mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game

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The Obligatory Limericks Game

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When the Crescenters arrive at Rab...

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But can't come to terms

With r&b, swingbeat or bling

The one thing to remember is this:

Keep your feet wide apart when you piss sorrysorrysorry

Urine-soaked feet

For girl's is not neat

You'll not be number one for a kiss.

The good folk of Tierra del Fuego

Know just how to make a good play go

Their theatre's fame

Derives from its name:

"The Performers of Japanese Plays - No"

The insurance you sold me's no cushion

So don't come back round to me pushin'

With your foot in the door

Your patter's a bore

So scram, or I'll clobber yer mush in!

Let's open a new pack of verses

So cough up, chaps, and open your purses

They cost a pound each

The basics we'll teach

Of rhyming and meter and curses

The people who live down the road

Have cornered the market in woad

They paint themselves blue

An interesting hue

Then explode like a germanic toad (what a great story that was)

Actually; following on from the aborted bifurcating limerick...

As you eat this Duck à l'Uranium

To the sound of the sweet-toned harmanium (which is like a harmonium, but more harmanous)

You might catch a queck (which is like quick but more quacky)

peek at the old beck (which is like a bick, but sharper)

Or dig around inside its cranium. (which is a bit like a...oh, sod it.)

One holiday weekend in May

I went to a very strange play

Just an empty old stage

Holding Nicholas Cage

With music by John. Stay away.

I wish I could play violin

'Cos fiddling is said to be 'in'

Like fiddling the books

With too many cooks

Can lead to many a sin

rats misaligned

In politics, all is not fair

Unless you support Tony Blair

Whose radical stance

on invading France

Touched the heart of the public right there.

The wilderness threatens my garden

So in tactics I beg no one's pardon

I'll brandish this scythe

And Paraquat-ize

And wait for the green concrete to harden

Bordellos in Brighton-on-Sea

Actually, scrub that, probably has more potential as:
Bordellos on Frinton-on-Sea

Are the place where we'd all like to be

Yes, grab a granny

And then shag a trannie [oh dear- SO sorry - very naughty]

with no need to fear pregnancee. ©G & S

I bring you the following news:

The government's bought Rodney Bewes

They're selling Mo Mowlam

(She was just a golem)

And increasing the tax on left shoes [Chalks] Re: Rude line - I wrote almost the same one myself but then thought better of it and didn't post it!

[pen] ah yes, my 'bravery'. Look at the time of posting :-)
[Rosie] Top finishing btw
[K,UK,m,INJ,p] latest lim - bravo!

She attributes her high popularity

To her straightforward honest vulgarity

Her Je ne sais quoi

And the size of her bra Sorry...

Are the cause of much frequent hilarity.

Oh, woe and alas and alack!

My baby's been caught smoking crack!

I do hope her craving

Will stop her from shaving

The fur off our guinea pig's back.

I've been lost for a rather long time

Got stuck in the sunniest clime

It might sound inviting

But not when you're fighting

for rhyme so sublime it will chime.

Tomorrow, I think I'll go fishing

My Wife wont even know that I'm missing

I'll take stacks of beer

To the end of the pier

And over the end I'll be pissing oblig.

Of first lines, I'm heartily sick (six out of the last nine, including this one)

They really do get on my wick

So next time I'll wait

till I see the bait (pen) Isn't that rather difficult for the fair sex?

Then in my 10p's worth I'll stick!

[Rosie: a propos your comment to pen: my family and I (including my wife's mother) were out for a walk in the New Forest some while ago. Half way through the walk, my mother-in-law had to heed the call of nature and took herself off the path. My younger son, Sam, noticed her absence. "Where's Grandma Alice gone?", he asked. "She's gone to do a wee-wee", my wife told him. He absorbed this information and we moved on. After a few moments, he tugged at my sleeve. I leaned down and he whispered urgently into my ear: "how's she going to hit the tree?".

It seems I just can't stop this racket

Next time I may add one more bracket ;-)

and layers of felt (Kim) He knows too much. :-)

Pulled from my belt

And pockets I tore from your jacket a bit weak, but it seems nobody wanted to end this one...

I double-post here to spare Kim

For too many first lines is grim

But third line is easy

By the fourth, I am queasy

Now we're done, so back over to him

If you think this is me - well it's not

But quite who it is, I forgot

It certainly aint me

And I am not he

So let's explore who we are - in the cot.

Three hundred grams of hard cheese

Lovingly applied to the knees

Will server to save

A maid or a knave

From vicious attacks of large bees

While applying a nice coat of lacquer

My wrist just gets limper and slacker

But, once it dries off

I stiffen and cough

Up that lump of slimy chew-bacca

A frivolous lass from Manchester

Would go out wearing just a sou'wester

She said "I'm not cold, *open quote alert*

and I'm told I'm quite bold, *continues*

by the visiting fans up from Leicester."

I won't do it! No! You can't make me!!

I will not go into that teepee

I'll stay in my yurt

, my loins primly girt

I simply will not let you take me!

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a goat

Sought out the Conservative vote

For each was a Tory

A right fairy story

Politically, they've missed the boat.

The Cup has come back to North London

It's fashioned from polycarbundun - that means 'crappy old plastic'

It leaks like a sieve

But, as long as I live,

I'll boast that at least we have won one

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