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The Obligatory Limericks Game
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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...
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Makes me want to say "Ewwww"
For I'm appalled to find I am randy
Bach played on a cheap pennywhistle
If that don't appal you then this'll:
Herr Mozart's accordion
OK, bad rhyme... how about de Falla on ice
Playing: Three blind mice....
Or Puccini played on a bull's pizzle.
So could we try whisky instead?
This moonshine will leave us all dead
Here ! Slug on this raki
And chew on some baccy
In your pencil they will put lead
Pure Malt will be fine thank you Sir,
You see, I'm a finicky boozer
I insist on Laphroaig
S'miles better than Haig
Bong! Anyone else know the right pronunciation of "Laphroaig"?
Laphroaig (La-fróyg)
which makes it difficult to rhyme ..
I've always understood the g to be silent, as in joaig, ploaig, ahoaig, etc,
Though Bailey’s what Ladies prefer Never mind rhyming and/or chatting, Baileys is a reliable and fast first class G-spot moistener....
There once was a maid in a Bar,
[Raak] According to the head distiller, the "g" is pronounced. I saw him on telly 3 weeks ago on the wonderful "The Thirsty Traveller" on the Travel Channel.
Said "AnCnoc's the best whisky by far",
She would oft say
That a single Islay
Would get her knocked up in a car
Tonight we have an extension now, now . . . .
To our contest of "Dumbest Invention"
The next and last entry
"Hot-pants for the Gentry",
I shudder to have to now mention
My hot pants are only lukewarm
Since I bought them before you were born
What's more, they are damp
Thanks to the hot vamp
And my awful addiction to soft porn.
While playing in Grandfather's attic
Which he can't get to, 'cos he's rheumatic
I found the remains
Of some old Hornby™ trains
Like Connex South-East, they were static.
:-)
The day that I give my last croak
I'll play, on the mourners, a joke
My coffin's spring-loaded
And the eulogy's coded
To send the whole church up in smoke
Marvellous - just make sure you are ALL at my funeral :-)
There was a young chap from Cadiz (Chalky) I may not be able to make it, actuarily.
Who failed on his química quiz
Thinking Valencia de Sodio
[Rosie] If you don't go to other people's funerals, they won't come to yours.
Could be heard on the radio [SM] Good thinking, make sure you live long enough to receive deaths kiss!
He failed to impress as a quiz whizz I guess, like me, Rosie will have had a prior engagement ;-)
I'm learning to speak Mandarin
But I can't tell my chìn from my chîn
And I tend to wing wong
When I'm meant to ling fong
But I might just get by in Guilin
I just heard a ping pong ball ping
While testing my new backhand swing
The ball just went flat
(Being cheap, useless tat)
But at least it makes wonderful bling.
Her tits swung so wildly and vulgar, ( o )( o )
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