink served hot?
Chalky] An alcoholic drink? No
Inkspot] A drink served hot? Yes
Capuccino?
A Meat and vegetable salted soup?
Minestrone? (with or without added croutons)
Bovril?
KA-CHING! Chalky wins! It's capuccino. One chocolate-sprinked low-fat baton handed over.
ooh thanks!
Sorry - haven't been around this weekend so have only just found out I'd won.
Moving swiftly on with ...
A N I M A L
Human?
[Raak] Human? YES
Female?
Alive?
David Beckham?
Currently in the news?
[Inkspot] Female? NO
[Tuj] Alive? YES
[Iroule] DB? NO
[Rosie] Currently in news? Not that I've noticed
A public figure?
[Raak] A public figure? Not sure what you mean.
British?
[Inks] British? YES
Well, a household name, then.
[Raak] Household name? I should imagine so. [I don't do wikiobscurity in this particular game]
A writer?
Sportsman?
Born after 1966?
[Rosie] A writer? NO
[Tuj] Sportsman? NO
[Inks] Born after 1966? YES
Musician?
Actor?
[Néa] Musician? No
[Raak] Actor? YES!!
Forgive me - I've been called into office to work today, so internet access may be sporadic ..
Has he played Doctor Who?
In a current TV series?
Daleks V Cybermen on Saturday for the series finale...brilliant!!
[Raak] Doctor Who? YES!
[Inkspot] Current? YES!!
Now I wonder who will get there first ...?
[..just as well this was so easy because I'm going to be too busy for the next couple of days to pay much attention]
David Tennant?
That's the man! Well played Inks. Timing is all. Over to you for something perhaps a little more challenging?
Yay!! Thank you Chalky

Not too challenging, MINERAL

Metallic?
Man-made?
[irach]Metallic - No is the literal answer (slight giggling from some of the audience)
[Tuj]Man-made - YES
Polymeric?
A household object/substance?
"Instant Nails"?
[irach] - Polymeric? NO
[Rosie] - A household object/substance? NO
[Raak] - "Instant Nails"? NO
Made from a single substance?
[ImNotJohn]Made from a single substance? No
A single object?
To do with transport?
[CdM ] A single object? No (some unhappy audience murmmering)
[Raak] To do with transport? Yes (applause)
Begins with a P?
Tarmac?
[Tuj] Begins with a P? No
[Raak] Tarmac? Yes (more applause)
A road?
[Raak]A road? Yes (applause, the audience excited but are still sat down)
The motorway network?
A specific road?
A dual carriageway?
The Golden Mile?
A runway?
Silver Street?
[Rosie] The motorway network? No (and the audience go ohhhhhh!)
irach - A specific road? Yes (audience cheer)
Raak - A dual carriageway?No
Projoy - The Golden Mile?No
Kim - A runway? No
Projoy - Silver Street?No
The M25?
[Raak] The M25? No (There's a sharp in take of breath as the audience lean forward)
The M1?
M62?
[Dandalf]The M1?No
[Tuj] M62? No
Does it begin with an M?
The Channel Tunnel?
Is it, at least mostly, in the south of England?
The M2?
The M11?
[Raak]Does it begin with an M? Yes
[Lurking Chalky]The Channel Tunnel? No
[Rosie]Is it, at least mostly, in the south of England? Yes and partly (seven of the audience get up for a leek)
[Phil] The M2? No
[Irouléguy] The M11? No
Is the rest of it a number?
[Raak] Is the rest of it a number? Yes (audience are restless)
The M4?
YES, well done Cdm it is the M4. The baton is yours.

That was a lurker's victory if ever there was one. All right, this next one is
ABSTRACT
Anarcho-syndicalism?
Linguistics?
AS? No.
Linguistics? No (but a smattering of applause).
A particular language?
Particular language? No.
About the written word?
A saying or phrase?
About written word? Yes.
Saying or phrase? No (some muttering in the audience).
something that appears in the vast majority of known languages?
In vast majority of known languages? Yes.
A figure of speech?
Figure of speech? No.
jinnan tonyx?
An alphabet or other system of writing?
Universal beverage? No.
ABCs? No.
related to grammar?
Grammar-related? No.
Punctuation?
Is the answer on the card one word?
Diacritical characters?
Punctuation? No.
One word? One word plus an indefinite article.
Diacriticals? No.
some sort of metadata?
Related to pronunciation?
An idiom?
metadata? No.
pronunciation-related? Noo.
idiom? No.
a particular word?
Particular word? No.
A diary?
Long shot.
Diary? No.
Is this a property of a single word (not necessarily a particular one)?
Property of a single word? It could be.
A cliché?
clich&eacuate;? No, no, a thousand times, no.
*sigh*
Is it a metaphor?
Is it to do only with the written word (and not at all with the spoken)?
metaphor? No.
written rather than spoken word? Yes. *applause*
A misspelling?
Misspelling? Non.
An alphabet?
*points at earlier question from Sweden*
An abbreviation?
abbreviation? N.
A heading (eg chapter or paragraph)?
Heading? No.
cursivity (or whatever its called)?
Cursives? Foiled again.
Calligraphy?
To do with computer-mediated communication?
Single-minded? Me?
calligraphy? No.
CMC? No. *after a moment, there are some chuckles in the audience*
One clarification: When asked if this was a property of a single word, I replied "it could be". However, I should probably have made it clear that it need not be, and is not usually so. Also it is not so much the "property" of a word or phrase as a definition of a kind of word or phrase.
An abbreviation?
*paeqfI*
A font?
Most frequently seen in a public space?
font? No.
Most frequently seen in a public space? No, although certainly sometimes seen in a public space.
An inscription of some sort?
inscription? No. (although the aforementioned instances in public spaces would typically be)
An epitaph?
A mobile phone text message?
epitaph? RIP.
txt msg? :-( !! LOL!!!!!
Clarification of my clarification: the words on the card are not a "property" as such but they do imply a property. If you see what I mean. I have probably said too much.
A rebus?
A foreignism?
Rebus, foreignism? 9!
a neologism?
Actually, forget that, not limited to written language.
Something to do with law?
Did it exist in the nineteenth century?
A label?
To do with law? No.
Did it exist in 19th Century? Yes.
Label? No.
A signature?
signature? No.
To summarize what you know so far.

There are two words on the card, of which one is an indefinite article. The answer on the card concerns the written, not the spoken, word. It appears in the vast majority of known languages, it existed in the 19th century, and it is sometimes, though not most frequently, seen in a public space. It could, though need not, be the property of a particular word (subject to the caveat that the words on the card define a property but are not a 'property' as such).

It is not: anarcho-syndicalism, linguistics, a particular language, a saying or phrase, a figure of speech, a G&T (in any language), an alphabet or writing system, related to grammar, punctuation, diacritical characters, metadata, related to pronunciation, an idiom, a diary, a particular word, a cliché, a metaphor, a misspelling, an abbreviation, a heading, cursivity, calligraphy, to do with computer-mediated-communication, a font, an epitaph, a text message, a rebus, a foreignism, a neologism, to do with the law, a label, or a signature.

Reading that through, the only thing that is perhaps misleading is the 'phrase or saying' answer. Just as the answer could (but need not) be a word, so it could also (but need not) be a phrase.
A sentence?
Sentence? No. But see "word" and "phrase" above. (Oh, and missing from my summary: it is also not an inscription.)
A quotation?
a caption?
quotation? "No."
caption? No.
A majuscule?
majuscule? no.
Does it have anything to do with religion?
Does it have to do with literature?
religion? No.
literature? No, except very tangentially.
Is there a particular subject matter for the writing?
Was it around in the 1500s?
Particular subject matter? Definitely not.
Around in 1500s? Yes.
Does this exist in ideographic languages (eg Chinese, Japanese)?
Does it rely on the existence of printing?
A letter? (Communication, not alphabet.)
Does this exist in ideographic languages? Yes, although it is arguably somewhat different in those languages. *audience applauds the question*
Rely on printing? No.
A letter? Dear Raak. No. Love, CdM.
Does it have anything to do with alphabetical order?
deorr? No. (nevertheless, a smattering of applause)
A word square?
WO
R  D       ? No. (the audience, which had been looking anxiously at the door waiting for Tuj, begins to sit up and take notice)
A crossword?
Crossword? F*ck No! (oblig.)
A palindrome?
Anagram?
Begins with a P?
Who, me?
A smiley?
Not a bad draw, all. I'll award da baton.
The correct answer is indeed A PALINDROME.
...and double drat.
Phew. The next item is M I N E R A L
Sorry, I keep on thinking that FFFFFF is the black end of the color space. The next word is M I N E R A L. (No significance in the charcoal grey colour.)
Is it an invention?
[Inkspot] Yes, an invention.
Invented prior to 1700?
(Btw, I am glad Raak got that last one; he put in most of the heavy lifting, and got closest. I thought it would fall much more quickly, particularly since written word was identified so quickly.)
[CdM] Not invented prior to 1700. (Discontented murmuring from some of the audience who think they know the history of this thing. The laser display board explains the ruling to them.)
Was it invented in Britain?
CdM] Thanks - one of the most enjoyable for a long time
[I] Not invented in Britain. (It's not clear from Google exactly who invented it or exactly when, but I'm going with the most likely suspect.)
A battery?
Long shot.
Invented in the 20th Century?
[R] Not a battery.
[K] Not invented in the 20th Century.
Does it require electric power?
[I] Does not require electric power.
Used in the home?
[Projoy] Not normally used in the home.
Metallic?
Used on a ship?
Am I likely to own one? or want to own one if I don't already?
[Projoy] Could be used on a ship.
[Lib] You likely to own one? I think not. You want to own one? Not that I know of, at least, not in the capacity of a nurse or a singer.
*ahem* Or doctor.
[Projoy] Apols to Lib. A doctor, qua doctor, would not be likely to have one of these either.
Begins with a P?
[Raak] You appear to have missed irach.
[irach] Not normally metallic.
[Tuj] Does not begin with a P.
Is it used in retailing?
[I] Not used in retailing.
Made of glass?
[Inkspot] Not made of glass.
Related to travel?
Used by a particular profession or trade?
[Projoy] Unrelated to travel.
[I] Yes! Used by a particular profession or trade.
Is it smaller than a toaster?
A tool of some kind?
Made of plastic?
A musical instrument?
Part of it a liquid?
[C] Smaller than a toaster.
[R] Yes, broadly speaking.
[C] Can be made of plastic.
[I] Musical instrument? Er. Yes and no.
[I] No liquids involved.
Is it a tool used in the arts?
Bigger than a pack of cards?
[irach] Used in the arts. applause
[Projoy] Difficult to compare them.
Paintbrush?
[irach] Not a paintbrush.
A comb?
Used in the performing arts, as in dance?
[Rosie] Not a comb.
[irach] Used in the performing arts.
A dance acessory?
[irach] Not a dance accessory.
A drumstick?
[Rosie] Not a drumstick.
Is it used onstage during a performance?
A Swanee Whistle?
[Inkspot] Yes, used onstage.
[INJ] Oo ooooo-oooo OOOO-oo? Nooo.
Conductor's baton
(actually, probably not, cos they tend to have a cork end)
With or without cork, Projoy is correct: a conductor's baton. (Invented, or at least popularised, by Louis Spohr in the 1820's.)
Oh, right-oh, then. MINERAL (maybe the odd trace of the other two, but MINERAL is by far the most sensible category)
Actually MINERAL/ABSTRACT.
A work of art?
Involves gold?
[Raak] Work of art, NO (*the merest momentary demurring murmur from just one audience member*)
[irach] Involves gold? NOT TO MY KNOWLEDGE
A coin?
Metallic?
[Raak] A coin? NO
[irach] Metallic? YES, PARTIALLY
Manufactured?
[Rosie] Manufactured? YES
Does it have moving parts?
Invented since 1900?
[Inkspot] Moving Parts - YES
[INJ] Since 1900? YES
[INJ] There are two possible answers to that question, although as it happens they are both YES.
A computer?
[irach] A computer? YES *significant applause from audience*
Designed by Babbage?
[Raak] Babbage? NO (except inasmuch as all computers are)
Invented since the 2900?
I've worked on programs written for International Computers and Tabulators machines
Hmm..
[INJ] Invented since the 2900. This time the two answers bifurcate: YES and NO.
The computer HAL in 2001:A Space Odyssey?
Fictional?
[Tuj] Yes, fictional, and
[irach, who is clearly on the same astral wavelength as me today] HAL 9000? YES *audience applause*
*looks suspiciously at the monolith behind irach*
Coincidentally, I was listening to the theme music of the movie on the radio when I made my guess...Even more psychic!
The next one is very simply ANIMAL.
A person?
Alive?
A specific individual?
[Inkspot] No.
[Rosie] Yes or No.
[Raak] No.
Native to a region of the world?
[Inkspot] Fairly widespread globally.
Four-legged?
[Raak] No.
Three-legged
It's a process of deduction.
[Projoy] No.
A mammal?
[Inkspot] No.
Any legs at all?
A virus?
[Raak] No legs at all.
[Inkspot] Not a virus. Quite macroscopic.
Part of an animal?
[Rosie] No, the whole animal.
A fish?
A reptile?
A snake?
[Irouleguy] Yes ! A Fish!
[Inkspot] By deduction from comment to Irouleguy, NO.
[Tuj] ibid.
A freshwater fish?
Can a fully-grown one exceed 1 metre in length?
Cod?
A shellfish?
[Inkspot] No.
[ImNotJohn] Quite possibly.
[Irouleguy] No, not cod.
[Chalky] Not shellfish.
A deep sea fish?
[Inkspot] According to Wikipedia, not necessarily exclusively a deep sea fish.
Do we routinely catch it and eat it?
[Rosie] While I have never caught one (and I kind of doubt you have), it IS routinely caught and eaten.
Shark?
[Raak] No, not shark.
Squid?
[Projoy] Not a squid (No legs, remember? Not even a multiple-amputee squid). Think Phylum Pisces.
Squid have tentacles! :P
[Projoy] Squid are in the order Decapodiformes which literally means ten-legged, although you are correct in that the tentacles do not function really efficiently as legs. Neither do the legs on a two-legged stool. : )
Tuna?
[Inkspot] Not tuna.
Some sort of ray?
[irach] Just cos the Greeks got it wrong is no reason to perpetuate the error. :) Interestingly, Wikipedia refers to them as "arms".
A skate?
Not a skate.
Would I be likely to find it at the fish counter in the supermarket?
[Raak] Very likely to find it at the fish counter.
Some sort of ray?
[Projoy] Not a ray.
A ray-finned fish?
[Inkpot] Yes, a ray-finned fish (Class Actinopterygii).
A Salmon?
[Inkspot] Not salmon.
Haddock?
Cod?
[Irouleguy] Not haddock.
[inkspot] Not cod.
Herring?
Mullet
[Phil] Not herring.
[Inkspot] Not mullet, either.
Is this normally found in the waters around Britain?
Of the super order Acanthopterygii form the class Actinopterygii ?
Of the super order Paracanthopterygii form the class Actinopterygii?
While it is quiet ....
Of the super order Protacanthopterygii form the class Actinopterygii?
Of the super order Ostariophysi form the class Actinopterygii?
[Irouleguy] Certainly found in the North Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea.
[Inkspot] Actinopterygii, yes, but not any of the orders mentioned.
(Time for a clue?)
[Inkspot] I retract my former comment to you. It should have been a "Yes" to Superorder Acanthopterygii.
Plaice?
[Irouleguy] Getting much warmer, but no. [The audience is on tenterhooks].
Swordfish?
That was me.
Sole?
[Chalky] No.
[Inkspot] Very warm, but not quite there. [the audience's sole response is to stand in plaice, and some begin applauding the fact that the net is finally cast in the right direction to bring in the big fish].
Gosh - the anticipation is killing me ...
Flounder?
[CdM]. Yes, flounder it is. Actually the word on the card I was looking for was "Halibut", but "flounder" is close enough for a win, since halibut are a class of flounder. Take it away, CdM....
Looks like I just lurked my way to another victory. All right.
VEGETABLE and MINERAL
A building?
Building? No.
Edible?
A mass produced manufactured item?
Edible? No.
Mass-produced manufactured item? Yes.
Made of wood and metal?
Made of plastic?
Can it be held in one's hand?
Does it use electricity?
Wood and metal? No.
Plastic? In part.
Held in one's hand? Um. Yes and No.
Use electricity? No.
Clarification: As it happens, I have held this in my hand. But under normal circumstances you would not think of it as being something you can or would hold in the hand.
Has it working parts?
Working parts? No.
Always the same size?
(not meaning to within a fraction of an inch, but roughly the same)
Always the same size? The words on the card imply no necessary specific size at all. There is considerable variation in most actual instances as well, although you might still say that most actual instances are (very) roughly the same size. (Audience applauds the question, even as they try to make sense of the answer.)
And to clarify (!) I should say that many actual instances are indeed roughly (as opposed to (very) roughly) the same size.
Is it bigger than a shoebox?
Is it used in entertainment?
Bigger than a matchbox?
Is it used in industry?
Bigger than shoebox/matchbox? In the actual instances that I referred to, it would be bigger than a shoebox (and it would pretty much always have to be bigger than a matchbox).
Used in entertainment? Broadly speaking, yes.
Used in industry? No.
Used for a recreational activity?
To do with audio reproduction?
Recreational activity? Yes. (Perhaps not always, but yes is the best answer).
audio reproduction? No.
(nothing from me for the next 18 hours or so -- about to get on a plane)
Used in sports?
[CdM] Look out for snakes.
Could it be found in a home?
Used in sports? Yes. applause
Could it be found in a home? Highly unlikely.
Used in one particular sport?
One particular sport? No, although largely confined to a small number of sports.
A ball?
Some form of protection?
Is it too big for one person to carry?
A goal?
Ball? No.
Protection? No.
Too big for one person to carry? Yes, in usual circumstances (but see earlier responses)
Goal? No.
Is the vegetable cotton?
A scoreboard?
cotton? No.
scoreboard? No.
Astroturf?
Astroturf? Not quite, but massive applause
A piece of Wembley Stadium turf?
A running track?
getting colder
Wembley? No.
Running track? No.
Astroturf was really very close indeed, but not exactly right.
A pitch?
Some form of matting, eg for high-jumpers to land on?
Actually, upon reflection, I think I should just award the victory to Raak. I was actually looking for Fieldturf, which is sort of a new generation astroturf (made of rubber, sand, and plastic, and much more like real grass). (Fieldturf, like astroturf, is a brand name, but I think there are several manufacturers of similar products.)
Number 2, I guess, at least in popular consciousness.

The next is MINERAL with ABSTRACT connections.

A sculpture?
Iron hand?
A natural feature?
[C] Not a sculpture.
[i] Not an iron hand.
[R] Not a natural feature.
Does it have religious connections?
[I] No religious connections.
Is it in a particular country?
[I] Not specific to any country.
Is it a mass-produced object?
[I] Yes, mass-produced.
Is it edible?
Is it actually an object, as opposed to a substance?
[C] Not edible.
[R] An object.
Is it made of glass?
[C] Partly made of glass.
Larger than a telephone kiosk?
[C] Smaller than a telephone book.
Was it invented?
[C] Oops, misread your question. Well, it's smaller than a telephone book.
[I] Invented. Actually, one might question whether there was an "inventive step" in first making these, or if it was an obvious application of existing inventions, but patents have been granted on slighter grounds.
A microscope?
Taking a pot shot from the halfway line.
[R] Not a microscope.
Is it a product of a particular company?
Would it have a use in a particular part of one's house?
[I] Not a particular company.
[T] Yes (although it could be used anywhere in the house).
A stationery connection?
Connected to lighting?
Connected to lighting?
[P] Not conneted to stationery.
[C] Connected to lighting? Sort of.
Anything to do with time?
[C] Nothing to do with time.
Does it have an optical function?
Is it used on its own, or is it a component of some larger entity?
A window?
[P] Yes! It has an optical function. Applause!
[C] Neither.
[P] Not a window.
Eyeglasses?
Small picture frame?
[i] Not eyeglasses.
[P] Not a picture frame.
Is a lens involved?
[P] Yes! More applause.
A camera?
[T] Yes, a camera. But that's not the whole answer.
A digital camera?
[I] Yes, but that's still not quite the whole answer.
A camera phone?
[Tuj] Not a camera phone.
A webcam?
A disposable digital camera?
[I] No.
[CdM] Yes, a webcam. Back to you.
Wow. I am on a roll again. OK
MINERAL with ABSTRACT connections.
Related to computers?
computer-related? No.
A geographical feature?
geographical feature? At least part of the answer is a geographical feature, and the whole answer is arguably also a geographical feature, at least for a broad definition of geography. applause
I'm seeing some sort of man-made structure on an island or rock - am I WAY off the mark?
Is the abstract connection in any way spiritual?
Lunar crater?
after such a good start...
manmade structure on rock? Way off the mark.    :-)
spiritual connection? No.
lunar crater? No.
A country or territory of some sort?
Country or territory? No.
Man-made?
An ocean or sea?
Man-made? No.
Ocean? No.
The face on Mars?
Is water involved?
Face on Mars? No.
Water involved? Yes. applause
A lake?
Lake? No.
Flowing water?
Is there just one of these?
Flowing water? No.
Just one of these? Yes is the least misleading answer.
Is it underground?
Underground? No.
A reservoir?
Yhough it probably counts as a lake.
Preview, dear boy. That should be, "though".
A Glacier?
Reservoir? No.
Glacier? No. smattering of applause
The Arctic ice cap?
A comet?
Arctic ice cap? No.
Comet? No.

Correction and apology: I should have answered "yes" to "a glacier?". (The technically correct answer is perhaps "no", but this is very misleading.)
In the southern hemisphere?
Southern hemisphere? Yes.
In South America?
South America? No.
An ice-shelf?
The Ross Ice Shelf?
Ice shelf? No.
Ross ice shelf? No, a fortiori
In Africa?
Yay, the Internets are back!
Africa? Yes.
A glacier in Africa? Google...

Is it in the vicinity of Kilimanjaro?

The Snows of Kilimanjaro, as in Hemingway?
YES! The words on the card are "The Snows of Kilimanjaro", with the abstract connection being the Hemingway short story and the subsequent film. *hands icicle to irach*
Thanks, CdM (he says, as the icicle begins melting and dripping)... this one is ANIMAL.
Human?
No.
A mammal?
[Irouleguy] Not a mammal.
Extinct?
Does it have legs?
Something made out of an animal?
Native to a particular continent?
Large enough to see?
Part of an animal?
[Kim] Not extinct.
[Phil] Yes, it does have legs.
[Tuj] No.
[Inkspot] Not native to any one continent.
[Raak] Yes, plainly visible and macroscopic.
[Rosie] No, not a part of an animal.
An insect?
[CdM] Not an insect.
A bird?
Amphibian?
[Raak] Yes, a bird.
[Kim] No, not amhibian.
Any emblematic significance?
A seabird?
Emu?
[Rosie] None that I'm aware of.
[Phil] Yes, a coastal bird, but not exclusively so.
[Tuj] Not an emu.
A cormorant?
Grey Gull?
A hawk of some kind?
[Irouleguy] Not a cormorant.
[Kim} Not a grey (or otherwise coloured) gull.
[Chalky] No, not a hawk of any kind.
Tern?
[Kim] Not a tern.
Native to the UK?
[Kim] Not native to the UK, according to the British Ornithologists' Union list of British birds.
[Rosie] In researching your earlier question, Yes, it is of emblematic and/or symbolic significance.
A puffin?
[Irouleguy] Not a puffin.
Waterfowl of some nature?
A vulture?
(irach) Thanks for doing that. :-)
[INJ] A waterbird that frequents water, yes.
[Rosie] No, not a vulture.
A loon?
[CdM] Not a loon.
Endangered?
[CdM] The loon is on the British list, only it's called 'Great Northern Diver'
[Irach] By waterfowl I meant a bird in the duck, coot, rail group, to distinguish it from say Fish Eagle or heron.
[CdM] Not a duck, loon, goose, swan, coot, rail or gallinule. Not Anidae.
[CdM] That should read Anatidae, of course.
[INJ] Not endangered. At least one species of this bird was endangered earlier, but has made a good recovery and is no longer considered so.
[INJ] Actually, I did a little more digging on the web, and the species in question is still considered endangered in parts of its range, while it has been removed from the list in those zones where it has made a very good comeback.
Pelican?
*waits for INJ to explain that the pelican is exclusively coastal, or some such other objection*
[CdM] Yes, Pelican, it is! Bravo! Take it away...
I actually thought of pelican much earlier, but then misread a Q&A and thought it had been ruled out. Anyway.

ABSTRACT (perhaps with VEGETABLE and MINERAL connections)
An activity?
An activity? No.
An organisation?
An organisation? No.
A human construct?
(oblig.)
Human construct? Yes.
Is this found in all cultures?
Begins with a P?
Found in all cultures. No, but it is widespread.
Begins with a P? No.
An academic study?
Academic study? No.
The audience, very belatedly, decides it should offer some applause in response to Inkspot's question.
Is the vegetable connection edible?
An anarcho-syndicalist flag?
Edible vegetable? No.
A-s flag? No. Some laughter in the audience
To do with politics?
Politics? No.
Any religious connections?
A connection with music?
A philosophy, in the broadest sense?
Religious? No.
Music? No.
Philosophy? No, unless you want to be very broad.
Is it fictional?
Fictional? No.
Anything to do with clothing?
To do with clothing? Yes, though not exclusively. applause
Appearance?
Appearance? No.
The Shield of British Fair Play?
To do with a particular item of clothing?
shield of British fair play? No.
particular item of clothing? No. some applause
Is the answer on the card one word?
The Emperor's New Clothes?
An insignia?
one word? Two words plus a definite article.
Emperor's new clothes? No.
An insignia? Yes, broadly defined. applause
The Union Flag (Union Jack)?
Union Flag? No.
Is it normally attached to clothing?
A designer label?
Normally attached to clothing? Most often, yes. applause
Designer label? Yes, broadly defined (though not exactly). applause
a care label?
A logo?
Care label? No.
A logo? Yes. applause
The Nike Symbol?
Nike? Yes! The words on the card are actually "The Nike Swoosh", but that's close enough. *hands branded baton to Projoy*
Oh dear, that was a bit of a lurker's victory. Nevermind...
VEGETABLE/MINERAL/ABSTRACT
A natural product?
Whaddya meeeen Never mind? I'm furious, as always.
Begins with a P?
[Rosie] There, there. Mine usually don't take long to get... A natural product? NO.
[Tuj] Begins with a P? YES
Yes!!
(no question)
Smaller than a phone box?
Oh alright then.
[Tuj] Smaller than a phone box? YES
A Mr. Potato Head?
[Raak] Kartoffelkopf? NEIN
Is the vegetable wood?
Is it mass produced?
The peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked?
[Ig] Wood? PROBABLY
[Ink] Mass-produced? I DOUBT IT
[CdM] The sum of stewed squash stolen by some silly sod? NO
Primarily produced for artistic, rather than practical, reasons?
[INJ] I'm not sure there's anything other than a misleading answer to that other than IT DEPENDS.
Is it found in the home?
[Raak] Found in the home? NOT NORMALLY
Does music come into this?
[Chalky] Music connection? NO
Smaller than a shoe-box?
[Ig] Smaller than a shoe-box? NO
Found on a ship?
[Raak] On a ship? NO
Is it street furniture?
[Rosie] Street Furniture, YES *applause, although there are some dissenting voices*
[INJ] On further reflection, there are two separate answers to the "artistic, rather than practical" question. One is an unequivocal YES, the other is a tentative NO.
Festive ornamentation of some sort?
[Raak] Festive Ornamentation? NO
Parking meters?
[Ig] Parking meters? NO (but a sensitive ear can make out the sound of one hand clapping)
A shelter of some kind?
[Rosie] A shelter? YEAH, I GUESS
Bus stop?
[ir] Bus stop, NOPE
A bench?
[ir] Bench, NOPE
Parking garage?
[ir] Parking garage, NOPE (don't forget - is smaller than a phone box)
parasol?
[INJ] Parasol, NO * a slight chill breeze wafts from the audience *
A Parking/No parking sign
(no) parking sign, NOPE
A pissoir?
[Rosie] Pissoir? NOPE
[all] I know it seems like it's been narrowed down quite a bit, but critical information about the answer has yet to be unearthed, hence most of these guesses missing.
A café umbrella?
[Raak] Café Umbrella? NOPE
Specific to one culture/country?
Is the shelter for people?
Park bench?
And it begins with P!
Is the vegetable wood?
[INJ] Specific to one culture/country? NO, NOT REALLY
[Ig] Shelter for people? SORT OF (it's not for any other species either)
[Tuj] Park bench, NOPE
[Raak] Wood? PROBABLY, BUT MIGHT NOT BE
Is it put there by the local authority?
[Rosie] Local Authority, NO
(put where, btw?)
Would it normally be found on the UK pavement as opposed to the US pavement?
[INJ] UK/US? NO. Wouldn't normally be found in either place.
Is it found in a particular type of location?
Some kind of fencing?
A pier?
[Rosie] Particular type of location? YES and NO. The most helpful answer is NO.
[Tuj] Fencing? NO
[Ig] Pier? NO
[Rosie] Actually, it could be that the most helpful answer is YES, come to think of it. Sorry, not wishing to be perverse, but there's still something you don't yet know about this thing that, one you have found it out, would enable me to give much less equivocal answers.
A pier?
I am so blind - apols for such blatant repitition
Is it fictional?
Pillarbox?
[Phil] apology accepted :)
[Tuj] Fictional? YES *relieved applause and cheering*
[Phil] Pillarbox? NO, although the notion of taking shelter in a pillarbox is amusing me as I type.
From a book?
Pfff blimey. Can't believe we hadn't questioned the abstract sooner.
[Tuj] From a book? YES
One specific, individual thing?
[Raak] Specific, individual? YES
[Projoy] It's only "sort of" a shelter for people, so I thought it might be a shelter for things, that people use. But, you could shelter one hand at a time in one :-)
Is the book science fiction?
[Raak] SF? NO.
A porch?
[Raak] Porch, NO.
A Priesthole?
(only they have them in non-fiction too, but it's all I can think of)
[Phil] Priesthole? NOPE
Is it a 20th century book?
[Ig] C20th book? YES
Is the book set, broadly speaking, in the present day (as opposed to being obviously historical fiction or obviously set in the future)?
[CdM] Broadly present-day, YES
(there is a case for a NO answer, but that would be a bit obnoxious)
Are there multiple instances of this one specific thing? (I'm trying to reconcile "specific individual thing" with "not specific to one culture")
[CdM] Multiple instances? NO (there's no especial reason there couldn't be, but only one is mentioned - there's nothing about the one instance encountered that is (particularly) specific to one culture)
Is the book set in a recognisable real location or locations?
(I'm making up for all the questions I didn't ask earlier.)
[CdM] Real/recognisable location? NO (and YES, but mostly NO)
Would the book be considered as basically for children?
[CdMaddendum] Which is to say in terms of "recognisable", the answer is definitely NO, and in terms of "real", it's MOSTLY NO.
[INJ] Basically for children? YES *applause*
In a Harry Potter book?
[INJ] Harry Potter? NO.
In a Narnian chronicle?
[CdM] I'm not that far back in the closet. NO. ;-)
In a Philip Pullman book?
[Ig] Philip Pullman? NOPE (even though he begins with P twice!)
Book from the last 50 years?
[Tuj] From the last 50 Years, YES
A Tolkien book?
Is the writer British?
Pub sign?
Pinocchio?
Just one book, or a series?
[Phil] Tolkien? NO
[Inkspot] British? NO
[Tuj] Pub sign? NO
[ir] Pinocchio, NO
[Ig] Just one book? YES
Da Recap
So, it's a fictional, single, individual object which is smaller than a phone-box, larger than a shoe-box and appears in a one-off C20th children's novel by a non-British author, which is mostly set in unreal locations, published some time in the last fifty years. It may be described as "street furniture" (with some potential for controversy) and The Answer begins with a 'P'. More dubious are the details of what it's made of (probably wood), where it is most likely to be found, and whether it is likely to be mass-produced (unlikely, IMO). I won't go thru all the things it's not, but will note that some people will have heard of it, others will probably require google.
French?
[INJ] French? NO
European?
OK, let's be systematic about this.
Phantom Tollboth?
And can I just say that, if that isn't right, then it ought to be.
[INJ] European, NO...
[CdM] Phantom Tollbooth? YES!! *collects checkpoint fee and hands baton back to CdM*
Never heard of it, nor will many others, thus excluding them from the game. Google it? What do you type into Google? "Something I have never heard of". Go! This is by no means the worst example of an inappropriate subject, there being many of them so arcane that you just give up, bored, knowing that eventually some clever clogs will winkle out the answer. I could retaliate, of course, if I ever win again. It will be a steam engine. Not just any old steam engine. Oh dear me no. A particular type and not only that, a particular class. And not just any old loco of that class but a particular engine. And will it be notable in any way? Not necessarily. Wouldn't that be clever? The point I am making is that this game has departed a long way from the original concept, which was conducted live and necessarily needed maybe unusual but universally-known subjects. It needs to stop being a research project or a showcase for clever boys and return to its more modest origins.
Ditto, never heard of it :-(
[Rosie] Oh, rubbish. If we stuck to obvious stuff, this game would have run out of steam much earlier. I enjoyed finding out about, for example, Bobrikov, set by Néa earlier in the game. I'd never heard of him, but that hardly excluded me from the game (in fact it was me who dug up the answer after about 20 minutes' research).
Besides, anyone who hasn't heard of the Phantom Tollbooth has just had the good fortune to discover it. It is one of the classics of literature and they should read it at once (preferably in an edition with the original Jules Feiffer cartoons).
Bobrikov, and Bluebeard (which I found through Google) were good - difficult, and involved learning something new, but they were relatively "googlable". Luckily, the Phantom Bluetooth appears to be well enough known for someone to get it, it's just us grumpy old men that have never heard of it ;-)
Lets move on and work the next one out :-)
(Projoy) There is an absolutely huge number of subjects that are universally known. The skill is in picking one that is a little off-beat and needs a little imagination to guess. That's what the original Animal, Vegetable and Mineral was about. Turning it into a research project is a negation of the original idea. I have no interest whatever in which particular species of South American lizard, or which character from some science fiction novel the questioner is thinking of. That is just so nerdy. And boring! It's meant to be a game. Time for another extended absence from this one, I feel.
[Rosie] Please don't deprive us of your presence from this game. Surely now your opinions have been aired and taken into account by the rest of us there should be less of a problem? I'm in the "never heard of it" camp for the last one, but that happens every now and then - and I'm sure it does for everyone. Trying to come up with subjects every single time that every member of a multi-national group of people from a fair age range have heard of wouldn't be too easy. Yes, if there happens to be another subject soon that the majority of people consider inappropriate we can have this kind of discussion, but shall we just get on with things for now?
[CdM] By the way, no pressure on choosing the next topic ;)
(Tuj) That's very kind, and I actually enjoy the game, yes really, but only up to the point where I reckon the answer must be something I've never heard of, at which I just switch off and hope for something better next time. OK, I'll put in some questions then, if you insist. :-)
[Tuj] Well, I was thinking about picking a particular steam engine...
[Rosie] I understand where you are coming from -- halfway through the last AVMA I remember thinking "well, if this is from a Philip Pullman book I might as well give up now." At the same time this game, like so many that we play, is different from its antecedent, and I think this is a good thing, not a bad thing. This online version is played using google from time to time, and that does open us up to more obscure topics. As to whether Projoy's particular choice was too obscure, I am inclined to think not (but then, I did know the answer). The answer was the title to the book, not something from within the book, and I do think the book is acknowledged as at least a minor classic of children's literature -- maybe not in the A.A. Milne or Lewis Carroll or C.S. Lewis league, but comparable to perhaps the works of Roald Dahl or Arthur Ransome. Like Tuj, though, I would urge you to keep playing. On which note,
ABSTRACT
A human construct?
Human construct? Yes is the least misleading answer.
Does it have religious connotations?
fictional?
To do with language?
Religious connotations? No.
Fictional? No.
To do with language? No.
To do with computers?
To do with emotions?
Computers? No, except in a very tangential sense.
Emotions? No.
To do with numbers?
Reality TV?
Is there just one of these?
Begins with a P?
Stephenson's Rocket?
No forget that - it's got to be Mallard.
A space of some kind?
To do with numbers? Hmmmmm... Not as such, yet numbers do play an important role in practice.
Reality TV? No.
Just one of these? No.
Begins with P? No.
Stephenson's Rocket? Not even close. :-)
A space of some kind? That is also a tricky one. I would say Yes, but I worry that that answer will mislead.
To do with mathematics?
Is it a game of some kind?
Connected with Physics?
[Rosie] Since it's abstract, it would have to be the Mallard Imaginaire.
"Something I've never heard of"?
A relationship of some sort between humans?
Moebius loop?
To do with mathematics? No.
Game of some kind? No.
Connected with physics? No.(There are very vague connections to physics and math, but I think they are unhelpful)
Something Projoy has never heard of? :-) No.
Relationship between humans? No. (Except in a very vague sense!)
Moebius loop? No.

Not to be discouraging, but nothing is hitting anywhere near the mark yet...
Anything to do with environmental issues?
To do with the arts?
To do with perception?
To do with environmental issues? No. (Again, I suppose there is a very vague connection.)
To do with the arts? No.
To do with perception? No.
To do with the internets?
To do with the internets? No. Although, as a clue, I might point out that it had absolultely nothing to do with the internets at all until relatively recently, and now it does have something to do with the internets, as in fact I proved when I originally set this AVMA.
AVMA?
To do with music?
To do with motion?
"Mallard" did 125 mph, you know.
To do with randomness?
Music? No.
Motion? Yes. *some applause*
Randomness? *tosses coin, checks* No.
*ahem*
To do with holidays?
The diesel land speed record?
Journey? Ticket?
The speed of light?
Some sort of delivery?
Would it have been known about/understood pre 1700?
Does it refer to the absence, rather than the presence of something?
Forget the speed of light, it's obviously not that.
oops
A clearing of the throat? No.
AVMA? No.
Holidays? No.
Diesel land speed record? No.
Speed of light? *forgets* Delivery? No.
Understood pre 1700? No. *ripple of applause*
Absence vs presence? Presence rather than absence.
Some sort of taxon?
The Hubble constant?
Technology-related?
A force?
The Poincare Conjecture?
Gravity?
Is it associated with/a product of a particular branch of science?
Kinetic energy?
taxon? No.
Hubble constant? No.
Technology-related? Yes, in the sense that it that would not be meaningful without a particular technology.
Poincaré Conjecture? No.
Gravity? No. *some laughter in the audience mixed with a smattering of applause*
Associated with particular branch of science? Yes, if "science" includes applied sciences.
Kinetic energy? No, although there is a vague connection.
Anything to do with planes?
Is the technology computing?
Flight?
Railway timetable?
To do with planes? Yes. *applause*
To with computing? Well, the primary technology I was thinking of was aeronautics. There need not be a connection with computing, but in practice there usually is.
Flight? No. *significant applause*
Railway timetable? No. *sudden silence*
The simulated absence of gravity on a plane flying a parabolic path?
Bernoulli's Principle?
Lift?
Which could be correct, as Tuj's "A Force?" was not answered.
oooops again
zero g? No.
Bernouilli Principle? *tosses coin, checks* No.
Lift (or other force?)? No.
*surreptitiously removes "i" from Bernoodle*
To do also with money?
Jet lag?
Forget last question
jet lag?
...
...
...
...
No.
The gyroscopic effect?
OK, to do also with money?
gyroscopic effect? No.
to do with money? No.
Satellite Navigation?
satellite navigation? No. *more applause*
Altitude?
Elliptical orbit?
altitude is one of the two words on the card. *sustained applause*
elliptical orbit? No.
Cruising Altitude?
If that doesn't work I'll let others have a go.
Density Altitude?
No, I think INJ has it, actually.
Pressure Altitude?
Just in case INJ hasn't got it.
Cruising Altitude it is, prompted by the fact that I posted that AVMA at a height of 38,000 feet somewhere over Central Asia. *automatic pilot hands baton to INJ*
OK, a quick one then.
This one is MINERAL.
BTW I'm spending the long weekend away from contact. (No phone, no mobile connectivity, without walking 15 minutes, no road). So if you haven't got it by bedtime there could be a long pause.
naturally occurring?
Is there more than one instance of this?
[PJ]naturally occurring - YES
[CdM] >1 - NO is probably the less confusing answer
Larger than a house?
[CdM] > house - YES
A geographical feature?
Well this is going quickly
[Phil] geographical feature? - YES (applause)
In Europe?
[Phil] Mineral, larger than a house, INJ setting the clue -- it had to be a geographical feature. :-)
On Earth?
*senses possible topicality*
Is its name of plural form?
As in the Alps, the Urals, the Six Counties, etc.
[CdM] Europe - NO
[PJ] On Earth - YES (no ice balls here)
[Raak] name of plural form? - NO (that's not why)
Africa?
(Feel free to assume the rest of the questions :-) )
Feeling Liberated
[Néa] Africa - NO
(Feel free to assume the rest of the answers)
Asia?
[PJ] Asia - YES
The audience is following intently.
A Himalaya?
[Tuj] Himalaya? - NO
A group of islands?
Is it at sea?
A named object?
[Néa] archipelago? - NO
[Raak] At Sea? - NO (a few wry grins are seen),br>[PJ] named object? - YES
Preview, you Great Dummacks!
New Orleans?
A lake?
Which Asia was that?
[Raak] New Orleans? - NO
[Rosie] Lake? - YES
(Most of the audience applaud - a few sit pointedly on their hands)
The Caspian Sea?
Nearly there
[Néa] Non-princely Caspian - NO
Lake Baikal?
Aral Sea?
Lake Vostok?
And it’s a lurker’s victory for irach – the Aral Sea it is. The singular/plural question is because the evaporation has continued to such an extent that there are at least 3 unconnected bodies of water.

So, have a good weekend and over to irach.

Well, well, well... The next one is ANIMAL, VEGETABLE and MINERAL
Begins with a P?
[Tuj] As a matter of fact, Yes.
Manmade?
[Rosie] Yes.
Bigger than a telephone box?
Score!
[Tuj] No, smaller than a telephone box.
Bigger than a shoebox?
A household device?
[Projoy] Generally not larger than a shoebox, and definitely not in two of the three dimensions.
[Rosie] May occasionally be used in the household, but is also frequently utilized in other locales.
A man-made object?
[CdM] you obviously know him better than I do
Used in sport?
A passive object, i.e. not powered?
[Phil] Yes. A man-made object.
[Tuj] Not used in sport.
[Rosie} Not powered by electricity or any fuel.
A leather-bound filofax?
Is the vegetable part paper?
[Raak] No. Not a filofax.
[Tuj] The vegetable part is not paper.
Is the vegetable part wood?
Is the animal part alive?
[Tuj] Yes, the vegetable part is wood.(The dozing audience opens half an eye)
[Raak] Not alive.
Is the mineral part metal?
A musical instrument?
[Tuj] Yes, the mineral part is metal.
[Raak] Not a musical instrument.
Do many people carry this with them?
[Rosie] Most people have carried it at some time, some people carry this some of the time; a certain profession carries it more often than others.
A mobile phone?
[Rosie} Not a mobile phone.
Is it a penknife or pocket knife?
[penelope] Neither a penknife or pocket knife.
An umbrella?
[Raak]. Not an umbrella. (begins with "p", remember? Not a parasol either, however. As a clarification, one does not "carry" it so much as "handle" it in its use).
Does it have a use in an office?
A pen?
A container of some kind?
[Projoy] Not generally used in an office.
[Chalky] Not a pen (the audience stirs ever so slightly, though}
[Rosie] Not a container.
Connected with making marks?
a picture?
Connected with paint?
A paintbrush?
[Projoy] I presume one can make marks with it.
[INJ] Not a picture (but the audience sits up, taking notice, and a few nod knowingly)
[Raak] Yes. Connected with paint... (oooh, so close).
[Tuj] By Jove, you got it! YES - a paintbrush it is.
I say, I actually won one! That's never happened before!
So, I'll kick off with a nice easy ANIMAL.
Human?
[Kim] Nope.
Begins with a P??
[Néa] Naturally :D
Currently lives wild in Britain?
[Raak] Possibly, but a less misleading answer I think would be NO.
Dingo?
Is it a bird?
[irach] Not a dingo.
[Rosie] Not a bird (or a plane, or indeed Superman).
Do people keep it as a pet?
Is it a mammal?
Is it sometimes used a s a work animal?
A single named individual animal?
[Raak] Pets? No.
[Néa] Not a mammal.
[irach] Not a work animal, though it is useful.
[INJ] Not a specific single animal.
I feel so negative... at least you know it begins with P, eh? ;)
Does it live on land?
[INJ] As opposed to sea or sky YES, but that's not a brilliant answer.
Maybe I should have made more of the fact it's useful...
Does it live in fresh water?
Is it an insect?
Is it bred for a specific purpose?
[irach] No, I don't think so.
[Chalky-1] No...
[Chalky-2] Yes! (though not in all instances)
A pig?
A reptile?
[Rosie] Not a mammal, apparently.
[Rosie & Projoy] Neither a pig nor a reptile.
An invertebrate?
Individually visible to the naked eye?
Is its skin made into leather?
"Leather" includes crocodiles, snakes, eels, etc
Is it a fish?
Is it an animal product?
[irach] Spineless indeed.
[INJ] Probably...
{Raak] No!
[Kim] No!
[Chalky] YES! That's a much better line to go down.
Honey?
Edible?
[Rosie] No.
[Irouléguy] Yes *audience thinks about applauding, then doesn't
*
Eaten by human beings?
[Projoy] Taken in by humans, yes. Not sure what it'd do to anything else.
Do people drink it?
Connected with brewing or distilling?
[Raak] No
[Projoy] No.

I don't think I'm very good at this.
Is the animal a bird?
[Raak] Nope, that's been asked before (Rosie) and we've also established that it's iffy whether a single one would be visible to the naked eye (INJ). As far as your previous question goes, it is "eaten" as such, although I just don't think that's the right word.

I'm going away tomorrow for a few days so this may get abandoned.
Does whatever it is sort of just hang around in the air?
[Projoy] No I'm afraid.
Is it alive?
Paramoecium?
A medication?
[Projoy] The animal yes, the animal product I'm fairly sure not
[irach] Afraid not
[Inkspot] Yes! *audience applause threatens structural instability*
Penicillin?
[Projoy] YES! *lights flash, trumpets sound*
'cuh, thank goodness that's over. I'll go back to guessing!
Oh dear, me again. OK, something everyone will have heard of, this time. ABSTRACT
Begins with a P?
Ahh, much better.
A human construct?
(Tuj) Penicillin is not an animal product but originally came from a mould. It can now be synthesised chemically.
[Tuj] YES, it does begin with a P!
[Rosie] YES, a human construct. Hm. Are moulds animal or vegetable or taxonomically in an "ancestor-to-both" category?
Procrastination?
[CdM] I'll tell you later.
To do with art?
Procrastination?
[Rosie] Yes, I realised I'd plunged in and labelled it animal without considering vegetable, but never mind. Thankfully my mess was cleared up by Inkspot & Projoy.
[Raak] Art? Most helpful answer is NO.
[Tuj] I'm getting to that one. It's the next thing on my list. More later.
An organisation?
(Pj) Moulds are a type of fungi, apparently. I can't see how there can be any connection with animals. Animal can turn into Vegetable eg manure (there's polite for you) but surely not the other way round?
[Rosie] Organisation? NO.
Is it fictional?
[Is] Fictional? NO
Is there a religious connection?
Anythig to do with furries?
Predestination?
Plutocracy?
Parsimony?
[Ig] Religious connection? NO
[Raak] Furry connection? NO
[Chalky] Predestination, Plutocracy or Parsimony? NO
A political concept?
[Rosie] Political? NO, well, only in the vaguest possible way.
Philosphy?
[Phil] Osophy? NOPE. (I do sometimes think that knowing the first letter is actually a bad thing. Encourages premature guessing).
An emotion?
(not wanting to be premature)
[Phil] An emotion? NO.
Premature Guessing?
Har har :P
[CdM] Premature Speculation? NO
Poincaré's Conjecture?
Possible event?
An activity?
Pantomime?
( [Tuj]With regard to the earlier one, can "Penicillin", a fungus, really be classified as an "animal"? Shouldn't it have been "vegetable"?)
[Raak] Poincaré's conjecture? NO
[Inkspot] Possible event? NO
[Ig] Activity? NO
[irach] Panto? OH, NO IT ISN'T!
Probability of having its own Wikipedia entry?
[Inkspot] Technically, I can answer only YES or NO, but since it's you, I shall reply that the probability is 100%.
Did it exist more than a century ago?
Is it an artistic style?
A bodily function? (not necessarily a rude one).
[Raak] More than a century old? YES
[Phil] Artistic style, NO
[Rosie] Bodily function, rude or otherwise, NO
To do with language?
[Raak] Language connection? NOT REALLY, except in a fairly catch-all sense.
Is it timeless?
[Phil] Timeless? NO
What it's not...
Art, organisation, fictional, religious, furry, political, philosophical, emotion, possible event, activity, panto, style, bodily function, language, timeless.
The definition of planets?
Scientific/Technical?
[Raak] Definition of planets? NO
[Rosie] Scientific/Technical? YES (for the most part) *audience applause, although one or two pedants get into fistfights*
Also - it isn't predestination, plutocracy or parsimony.
*is somewhat bemused by the pedants who have to resort to fisticuffs and tells them it's not THAT important - fer gawd's sake*
Periodic Table?
[Elemental, my dear Chalky] Periodic Table? NO
A theory?
[Inkspot] A theory? NO
Anything to do with the weather?
Is it an "-ology" ?
[Rosie] To do with the weather? NO
[Philology]? NO, not an ology.
[Projoy] Takes a lot to make me laugh on a monday morning, but thanks for "Philology" - raised a titter, at least :-)
Anything to do with a craft of some sort?
[Raak] To do with a craft of some sort? Strictly, NO (but note my emphasis).
A general skill?
[Raak] NO, not a skill. (damn, thought we were almost there for a moment!)
Is it a practice of some kind?
[Kim] Practice, NO.
Need a clue?
WE will ask the questions!
Er, actually, yes.
Clue-o-rama
OK, strictly it's not to do with any particular craft, but it is relevant to craft in general, so long as you take a very broad definition of craft (i.e. not corn dollies and marquetry). In principle it need not be to do with science and/or technology, but in practice it usually is. The Answer is not a verb, gerund or adjective, nor is it any kind of "ism".
(The Answer is a single word, too).
Production?
[Phil] Production, NO? * murmur of interest from the audience*
[CdM] Procrastination, NO (Sorry for the delay).
Anything to do with the occult?
[Chalky] To do with the occult, NO (not that kind of craft, either :))
Does it invove making pictures?
Powerpoint?
[Raak] Involves making pictures? OFTEN, IN PRACTICE *smattering of applause*
[Chalky] Powerpoint, NO.
photography?
strike that - silly guess, photography is an activity
is it a graphics programme?
[Chalky] Graphics programme, NO.
We'll be right back after this message from our sponsor....
PS. Having just looked up fungi in Wikipedia (nothing to do with the answer to mine), I read this: "Fungi were originally classified as plants, however have since been separated as they are heterotrophs. This means they do not fix their own carbon through photosynthesis, but use carbon fixed by other organisms for metabolism. Fungi are now thought to be more closely related to animals than to plants, and are placed with animals in the monophyletic group of opisthokonts." The article classifies them as "Kingdom: Fungi", so maybe this game should become AVFM?
+A
(after further research) Hm. Possibly the game should even be Animal, Plant, Fungi, Protista, Archaebacteria, Eubacteria, Non-Organic, Abstract. Might take the fun out of it, tho.
[Projoy] What about objects that refuse to define themselves in terms of an oppressive system of categories that makes no allowance for their unique viewpoint?
[Raak] They must be sent to the salt mines.
Day dreaming?
[Inkspot] Sorry, yes, I was miles away.
[IS] Er, daydreaming? NO.
Linked with a particular culture or country?
[all] Sorry for finding out it began with P...
[all again] But far more sorry for my momentary lapse in forgetting the "vegetable" category - luckily I've been away over the weekend and my embarassment has cooled. And to me (and most I guess) mould would certainly be vegetable, whatever dratted Wikipedia thinks.
You and Linnaeus, even, so you're in good company
[Tuj] Linked with a particular culture or country? NOT ANY MORE
Is it a process?
Was this thing invented by mankind?
[Phil] Funny, that's just the question I was going to ask in my post-before-last.
[Phil] Is it a process? UMMMM, NO (a process is involved, however)
[Tuj] Invented by mankind? YES (i.e. a human construct)
In the last 500 years?
[Tuj] Invented in the last 500 years? NO.
[Projoy] I think we have already had this discussion.
The last thousand?
This is a struggle, but a very interesting one.
One last thing before I give up, as this thing is an abstract human construction is it a thought process or something like that goes on in someone's head.
Proof?
Hello everyone. I've been away far too long.
[Tuj] Invented in the last thousand years. YES. Some accounts say that this was around a long time before its "official" invention date in the last thousand years, but I'll go with the account that gives a specific date.
[Inkspot] Thought process? NOT EXCLUSIVELY, this thing (rather than process) is abstract (i.e. non-tangible), but it is also translated into tangible form and because of that it has a definite effect on people's behaviour in the real world.
[flerdle] Proof? NO, although proof (in the informal sense) is often involved.
Printing?
[Raak] Printing? NO (not that informal sense of proof!)
propaganda?
A pendulum?
[flerdle] Propaganda, NO
[Raak] Pendulum, NO
(and if the diversity of those last few guesses isn't a hint that we still need more broad deductive questions, I don't know what is!)
To the question by Tuj "Linked with a particular culture or country?" you replied "NOT ANY MORE". Does that mean that it began in one country but it is now world wide.

ps if yes, a great clue would be the coutry of origin.

Is it associated with a particular way of life?
OK, let's be a bit helpful here...
[Inkspot] OK, for nothing I shall reveal that this thing first appeared (according to the account I am following) in Venice first (when Venice was a country).
[Phil] Associated with a particular way of life? NOT REALLY (unless you mean particular professions?)
Pasta?
[Raak] Wikipedia says that pasta originated in many places independently, the earliest records being from China, so NO.
Patents?
[flerdle] PATENT, YES! *astonished but grateful applause from the audience*.
Well, it couldn't be double-entry book-keeping
Gosh.

OK, short and simple:       VEGETABLE

Is it really a fungus? :)
*giggles*
[Projoy] Fungus? NO
Is it green?
Is it edible?
Is it wood?
Is it a whole plant? (Not having played here for months)
[Projoy] Green? Can be
[Chalky] Edible? YES
[Raak] Wood? NO
[Darren] a whole plant? NO
Is it a pepper?
Or an apple?
Or tea?
[Darren] a pepper? strictly NO, but may be involved.
[Projoy] an apple? strictly NO, but may be involved.
[Irouléguy] tea? NO.
A particular dish?
Pizza?
[Projoy] a particluar dish? YES and NO, but probably more helpful if you take that as "YES".
[Raak] Pizza? yes please!! oh.     NO.
The recommended five portions a day?
[Projoy] It's seven portions here... but either way, NO
Salad?
Is it associated with a particular country?
Is it eaten hot?
[Projoy] Salad? NO
[Inkspot] Associated with a particular country? YES! *audience cheers*
[Raak] Eaten hot? NO
A European Country?
Is any sort of grain product involved?
Beguns with a P?
[Projoy] a European country? NO. Well, not at first.
[Raak] involving grainproduct? NO
[pTuj]   starts wuth a P? No. Sorry.
Is the country India?
Ottoman Empire or some other way of saying "Turkish" that wasn't, at first, European?
Tofu kebab?
[Darren] India? YES! *more cheers*
[Projoy] Turkish etc? NO
[Raak] Tofu kebab? NO
NB need sleep, sorry for the upcoming delay, do guess on...
Ayurvedic cuisine?
Some sort of curry?
Does one find it in Indian restaurants outside India?
Contains mango?
Some sort of chutney or pickle?
[Projoy] Ayurvedic cuisine? vaguely.
[Darren] Curry? NO but ever so close
[Raak] found in Indian restaurants outside India? YES
[irach] contains mango? YES and no. Depends.
[Irouléguy] a chutney or pickle? YES!! *audience cheers wildly, orders takeaway*

Chutney it is. Over to you Irouléguy

Sorry for the delay! Out all day, and I'm out again tonight. Another quick one, I hope - ABSTRACT with ANIMAL connections.
Fictional?
Male?
Raak] Fictional? NO
Inkspot] Male? Usually, but not exclusively.
Symbolic?
The name of a job?
Raak] Symbolic? NO
Projoy] The name of a job? NO
Is it an activity?
A game?
Is the animal connection human?
Connected to religion?
Is more than one sort of animal involved?
Chalky] Is it an activity? *applause* YES
Rosie] A game? *louder applause, quite possibly beer-fuelled* YES
ImNotJohn] Is the animal connection human? YES
Inkspot] Connected to religion? *some sardonic chuckling* NO
Raak] Is more than one sort of animal involved? YE-ES, though I don't think that's helpful.
Football?
Game hunting?
Fuzzy Duck?
Cricket?
Assuming the ball contains leather.
Golf?
Raak - Football? NO
Projoy - Game hunting? NO - the other animals are red herrings
Phil - Fuzzy Duck? *the audience break into teams to play* Nice idea, but no.
Rosie - Cricket? NO *polite applause*
Assuming the ball contains leather - that assumption contains two unasked questions.
Darren] Golf? NO
Is it a ball game?
Darren] Is it a ball game? YES
Golf?
A team game?
Lacrosse?
Primarily associated with a particular country?
Handball?
Wondering whether games with implements like bats/clubs/whatever would have vegetable/mineral/whatever connections.
Baseball?
Is the animal connection _only_ human?
Rosie hits a a home run! It's baseball (the other animal connection being the leather-covered ball - I did say it was a red herring.) *Hands bat over*
Good heavens, I've won. Better have a lie down. That's better.

Nothing whatsoever to do with steam engines, but nevertheless MINERAL.

Metal?
A geographical feature?
Does it require electric power?
(Tuj, Phil, Inkspot) Not metallic, geographical or electrically-powered.
All together now, A human construct?
Smaller than a phone box?
(Projoy) YES, made by humans.
(Tuj) YES. Strictly, extremely unlikely that it's not.
Made of glass?
(Raak) - Made of glass? YES - *vigorous applause*
A container?
Is it made from just the one material?
A beer glass?
Raak - A container? - NO
Inkspot - Made from one material? -YES
Irouléguy - Beer glass? - How dare you? - NO
A decorative item?
(Phil) - Decorative item? Could be, but real answer is NO.
It is for looking through?
A scientific item?
(Raak) - For looking through? - NO
(Phil) - A scientific item? - YES
A pipette?
Is it a container?
(Irg) A pipette? - NO
(Darren) Already been asked - NO
Does it have other uses aside from the scientific one(s)?
(Darren) - Other uses - YES (if science and technology are distinct)
Thermometer?
(irach) - NO - Not a thermometer.
A mirror?
A prism
Can't believe no-one's asked if it starts with "P" yet...
(Raak) - Not a mirror, but (Phil) YES! - A prism. Carry on; it's all yours.
Well, stap me vitals, Bloodnok!

OK, this time I'll go for VEGETABLE & MINERAL

The vegetable's wood and the mineral's metal?
Salt and vinegar crisps?
Anything to do with dispensing inebriating fluids?
[Irach 1] Wood? CAN BE
[Irach 2] Metal? NO
[Darren] Walkers' Finest S&V? NO
[Rosie] To do with intoxicating liquor? NO
Bigger than a telephone kiosk?
[Chalky] Bigger than phonebox? NO
Is it a manufactured object?
A tool?
Is the mineral fluid?
[Darren] Manufactured? YES
[INJ] A tool? NO
[Raak] Fluid mineral? YES
Is the fluid water?
[Darren] Water? Not entirely
Is it a container of some sort?
[Chalky] Container? NO
Any connection with weather forecasting?
Barometer?
[Chalky] Weather forecasting? Dear God, NO - who do you think I am? :-)
[Darren] Barometer? NO
Is the water sea water?
Is it a drink?
Begins with a P?
Oh.
[Raak] Sea water? NO
[Inkspot] A drink? NO, unless you have very bizarre tastes...actually, just make that a stright NO
[Tuj] Begins with P? Sorry, NO.
Is the fluid used for cleaning?
Is the fluid colourless?
[Rosie] Fluid for cleaning? NO
[Inkspot] Is the fluid colourless? I don't know, but it could be I suppose.
Would you normally find it in the home?
Normally found in the home? Hmmmm, how pedantic do I want to be. YES, it could normally be found in a home; NO, a home is not the only place it is normally found.
Is it a measurement device?
Is the vegetable also part of the fluid?
[Kim] Measurement device? NO
[Inkspot] Is the vegetable also part of the fluid? NO
I think I need to provide a little guidance/clarification. The "manufactured object" does not contain any fluid.
Is it edible?
[Tuj] Edible? NO
Is it something that you put into a fluid?
Is it more likely to have a use in the workplace?
[Raak] Something that you put into a fluid? NO
[Chalky] More likely to have a use in the workplace? Possibly, but I'd say equally useful at home as at work.
Smaller than a toaster?
[Tuj] Smaller than a toaster? YES
Anything to do with sports?
Anything to do with cooking?
Is the vegetable part alive?
Is it something one could wear?
[Chalky] Sport? NO
[Rosie] Cooking? NO
[Tuj] Live vegetable? NO
[Darren] Something one could wear? Hmmm..it has been done, but I'd say NO.
Is it used to separate something from something else?
A newspaper? (The paper is dead vegetable, the printing ink being a fluid mineral, and newspapers have known to be worn on a couple of occasions, one can use it at home or in the office)
[Darren] To separate two things? NO *some whispering in the audience*
[irach] Newspaper? NO, *audience applauds irach's effort, despite it being wrong*
Is it printed paper?
Is paper involved?
Is is something to do with the arts?
[Raak] Printed paper? NO
[Tuj] Involves paper? NO
[Kim] To do with the arts? NO
*An audience member stands up and explains that they were applauding irach for applying his deductive powers and coming up with an excellent explanation, even though "newspaper" still isn't close*
A further hint/elaboration. The mineral fluid is used in the manufacture of the object from vegetable sources.
Was this thing "invented"?
[Phil] I'd realised what the audience were applauding for, but still did my daft guess anyway. Ah well.
medicinal?
[Tuj] Invented? YES
[Chalky] Medicinal? NO
Is the material used in arts and crafts?
[Raak] Used in arts and crafts? Can be, but not exclusively. *a ripple of applause*
Some sort of fixative or glue?
A model airplane made from balsa wood and epoxy adhesive?
[Chalky] Some sort of fixative or glue? YES *enthusiastic applause*
[irach] model aeroplane etc? NO
Good old-fashioned wood glue?
Wallpaper paste?
[Rosie] Wood glue? NO
[CHalky] Wallpaper paste? NO
An apology I applied too liberal a meaning to "fixative". Having now looked it up, I would have to give my earlier answer to Chalky as "NO, but getting close"
Polyfiller?
[Chalky] Polyfilla? NO
Play Doh?
Size?
I have no idea what size is made from, actually.
[Chalky] Playdoh? NO
[Raak] Size? NO (it's just weak wallpaper paste)
Papier maché?
Is it used in photography?
A plastic laminated card?
[Raak] Papier Maché? NO
[Kim] Photographical? NO
[irach] Plastic laminated card? NO *murmurs of interest from audience, who were starting to nod off*
Anyone for a summary?
What it is: it is manufactured; the vegetable aspect can be wood; the mineral aspect is fluid which is not entirely water and is probably colourless; it is found in the home and the workplace; it is smaller than a toaster; it was invented; it could be associated loosely with fixatives/glues.

What it's not: crisps; anything to do with booze; bigger than a phonebox; a tool; a container; anything to do with weather-forecasting (including barometers); involving sea water; a drink; starting with P; used as a cleaning fluid; a measurement device; linked to vegetal fluid; to do with sport or cooking; alive; something to wear (conventionally); a means of separation; a newspaper; printed paper; involving paper; to do with the arts; medicinal; a fixative or glue; model aeroplane; wood glue; wallpaper paste; polyfilla; playdoh; size; papier maché; plastic laminated card

Sellotape?
some sort of sealant?
[Tuj] Sellotape? YES, dagnammit, YES !!!! *rapturous applause*
[Chalky] A sealant? Well, as you can now see, it can be.
The vegetable is wood, cotton or hemp. That's dissolved in alkali to make viscose, then extruded into an acid bath to make cellophane. Rubber resin is applied to the cellophane to make Sellotape (or Scotch Tape or cellophane tape). My confusion over "fixative" was because I thought it meant something to fix one thing to another. Over to you Tuj, and congrats.
Ooh 'eck
Can I pass this one up? I'm probably not going to be around enough in the coming days - I'm packing & leaving for my second year of uni at present, a little mad (and no guarantee of having Internet at the other end yet...)
Whoever's in next with a good idea can take the baton.
May I ...?

VEGETABLE with traces of MINERAL with a strong ABSTRACT element.
A crucifix? (And if not, connected with religion?)
A vegetarian diet?
[Darren] Crucifix? NO
[ " ]Connected with religion? NO
[Rosie] A vegetarian diet? NO
Edible?
Connected with the arts?
[irach] edible? NO
[Darren] Connected with the arts? It depends on what you mean by the arts; there IS a tenuous connection but it would be more useful to you if I said NO.
Some sort of printed material?
[Raak] Some sort of printed material? YES
The Holy Bible?
Connected to an event?
[irach] Holy Bible? See Darren's first question (and the reply)
[Inkspot] Connected to an event? NO
Does it have pictures?
Is the vegetable wood?
A textbook of some kind?
[Darren] Pictures? Yes - sort of
[Inkspot] Wood? Yes
[Rosie] A textbook? YES
Was it first printed before 1900?
[Inkspot] printed before 1900? NO
The Highway Code?
[Iroule] Highway Code? NO
Connected to science?
Used in schools?
[Inks] Connected to science? Not in the sense I'm guessing you mean.
[Raak] Used in schools? I'll say NO so as not to mislead you, but this object can be used almost anywhere.
Is it a list in any sense?
A cookery book?
A computing book?
Is the author British?
*apologises for absence from game duty this weekend ..*
[Rosie] A list? In any sense? Erm .. no but then again .. SORT OF
[Iroule] Cookery? NO :-)
[Raak] Compooting? NO
[Inks] British Author? Originally, YES
Grammar book?
[irach] Grammar Book? NO
Jane's Fighting Ships?
Was it first printed before 1950?
[Rosie] Jane's? NO
[Iroule] Printed before 1950? YES
Is it revised and updated annually?
[Inks] Revised and updated annually? I don't think it's annual but it's certainly revised and updated regularly. Excellent question :-)
With alphabetically arranged entries?
[Projoy] Alphabetically arranged entries? IN PART
Wisden?
[Raak] Wisden? NO
Roget's thesaurus?
Is there a sporting connection?
[Darren] Roget's? NO
[Iroule] sporting connection? NO
Does it have satirical connotations?
An encyclopedia?
[Darren] satirical connotations? Nah
[Raak] Hen-sigh-klo-pee-dear? No it isn't and I'm surprised that no-one has asked that yet.

By way of a clue, I'm going to give a belated *audience applauds* to a question posed by Irouléguy on Saturday.
To do with transport?
A map?
[Rosie] Transport? Yes
[Raak] A map? No and YES *hurrah*
The A-Z?
AA members' handbook?
[Iroule] AA member's handbook? No, because ...
[Projoy] The answer is THE London A-Z, but that's the one you probably meant - so CHEERS FOR PROJOY :-)
Over to you ..
Okey doke... the next one is ANIMAL.
Living?
Human?
[irach] Living? YES
[Rosie] Human? YES
The Queen?
Helen Mirren?
Male?
Born before 1960?
Projoy?
Him *points*
A member of the Morniverse?
It's not me, is it?
[Raak] HMQ? No
[Ig] HM? No
[irach] Male? YES
[Inkspot] Natally prior to JFK Presidency? YES
[Darren] Me? No (I have, in fact, already been "done" in this game)
[Phil] Darren? No
[Rosie] A member of the Morniverse? No.
[Kim] Not you either, I'm afraid.
Born before 1900?
Fictional?
An entertainer?
A royal?
[Ig] A Pre-Labour Party baby? No.
[UK] Fictional? No.
[Raak] Entertainer? No.
[Darren] A royal? No.
A scientist?
[Raak] A scientist, YES.
Physicist?
[Darren] Physicist? No.
A biologist?
[Raak] A biologist, YES.
Richard Dawkins?
[Darren] YES, that's the fella. Over to you.
Here we go: ABSTRACT/ANIMAL
A fictional character?
Animal instinct?
Fictional? No.
Animal instinct? No.
A grouping of animals?
Grouping of animals? In a manner of speaking.
Are the animals human?
An organisation?
A political party?
White elephant?
A sporting team?
Is the abstract element a generic term?
Animals=human? Yes.
Organisation? Yes.
Political party? Yes. (Applause on that one.)
White elephant? No.
Sporting team? No.
Abstract element=generic term? No.
A British political party?
British political party? Yes. (Again, applause.)
The Labour Party?
[Projoy] Labour? No.
The Monster Raving Loony Party?
Currently in existence?
Monster Raving Loony Party? No.
Currently in existence? Yes.
The Liberal Democrats?
UKIP?
*suspects Projoy has got it, but just in case*
Plaid Cymru?
UKIP? No.
Plaid Cymru? No.
Liberal Democrats? Yes. (Huge applause.) So it's over to Projoy again.
OK... MINERAL
Metal?
[Rosie] Metal, no.
Solid?
[ir] Solid, YES
Does it occur in nature?
[Quen] Occurs in nature, no.
A polymeric material?
Is it unique?
A work of art?
Is it larger than a telephone box?
[irach] A polymer? No (well, I don't think so - that's long chains of molecules, yeah?)
[Quen] Not unique
[Raak] Work of art? No, not really
[Darren] YES, larger than a telephone box.
Glass?
Is it intended for people to go inside?
Is it a building?
[Ink] Not glass.
[Darren] For people to go inside. YES *one or two titters from the audience*
[Chalks] YEEEEES. Certainly a LOT more yes than no, and YES would be the best answer to proceed with.
Does it have moving parts?
A stone pyramid for dead people to go inside?
A public lavatory?
A pig sty?
[Quen] Moving parts? No.
[irach] Stone pyramid for dead people? No. *scattering of applause*
[Rosie] Public lav? No.
[Ink] Pig Sty? No.
A single, specific building?
[INJ] Single, specific, No.
A crematorium?
Public lavatory?
Is it made from stone?
Are they still being widely built?
[ig] Crem? NO. * a stir of interest in the audience *
[irach] Lav? See above.
[Chalky] Stone, YES!
[Ink] Still widely built? No.
A mausoleum?
[Ig] Mausoleum? NO. * audience still interested *
A tumulus?
They're clouds, aren't they?
[INJ] A tumulus? No.
cromlech
Stone sarcophagus?
Is it associated with death?
[Inkspot] Cromlech, no.
[irach] sarcophagus, no
[INJ] Death association, YES.
A crypt?
Although there is a fine distinction between that and a mausoleum...
[CdM] YES - I was thinking specifically of the kind of crypt that sits under a church (and hence is only just classifiable as a building in itself), rather than the more modern type of standalone crypt which is almost synonymous with a vault or mausoleum. * hands baton to CdM, reassumes his clanking chains and retires to his berth in the crypt below, accompanied by organ music*
*returns only to pick up his scythe and pop in a line*
Very well then: VEGETABLE.
Ack, wait, CdM chooses the next item, isn't that right? What a terrible faux pas. Please disregard!
[Quen] Yeah, it's usually the successful guesser who sets the next one... although in this case he hasn't been around for 12 hours. See if he turns up in the next 12 and if not we could go with yours...
Currently alive?
[Q] That's ok. I've set several in the past few weeks (on account of being such a brilliant guesser an' all). Welcome and go right ahead.
Edible?
Quendalon] Welcome - always nice to get new players.
A drink?
To think it took me four years and a box of chocs before my first AMVA ;)
A single specific object?
Thank you all for the kind welcome! This looks like fun. :)

[CdM] No, not currently alive.
[Irouléguy] Not edible.
[Inkspot] Definitely not a drink.
[ImNotJohn] YES, a single specific object.
Made of wood?
[Quendalon] Come to a pilg and play it in person. It's much harder that way!
[Darren] (the judges confer) Partially, if not wholly. What's a pilg?
smaller than a telephone box?
[Quendalon] 'pilg' is a shortened form of 'pilgrimage' which describes any occasion when members of this community actually meet up and well ... erm ... y'know the sort of thing. There are some fine archives of Pilgs in OrangeMC - just look under Local Information in the index, then click on MC, then click on Pilgrims. Also there is a Chat Game called 'To be A Pilgrim' which may give you some insight.
Is it an item of furniture?
Pilgs (short for pilgrimages) are when we all go to a particular place to meet up and play games in person. We do them usually a few times a year, mostly to the Head of Steam pub in London, plus the big one which has, up to this year, taken place in Rugby, where we make a weekend of it. The last one took place earlier this month. (Next year's is likely to be closer to Leicester.) See the game "To Be a Pilgrim" on Orange for more info. And I was simulposted by Chalky.
Ah, okay. Unfortunately a pilg is unlikely as I'm across the water and in poor financial straits besides. Alas!

[Chalky] Yes, smaller than a telephone box.
[Darren] No, not an item of furniture.
smaller than a toaster?
[Chalky] You could probably fit it into a toaster with some effort.
Is it connected with the arts?
[Darren] Not directly, no.
Is this object in Europe?
Does it stand for anything?
Connected with sport?
The judges have rebuked me for providing incorrect information. Contrary to one of my answers to Darren, the subject does not currently contain any wood; moreover, it contains an ABSTRACT component. One judge testily observed that I should not have taken on such a complicated subject for my first time around.

[Darren] The item currently asserted to be the subject is in Europe, yes.
[Projoy] It has powerful symbolic value to many.
[ImNotJohn] NO, not connected with sport.
Connected with religion?
[Darren] YES, connected with religion. (applause)
The Burning Bush?
Is it some sort of acoutrement?
Is the religion Christianity?
[Phil] The Burning Bush? No. [Projoy] An accoutrement? Um... sort of. [Darren] YES, the religion is Christianity.
Let's try that again, with line breaks this time!

[Phil] The Burning Bush? No.
[Projoy] An accoutrement? Um... sort of.
[Darren] YES, the religion is Christianity.
Worn on the head?
The Turin Shroud?
The Sudarium of Oviedo?
[Projoy] Worn on the head? YES. (more applause)
[Raak] The Shroud of Turin? No.
[Darren] I've never even heard of the Sudarium of Oviedo, so no. :-)
The Spear of Longinus?
Oops, missed the q about worn on the head.
The Pope's hat?
Worn by a living person?
The Sudarium of Oviedo is a piece of cloth said to have been placed on Jesus' face shortly after the crucifixion, and bears stains believed to be the blood of Christ. So now you know.
Crown of Thorns?
[Phil] No wood in it, apparently, "these days".
[Raak] Papal tiara? No.
[Darren] Worn by a living person? No.
[Phil] Crown of Thorns? YES. (the audience cheers)

Over to you, Phil!
[Quen] Ah. Cool. But what did you mean by "the subject does not currently contain any wood" - as in, it doesn't currently exist?
[Quen] I agree with Projoy's point there. If you're saying it doesn't currently exist, then why weren't the other questions answered in the same way? "Is it an accoutrement? Not right now. Is it a single specific object? Not any more." That may seem pedantic, but this is an MC site, after all!
For once I'll ignore pedantry and celebrate my magnificent victory with at least one mug of coffee :)

Next item for your illation is ANIMAL

Living?
[irach] Living? YES
Human?
[Darren] Human? YES
Male?
A politician?
Over 40?
British?
[Projoy] Male? YES
[Rosie] Politician? YES
[Quendalon] Over 40? YES
[Inkspot] British? NO
European?
[Inkspot] European? YES *Audience wonders if 6 Yesses out of 7 is a new record*
An official of the EU?
Berlusconi?
working to get the average down
Nicolas Sarkozy?
Eastern European (i.e. east of the old iron curtain)?
A president?
American?
Putin?
[Raak] EU Official? NO
[CdM] Berlusconi? NO
[Irouléguy] Sarkozy? NO
[Projoy] E. Europe? NO
[Inkspot] A president? NO
[Kim] American? NO
[irach] Putin? NO
*Audience wishes it had kept its collective gob shut*
Member of a centre-left party?
French?
Currently head of state?
Irish?
As distinct from British.
Currently in the news?
A grandee, i.e. semi-retired?
A member of a party currently in government?
Scandinavian?
Can't blame me for asking.
[Inkspot] Centre-left party? NO (carefully)
[Chalky] French? NON
[irach] Head of state? NO (again,carefully)
[Darren] Irish? YES *applause*
[Raak] In the news? In his own country, yes.
[Rosie] Semi-retired? NO
[Irouléguy] In government? YES
[Néa] Scandinavian? NO
Bertie Ahern?
[Projoy] Pádraig Parthalán Ó hEachthairn (aka Patrick Bartholomew "Bertie" Ahern)? YES
I had to tread carefully around the "centre-left" as Fianna Fail was originally a centre-left party, but is no longer. Also, as Taoiseach, he's not a head of state, just a head of government. An Uachtarán (Mary McAleese) is the head of state.
Congrats to Projoy! - actually he was slightly in the news recently, as I saw him on TV on Sunday at the Ryder Cup.
OK. ABSTRACT with VEGETABLE and ANIMAL connections.
Fictional?
[Darren] Fictional? Strictly speaking, this is a N/A. But YES will probably be more helpful.
Connected with religion?
[Quen] Connected with religion? NO, not really.
A figure of speech?
Is the animal connection human?
Is the vegetable connection wood?
A fictitious creature?
[Ink] Figure of speech? NO
[INJ} Human animal connection: YES
[Kim] Veg connection wood? NO
[Raak] A fictitious creature? NO.
Something symbolic?
A place?
Connected with the arts?
[Raak] Symbolic? NOT REALLY
[Chalky] A place? NO
[Quen] Connected with the arts? YES
The performing arts?
[INJ] performing arts? NO.
A painting?
[Projoy] A daub? NO.
[Darren] See previous comment to myself.
[Projoy] You must stop doing that, you know. First sign of madness.
[Projoy] Ooh. Look who's talking!
Connected with sculpture?
Is it a style?
[Raak] Sculpture? NO
[Quen] Style? NO
Is it an organisation of some sort?
Is it a work of art?
Is it a period of art history?
[Chalky] Organisation, NO
[Quen] A work of art, YES
[Darren] Period of art history, NO
Simon Patterson's 'The Great Bear'?
[Chalky] Simon and his amazing dancing tube map? NO.
Is it a work of fiction?
[Q] A work of fiction? YES (and it's therefore fictional in the sense its content is fictional, but also non-fictional in the sense that it exists (the opposite, one might say, of Causabon's Key to All Mythologies or the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.)
)
Written in the 20th century?
[Darren] C20th? Yes.
Author British?
[irach] Brit author? YES.
A comic strip?
[Ink] Comic strip, NO.
A humourous novel?
Has it won a major literary prize?
A C.S. Lewis work?
[Kim] humorous? NO
[Ink] Prizewinning? NO * a couple of lowbrow titters from the audience*
[irach] Lewis? NO * a couple of erudite titters from the audience*
First published since 1945?
Tolkien?
"Leaf by Niggle"
...?
A poem?
Made into a movie or TV series?
[INJ] published since 1945? NO
[Raak] Tolkien? Leaf by Niggle? NO
[Inkspot] Pome? NO
[irach] Made into a movie/TV series? YES and YES.
[INJ] PS. There is a sort-of case to be made for a YES answer to your question in addition to NO.
A series of books?
Are the vegetable and animal referred to in the title?
Was the author born before 1900?
In the genre of fantasy?
[Rosie] A series? NO *some chuckles from the audience at the thought of it*
[Raak] References in the title to the vegetable? NO. Or the animal? YES.
[Inkspot] Natally prior to first New York Electric Buses? YES
[Quen] Fantasy genre? *appreciative laughter and clapping from the audience* NO.
Science fiction?
Is the title the name of a major character?
SciFi? NO *a more contemplative mood steals over the audience, some smiling wryly but privately at this thought, others casting their eyes down and listening with a neutral expression*
[Darren] Title the name of a major character? *some of the audience look up. Two people bite their bottom lips.* NO.
(To be more useful...) Does the title contain the name of a major character?
First published before 1930?
Is the author male?
Was it written for children?
[Darren] Eponymity? YES
[Quen] Published before 1930, YES
[ir] Male author? YES
[Ink] Written for children? *much laughter from the audience* NO.
[Darren] Er, I meant broad eponymity, rather than narrow, YES.
Pornographic?
[Phil] Pr0nographic? YES *applause*
Lady Chatterley's Lover?
Quendalon must be right. I trust he/she has a pornograph.
Would you want your wife or servants...?
[Quendalon] Indeed, YES!. Lady C and John Thomas it is.
[Projoy] What was the vegetable connection? Is there a notorious scene set in the kitchen garden, involving provocatively-shaped parsnips?
[Raak] Lady Chatterley's Lover is a novel, thus printed on paper.
(well, until recent digital innovations)
Incidentally, I'd never noticed before that the prosecution's "wife or servants" remark, although it certainly was out of touch, is a rhetorical way of activating the jealousy of rich husbands. Don't put ideas in their heads, it suggests, or you too may be cuckolded. Had always assumed before now it was just a general appeal to protect the weak-minded from moral corruption.
[Projoy] I was going to guess LC'sL, but the wry smiles at the Sci-fi question put me off...
[Phil] They were just the more imaginative members of the audience picturing the whole thing done in foil suits on a flying saucer.
For your pleasure: ABSTRACT
All together now... A human construct?
[Projoy] Human construct? YES.
A philosophy?
[Projoy] I think I've seen that website ;-)
To do with science?
[Projoy] You know, there is such a thing as being too imaginative.
[Phil] A philosophy? NO.
[Darren] Related to science? NO.
Connected with emotion?
Related to the arts?
[Darren] Connected with emotion? YES. (laughter from the audience)
[ImNotJohn] Related to the arts? YES. (more laughter)
An emotion?
[Darren] It least it was foil not fur ;-)
[Phil] An emotion? NO.
A type of comedy?
[Raak] A type of comedy? NO.
An action?
[Inkspot] An action? NO.
Connected with positive emotions?
[Projoy] Connected with positive emotions? YES. (another giggle from the audience)
Connected with sex?
Going by the giggles and titters.
Hm. Human construct. Connected with fetishes?
[Darren] Connected with sex? NO. (The audience is giggling because the last three YES answers, while technically correct, are all somewhat misleading. It's not a nice audience.)
[Projoy] Connected with fetishes? In the supernatural (not sexual) sense, YES.
To do with religion?
Is this specific to a particular culture?
Worship of some unusual object or event?
[Raak] To do with religion? NO, not really.
[Irouléguy] Specific to a particular culture? In its original incarnation, YES; in its modern incarnation, NO.
[Rosie] Worship of some unusual object or event? NO.

To clarify things a bit: the ABSTRACT in question experienced a shift in use and meaning over time. The connection with emotion and the supernatural apply only to the original version, not the current one.

(Next time I choose an object for AVMA, it'll be something simple like a tomato.)
Feng Shui?
[Chalky] Feng Shui? NO.
To do with language?
[Projoy] To do with language? YES. (the audience cheers)
To do with magic?
Swearing?
[Projoy] To do with magic? Originally, sometimes. Now, no.
[Rosie] Swearing? No.
A particular form of words?
Any medical connection?
[Projoy] Words? NO. [Rosie] Medical connection? NO.
Anything to do with casting out devils?
[Rosie] Casting out devils? NO.

I suspect that I have put people on the wrong track, so if anyone would like a hint, let me know.
Something ceremonial?
Far too early for a hint, yet.
Is the culture that this was originally specific to an Asian one?
[Darren] Ceremonial? NO.
[Irouléguy] From an Asian culture? NO.
An inscription?
[Rosie] Inscription? Sometimes, though not so often in the modern day.
To do with death?
An obituary?
An epitaph?
[Darren] To do with death? NO.
[ImNotJohn] An obituary? NO.
[Rosie] An epitaph? NO.
To do with war or the military?
scepticism?
[Quendalon] Rather than a hint - please can you do a summary. It may help us realign ourselves :-)
[Irouléguy] To do with war or the military? NO.
[Chalky] Skepticism? NO.
And now to summarize! I’ll also correct a couple of my own answers where I think I may have misread or misinterpreted your questions. So:

This abstract is a human construct. It was once specific to a particular culture, though not an Asian culture. It has to do with language, but it is not a particular form of words.

It is not an emotion, a philosophy, a type of comedy, an action, an epitaph or obituary, or Feng Shui.

It is not inherently connected to science, to swearing, to sex, to religion, to the worship of some unusual object or event, to medicine, to casting out devils, to death, to war or the military, or to skepticism.

Notably, the subject has experienced a shift in use over time. Originally, it had a connection with positive emotion, was often inscribed (in the sense of being etched into a solid surface), and was sometimes connected with magic. These all still apply when the subject is put to its original use. In its modern use, it has no connection with positive emotion or magic, and is still inscribed in the sense of being written down, though rarely (if ever) in the sense of being etched into a solid surface.
Is it writing?
A swastika?
Wait, not Asian. Nevermind.
Is it a symbol of some kind?
Is it Aboriginal?
[Darren] We've already established that it is something that is written; if you're asking if the subject is the overall concept of 'writing', then NO.
[Projoy] Is it a symbol of some kind? YES. (cheers from the audience)
[Dazed5] Is it Aboriginal... assuming you're talking about Australian aborigines here, then NO.
Might I find it on my keyboard somewhere?
A Greek letter?
[Projoy] I can't speak for your keyboard, but it's not on mine.
[Rosie] A Greek letter? NO.
Is it a rune?
Might I find it on the ASCII character map for a regular Western font?
Does it have a Unicode definition?
A trademark?
A hieroglyph ?
[Kim] Is it a rune? YES.
[Projoy] On the ASCII character map for a regular Western font? Uncertain, but I've checked several common fonts and haven't been able to find it.
[Raak] Does it have a Unicode definition? YES.
[Chalky] A trademark? NO.
[Inkspot] A hieroglyph? NO.
The Star of David?
[Raak] Star of David? NO.
Is it any sort of star shape?
[Raak] Not a star shape, no.
Does it have any completely enclosed areas in its shape (ie. any loops or closed polygonal components)?
[Darren] Does it have any completely enclosed areas in its shape? YES.
Triangle?
[irach] Is it a triangle? NO.
An ankh?
A cross of any sort?
Does it turn up in the regular Wingdings font?
Did it originate in the middle east?
[ImNotJohn] An ankh? NO.
[Raak] A cross of some sort? NO.
[Projoy] In Wingdings? I don't believe so.
[Inkspot] Did it originate in the Middle East? NO.

(You guys are drifting off the track; I suspect you're misreading one of the recent answers. Would you like me to provide clarification?)
From the Futhark?
Runic letter Sowilo?
[Projoy] Originally from the Futhark? Elder Futhark, YES. Younger Futhark, NO.
[Inkspot] Sowilo? NO.
(which I think is called odal or othalan)
<>< ?
(oooops)
From the Freyr/Freyja's Aett?
As opposed to the Heimdall's Aett or Tyr's Aett
[CdM] Odal/Othalan? NO.
[Inkspot] Freyr/Freyja's Aett? YES.
Thorn?
[Raak] Thorn? NO.
Kenaz (the leading light)?
Wunjo?
[irach] Kenaz? NO.
[Inkspot] Wunjo/Wynn? YES. (cheers from the crowd)

Over to you, Inkspot...
... and I haven't the foggiest what all that was about. :) heyho
Yes, that was painfully obscure. My apologies! All I can say is that it seemed like a good idea at the time. :-p
[Inkspot] If I were you, I'd select a steam engine.
*is an unapologetic obscurist*
from the home of Steam
A win there with a little help from others, and learnt a little about runes in the process.

So a Abstract with Animal and Vegetable connections

Anything to do with cookery?
Is the animal connection human?
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe?
[Raak]- no
[Chalky] - yes
[Kim] - no
out of practice
[Raak] - Anything to do with cookery? NO
[Chalky] - Is the animal connection human?YES
[Kim] - The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe? NO
To do with the arts?
just not a morning person
There is a Mineral connection so...
The clue should have read Abstract with Animal, Mineral and Vegetable connections

ImNotJohn - To do with the arts? NO
To do with sports?
[Raak] - To do with sports? NO
Is the animal connection a fictional human or humans?
[Irouléguy] - Is the animal connection a fictional human?YES ripple of applause from the audience
Does the fictional aspect account for the "abstract" part of the clue?
[Phil] - Does the fictional aspect account for the "abstract" part of the clue? YES A whispering murmur from the audience
Is the fictional aspect from a novel?
[Irouléguy] Is the fictional aspect from a novel? YES several members of the audience about to go to the bar for a shandy return to their seats
Was the novel written more recently than 1900?
Written since 1950?
Written by a British writer?
Are the vegetable and mineral bits mentioned in the title - or are they the paper and ink part of the novel?
[Quendalon] - Was the novel written more recently than 1900? YES
[Projoy] - Written since 1950? YES
[ImNotJohn] - Written by a British writer?NO
[Chalky] - Are the vegetable and mineral bits mentioned in the title - or are they the paper and ink part of the novel?
NO and YES to in the title and paper as the vegetable YES (had not considered the ink when setting the clue but yes it is printed with ink but was not part of the clue)
Written since 1980?
[Inkspot] Just to clarify: the VEGETABLE component is the paper, and the MINERAL component is part of the title?
[Quendalon] Written since 1980? Yes and NO wry smiles litter the audience

clarification:VEGETABLE component is the paper, and the MINERAL component is part of the title? YES
Is this a series of stories?
[Chalky] Is this a series of stories? YES loud applause from the audience
Spider Robinson's 'Callahan's bar' stories?
Just managed to track down the one-volume compendium - well pleased.
[Irouléguy]Spider Robinson's 'Callahan's bar' stories?NO an exited Oooooooooooh from the audience
Is the mineral stone?
[Raak]Is the mineral stone? NO
Is the mineral metal?
[Chalky]Is the mineral metal? YES cheers from the audience
Is the mineral gold?
Lord of the Rings?
The Book of Lost Tales?
Fits the 1980 thing better.
[Kim] Is the mineral gold?No
[Raak] Lord of the Rings?No
[Raak ] The Book of Lost Tales?No
the audience sit back back into their seats
Is it science fiction/fantasy?
[Raak] Is it science fiction/fantasy?YES the bell rings in the bar the audience quickly pile back into their seats
Is the fictional human that forms the "animal" component also part of the title?
[Quendalon]Is the fictional human that forms the "animal" component also part of the title? YES some argy-bargy in the audience as some laughing pedants are calling out NO
Just one human?
[Projoy] Just one human? YES the audience rise from their slumber
Is it a trilogy?
[Quendalon] Is it a trilogy? NO
Has it been made into a film?
Harry Harrison's 'Stainless steel rat' series?
Inspired by the answer to Quendalon's penultimate question.
[Raak] Has it been made into a film?NO

Irouléguy raucous cheers and foot stomping from the audience YES It is the Stainless Steel Rat from the series written by Harry Harrison. Over to you.
A series I've always meant to look at, and never got round to. Good game, good game! Our next is ABSTRACT, with ANIMAL connections.
Fictional?
Is the "animal" human?
Raak] Fictional? No
Quendalon] Is the "animal" human? Yes
Is this some class of people?
Connected with emotion?
Anarcho-syndicalism?
One day I'm going to be right
A lion's share?
Raak] Is this some class of people? No
Darren] Connected with emotion? Connected with, no; provoking, possibly...
ImNotJohn] Anarcho-syndicalism? There's a great day a-comin' - but not today
irach] A lion's share? See the answer to Quendalon
An event?
Is there more than one of it?
(Incidentally, feel free to answer "meaningless" to that if such an answer would be.)
Is the "animal" a specific human?
Does this involve an association of people?
Is it an office that a person can hold?
Inkspot] An event? *applause YES
Darren] Is there more than one of it? Yes, though there can only be one at a time.
Quendalon] Is the "animal" a specific human? Yes, but not necessarily the same one.
Rosie] Does this involve an association of people? *more applause* An association of people is a necessary but not sufficent condition for this.
Raak] Is it an office that a person can hold? *some quickly stifled giggles* No.
A ceremonial event?
A sporting event?
Is it connected to a date on the calender?
Is it an event with which people are generally pleased to be associated?
Raak] A ceremonial event? No
Chalky] A sporting event? No
Inkspot] Is it connected to a date on the calender? No
Darren] Is it an event with which people are generally pleased to be associated? Yes
Does it involve some common interest of the participants?
Raak] Does it involve some common interest of the participants? Sorry, I simmed. I'm going to answer 'no', as that's the most useful answer, I think.
A party?
Rosie] A party? No (neither sense)
Is it planned in advance?
A birth?
A birthday?
Darren] Is it planned in advance? Er...yes and no
ImNotJohn] A birth? No
Quendalon - A birthday? No
Connected with employment?
Connected with money?
Quendalon] Connected with employment? No
Darren] Connected with money? No
A school reunion?
Raak] A school reunion? No
Is it astronomical?
Inkspot] Is it astronomical? Startlingly, no
To do with the Internet?
Have most people experienced this at some point?
Raak] To do with the Internet? *applause* In practice, yes (though this could in theory happen offline as well).
Darren] Have most people experienced this at some point? No
A chatroom?
Associated with a particular website?
Rosie] A chatroom? No
Darren] Associated with a particular website? My experience of it is on one particular website, but I don't know if it originated there
Associated with a particular culture(s)?
To do with playing games on the Internet?
To do with MC websites?
A blind date?
Quendalon] Associated with a particular culture(s)? Broadly, yes
Raak - To do with playing games on the Internet? *applause YES
Darren - To do with MC websites? *louder applause, whistling and cheers* YES
Chalky - A blind date? No
mc5?
AVMA?
The game of Mornington Crescent?
I hope this doesn't blow a fuse, so to speak.
Raak - mc5? *stamping of feet, cries of 'bravo'* Yes
Darren] AVMA? *stunned silence from the audience, distracted by a replay of Paul Robinson's error on the giant screens above the stage* YES!
Rosie] The game of Mornington Crescent? *deflated sighs* No
The Morniverse?
Assuming that none of the preceding was the winning move.
Raak] The Morniverse? No.

Sorry, I was reading the preceding moves as prefaced by 'To do with...'. To clarify the over-enthusiastic audience response, the answer is to do with this site, specifically AVMA (it doesn't occur in any other current game on this site), though it almost certainly occurs on other websites, and could in theory occur in the realiverse.
An audience?
Raak] An audience? No
A correct guess?
Darren] A correct guess? *the audience holds its breath* Almost - the answer is a particular sort of correct guess.
A correct guess on the first move?
The answer to this question?
In danger of disappearing up its own logical fundament.
Darren - A correct guess on the first move? *older members of the audience are turning purple waiting to exhale* No
ImnotJohn - The answer to this question? It could be
An accidental correct guess?
Darren - An accidental correct guess? It could be
Hint - the initials have another, very different, meaning elsewhere in the Morniverse.
The winning move?
Rosie - The winning move? Yes, but... Not every winning move is one of these.
A lurker's victory?
*the audience exhales noisily, too breathless to cheer* YES - a lurker's victory it is (it seemed like a good idea when I set it). Darren, the baton's all yours.
This particular round is...
MINERAL
Begins with P?
[Irouléguy] Nice one. I did consider setting "the next answer" when I actually got a go, but chickened out ;)
[Tuj] Begins with P? One of the words does.
Is there just one of these?
[Raak] Just one of these? No.
Are there 2 words on the card?
[Tuj] Two words on the card? Indeed.
Does it occur in nature?
[Quendalon] Does it occur in nature? No.
Does it involve electricity?
Does it have any moving parts?
Is the mineral metal?
A frisbee?
Is it a man made mass produced item?
[Rosie] Does it involve electricity? Yes.
[Quendalon] Does it have any moving parts? Yes. (misleading?)
[ImNotJohn] Is the mineral metal? Not entirely.
[Irouléguy] No.
[Inkspot] Is it a man made mass produced item? Yes.
is the non-metal part a liquid?
[ImNotJohn] Is the non-metal part a liquid? No.
A buzzer?
Is the first of the words on the card "A"?
A pylon?
[Rosie] Buzzer? No.
[Raak] Is the first of the words "A"? No.
[Projoy] Pylon? No.
Is entertainment its primary purpose?
[Quendalon] Primary purpose=entertainment? No.
Is it connected with writing?
[Raak] Connected with writing? No.
Is it connected with travel?
Was it invented in the last hundred years?
[Quendalon] Is it connected with travel? Yes!
[Tuj] Was it invented in the last hundred years? Yes!
Parking meter?
[Quendalon] Parking meter? No.
To do with flying?
[Raak] To do with flying? No.
Does one take this on one's travels?
Is it a component of a larger object?
Was it invented before 1960?
To do with computers?
[Rosie] Does one take this on one's travels? Certain travels, yes.
[Quendalon] Is it a component of a larger object? No.
[Inkspot]Was it invented before 1960? No.
[Tuj] To do with computers? Well... yes, but, in a more meaningful sense, no.
Mobile phone?
[Irouléguy] Mobile phone? No.
Invented in the last decade?
[Tuj] Invented in the last decade? Probably not. (Sorry to be imprecise on that one, but although they've only become common recently I wouldn't be surprised if they'd existed in, say, the 1980s.)
Is it a container?
[Inkspot] Is it a container? No.
Is one of the words "portable"?
[Quendalon] Is one of the words "portable"? No.
Is the purpose of this device entertainment?
GPS Navigation system?
Does it involve superconductivity?
[Rosie] Purpose=entertainment? No. (See Quendalon's question earlier.)
[irach] GPS? No.
[Quendalon] Does it involve superconductivity? No.
An electronic device?
[Raak] Electronic device? Yes.
A digital camera?
A data projector?
[Rosie] Digital camera? No.
[Raak] Data projector? No.
A communication device?
Is it a conduit of some sort?
One of those fancy car keys?
Sorry about the imprecision - I drive a banger.
Is it required for travelling abroad?
A mobile phone?
[Raak] A communication device? No.
[Quendalon] A conduit of some sort? No. (Well, unless you meant in a very abstracted sense!)
[Rosie] Fancy car keys? No.
[Inkspot] Required for travelling abroad? No.
[Tuj] Mobile phone? No. (See Irouléguy's question earlier.)
Connected with road travel specifically?
[INJ] Connected with road travel specifically? No.
Is it something a traverrler would carry?
Biometric Passport?
A credit card?
[Inkspot] Is it something a traverrler would carry? Depends what a "traverrler" is.
[ImNotJohn] Biometric Passport? No.
[Rosie] Credit card? No.
Is it connected to hygiene?
Packing bags till the next game.
A "traverrler" is someone that ends up at the wrong destination.
[Quendalon] Is it connected to hygiene? No.
[Inkspot] I wasn't trying to be pedantic - I thought it might be a word I didn't know.
Is it connected to vehicles?
[Quendalon] Is it connected to vehicles? Definitely not.
A clock of some sort?
Connected with computer software?
[Raak] A clock of some sort? Part of it is, usually.
[Quendalon] Connected with computer software? Only in the sense that it contains some.
Time for a recap, methinks.
What we know so far:

It contains two words. One begins with P. Neither word is simply "a," or "portable."

It's a man-made mass produced electronic device, and there is more than one of it. It does not occur in nature. It has parts which move. Its construction involves metal (among other things), but no liquids. It is not a component of a larger object. It does not involve superconductivity. It was invented (as a whole item) some time after 1980, although the basic principles it uses were known long before that (that's a new hint). It usually includes a clock of some sort, and would contain a computer program within it.

It is not primarily for entertainment, nor is it connected with writing. It's nothing to do with hygiene.

It is connected with travel, but not flying or vehicles. You would take it on certain travels. It is not required for travelling abroad, nor is it specific to road travel.

It is not a frisbee, a buzzer, a pylon, a parking meter, a mobile phone, a container, a GPS navigation system, a digital camera, a data projector, a conduit, fancy car keys, a biometric passport, or a credit card.

Does the "P" stand for "personal"?
Is it smaller than a toaster?
A pedometer?
[Rosie] "P" stands for "personal"? No.
[Rosie] Smaller than a toaster? Yes.
[Raak] A pedometer? Yes!!!! (But that's not all. You've only got one of the words on the card. I'm looking for a pedometer with an extra feature.)
The second answer there was directed at Projoy, not Rosie. Sorry.
A digital pedometer?
A pedometer mounted in a shoe?
[Raak 1] Digital pedometer? Well, it is, but that's not the special feature I'm after.
[Raak 2] Mounted in a shoe? No.
A talking pedometer?
[Raak] Talking pedometer? YES!!!
So, it's over to Raak for the next round!
I never knew there were such things.

The next is MINERAL or VEGETABLE, with ABSTRACT connections.

Is it mass-produced?
A stairway to heaven?
Begins with P?
[Q] Mass-produced? No.
[I] Not a stairway to heaven.
[T] Does not begin with P.
Min or Veg = metal or wood?
Associated with a particular country or culture?
[R] Not metal/wood.
[C] Not associated with a particular country or culture.
Is it a liquid?
Is the mineral water?
[I, I] Not liquid, not water.
Does it have religious significance?
Does it have religious significance?
(Sorry, putting it in the right hole.)
[D] No religious significance.
(Ignore the fundamentalist crank in the audience raving to the contrary.)
Is it an item of clothing?
[C] Not clothing.
Is it an implement of some kind?
[K] Not an implement.
Any moving parts?
[I] No moving parts.
Is it bigger than a breadbox?
[Q] Not bigger than a breadbox.
Is it associated with a time of the year?
[I] Not associated with a time of the year.
Is it edible?
[C] Not edible.
Clarifying a previous answer re metal/wood: never any metal, possibly some wood.
Is the possible mineral stone?
[I] Not stone.
A gas/plasma?
We've eliminated metal, liquid, stone - what else is there.....
[I] Not gas or plasma.
There are plenty of other forms of mineral.
Does this occur naturally?
[I] Does not occur naturally.
ship in a bottle?
[j] Not a ship in a bottle.

Ready for a clue yet?

Plastic?
[R] Yes!
Is there only one of these?
(I assume mineral/vegetable because plastic can be made from either of these)
[I] There are many.
Actually, I was thinking of plastics as made primarily from petrochemicals (i.e. mineral), although having checked I see that vegetable substances are still used..
Is it flexible?
Odd that it's plastic but is not mass produced...
[Q] It is flexible.
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