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AVMA Take 2
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Yes, it's another round of that classic guessing game - Animal, Vegetable, Mineral, Abstract [or any combination thereof]. This effort - '03/'04 should address any queries, but then again, may just serve to confuse and baffle which some might say is the point of the game. Patience, integrity and a decent search engine may be useful ....
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Is it for sitting upon?
[Boolbar] NOT for sitting on.
A hatstand?
A footstool?
A hammock?
A set of sstocks?
*stocks
[Simons Mith] NOT a hat stand, NOR a hammock.
[Software] NOT a footstool.
[Raak] NOT a set of stocks.
Is it for sleeping on?
Is it a notable example of a whatever-it-is?
Does it have a pointy end?
[Raak] NO, that is not its primary function.
[Simons Mith] NO, this is a generic item.
[Boolbar] There MAY BE examples that have finials and thingummies, but it isn't necessary for the definition of the whatever-it-is.
Is it a dumb waiter?
A church pew?
A lectern?
Definitely not for sitting on.
BTW the mental picture I'm painting of your in-laws is getting stranger by the minute.
Your twenty questions are up...
[Superman] NOT a dumb waiter.
[Raak] NOT a church pew.
[Simon's Mith, who henceforth will be spelt with an apostrophe as I can't be bothered correcting it any more] NOT a lectern.
A hint - found in a house.
Usually found in a kitchen?
Do IKEA sell them?
[Boolbar] NOT usually found in the kitchen.
[Raak] YES, in a very stripped-down Swedish sort of way.
Do you put things on this thing?
[Raak] YES, you can put things smaller than this thing on this thing.
A shelf?
[Software] NO, not a shelf, but the thingy is shelfish to an extent.
A mantelpiece?
[Simon's Mith] NO, the whatchamacallit is not a mantelpiece.
Is it bigger than a toaster?
Going back to the fundamentals...
[Raak] YES, the thingy is larger than a toaster.
A Welsh dresser?
You're on the right lines, look for the curios. [Superman] NO, the rabbit is not a Welsh dresser.
Is it for displaying knick-knackery, bric-a-brac, trinkets, curios, and the like?
[Raak] YES, that is the most common usage of the whatever-it-is.
A cabinet of curiosities?
Although I have a hard time imagining IKEA stocking one.
[Raak] Well, there's the KASSEBY...
[Raak] NO, not a cabinet. IKEA still have a thing under the name of some fruit that could be described as the AOTC, but the version I found when the subject came up first has now disappeared from the catalogue.
I have no idea. Is that it?
Is it a display case sold with a subscription to receive a uniquely designed collectible thimble every month until you build up a treasured heirloom to pass on to your descendants, who will after a decent but short interval (say, on return from the funeral) chuck it in the bin?
People who collect thimbles (it says on a thimble-collecting site) are known as Digitabulists. How very depressing.
Ideas for names of occasional furniture seem to be drying up
[Raak] NO.
[Superman] YES, the thingamajig does seem to be something you don't know.
A vitrine?
[Raak] NO. No glass involved.
Does it normally stand on the floor?
[Raak] YES. The audience has got up a petition to give you the prize for sheer effort.
Does it typically have (just) one leg?
Does it have wheels?
[Raak] Not sure if that's typical - the one my in-laws have has only one leg. Let's say YES.
[Simons Mith] NO wheels on this whatsit.
Would one typically put a specific type of item on this thing?
Is it usually found in a corner of a room?
[Tuj] NO.
[Boolbar] YES, I thank that's fair.
All gone away..
Spoiler alert...
Is it characteristic of a particular region of the world?
An umbrella stand?
[Raak] I would have sworn that the whatsit was peculiarly British, but my in-laws also have one and they're Belgian. It was quite a culture shock.
[Software] NO.
An elephant's-foot wastebasket?
Is it foldable?
Is it usually fixed to a wall as well as standing on one leg?
[Raak] NO, perish the thought.
[Simons Mith] NO. The idea will be passed to MFI, though, you could be on to something.
[Boolbar] NO.
Does anything hang from it?
[Raak] NO, the thingummy does not so serve.
Is it portable or mobile?
I found some old-fashioned portable desks and things that seem to fit all the constraints applied so far.
Is it some type of table?
A tallboy?
[Boolbar] NO, not some kind of table.
[Raak] NO, not a tallboy, though I have no doubt that a room with a tall boy, a vitrine, an elephant's foot basket and maybe a Welsh dresser would also have one of the AOTC.
Is there a specific type of thing that this thing is designed to have put on it?
[Raak] NO, quite the opposite.
A drawer?
Is the Ikea LILLÅNGEN End Unit an example?
[Software] NO, drawers are very rare.
[Raak] SORT OF, but these whatchamacallits are always open framed, so you'd have to take the sides and door off, probably ditch the MDF for real wood, make the shelves smaller as they rose (optional, but traditional), and make the frame somewhat decorative carved.
I asked the Internet again and while you can still buy these things (including a modern plastic and aluminium version which gave me a frisson of horror), their heyday was before WW1.
And the winner is...
To be decided in a celebrity boxing match.
Late inspiration
It's not a box is it? A one-legged box?
Does part of the thing rotate?
Simons Mith] NO, not a box. Clues have been made as to the nature of the wotsit, though.
[Boolbar] NO, it doesn't rotate. No mechanism involved.
A plant stand?
No self-respecting Victorian would go without an Aspedestra.
[Software] This is a typical usage of the AOTC, as a stand for aspidistras and objets d'art... but it has a specific name, so NO.
A jardinière?
[Raak] NO. That's too specific, you can put bric-à-brac, mementoes and whatnot on this as well.
A cachepot?
[Raak] NO.
A whatnot?
Ah, grandchildren, gather round and I'll tell you the story of The Never-Ending Game.
Or you can ask Uncle Software, he did win it.
Congratulations - a whatnot it is! Take this baton-shaped objet d'art once owned by a lady from North Wales and give us your estimation of the insurance value.
Bugger! Now I must think of something.
OK, here goes: ANIMAL and VEGETABLE , that's it.
Is there a tree of some kind
Customarily eaten?
Is this a symbiosis?
A vegan? ;)
[Boolbar] In a way sometimes, YES.
[Raak] YES
[Bismarck] NO
[Dujon] Vegan? There's a thought. NO.
A sandwich?
A pie?
Is it cooked?
[Raak] Sarnie> NO
[Boolbar] Who ate them all? YES but not the AOTC
[Superman] Oven ready - or is that a hackneyed phrase? YES
A pie containing four-and-twenty blackbirds?
Is the vegetable bit fruit?
A mince pie?
[Raak] Close but no cigar
[Bismarck] Fruity? Oh YES, but
[Rosie] is on the money! YES. - Hands over the chocolate log shaped baton.
WOO! I jes lurve Min Spies. Sorry, I've had to eat the baton before it melts.

And the next object is ABSTRACT

Is it the thought of eating a mince pie?
Christmas?
Is it the answer?
(Boolbar) Nice, but alas, no.
(Raak) No - thank God
(Superman) No. I'm not clever enough to do recursiveness.
An English idiom?
Connected with the current season?
Whether that be winter, Christmas, Kwanzanukkawali, etc.
Does it begin with P?
(Software) Not an idiom.
(Raak) Not seasonal in any way.
(Tuj) Begins with a P? YES.
Is it property ?
Mathematical?
An art form?
A state of mind?
(Bismarck) Property? Only in the sense that many people have one of these, but realistically NO.
(Boolbar) There is a connection with maths but it is so broad and vague as to be worthless. So, NO.
(Raak) I doubt even Tracey Emin could make art out of this, so NO.
(Software) NO, not a state of mind.
A paradox?
(Raak) A paradox? NO.
A science?
A pseudonym?
(Simons Mith) NO, not a science.
(Raak) A pseudonym? NO, but *some audience animation*.
Is it psychological?
(Bismarck) Psychological? NO.
Profession?
(Simons Mith) NO, not a profession.
A nickname?
Does it come from the Greek?
(Softers) A nickname? Strictly speaking NO but the AOTC does have some of the properties of a nickname. *alert members of the audience perk up*
(Radox the Green) NO, not from the Greek.
A patronym?
I was wondering about that earlier.
(Simons Mith) Like all Welsh surnames? NO, not a patronym.
A secret identity?
An acronym?
(Softers) An acronym? YES. *whoops of delight from thosemembers of the audience who know what an acronym is*
Is it a socio-economic classification?
I can't think of a 'P' word for it, but things like NIMBYs, DINKies, CHAVs, AMRAAMs and so on.
(Simons Mith) Socio-economic classification? NO.
(Raak) A secret identity? YES. *great audience animation*
Peter Parker?
Personal Identification PIN Number?
Does the acronym contain more than three letters?
Is it letters after your name?
SIMONS MITH has it! It's a PIN. Well done.

The baton passes on.......

All right, let's go for MINERAL
Is there just one of this?
[Raak] NO.
Are there just fourteen of these?
Is this a manufactured object?
Is it found on Earth?
[CdM] No.

[Rosie] Yes.

[Boolbar] Yes.

Is the quantity of these expressive as the sum of two primes?
[Radox The Green] Why yes, yes it is.
Is it metallic?
Are you assuming Goldbach's Conjecture?
[Software] No.

[Raak] No.

Made of plastic?
Is it liquid?
[Raak] No.

[Bismarck] No.

Is it made of concrete?
Are there fewer than fourteen of these?
Is it a memorial?
[Raak] No. Although I presume some are.

[CdM] No.

[Superman] No again.

Could the average Morniverser lift one of these?
Man-made?
Is it a type of gemstone?
Are these all in one country?
[Rosie] No.

[Raak] YES

[Superman] No.

[Boolbar] No.

A building?
Does it begin with P?
Bigger than a toaster?
[Superman] Nay.

[pTuj] Nay.

[Raak] Aye.

Bigger than an elephant?
Does it emit musical sounds?
But is it art?
Do they come in pairs?
[Raak] No

[Bismarck] No.

[Tuj] No.

[Boolbar] Also no.

Are they very valuable?
A means of transport?
Ceramic?
[Raak] No.

[Rosie] ... No.

[Superman]... No.

Is it a rock?
[Bismarck] No. What would count as a man-made rock?
[SM] Wouldn't a lump of concrete be a man-made rock?
Can you buy one on Amazon?
Anything to do with gardening?
[Raak, man-made rocks] I suppose. I suspect a geologist might be harder to convince.

[Amazon] No, they don't sell 'em. That eliminates a lot.

[Rosie] No, not a thing.

Is it a tool?
Fake rocks for sale and methods of manufacture are common on The Internet...
[Bismarck] Not a tool.

[Fake rocks] This is getting philosophical, but if it's a fake rock, it's not a real rock, and if it's not a real rock, it's not a rock. Right?

One of the Milton Keynes concrete cows?
[Rosie] No. Concrete had already been eliminated.
Is it made of stone?
[Superman] Nope.
Does it require electricity?
Are they usually wet?
[Tuj, electrickery] No.

[Boolbar, moistery] No, not even in Ireland or New Zealand. I admit in Kiwiland it might be close.

just a question
So if mineral is chosen, is that just like a thing that isn't an animal or a plant (vegetable)?
[KagomeShuko] It does tend to get a bit blurry if you look at it too closely. I think we'd all agree coal and plastic are mineral, for example. [But if someone does pipe up to disagree, that shows it's even closer than I'd thought.]
Are these concentrated in one particular area of the world?
Are they typically fixed to the ground?
Is anyone offering one on eBay?
question - is this correct
Being American, mineral is something extremely specific. One site told me, "English people define everything as being either Animal (if it is alive) Vegetable (if it grows) or Mineral (if it isn't alive, doesn't grow and comes from the ground.)"
[Rosie, concentration] Not really.

[Boolbar, fixed] Yes. You won't find any flying ones.

[Raak, eBay] No.

[KagomeShuko, minerals] I'd say that's a reasonable usage for this game. But a dead cat is still animal, and oxygen is still mineral even though it doesn't come out of the ground.

Does it have a common use?
[Superman, common use] Yes.
Do people usually make these themselves?
[Raak, self-made] No.
A natural phenomenon?
Is it a bomb shelter? A septic tank? A port-a-potty?
[Raak, natural] No, man-made.

[KagomeShuko] No, no, and thrice no. But those are the closest guesses yet.

Bollards.
Does glass come into it?
[Boolbar, the same to you!] No.

[Bismarck, glass] No.

Would the Average Morniverser, if there is such a thing, have one of these in his/her house?
[Rosie, average Morniverser] That's harder to estimate. On balance I think Yes.
Does one place things in this?
[Rosie, xxxxplace] No... but I think you're getting warmer
An Aga cooker?
[Bismarck] No; I expect those would be buyable on eBay, at least occasionally.
Is this thing kept inside?
[Superman, indoors] No. But also see answer to Rosie's.
Is it related to gardening?
[Raak, gardening] Nope.
Can it be bought in a shop?
[Raak, shoppable] No.
Does it consist of empty space?
Is it usually made of metal?
[Raak, empty space] Doesn't everything? No, it's not just empty space.

[Tuj, metal] No.

Is this a part of a typical building?
[Boolbar] Yes.
It is related to the void spaces within a building?
[Raak, void] Yes.
A rubbish chute?
A cavity wall?
[Rosie, chute] No

[Raak, cavity] No.

A house extension?
Does Father Christmas like these?
A room?
[Raak, extension] No.

[Dujon, Xmas] I don't know whether he likes them, but they are a necessary component of his professional work. Let's class that as a YES.

[Boolbar] No.

Are these things traditionally cleaned by Dick van Dyke, sporting an absurd Cockney accent?
[Raak, DVD] I dunno WTF he was cleaning; I couldn't get through the accent. But let's a assume a YERS or a YE-US or a YUS or however he would have pronounced it.
The cupboard under the stairs?
[Rosie] No. Good try but no.
An inglenook?
[Supes] No, not one of them neither.
The bog? Er, I mean the loo?
[Rosie] No, not a kludgie.
Is this space large enough to enter?
[Rosie] Well, we know Father Christmas can, so YES, I guess.
A chimney?
YES. A nice red-bricked chyimminny.
Here, have this baton. Mind the soot.
When ah were a lad it were a CHIMBLY, but now it's

ABSTRACT WITH ANIMAL CONNECTIONS
A superstition?
Racing of some kind?
(Raak) A superstition? NO.
(Simons Mith) Racing? NO.
A live animal?
Is it weather related?
A work of art depicting an animal?
(Bismark) The Animal Connections are certainly alive but this is not the AOTC.
(Boolbar) Weather related? NO.
(Raak) NOT a work of art of any kind.
A work of writing?
Associated with a particular place?
(Raak) NOT a written work.
(Tuj) Associated with a particular place? YES *warm audience applause*
Shangri la?
Crufts?
(Softers) Shangri-la? NO, nothing so exotic.
(Simons Mith) Crufts? NO. No doggies involved.
Welsh? ;)
Fictional?
Would this be something primarily for children?
Are the connected animals four-legged?
(Tuj) Welsh? NO, believe it or not.
(Raak) Fictional? NO, real.
(Bismarck) For children? NO.
(CdM) 4-legged animals? Now, that would be interesting, but the answer is definitely NO.
Is the associated place in the UK?
Worm charming?
(Boolbar) In the UK? YES
(Simons Mith) Can that be done? It's NOT the answer anyway, alas.
Swan upping?
Are the animal connections human?
Is this an activity?
(Simons Mith) Er, wassat, then? I'm afraid it's no nearer the answer.
(Tuj) Animal connections human? YES.
(Raak) An activity? NO.
Be it connected to sport?
(Tuj) Connected to sport? NO.
Is this something that happens once a year?
(Boolbar) Annual event? NO, it's continuous.
Is it an agricultural activity?
(Simons Mith) Agricultural? That would be a cruel if understandable interpretation of this. Short answer, NO.
Wool-gathering?
(Raak) Wool-gathering? NO.
Is it a job role or title?
Is it a metaphorical expresion?
(Tuj) Job role or title? NO.
(Raak) Metaphorical? No, it's what it says on the tin.

The AOTC is not in the least obscure but it is unusual for this game.

The Cerne Giant?
(Bismarck) Old Knobhead? The AOTC is Abstract.
An accent?
Abstract but associated with a particular area got me well stumped.
(Simons Mith) An accent? YES. *audience ecstatic*
Cockney?
(CdM) Cockney? Jokin' mate.
Welsh?
Acute? Oh no, that'd be associated with somewhere in France. Cornish?
(Raak) NOT a Welsh accent, North or South. (Welsh has already been eliminated).
(Simons Mith) Cornish? NO. A grave error.
Scouse.
(Superman) Scouse? NO, you're in the wrong areal.
Black Country...?
[Superman] no such luck eh? Anyway you hardly spoke it.
RP?
(Bismarck) Yam flailing about, it seems. NOT Black Country.
(CdM) RP? Oh, good heavens, no.
This is an urban variant of a regional accent. I have put a bit of a giveaway clue somewhere in here.
Brizzle?
Geordie, then.
(Bismarck) NOT Geordie, but SOFTERS HAS IT. Gert accurate, proper like. Award yourself the ceremonial bananal.
Hidden textTHe clue was in my last response to Superman
What? Me again? Well I'm buggered! Tha's gurt lush m'deariol.

Right then. MINERAL with ANIMAL and VEGETABLE connections.

Manufactured item?
The salt on my fish 'n' chips?
[Rosie] Made up? In a way, YES.
[Boolbar] Tasty, but NO.
A plate of fish and chips with mushy peas?
Is there just one of this?
Does it have an alliterative name?
A country?
[Bismarck] Luvly grub? NO
[Raak] Unique? YES
[Tuj] Lettered? NO
[Simons Mith] National? NO
On Earth?
Is it found inside a building?
[Simons Mith] Terrestrial? YES
[Boolbar] Internal? NO
But is it art?
A statue?
Is it a natural phenomenon that has been 'defined' in some way, such as a nature reserve?
[Tuj[ Good question, some might say, some might not.
[Rosie] Statuesque? NO.
[Simons Mith] Phenomena? NO.
Is it in England?
[Bismarck] Blighty? YES.
Is it in a town or city?
A fossilized tree?
Is it ancient?
Is it manmade?
Is it functional?
[Raak] Urban? NO
[Bismacck] Coal? NO
[Bismarck] Ancient? Depends on how you define "ancient"
[Tuj] Man made? YES
[CdM] Functional? YES
A reservoir?
A bridge?
[Somons Mith] Water dump? NO
[Raak] Over troubled water? YES
Recap v1
So it's a bridge. In England, but not in a town. It may be of some antiquity. And possibly involving artistics.
The Severn bridge?
A road bridge?
[Bismarck] First or second? NO
[Rosie] Roadie? YES
The Iron Bridge?
[Raak] Mr Darby's masterpiece? NO
Is the road either a main road or a motorway?
Building, Burning, or Falling Down
Is it the Richmond Bridge, the Tower Bridge, or the Tarr Steps?
Humber Bridge?
Is it the original 'Pooh Sticks' bridge?
I do have some doubt that it's a road bridge, but can't tell for sure one way or the other.
[Rosie] Highway code? YES
[KagomeShuko] A bridge too far? NO
[Bismarck] Bridge north? NO
[Simons Mith] AA Milne-ish? NO
Does it need constant repainting?
Has it been proposed to keep it from rust by boiling it in wine?
[Simons Mith] Forth bridge style? YES (don't they all?)
[Raak] Medoc rust preventer? Great idea but NO
The Clifton Suspension Bridge, proper like
[Rosie] IKB's masterpiece, m'luvvy? YES! I'd have thought you would have leapt on that straight away, mate.

(Hands over the SS Great Britain shaped baton.)

Grabs baton. Ouch, where are you supposed to hold it?

OK, this next one is nothing to do with Bristol, or Wales, or steam engines. It is

VEGETABLE with strong ABSTRACT connections.

Is the vegetable edible?
Is it a wood or forest?
A work of art?
Is it das erste Wiener Gemüseorchester?
Just a stab in the dark...
(R the G) Vegetable edible? Only by dogs. Short answer is NO.
(Boolbar) NOT a wood or forest.
Raak) NOT a work of art.
(SM) Das erste Wiener Gemüseorchester? Wooden a fought so. I'll check.
Arabidopsis thaliana?
(Raak) Arabidopsis thaliana? Having Googled it, I can say with the greatest of confidence that the answer is NO.
Dogs'll eat almost anything, but it's hard to find something vegetable that only dogs will eat. Is the thing commonly found in a house??
(SM) Commonly found in a house? Probably NOT these days. Probably edible by other animals, e.g. rats, but a dog is the most likely.
A stick, like you might throw for a dog?
Is the vegetable manufactured/processed in some way?
Marmite?
Is the vegetable part wooden?
(R the G) A stick? NO.
(SM) Manufactured or processed? YES.
(Softers) Lovely stuff? NO, alas.
(Boolbar) Wooden? NO.
Is it a fabric?
Is it unique?
(SM) A fabric? NO.
(Tuj) Unique? NO.
A bird's nest?
(Software) A bird's nest? NO.
Is it a fruit?
(Superman) A fruit? NO.
A member of the Poaceae family?
Is the abstract part a saying?
Rubber wellies?
Eminently chewable for the canis familiaris and rattus norvegicus crowds.
(Boolbar) Grassed up? NO.
(Raak) A saying? NO.
(SM) Nice try but still v. cold. So NO.
Is this something used for heating or lighting?
(Boolbar) For heating or lighting? NO.
Is the abstract part a measurement or quantity?
Can it be bought derp-frozen?
Deep-frozen of course.
(Simons Mith) It could certainly be regarded as that, so YES. *audience animation, previously absent*
(Bismarck) Deep or derp frozen. NEITHER, I'm afraid.
Is the abstract part included or acknowledged in the thing's name?
Is tobacco involved?
(Simons Mith) Abstract nature acknowledged in name? YES. *even greater animation from the audience*
(Raak) Nicotinic involvement? NO. I dunno, just 'cos I like the fags.
A grandfather clock?
Some sort of floor or wall covering?
(SM) Grandfather clock? NO.
(Boolbar) Floor or wall covering? NO.
A tape meaure?
A bean feast?
(SM) A tape measure? Well, rather better than that, but NO. *audience murmurings*
(Software) Accountant's holiday? NO, not a bean feast.
Is it some type of aide-memoire?
(Boolbar) An aide-memoire? NOT really. Maybe just an aide.
For measuring distance?
(SM) Measuring distance? NO.
A yard broom?
(Softers) A yard broom? NO.
For measuring fluids?
An item of furniture?
(SM) NOT for measuring fluids.
(Superman) Furniture? NO, except possibly as a word joke.
A country mile?
(Softers) A country mile? I'm afraid your attempt is wide of the mark by precisely that amount.
The Radio Times?
(SM) NOT the Radio Times. Maybe something less engaging.
Old Moore's Almanac?
(SM) Old Moore's Almanac? NO. Even less readable than that.
Is this a book containing information?
The Phone Book?
(Boolbar) Contains information? YES. *audience erupts*
(Simons Mith) The Phone Book? NO, but in a way that sort of thing.
A quipu?
(Raak) NOT a Quipu but you're on the right road.
An LP?
(Superman) An LP? NO.
An atlas?
A bookmark?
(SM) An atlas? NO
(Softers) A bookmark? NO.

A recap - this is a book, uninspiring and of little use these days.

Originally published in England?
(Raak) Originally published in England? YES, probably. Sources are not quite clear on this.
Logarithmic tables?
(revealing my age)
Old Moores Almanac?
CdM has it! It's Log Tables. Well done - a tricky one. Take this 'ere mantissa and proceed to the next one.
(Softers) Sorry, NO.
Lurker's Victory; sorry. On the brighter side, at least I noticed I won. I think the last time I won a round I completely forgot to check back for several days.

ABSTRACT
Cognitive ability?
Being sorry?
Cognitive ability? I think not.
Being sorry? Regretfully, no.
Time?
Time? No. *some applause from the audience*
Is this essentially a human experience?
Oh, the humanity!
Essentially human? No
(I should perhaps note that I can certainly come up with animal (including human), vegetable, and probably even mineral connections, but I don't think that information is helpful.)
Growth?
Physical law?
Growth? *rapturous applause* Growth is one of the words on the card.
Physical law? No (though not entirely unconnected).
Exponential growth?
Well that was quick
Exponential growth is the answer. It seemed to follow naturally from Rosie’s log tables. Have this baton. It’s 10% longer than it was yesterday, and 33.1% longer than it was on Friday.
A fresh slate
OK, let's try a clean break for the next one.

This is Animal

Is it human?
N- YES. I was initially going to give a firm no, but then I thought about it some more. YES.
Is there more than one of it at any one time?
Jesus?
[Raak] Not Jesus
[Bismarck] No, they're pretty singular.
Prehistoric?
[Raak] No.
A single living human being?
[CdM] Curiously, given my answer to Bismarck, no.
Can I go and see one of these beings (or their remains) on display in a museum?
[Boolbar] Turns out, yes.
A hunter?
[Software] No.
A waxwork?
A mummified corpse?
An idol?
Part of a human?
[waxworks] No.
[mummy] No.
[idol] No.
[part of a human] ... For consistency with my previous answer, yes. I might owe you a hint, this answer is a bit misleading either way.
Sedlec Ossuary?
Fictional?
[Ossuarial] No. That is such a cool place tho'
[Fictional] Yes.
A monster?
[monster] Yes.
A cyborg?
Several good guesses in a row
[cyborg] No.
Frankenstein's monster?
[Frankenstein's monster] No.
Dominic Cummings?
Samson?
A half-human hybrid?
[Cummings] Ugh. No.
[Samson] No.
[Hybrid] No. No breeding involved.
The Incredible Hulk?
[HULK] NO. MADDER AND MUCH HAIRIER
King Kong?
A were-being?
[King] No.
[were] No. Not when or why, either, BTW.
Incidentally, I'd peg the audience as alert and poised to applaud, but you're not close enough for a clap just yet.
The Abominable Snowman?
Not many fictional humanoid monsters occur to me that one can see in a museum.
[Abonimable anobinamal snow dude] No.
The existence of the museum was a surprise to me too.
Bigfoot?
[Bigfoot] No. In fact, their feet are rarely seen at all,
Is this fictional thing originally from a book?
[Bookish] No.
From a movie?
[Movies] No, not originally.
The Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal?
[Bugblatters] No, less hungry.
The Slightly Peckish Bugblatter Beast of Traal?
Do accounts of this go back to before the 19th century?
[Peckish] Yes, I think 'peckish' pitches things about right.
[19th Century] No, they're a go-getting modern monster, all ready to face the challenges of the new millennium.
Are these from a children's TV show?
[Children's show] YES. [Claps and cheers from the audience]
Cookie Monster?
[COOKIES!] No. Getting close, but no. [More claps BTW]
Is there a Humphrey about?
Always imagined them as hairy beasties, but since they were never seen IIRC, who knows.
[Humphreys] No, they were red and white stripey drinking straws, and they were seen, certainly in the TV ads.
A cross-eyed tomato on a spring?
[Tomato] No, not Zebedee.
The Honey Monster?
A Disney character?
[Honey Monster] No.
[Disney] Yes, of course Disney would have bought them out...
The Swedish Chef?
I'm sticking with the Muppets until further notice.
[Bork? Bork!] No. [Nevertheless, applause returns in force]
Is it a Muppet?
[Muppet] YES. [Applause continues]
Oscar the Grouch?
(If that's not right we may need to start asking more general questions again. Turns out there are a lot of Muppets. Wikipedia even makes what is apparently a key distinction between Muppet Show Muppets and Sesame Street Muppets.)
Is it a Muppet in the shape of a recognizable animal?
[Oscar] No.
[Recognisable] Teetering on a one-word giveaway here. I'll say no, but I wanted to say yes.
Animal?
I hope not... stalking is so unbecoming.
A winner!
[Animal] Sorry rab - be ready for disappointment. YES, it's Animal. Here's a drum-stick shaped baton for you. Don't mind the toothmarks.
Drat!
Sorry everyone.

This next one is Abstract

Is it the thought of going out for something non-essential?
[Boolbar] That drew a very sharp intake of breath from the audience.
Self-isolation?
Is it topical?
Self-isolation? No.

Topical? Current, yes; relating to a surface, no.

Hypochondria?
I told you I was ill? No.
Solitude?
Is it something experienced by a human?
Solitude? Not quite - and Raak was closer (and yet, at the same time, further away).

Human experience? Yes, albeit diminished.

A dream?
Dream? We might want it to be, but no.

audience - *looks distractedly at Raak*

Quarantine?
Quarantine? No, but in this neck of the woods.
The two meter gap?
R0?
Two metres? *audience bounces up and down, trying to avoid attracting the attention of the police*

R0? No

Not being quarantined?
Social distancing as a 21st century ontology?
[Raak] no (but yes)

[Bismarck] it says “social distancing” on the card so I think you can have that one.

Had to wait a couple of days for the disinfection process to work on the baton. Can't be too careful. But hooray!
This is MINERAL, though there is an ANIMAL connection (not the Muppet this time, though)
A processed material?
Is it made by animals - e.g. chalk, coral, concrete etc.?
Is it unique?
Who needs 20 questions?
[Rosie] Processed material? ... ... ... No. But sorta.
[Simons] YES, it is made by animals. The audience cheers, even those who were still out at the intermission and haven't found their seats yet.
[Tuj] NOT unique.
An excretory substance?
A fossil?
Dinosaur poo?
Dinosaur eggs?
Is this a result of animals dying?
Does it begin with P?
A shell?
Just back from the Easter break...
Right, to cut through all these very good suggestions, well done everyone! But Simons Mith wins the audience's chocolate bunny this round, it's a shell, NO to all the rest.
The card still has another word on it, and the question count is at 10.
Is it made by chickens?
Is it the shell of a sea dwelling creature?
Tortoiseshell?
Whispers in my shell-like
[Simons ] NO, no fowl play here.
[Boolbar] YES, there would be an audience sensation here but the Skype link went down.
[Raak ] NO, not even a mock turtle.
Question count up to 13.
Is it sold by the sea shore?
She shells she shells...
[Simons] YES, though in these gender-confused days I am unable to say by whom.
Cockles, winkles, mussels, and whelks?
Alive, alive-O
[Raak] NO, none of them, but you are very close. Try a few more.
Clam, crab or conch? Cowry? Barnacle?
Bit of a shotgun approach...
Oyster shells?
Like shooting shellfish in a bucket
[Simons] NO, your shotgun didn't hit the target.
[Raak] NO.
Limpet?
That's me done, otherwise.
Scallop shells?
Getting closer and still hanging in there
[Simons] NO, not a limpet.
[Raak] NO, not a scallop.
Very close. This is a common shell on most beaches. Question count up to 19.
Who needs 20 questions?
Come on you lot, you can do it!
Cuttlefish?
Bong!
[software] NO. (Do you get cuttlefish on the beaches near you?)
Lots
Oysters?
Lots of cuttlefish bones on our beaches.
Razor shells?
And the winner is...
I've never seen cuttlefish bones on beaches, if they're that common presumably I didn't know what I was looking at.
[Software] NO.
[Raak] YES, it's the razor shell. Take this baton covered in mother-of-pearl and go on to better things!
Neither ANIMAL, nor VEGETABLE, nor MINERAL, nor ABSTRACT
That's right, it's Covid-19!

Just thought I'd get that one out of the way.

MINERAL
And nothing to do with The Current Situation.
Metallic?
Terrestrial?
Oil-based?
[Rosie] Largely metallic.
[Simons] *ripple of amusement from the audience* Strictly speaking...yes, terrestrial.
[Projoy] Not oil-based.
Is it a long way from home?
A satellite?
[Simons] It's a long way from my home.
[Software] *applause!* Yes and no.
The moon?
Is it about car-sized?
The International Space Station?
[Bismarck] Not the moon.
[Simons] Not about car-sized.
[Rosie] Not the ISS.
Does it have harpoons?
[Simons] Yarr! Bain't be havin' no harpoons nohow, matey.
An artificial earth satellite?
[Rosie] Yes! An artificial earth satellite. Despite my yes and no answer earlier. When is a satellite not a satellite?
Part of a launch vehicle, like Apollo 11 second stage?
Is it 40+ years old?
[Bismarck] Not part of a launch vehicle.
[Simons] Not 40+ years old.
Made by SpaceX?
The Hubble Space Telescope?
Is its mission solar observation?
[Boolbar] Not made by SpaceX.
[Rosie] *applause!!* Not Hubble.
[Simons] Not for solar observation.
So, JWST I reckon
Yes, the James Webb Space Telescope, which will be a satellite when it's launched. Have this baton-shaped chocolate-covered sponge cake which philosophers can't prove isn't floating somewhere in the asteroid belt since last Tuesday.
Let's crack on with the next one then. Hmm. Perhaps I shall do an ABSTRACT.
A human characteristic?
[Human] Yeeah.
Has a monumental allegory to this item been constructed?
[Monument] No, I don't think so.
Hidden textIf there was, how big would you make it?
An emotion?
[Emotion] Nope.
A co-operative characteristic?
[Co-operative] No.
A mental function?
[Mental] Not really.
Is this a human only characteristic (or can other animals have it)?
[Uniquely hooman] Yes, human only. Too much of a stretch to attribute it to animals IMO.
Big-headedness?
[Big-headedness] No. A few claps though
Consciousness?
The wearing of clothes?
[Consciousness, Clothing] No and no.
To do with speech?
[speech] Yyyes. Usually requiring speech, at any rate.
Hubris?
[Hubris] Not really. A couple more claps, from different audience members to last time
A boast?
[Boast] ...No. Very strong applause though. Possibly even whoops.
The Dunning-Kruger Effect?
That's definitely the right answer, even if it isn't.
[Duning-Krooger] Nuh-uh. Most of the clapping stops. What remains is probably unreliable.
[Simons] You're just saying that because, unlike me, you're not smart enough to realise that it is in fact the right answer.
At least I can spell Dunig Kreuzfeldt.
Flyting?
[Flyting] No, nothing so new-fangled.
Does it require modern technology to work properly?
[modern tech] No.
Is it done for entertainment?
[entertainment] Not usually. While it can be done for comic effect, that's not its normal objective.
Swearing?
[Cuss words] No...
Exaggeration?
Radox wins!
Yes, 'Exaggeration' is the word on the card. Here, let me pass on to you this totally awesome baton of awesome awesomeness.
Unaccustomed as I am ..
Oooh, lovely! Awesome and then some.
Bear with me as the Laser Display Board is updated for the audience. For the contestants, the subject is Abstract.
(The physical object could be An, Veg, or Min, but I am looking for a property which is Abstract.)
Isolation?
Worth a pot, however unoriginal.
A lucky charm?
Ditto
[Rosie] NOT isolation.
[Tuj] NOT as such, though no doubt someone, somewhere, uses one as a lucky charm.
Any relevance to the current pandemic?
[Rosie] NO. Phew. Don't we all need a break?
A favourite thing?
A human construct?
Does it begin with P?
[Boolbar] NOT a favourite thing.
[Tuj] YES. No animals, vegetables, or minerals can have thought of this.
[CdM] NO, though there is a P in it.
Is it something animals, plants and [mineral] computers can all do?
Is this related to a bodily junction?
Did this exist in Classical Rome and Greece?
[Simons Mith] NO, they cannot. The primary object can be made from something A, V or even M, but the property sought is not linked to the substance.
[Rosie] NO. Not linked to a bodily junction in any way I can think of.
[Raak] NO, it is more recent.
Is the object a household object?
Anything to do with food?
Is it to do with the shape of things?
Is it numerically quantifiable?
[I'm still pondering the lucky charm connection.]
Or does it have religious connections?
Hope I'm allowed two questions on the go at once
[Bismarck] YES, I have several in my home and I suspect most people have.
[Boolbar] NO, food has nothing to do with this.
[Raak] NO, as far as the objects go they are all rectangular.
[Simons Mith] YES, numbers come into it.
NO religious connections though, not even a chapel in Las Vegas.
Are the physical objects books?
[Raak] NO, not books. There was a stir in the audience, though.
Are the physical objects placemats?
[Simons Mith] NO, they aren't placemats.
Board games?
[Simons Mith] NO, not board games. Another stir in the audience.
The game of dominoes?
Crosswords?
[Simons Mith] NO, not dominoes. [Software] NO, not crosswords.
Card games?
[Simons Mith] NO, but the audience liked that one.
Jigsaws?
Will it help to know the name of the thing to which this property attaches?
Are the physical objects boxes, whether fancy or plain?
I'm fast running out of rectangular things...
Something to do with pictures, photos or paintings?
[Software] NO, not jigsaws.
[Bismarck] YES, in fact someone has already mentioned it, but not in the right context.
[Simons Mith] NO, not boxes.
[Boolbar] NO, only a link of extreme tenuousness can be drawn with your three P's.
Are the physical objects playing cards?
Maps?
[Bismarck] YES, it is playing cards. Audience sensation.
[Simons Mith] NO, not maps.
Tarot?
Abundance?
A house of cards?
[Raak] Not as such.
[Rosie] No.
[Simons Mith] No.
A collectible card game?
An action or result of an action within a card game?
Trumps?
[Raak] No.
[Boolbar] No. Some audience clapping.
[CdM] Yes!! Audience cheering, clapping etc.

CdM wins!
Please take this deck and deal the next round.

ABSTRACT with distinct Animal, Vegetable and Mineral connections—by which I mean I am thinking of one particular connection of each type above all. To add to the confusion, the Mineral connection has its own Animal and Vegetable subconnections.
Something taxonomic?
A well known phrase or saying?
To do with the environment?
Classified information? No
Well known phrase or saying? No, but there is some immediate audience interest
Green? No?
A proverb?
Proverb? No. Audience interest wanes.
Some kind of official pronouncement?
Connected with food?
To do with current affairs?
Hear Ye! Hear Ye!? No
Foody? No.
Current affairs? Not at all.
Is it a song of some kind?
A scientific idea?
A game of some sort?
Fossils?
Song? No. Loud applause, some muttering, and also a little laughter.
Scientific idea? No.
Game? No.
Fossils? No. Curiously, there is a slight smattering of applause.
Applicable to the elderly?
Shuddup at the back
A museum?
To do with geology?
An orchestra?
Applicable to elderly? The least misleading answer is surely No. But there is a sense in which I could say Yes. The question just doesn't actually make much sense with respect to the AOTC.
A museum? No. Another smattering of applause.
Geological? No. The audience considers retracting its smattering response to the "Fossils" question on the grounds that it was probably unhelpful.
Orchestra? No. The audience considers smattering, then thinks better of it.
Is it to do with myth and legend?
Does it begin with P?
Is it just me who, when reading through this game, mentally hears the audience reactions (which sound a lot like an ISIHAC audience during Sound Charades)?
To do with sounds that people make?
Myth and legend? There is a connection. At the start I stated that the Mineral Connection to the AOTC has Animal and Vegetable subconnections; myth/legend are an Abstract subsubconnection of the Animal subconnection of the Mineral connection to the answer on the card, which is Abstract. I presume that clarifies matters. :)
Begins with P? No.
To do with sounds people make? It can, but need not, be connected to sounds that people make. (Also, sounds people make could be an Abstract subsubconnection of the Animal subconnection blahblahblah.)

(To the extent the last question was prompted by the one occasion of audience enthusiasm, that might indeed be a profitable line of enquiry. Or you might want to pursue one or more of the A,V,M connections.)
Is the particular animal connection you are thinking of, human?
Life?
The music of the spheres?
Animal connection human? Yes
Life? No.
Music of the spheres? No.
Would civilisation come into it?
Civilisation? I'm going to go with Yes. Some of these questions are so broad that they are hard to answer, but, I dunno, "Yes" just feels right in this case. That said, I'm not sure it's helpful.
Is it the game of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock?
A wild guess.
A musical instrument?
Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock? Finally, a question I can answer easily. No.
Musical instrument? No, but musical instruments are a subconnection of the Mineral connection of the AOTC.
Communication?
Is the main mineral connection a metal?
Religious?
Is it something like a cyclopedia?
Communication? No.
Mineral = metal? No.
Religious? No, but there are certainly religious subconnections of the Mineral connection of the AOTC
Cyclopedic? No. Despite all of the various subconnections and subsubconnections, the AOTC is actually something quite specific.
Is it a team of superheroes? :-)
Are we looking for the title of a piece of fiction?
Superheroes? No.
Title of piece of fiction? The audience gasps and applauds loudly. No.
The title of some written work?
A collection?
Title of written work? Yes! Applause
Collection? No.
Is the word "Rock" on the card?
Is it a work about types of music?
Rocky? No.
About types of music? No, although types of music are referenced in the work.
A biography?
Biography? No.
Was this written before 1900?
Written prior to 1900? Yes.
Was it written in English?
Written in English? Yes.
Is the book about philosophy, natural or otherwise?
Is the book about history? Gibbons' Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire?
Is it by a single author?
Check your assumptions
Philosophical? The best answer is No, although there is a connection.
History? The best answer is No, although there is a connection.
Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire? No. (Some audience laughter.)
Single author? Yes.
Is is a single book?
Checking one assumption...
Single book? No.
Is it a periodical?
Is it the author's entire oeuvre?
Periodical? No.
Entoeuvre? No.
Is it poetry?
Is it the works of a particular composer?
Poetry? Yes. The audience puts down their phones and applauds.
Composer’s works? No.
Recap
So it's the title of a work of poetry written before 1900 (and possibly much older). It is not the author's entire work, but it is more than one book while not being a collection, and it doesn't begin with P. There are connections through the title to A, M, and V, as well as to legends in a way.
Virgil's Georgics?
"The Faerie Queene"?
Because I'm nice.
Bismarck's recap is mostly right. However, I did not say the AOTC was more than one book. I said it was not a single book. I'll also tell you for free that I was thinking of the main animal connection as being the author, and the main vegetable connection as paper. The mineral connection, which has not been explored, has—as already noted—Animal and Vegetable subconnections, and various subsubconnections.

Virgil? No.
Spenser? No.
Was the author English?
English author? Yes.
Is this work in a medium other than a book?
I think you’re overcomplicating things
Medium other than a book? No. I mean, like everything else, it now also exists on the internet, but otherwise you’d normally expect to find it in a book.
Later than Chaucer?
Post-Chaucer? Yes.
Victorian?
Kipling's Barrack-Room Ballads?
Victorian? No.
Kipling? No.
Shakespearean?
Shakespearean? No.
Was some at least of this poetry written before January 1, 1901?
Written before 1/1/1? Yes. (We already knew that.)
Written in the Georgian era?
This is a very boring way of getting to the answer. :)
Georgian? Yes.
By Alexander Pope?
Are any seabirds involved?
Trying to be less boring. :)
Popeish? No.
Seabirds? No. (Except perhaps implicitly and very tangentially. Which means you should forget I even mentioned it.)
Dryden?
Hymns Ancient and Modern?
By William Wordsworth?
Only marginally less boring :)
Dryden? No.
Hymns? No.
Wordsworth? No.
The mineral you talked about: we know it isn't a rock, but is it a jewel?
Mineral-ish
Could this be about SHELLey?
Rock? No.
Shelley, with or without the EY? No.
A poem about a historic event?
Poem about a historic event? (The audience applauds the question.) That's a bit tricky to answer, but at the risk of giving too much away, I'll do my best. The simple answer is No. Thinking about the AOTC in terms of a specific historic event is not in itself helpful.

That said, there is definitely a historical aspect both to the AOTC (more specifically the mineral subconnection) and to the various subsubconnections of the mineral subconnection. And it is also correct to say that those historical subsubconnections involve an event or events, broadly understood.
What is that alluring scent?
Could somebody been SLAVING over AN INGREDIENT FOR MAKING BREAD?
Er, what?
I don't understand the question, but it has nothing to do with the AOTC.
Longfellow?
Lurker's guess - Is the name Ozymandias, King of kings?
Longfellow? No.
Ozymandias? No. (Shelley has already been suggested and rejected. Also, I don't know what you mean by "the name"; there has been no mention of a name in this AVMA.)

I'm surprised this is proving so difficult. It's not that obscure. And you will get there eventually just by naming poets, but I'm not sure if it is the best route to the answer.
Is it based on an Arthurian legend?
Arthurian? No.
less vague . . .
Could we be singing about amber grains of WHEAT?
Wheat? Nope? And I still have no idea what you are referring to :)
Are they a poet laureate?
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