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Conversation ƒtoppers
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In the words of Dunx: "I suppose it's a long way off yet, but listening to this week's ISIHAC I liked the game of "Opening Lines" where the players would provide a line guaranteed to end the conversation with famous personages. Eg - "So, Mr Bush - is English your first language?" "Table for Mr Stringfellow and his granddaughter!" To Rod Hull - "Where's your emu?" Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway."
Eric Skyes having been captured by Pirates. "What do you mean I have to walk the plank?" sorry but it was a funny film...................
Actually, if you mean Eric Sykes, how about "Oi, mate, I'm talking to you. Are you deaf or what?" The same thing works for Beethoven, assuming he stops being dead.
David Beckham: "How's the wife?...er, okay then....how's work?"
Anne Boleyn: "Fancy a walk around the block?"
Michael Jackson: "And how are the kids?"
I hate myself! :p
"Hello, Mr Cleese, how's the wife, err, Sybil isn't it?"
"Could I have a signed nude photo, please Jade; for my brother"
"Still not King then, Charles?"
Jackson Pollock - My six-year-old does that too. Takes an age to clean up, doesn't it?
Christina Aguilera - Everything else in the wash, eh?
Happy Birthday, Britney, I've bought you some singing lessons.
Any of those Big Brother wastes-of-carbon: So, have you been anywhere nice lately?
George Best - "Double G&T then, George? Come on, yer great girl's blouse!"
Jonathan Ross - "Here's the guest list for tonight's show, Jonathan: Actress Deborah Raffin, tennis ace Greg Ruzedski, Screen Legend Theresa Russell and music by rock & roll legends Radiohead".
In very very poor taste.......... So Mr Hitler which do you prefer cooking with, gas or electric?......................
Tracey Emin: "I hope you've made your bed!"
Leonardo to Mona Lisa: "...and wipe that smile off your face!"
John Constable: "Tell me, why did you call that bloke in the cart 'Wayne?'"
Nero: "My God! I thought you'd stood on the cat while trying to escape from the blaze!"
Andrew Lloyd-Webber: "Of course, the great days of the Musical were just after the War."
Neville Chamberlain - "Are you still collecting autographs?"
Orenthal J. Simpson: "... say, you remind me of my late wife."
" Mr. Hussein, as your lawyers we will soon have you out of this hole."
Oscar Wilde: - "Reading, eh? That's a bummer".
Jeffrey Archer: "Pass the soap".
Tony Blair "You remember Captain Scarlett don't you?...you know, da da da da, da da dee da Captain Scarlett indestructible..."
Lester Piggot - "Hi, I work for the Inland Revenue."
"John Paul, is the Pope really a Catholic?"
Or alternatively - "So where are George and Ringo, eh?"
Rupert Bear - "I saw you in the woods the other day - what were you doing in there?"
Philip Green - "Take your Marks..."
Keith Chegwin - "Whatever happened to Maggie Philbin?"
Or perhaps - "I bet you have wonderful memories of your time doing children's telly!"
Keith Chegwin - "Fancy another drink?"
Robert Maxwell - "Look, there's no need to go overboard about it."
Cap'n Ahab - "Yhar she blows!"
Noel Edmonds - "Michael Lush" (ooh, bad taste.)
Galileo - "So you're not a regular churchgoer, then?"
Michael Barrymore - "Nice looking pool out there - fancy a swim?"
Captain of the Titanic "Calm as a mill pond, full steam ahead. We'll knock a day off our journey"
Buddy Holly I love flying
Elvis Cheese burgers never hurt anyone!
Dr. Crippen - "How's the wife?"
Mussolini - "What are you hanging around for?"
Bob Dylan - "How are Dougal & Ermintrude?"
Ronald Reagan - "How's Carter?" (one for Sweeney fans...)
Sweeney Todd - "A little more off the top, please"
George Dubya Bush - "Hi - Here's your free sample from Pete's Pretzels..."
Dr. Spock - "What's the planet Vulcan like at this time of year?"
Henry Ford - "But I want a white one!"
Michael Howard - Did you threaten to overrule him?
Dale Winton How's your girlfriend?
George Dubya - How do you spell WMD?
Jeremy Paxman: "How are you, answer the question for goodness sake, how are you?"
Peter Pan - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Frodo Baggins - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Gollum - "Here's a riddle for you: What's I got in my pocket?"
Gandalf - "... rather fond of hobbits aren't we?"
[and finally] ... Your new cellmate - "Why, hello little lady ..."
Lady Godiva - " Good morning. I'm from the Health & Safety department. Your hair is unsafe at that length, and must be tied up above shoulder height..."
Lady Chatterley - "...and when did you take on David Mellor as gardener?"
Phil Tufnell - "KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"
H.G. Wells - "...and how do you feel about being evicted from the Big Brother house?"
Queen Victoria - "Have you heard the one about the Englishman, the Irishman and the Scotsman..."
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