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50 Ways To....
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This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
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how about...
50 Ways to Lose Your Liver

1. Start with some gin, Lynne.
2. Keep knocking back the sherry, Cherie.
3. Donate organs before you're dead, Fred. Two sides to every story
3. Take all possible steps to avoid a carcinoma, Homer. And yet a third.
4 Don't forget the rum, mum.
5. When you're eating liver and bacon, keep the bacon but throw away what remains, Brains.
7. Behave like George Best, Celeste.
8. Put away a skinful of Theakston's Old Peculier, Julia.
Share a needle wih a junkie, Monkey.
10. Drink yourself under the table, Mabel.
[When mom ain't lookin'] sneak it under the table to Ol' Rover, Grover.
The last one was [it was]!
12. Drink a flagon of scumpy with every meal, Neil.
13. Promise a loan shark a pound of your mortal flesh, Ramesh.
14. Don't keep loads of booze in the house, Klaus.
15. If you're the city the Beatles came from, change your name to "pool," Zool.
16. A bottle of whiskey a day, Ray.
17. Drink a bottle of whisky a day, Jay. Far more potent!
18 Juggle with a chainsaw, Tor.
19 Drink dodgy foreign water, daughter.
20. Impale thyself on a meat hook, ye crook.
21. Take a midnight stroll with Jack The Ripper, Gipper.
22. Sign your organ donor card, M'Lord.
[i'm finished now!]
23. Try to avoid hepatitis, Titus.
24. Stay off the Vitamin A, Kay.
25. Sell it on Ebay, Jay.
Take to many headache pills, Will's
Have a meal with Hannibal Lecter, Hector!
28 - Turn your back on Jeffrey Dahmer, Homer.
29 - Catch the Whooping Cough, Dolph!
30 - Ship it to the wrong address, Bess!
Don't date Lector, Hector.
above = 31
32. - Kiss someone with halitosis, Miss Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
33 Feed it to the cat, Matt
Eat it with Phal, darl. or should that be Dahl?
35 Cover it with too much gravy or veg, Reg.
36.If you don't already know, then I ain't telling you, Lou.
37 Leave it on the Bus, Gus
38 Have it gently fried, Clyde
Let it fill with pus, Russ
40 - Attempt the forbidden [Pole Vaulting Position], #1069 in The Daredevil's Guide To Kama Sutra, Lutra.
Have it as a kebab, Rab!
Sign up as a donor, Mona.
Forty one is a prime number, so that was
42!
Drink a drum of rum, son
Have dodgy LFT's, louise
Have Jaundice, Morris!
45 - Sell it to the highest bidder, Kidder [OOPS!].
46 - Your ailing Uncle is a boss in the Mob, Bob.
47 - Taint your ale with a flesh-eating bacillus, Phyllis.
48. Go into labour, neighbour Which we are, but we're nearly there! Come on, PUSH!
49 - Let your husband perform the cesarian, Marion. [Won't be long now!]
50. Don't inhale the vapours of solvents containing chlorine, Doreen. Nnnnngh, Dunnit, Aaaaaah!
I'm in an odd mood today. Let's try 50 Ways to Achieve World Domination
1.Buy it on Ebay. Jay
2. Play Risk, Mr. Fisk.
Change your name to Mac Donald, Ronald!
Own Coca-cola, Lola
Set the Microsoft franchise rates, Mr Gates
6Buy yourself a gun, Hon
7. Start by invading Iraq, Mac
Invasion from Mars, Lars
9. Invade both North and South America, Erica.
10. Pull doors marked push, Bush.
Explode a 40 megaton nuclear bomb, Ron
12. Build lots of Fighting Ships and rule the mighty main, Jane.
Spread Anthrax as a gas, Lass!
14. - Plight your troth to the Devil, Neville.
15. Just act meek and inherit... Jared?
16. - Transmogrify theeself into a doomsday virus, Iris.
17. - Recruit vast armies from the planets Earth and Jupiter, and conquer the whole d#mn galaxy, Alexi.
18. txt all the bro',Mo.
19. Subjugate all men, starting with Sven, hen
20. Start with a coup d'etat, Matt.
21. Give Tony Blair a cow, Pat.
22. - You'll be needing a time machine, Gene.
Kill people 'til you're the only one left, Seth
- 24. Engage the help of a yeti, Betty (sorry to come in from nowhere; found the site randomly and it looked cool ^_^)
25. - T'is simple in theory really, but first you must become a fire ant, Grant.
26. Just watch and wait, Tate.
27. Do it in a hurry, Murray.
28. - Become the Grand Mogul of all cockroaches, Sanchez.
29. Own the world wide web, Deb
30. Consult those barely legible scribbled notes we stole from Margaret Thatcher's handbag when we met her, Henrietta.
Put your mind control drugs in all tubs of Sainsbury’s strawberry yoghurt, Robert [and the rhubarb ones too Lu]
32. First take the Moon, June.
33. Stay up all night, Dwight.
Rebuild the 3rd Reich, Mike!!!
35. Learn from the mistakes of Napoleon's winter campaign, Jane.
36. Start with a hill, Phil.
Buy a very big battle tank, Hank
Invest in a squadron of B52's, Lou
39. - Withdraw from reality and create a subserviant world of your own, Stone.
40. Just have enough money, Bunny.
41. - Declare yourself Genghis, Khan.
42. - Make a new plan, Stan!
43. Annex the Sahara, Tamara.
44. Rule the Gobi, Toby. Thanks for the idea, Wol:-)
45 - Tour the Kalahari, Charlie (on a roll now)
46. Pick up the world and carry it, Harriet
47 Hold cities to ransom a lot, Scott
48 Make the world sick, Nick.
49. Pretend you're George W. Bush, mush. Not absolutely strictly following the rules.
50 Just go buy a globe, Job.
How about... 50 Ways to win an Olympic Gold Medal?

1. Do a good javelin throw, Jo.
2. Slide that curling stone, Joan.
3. Shoot and ski, Lee.
4. Place a quiet backhander, Amanda. Well, it all seemed too idealistic and it really couldn't last!
6. Take a banned substance, Lance
Go to Greece, Reece
Run fast in the mile,Kyle. (bugger metric!!)
9. Show them how to hurdle, Flerdle
10. Fly high on that pole vault, Walt.
Just bloomin well cheat, Pete
12. - Show the judges your best high dive, Clive.
13. Arrange to get your rival's kneecaps broken by a masked man, Stan
14. Go faster, higher, stronger, Mr. Olonga.
15. Be the high bidder on ebay, Jay.
15. Enter a very expensive tombola, ROmola.
Use a powered sled, Ted.
17. Campaign for apathy to be a new Olympic sport, Cort.
18. Run like the wind, Min.
19. Enhance the muscularity of your gluteus, Maximus.
Beat the rest, Celest
21. Complete your patented combination triple lutz double loop followed closely by two triple axels and one flawless quadruple salchow, Ming Lao.
Jump the hurdles quick, Mick!
23. Get running, Spike.
24. Get training for that marathon, Jonathan
25. Win, Min.
26. Get an aerodynamic lunchbox, Mocks.
27. Enter the sprint, Clint
Get on yer bike, Mike
29 - Excel at your thang, Yang.
30. Do the beach volley ball in string vest, Celeste.
31. Put the shot,Dot
32. Hone each skate, Kate.
33. Avoid the Jamaican bobsled, Ted
34. Keep on taking the nandrolone, Joan.
35. Be steady on the balance beam, Coleen.
36. Don't get hurt, Kurt.
37. Run a kilometer, Peter.
38. Or a kilometre, Peta.    Sorry, Darren, couldn't resist the temptation
39.Simply keep to the rules, Jules.
40. Speed through the slalom, Marlon.
41. Get your horse to play polo in water, Cotter.
42. Favour the steroid, Floyd.
Be first off the block, Jock Well done Scotland 1st win in 5 outings. Yawn
44. - Be the best in your class, Cass.
45 - Be in a class of your own, Joan.
46 - Try and try again, Sphen. and one day you will be in a class o' your own.
47. - Praychance you have the good fortune of competing for a little country with a lot to offer, Chauffer. [provided the treaty isn't signed before the olympic competition]
48. Box above your weight, Nate
Wear your lucky pants, Lance
Be first round the bouy, Troy
But most of all remember to catch the 9.05 from Mornington Crescent, Peasant!
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Olympic Torch*
i like pies
Gerroff!!!!
Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord