- "No, nothing to declare.... Yes, yes that's me in the passport photo, admittedly the picture was taken a few years ago and I didn't have the beard then... No, I haven't any previous convictions for anything of the kind, I told you - I'm here on behalf of the Beeb, doing a report on your government's Human Rights record. These guys are my technicians, yes, all my papers are in order... What? ... No, I don't see why you need to open the case, but if it'll keep you happy I - wait, why is he putting on those gloves? Hey now, just a minute! Hey, get your filthy hands off of - Get off! Help! Help! Call the British Embassy before they stick their hands up my -" [Transmission Ends]

-"The Late Jeremy Bowen there, with a report on the situation in Zimbabwe, which he recorded earlier today."

They Think It's All Over - Just too easy, isn't it?

"Urgh, I think you've got it all over me."

The Heaven and Earth Show

"I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition."

The Clangers

"Unfortunately the soup-dragon developed a taste for Clanger soup."

Quote unquote

It sounds like it should be Wilde, but surely it is Desperate Dan after digging into his third Cow-pie.

The Ascent of Man

Well, I'm here.

Tellytubbies

"And how many calories is in that, Po?"

Newsround

"Nothing new happening here!" A Prarie Home Companion (yes, I know, it's American, but it is Public Radio)

"I've found love on the internet. He's an account, works in New York, so I've decided to move to the Big Apple, leave the wide open country and settle down in a city apartment on the edge of Manhatten. Goodbye, I'll write you." Star in their Eyes

Oops. Should've been on a lower line, like this:

Stars in their Eyes

"Tonight, I'm going to be Fred West."

Last of the Summer Wine