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Conversation ƒtoppers
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In the words of Dunx: "I suppose it's a long way off yet, but listening to this week's ISIHAC I liked the game of "Opening Lines" where the players would provide a line guaranteed to end the conversation with famous personages. Eg - "So, Mr Bush - is English your first language?" "Table for Mr Stringfellow and his granddaughter!" To Rod Hull - "Where's your emu?" Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway."
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Gollum - "Here's a riddle for you: What's I got in my pocket?"
Gandalf - "... rather fond of hobbits aren't we?"
[and finally] ... Your new cellmate - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Lady Godiva - " Good morning. I'm from the Health & Safety department. Your hair is unsafe at that length, and must be tied up above shoulder height..."
Lady Chatterley - "...and when did you take on David Mellor as gardener?"
Phil Tufnell - "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"
H.G. Wells - "...and how do you feel about being evicted from the Big Brother house?"
Queen Victoria - "Have you heard the one about the Englishman, the Irishman and the Scotsman..."
Gareth Hunt - "How do you feel about becoming a part of Cockney Rhyming Slang?"
Douglas Hurd - "How do you feel about becoming a part of Cockney Rhyming Slang?"
Sherlock Holmes - "I'm from the drugs squad..."
Henry Stanley - "Ken Livingstone, I presume?"
[Picard to Kirk] "My Enterprise is better than yours!" (which I've heard Patrick Stewart did actually say to William Shatner during the making of Generations.)
Capt'n Scott.........where did I put that F******g map?
David Beckham - "That penalty miss must have really upset you. Put it all behind you and try Rugby".
To the creator of 'Big Brother', the television show - "Tell us about your childhood."
To Nadia on Big Brother - "So, you were once a bloke, right?"
To David Dimbleby - "What can be done about the problem of nepotism in the BBC".
Clement Freud: "At your age, I bet you're grateful just to get to the end of the minute."
Nick Leason: 'So what made you leave your last job?'
Ruth Ellis: "I bet you're a bit of a swinger!"
Jeffrey Archer: "I loved your prison diaries, I hope you have a chance to write more volumes!"
John Bunyan: "How are those pilgrims of yours coming on?"
Rapunzel: "... before I hazard to climb your fair tresses, tell me truthful, are you indeed bald of head?"
St John the Divine: "Hey man, that's some heavy trip, can I score some?"
Torquemada: "Hello, I was expecting you."
Lancelot du Lac: "She a goer, then, is she?
Doubting Thomas: "You may already have won..."
Abraham: "Sacrificed any kids lately?"
To a sysadmin of my former acquaintance who wanted to restrict our Usenet feed on moral grounds, but lost the argument: "Burnt any good books lately?"
To my wife - I'm going out with my mates tonight Technically, this is a conversation stopper because the conversation stops and an argument starts.
United Airlines Stewardess - "Whoa purty lady, you just lit the fuse on the heat seeking missile in my pocket."
Elijah Wood - "You're smaller than you look on film."
King Richard III - "Would a donkey suffice?"
Romeo: "Forget her, she's not worth it, get better stuff down C*ntgr*p* Lane."
Mother Superior - "Oh F*ck!"
Joan of Arc - "Whinge, whinge, whinge. You're such a bloody martyr." (Dunx - love that one!)
To Ken Livingstone - "It's about twenty minutes' drive".
Tom Cruise at the fun fair.........sorry son you have to be a few inches taller to ride on the merry-go-round
To John Wesley - "Coming down the pub, then?"
John Knox: "Let me introduce you to my wife, the minister for our parish."
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