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50 Ways To....
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This was Kevan's idea (see MCiOS chat room). It's based on the song "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover" ("You just slip out the back, Jack; Make a new plan, Stan....") Well, there have to be 50 ways to do other tasks, right? So, off we jolly well go, Joe!
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32. Get off your arse and hike, Spike!
33.Just keep walking straight, Kate...
34. ...Till you're back where you start, Art
35. Recharge that Sinclair C5, Clive.
36. Get your Mum to row, Bo.
37. Start by swimming the Atlantic, Nick.
38; Half Pipe a Skateboard, Claude
39 On a unicycle, Michael.
40. Chuck yourself from a trebuchet, Jay.
41. Have a lift from a sedan chair, Clare
42. Hop on a jet, Bette.
Go around in a rocket, Charlie!
43!!
44.Get kicked by a cow, How!
45. With a documentary film crew trailin', Michael Palin.
46. On a slow boat to China, Carolina.
47. Charter the QE2, Lou
48. Develop a fully functional Matter Transportation Device to convert you into sub-atomic particles and bounce yourself off of a satellite, Dwight
49. In a Kayak, Jack
50. Get away and wait for the world to spin, Min.
Well, this game's going at a fair old lick, come the time and we need a new one. Erm...
*channeling the collective consciousness of the e-pilg*

50 Ways to call in sick

1 Tell 'em you've got a frog in your throat, Googolplex the Amazing Balancing Goat.
2. Tell them your nose is the size of a melon, Helen.
3. Say you're suffering from sciatica, Attica.
4. Or just say you've got the flu, Sue, or pulled a muscle, Russell.
5. I've had a family loss, boss.
6. I'm clinicaly dead, Fred
7. I'm just a bit ill, Bill.
8I think I'm positively insane, Jermaine
Say you're under the weather, Heather.
which was 9 of course D'OH!
10 Get a nasty bout of diarrhoea, Maria.
11 You've amputated a limb, Jim
12 Say you've consumed a bottle of Lemony Cif, Cliff
13 You simply can't be arsed to come in, Tim.
14 Got a touch of gangrene, Dean.
15. Remove your appendix, Felix. *dodgy rhyme alert*
16. Just tell 'em they smell, Mel.
17. Say you've got a verruca, Luca.
18. Say you've caught leprosy, Dee. But don't worry, the doctor says it's going round tight now and I'll be over it by the end of the week.
19. Say you've been sick, Dick.
20. Say that the boil has burst, Kirst.
21.Tell 'em you've got a splinter, Araminta.
22. Best use the 'phone, Joan.
23. ... but email if you've got laryngitis, Otis.
24.Say *cough* you think you've *cough* got SARS, Lars. *cough* *cough*
25. Claim to be hit by a van, Stan
26. Tell the silly moo you Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, Denise
27. Admit to the hangover, Clover.
28. Say your Gran died, Clyde.
29. Call to say you've been out late with Jordan, Gordon. they'll understand, oh yes
30. You have gastroenteritis, Titus.
31. You accidentally cut your own head off while trying to shave, Dave.
32. You ate the wrong kind of berry, Terry.
Fake Typhoid, Boyd.
34.Read them your obituary, Jerry.
Tell em you choked on some Candy, Mandy
36. Just tell 'em you're crook, sook.
37.Get your dear Mother to call in for you, Lou.
38. Say you've tachycardia, Nadia.
39. Feign asbestosis, Moses.
40 Deny being in Las Vegas, Gus
[all] shurely 'Deny being in Las Vegas, Dégas'...?!!
[pen]you tell who you want to tell, I'm telling Gus
41.... send 'em a singing telegram, Sam
42. The doc says you have thrush, Nush.
43. Tell 'em to look up 'cause I'm in freefall, all and no parachute!
44 Say you were crushed by a freefalling lunatic, Rick
45 Say you've dislocated your shoulder, Golda. (Duj) 38 is v. good. :-)
46. Say you're trapped in a lift, Cliff.
47. You've just had ECT, Jeeves.
48. Nasty does of chlamydia, Lydia.
49.Tell 'em you're just too damn lazy to come in today, Maisy.
50. Be honest and tell 'em you've been out on the piss, Chris.
I think it must be time for 50 Ways To Play Mornington Crescent, starting with
1. Start at Green Park, Clark.
2. Avoid Dollis Hill, Will
3. Perform several striles, Niles.
4. Avoid Dollis Hill, Phil.
5. Avoid Dollis Hill, Jill.
6 Jump straight to Morden, Denis Norden.
7. Avoid Dollis Hill, Bill
8. Use Ongar Denials, Gyles.
9.Keep one foot on the Bank, Frank.
10. Keep an eye on the L.V., Bea.
11. Don't land in knip, Pip
12. Be sparing in invoking Archbold's Lemma, Gemma.
13. Ignore all the rules, fools.
14.You simply must ad lib, Mr. Gibb.
15. Play Waterloo, Stu
16 Via Picadilly, Lilly
17. And thence to Kingsway, May.
18. Don't end up in spoon, June.
Watch out for the LV spike, errr, Spike.
19.00
20. Declare home at Goodge Street, Pete. Well it works for me!
21. Don't even think of gatecrashing one of our games and killing it off by playing Mornington Crescent, peasant.
*shouts, screams, generally goes wild for Wol*
Oh buggerbuggerbugger - there's a horrid bullet wound in my foot ... sorrysorrysorry - help!! I really didn't mean that to happen, honest ...
22. Slink back to Queensway, Fay.
23. Straddle Putney Bridge, Midge.
24. Beware of roads that go one-way, Jay
25. Fetch the Game Repair Squad when Wol f*cks up, Fairlop. [teehee]
26. Do it with feeling, North Ealing
27. Crossharbour and London Arena, Tina
28. Keep the diagonals clear, Pier.
Make a joke about Mudchute, Knute.
^ 29
30 With interesting nicknames, James.
31. Keep changing your moniker, Monica.
32. Watch out for Becontree, Dee.
33. I'll start at Vauxhall, Paul.
34. Only *farkle* when stuck, Chuck.
35. Never pin Colindale, Colin, Dale.
36. Don't try to get off at Museum, Liam!
37. Be wary of Tooting Bec, Beck.
38. Have care in Zone One, Juan.
39.Thru interesting pick-up lines in bars, Lars.
40: Check your Fronsky diagram, Pam.
[Falstaff] Just FYI, such manoeuvres have been illegal since the 1997 Ljubljana Amendments.
41 Go right on past Old Street, Pete
42. Start a Parks Cascade, Jade.
43. Try not to bifurcate, Kate
44. Don't straddle over White City, Kitty.
45. Don't make the Kings Cross, Boss.
46. Don't start a Dollis Hill Loop, Troop.
47 Don't cause a reverse temporal eddy, Sir Neddie. [Neddie] Nice to have such an esteemed knight of the realm with us, but please note that the gigni de nihilo ... game on MCiOS flows in reverse -- ie, if you read up the page it makes sense, so you can't "know" what's gone before as it hasn't happened yet in the game's time frame -- the fun lies in the construction of a "past" that fits everything we know will be "going to happen". I think I've managed to make your first move fit in all right, though ... ([everyone] Sorry; I promise this is the last time I interrupt an mc5 game to explain gigni.)
48. Try to bifurcate, Kate.
Of course, it depends on the circumastances, as you all know. 43's still valid, just spotted that!
[Brendan] You can't believe how long it took me to figure that it was backwards...
49. Avoid trouble by playing Hyde Park, Mark
50. Don't forget to finish the match, Patch.

OK, now how about 50 Ways to Appear on Television.

1. Steak at a sporting event, Brent.

dammit, meant streak
2. Eat an enormous steak, Drake. For charity or something. Nice one Darren!
3. Elbow your way vigorously to the front of the 'Last Night of the Prom'ers, Thomas.
Write a TV comedy play....Ray
4. Bare your breast to the planet, Janet.
Ah, not very original; it appears that ZK did something similar earlier. I should have clicked on 'Expose All'. Sorry.
Aargh! That should have been 5.
6. Write in to Blue Peter, Dieter.
7. Become a celebrity cook, Chuck. From north of 52½°N, obviously.
8. Write to Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen, Rowan.
9 Go on Who wants to be a Millionaire, Clare
Get eaten by a lion at Longleat, Pete
Pah I forgot the number again.......back to Kings Cross sorry everyone!!
Start a riot at the footie, Sooty. [Dujon] Yours was funnier :)
[Dujon] Looks like I could take a leaf out of your book. I've done that one before too!
12. Stand still for long enough, Geoff.
13 Just 'HANG' out in a box, Fox. ah-la Barmey Blaine.
14.Make a complete and utter spectacle of oneself by perching atop of it, dressed solely in a pink tutu [hands clutching a bowl of salsa i.e. chips] with both unsightly legs dangling over the screen, whilst wearing the rabbit-ear antenna atop ones *sic* head.
...Fred. (completing Falstaff's move)
15. Appear on Big Brother, Mother.
16. Appoint yet another croney, Tony.
17. Become a Premiership ref, Jeff
18. Get cast as the new Doctor Who, Stu!
19 In the nude, Jude.
20. Make a new episode of Blake's 7, Kevin.
Make a good episode of Blake's 7, Bevin.
Wroot a episod of 'Allo 'Allo which do nat oose a bod fronch acsont, Cont
23. Wave at a passing news camera, Pamela.
24 Become a presenter, Gunther. [Crabbers] I cod nid agwee moer. Until you piss this wee again.
25. Invent a new gameshow, Joe.
26. Impress Simon Cowell, Raul.
27. Stand as a presidential candidate with a campaign based soley on who your father was despite having a brain made of mush, Mr. Bush
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Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord