mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game

I think's there's a man in my garden!

(In the suburbs of Henly in Arden)

Perhaps he's a gnome

Tina

I wish he'd go home

'Cause his stance is beginning to harden.

teehee

The Grimblepritz lives in a cave

He does not know how to behave

Dazed5

He once caused a fight

Twiki

Then used dynamite

Instead of a razor to shave.

The Flubadub rubs on a tub

Which comes from the hub of a sub

Bob the dog

But a bop with a mop

And a fop who's a sop

Scrub mud with the grub from the club

blast!

I've just bought a cake in Dundee

I'm taking it home for my tea

But Hamish and Dougal Oblig.?

Have been somewhat more frugal

widey

and boiled up a brew from old-wee (yuk)

Hold the Line

Duh-da-da-duhhh

Bigsmith

There was a young lady called Annie

Who loved a good old Hootenaney

While taking a dance

She'd rip off her pants

For a doh-si-doh with her Aunt Fanny.

Now, fanny may mean many things

For Yank and Brit different bell rings

The way that it parses

In the US it's arses

Dazed5

But whichever it is, it mings.sorry girls, don't mean it really, it just rhymed and made me laugh

widey

There once was a Turtle named Walter

Who attended the Conference of Yalta Very long-lived, turtles, so probably still alive. But then, so am I. :-)

widey

with wit and with charm

And the twist of an arm

He succeeded in annexing Malta.

st d

all above] BRAVO !

I'll second that

'Tis a while since I posted a line

- been busy stealing the fog from the Tyne

So why-aye, alreet

man, leave us the sleet (Proj)You bin read'n' Viz again?

Yank

So we've got a reason to bitch and whine.♣

Yank

ÕÒÞ§¡ I forgot to add the hard return. ♣

Yank

There once was this fellow from Lund

Dazed5

who embezzled his firm's pension fund

Brendan

He put large amounts

Into offshore accounts oblig.

plump

And claimed it was the lottery he'ed just won'ed

st d

plump] OUCH!

My offshore account on Madeira

Is filled to the rafters with Lira

The int'rest is high

I'm not quite sure why

Now I fear the pursuit of Megaera.

A kidney that's doubled in size

May give you a giant surprise,

If you tighten your belt

The squeeze will be felt

Even after we’ve closed our flies.

There once was a farmer named George,

that was supposed to be the start of the next piece of art..... (how is that accomplished....? maybe a little sweet person can tell me one day?)

I'm not a sweet little person but I'll tell you today. Follow this link ...
http://mustela.phyast.pitt.edu/basichtml.html

To be fair to the Spanish Armada

Twiki

They just needed to sail a bit harder

For the atlantic drift (its true i watched a tellie program an all)

dunno

May have tightened their rift

Gee... thx Chalky I think I’ve got it! And they turned home again and got nada…

There was once a farmer named George

Whose cow,(name of Daisy), would gorge

On the best golden wheat

Tina

Then kick George in the seat

oegy

So he fit her custom shoes in his forge

It's just ten and six in this style

Tho' not many sold for a while

But if Sir likes it tighter

Or pinker, or whiter

Our surgeon is quite versatile.

"I shall now make a lat'ral incision

then a transversal cut with precision

CdM

Then carefully ... oooops

I delve in the forests at night.

In search of the rare woodland sprite

Is it here? Is it there?

Thos

I don't really care

Drawing the line somwhere

The pub's open,I'm off, nighty-night!

Sagacity, some of the time, ...

Tina

can display itself as a good rhyme

However, beware!

For knowledge is ne'er

That Projoy committed a crime

Drawing the line here

When screwing make sure to turn right

Pooh

While gripping the screwdriver tight

Bigsmith

When banging a nail

You are sure not to fail

Provided you do it at night.

The truth is, your honour, I'm mad

Which is why, in this kumquat I'm clad

So do, please, acquit me

You see, it don't fit me

Bob the dog

It needs taking in just a tad.

I’m so glad that we made it tonight,

Tuj

Although, to be fair, it weren't right

momus

We're both dressed in lace

There's jam on your face

And my trousers are really too tight

It hasn't upset me at all

plump

That autumn is also called fall

After fall winter raises

No prospect of daisies

Bob the dog

And back to the start of it all.

I can see in my payslip today

That tonite’ we’ll have stone soup with hay

But when I were a lad

(I were told by me Dad)

We 'ad rhubarb wi' custard AND clay.

T'problem wi' t'youth of t'day

They cannot spell and don’t want to pay

Tuj

For some government schemes

Angus Prune

Or Tony Blair's dreams

plump

So sod'em that's what I say

There was a young lad from Calcutta

Who invented a new type of putta

using Hindi technique

Milo

and a pelican beak

LotUS

He was swiftly denounced as a nutter

So what do you make of this boil?

I’d put in salt and add some oil,

But the bit that annoys so

pooh

Leaks a yummy pastry dough

dunno

...buried 6 feet under top-soil.

She said her name was SinnerElla (?),

Blunder too...

Drawing the line... here:

Blunder2

She said her name was SinnerElla (?), (sorry, forgive a humble whoresman from the stable...)

She'd been familiar with this 'ere rich fella

momus

How cared not for the poor

pooh

e jes wanted to do 'er

So they discretely retired t'cellar.

Ah've fergotton 'ow ter tork proper

And me grammar were coming a cropper

Ah drops all me 'aitches

momus

But how Mr Henry replaces

...a Queens head by using a chopper? (maybe ‘enery the eight thought his wives talked too much?)

....long ago in a land far away,

Pooh

lived a sly beast by name of Foreplay

What he did with his tongue

Could replace a bad hung

- over sentence which might go astray.

Well Hello, Blunder et al - good game eh?

Impartial Observer

9/10 for scansion.

It's not right, but we'll make do for now

We'll stick to the guidelines somehow

But really, it's torture

And really, you oughtcher

Oops...
And really, you oughtcher

Convert from your voodooism to Tao? Hi Chalky et al. Nice site for nice people it seems (sofar!).

"It’s the house-rule!", she said, and undressed,

So the cop put her under arrest

"You can't do that 'ere"

Thos

"Put on your brassiere"

"You'll 'ave time fer all that at the inquest."

:)

He booked'er and tooked'er downtown

In the backseat ha said: “Please cool down!” Hi Oegy, nice lines!

She said, "But I'm hot."

Jenny

"And I notice you've got

Your hosepipe caught in my nightgown".

If the plural of moose is ... well, moose

That's English - it's always quite loose

But mooses or meeces

Mongoose or mongeeses

Try getting it right? What's the use?

Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat from Luxembourg

The teacher looked straight at the class.

She said: "Now, if you don't pass,

Tuj

I'll take you outside

And tan your backside oblig.

Till I've took the shine off your brass. Hi Blunder ... thanx

There once was a lascivious louse,

Falstaff

Who pursued a sweet tender titmouse

“May I bite your left tit?”

She giggled a bit

And said, "Not without showing more nous."

There must be a way to ensure

That lines contain wit, not manure

If there is we don't know it

"Bugger, that's blown it"

Thos

So lets all rhyme "wit" with "ordure"

(talking about farming…) A farmer once said to his milkmaid:

"Have you ever heard excellent filk played" Milkmaid??

" It sounds pretty good" [yes, Blunder - if you're intending to swamp us with your contributions - it's considered non de rigeur to post a rhymeless word in here. ]

Blunder (sorry to upset you guys ;-)

As a parody should I suppose there's always Marco Polo's job...

linesman was ‘ere

...and me hayloft’s a good place to get laid…

One iamb and these two anapaests,

Anna

felt lines could grow outo’ their chests,

Curly

they wrote lines, one good meter

two – three feet, and no cheater

Liza

Thanks for the lesson! Did all pass the tests?

A metrical system with feet ?

Well, I'm close to admitting defeat I know it doesn't really matter and I shouldn't care and this is probably just projection over other stuff that's bothering me, but, for heaven's sake, the last one had only one scanning line.

Sorry, I exaggerated. Two scanning lines.

Don’t give up, help is near!Here I've found some useful hints regarding Limericks: http://www.limericks.org/pentatette/whatis.htm

Let us raise a great cheer

For a decent one when it's complete.
*great cheer*
Know what you're saying Projoy - and even though it shouldn't really matter [in the wider scheme of things], it kind of does matter. I am consoled by the evidence that all three limerick games invariably suffer phases of crappiness, but right themselves eventually.

There were a young lad, like, from 'ull That's a capitalapostrophe, by the way.

Who resembled a young herring gull

Anonymouse

Though his bill wasn’t red,

'e 'ad nowt in 'is 'ead PJ] a quite justified outburst, imbued with a marvellous level of pathos.

It's as well 'e 'ad a thick skull.

Pj] I sort of figure I haven't been around long enough around to get to express annoyance, and should just keep listening and watching and seeing how it's done... But when all someone would have to do is swap the word order, or leave out one modifer, to have a line that would work... Well, it seems disrespectful of the forum to not take the extra 10 seconds to make sure.
But still, in the great scheme of things

We must all learn to suffer the slings

Don’t give up come what may

For there will come a day

When some are Beggars and we are the Kings

There once was a girl who was single,

LotUS

And her toes, they always would tingle

As she imagined her beau

With fame, looks, and dough

making all their naughty bits mingle. Disgraceful!

Why is it that windows can shatter

And why is it women do chatter?

anonymouse

We should blame Billy Gates! This is an utterly serious matter! Linux may not be perfect either, but there's no big noise when it shatters ;-)

anothernonymouse

And all his rich mates!

This is an utterly serious matter! Sorry, couldn't resist.

anonymouse

There are some occasions, I’ve heard Kim, it's OK. 'twas supposed to be the second line but Software had more well-oiled keys and you are the smartest of us all I guess?

yetanothernonymouse

When someone assumes the absurd

Like: I’m here – I exist !

And I'm totally pissed!

Bed-wetter?

So sorry we are for what occurred.