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50 Ways To....
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This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
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19 In the nude, Jude.
20. Make a new episode of Blake's 7, Kevin.
Make a good episode of Blake's 7, Bevin.
Wroot a episod of 'Allo 'Allo which do nat oose a bod fronch acsont, Cont
23. Wave at a passing news camera, Pamela.
24 Become a presenter, Gunther. [Crabbers] I cod nid agwee moer. Until you piss this wee again.
25. Invent a new gameshow, Joe.
26. Impress Simon Cowell, Raul.
27. Stand as a presidential candidate with a campaign based soley on who your father was despite having a brain made of mush, Mr. Bush
Be the first man on mars......Larrs
29. Become a cameraman and turn it 180 degrees, Rhys.
Bomb and invade Syria, Lydia
31 In the past, there was always Police Five, Clive.
32 Hold Romeo Beckham to ransom, handsome.
33. Sit in a house doing b*gger-all, Paul. Not a fan of Big Brother and the whole reality TV boom, I'm afraid
34. Volunteer to be a redshirt, Kurt.
35. Go on a crime spree, see.
[thanks Darren ... dunno how i overlooked that...musta been outa breath]
36. Climb a clock that's big, Ben.
37. Enter BBC Talent at www.bbc.co.uk , Ray
38. Record yourself with a camcorder and play it back on your own set, Jet.
39. Get caught doing that with a minor (playing it back on your telly), Kelly ooh slightly outdated yet topical [Inkspot] Sublime!
Do a public strip-tease, Louise
41 Voice over a documentary, Terry
42. Make an advert, Kurt.
Stalk Mathew Kelly, Nellie (perish the thought!)
44. Kill the annoying purple Barney, Killarney.
45. Hold the world to ransom, Hanson
46 Commontate on the Cup Final, Lionel
47.Put Trinny's head down the pan, Susanne ...(artistic licience declared)
48. Become a weather girl, Shirl. (Been going on for a while, hasnt it, this one?)
Don't do what they want you to, Bartholomew.
50. Write the credits at the end, friend.
how about...
50 Ways to Lose Your Liver

1. Start with some gin, Lynne.
2. Keep knocking back the sherry, Cherie.
3. Donate organs before you're dead, Fred. Two sides to every story
3. Take all possible steps to avoid a carcinoma, Homer. And yet a third.
4 Don't forget the rum, mum.
5. When you're eating liver and bacon, keep the bacon but throw away what remains, Brains.
7. Behave like George Best, Celeste.
8. Put away a skinful of Theakston's Old Peculier, Julia.
Share a needle wih a junkie, Monkey.
10. Drink yourself under the table, Mabel.
[When mom ain't lookin'] sneak it under the table to Ol' Rover, Grover.
The last one was [it was]!
12. Drink a flagon of scumpy with every meal, Neil.
13. Promise a loan shark a pound of your mortal flesh, Ramesh.
14. Don't keep loads of booze in the house, Klaus.
15. If you're the city the Beatles came from, change your name to "pool," Zool.
16. A bottle of whiskey a day, Ray.
17. Drink a bottle of whisky a day, Jay. Far more potent!
18 Juggle with a chainsaw, Tor.
19 Drink dodgy foreign water, daughter.
20. Impale thyself on a meat hook, ye crook.
21. Take a midnight stroll with Jack The Ripper, Gipper.
22. Sign your organ donor card, M'Lord.
[i'm finished now!]
23. Try to avoid hepatitis, Titus.
24. Stay off the Vitamin A, Kay.
25. Sell it on Ebay, Jay.
Take to many headache pills, Will's
Have a meal with Hannibal Lecter, Hector!
28 - Turn your back on Jeffrey Dahmer, Homer.
29 - Catch the Whooping Cough, Dolph!
30 - Ship it to the wrong address, Bess!
Don't date Lector, Hector.
above = 31
32. - Kiss someone with halitosis, Miss Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
33 Feed it to the cat, Matt
Eat it with Phal, darl. or should that be Dahl?
35 Cover it with too much gravy or veg, Reg.
36.If you don't already know, then I ain't telling you, Lou.
37 Leave it on the Bus, Gus
38 Have it gently fried, Clyde
Let it fill with pus, Russ
40 - Attempt the forbidden [Pole Vaulting Position], #1069 in The Daredevil's Guide To Kama Sutra, Lutra.
Have it as a kebab, Rab!
Sign up as a donor, Mona.
Forty one is a prime number, so that was
42!
Drink a drum of rum, son
Have dodgy LFT's, louise
Have Jaundice, Morris!
45 - Sell it to the highest bidder, Kidder [OOPS!].
46 - Your ailing Uncle is a boss in the Mob, Bob.
47 - Taint your ale with a flesh-eating bacillus, Phyllis.
48. Go into labour, neighbour Which we are, but we're nearly there! Come on, PUSH!
49 - Let your husband perform the cesarian, Marion. [Won't be long now!]
50. Don't inhale the vapours of solvents containing chlorine, Doreen. Nnnnngh, Dunnit, Aaaaaah!
I'm in an odd mood today. Let's try 50 Ways to Achieve World Domination
1.Buy it on Ebay. Jay
2. Play Risk, Mr. Fisk.
Change your name to Mac Donald, Ronald!
Own Coca-cola, Lola
Set the Microsoft franchise rates, Mr Gates
6Buy yourself a gun, Hon
7. Start by invading Iraq, Mac
Invasion from Mars, Lars
9. Invade both North and South America, Erica.
10. Pull doors marked push, Bush.
Explode a 40 megaton nuclear bomb, Ron
12. Build lots of Fighting Ships and rule the mighty main, Jane.
Spread Anthrax as a gas, Lass!
14. - Plight your troth to the Devil, Neville.
15. Just act meek and inherit... Jared?
16. - Transmogrify theeself into a doomsday virus, Iris.
17. - Recruit vast armies from the planets Earth and Jupiter, and conquer the whole d#mn galaxy, Alexi.
18. txt all the bro',Mo.
19. Subjugate all men, starting with Sven, hen
20. Start with a coup d'etat, Matt.
21. Give Tony Blair a cow, Pat.
22. - You'll be needing a time machine, Gene.
Kill people 'til you're the only one left, Seth
- 24. Engage the help of a yeti, Betty (sorry to come in from nowhere; found the site randomly and it looked cool ^_^)
25. - T'is simple in theory really, but first you must become a fire ant, Grant.
26. Just watch and wait, Tate.
27. Do it in a hurry, Murray.
28. - Become the Grand Mogul of all cockroaches, Sanchez.
29. Own the world wide web, Deb
30. Consult those barely legible scribbled notes we stole from Margaret Thatcher's handbag when we met her, Henrietta.
Put your mind control drugs in all tubs of Sainsbury’s strawberry yoghurt, Robert [and the rhubarb ones too Lu]
32. First take the Moon, June.
33. Stay up all night, Dwight.
Rebuild the 3rd Reich, Mike!!!
35. Learn from the mistakes of Napoleon's winter campaign, Jane.
36. Start with a hill, Phil.
Buy a very big battle tank, Hank
Invest in a squadron of B52's, Lou
39. - Withdraw from reality and create a subserviant world of your own, Stone.
40. Just have enough money, Bunny.
41. - Declare yourself Genghis, Khan.
42. - Make a new plan, Stan!
43. Annex the Sahara, Tamara.
44. Rule the Gobi, Toby. Thanks for the idea, Wol:-)
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