The pen is mightier than the word.

Its only Tuesday but it already feels like a long wee.

Yes, but it's the start of a new moth. Maybe we ought to keep the widows shut after dark.

"There is a French widow in every room". © Gerard Hoffnung ca. 1965

There is a beautiful girl in the house opposite me. I can see her through the double-gazing.

Hmm, makes you sound like a Peeing Tom to me.

Presumably a peeing tom is somebody who likes to have a loo.

I thought they liked watching women getting hanged.

I used to like watching the Women's cricket team getting ready for a bat.

I got picked for the Royal Household XI because I was good at bowing.

I was dropped by the Anorexics XI just because I was a fat bowler.

I used to drive their team tour bus, but then they went on trike after bad light stopped pay.

I remember - you were a very low diver and you kept locking the rod so I couldn't ass you.

I used to wince at they way you changed ears.

I got stuck on a 'bus one day. One of the tyres had deflated. Fortunately the vehicle was equipped with a radio and the driver, obviously being unable to mount the spare himself, yelled back to his base "Ring the changes, I'm in trouble". Talk about efficiency! Within minutes every church in the neighbourhood had activated its bells.

My pottery classes came in handy when I took my driving test. The examiner complimented me on my three pint urn.

Very little traffic in East Anglia, which is why you can enjoy a relaxing holiday on the Norfolk Roads.

I've often wondered why the population of No folk is so sparse.

Expatriate Spaniards in that part of the world who wish to worship could always go to El Cathedral.

Yeah, but it gets expensive if you're a Godfaring type. Of course, Agnostics travel half-Godfare, and Atheists don't have to pay at all. Mind you, you're supposed to kneel when you pay, and you have to say the Lord's Payer or something, but I've never understood what buying tickets at a Cricket ground have to do with religion. Maybe that's how they ended up with bats in the belfry and all. Of course they don't have that problem in the U.S. where TV evangelists urge you to pay when they're on the ox. Apparently, if you covet an ox, you can end up in Hell. They tell me God put it on a tone tablet, but I don't believe it, and tone tablets don't taste half as good as they sound.

I went into my garage yesterday and found it was full of garage.

I found 3 adders in mine.

I'm glad we've started posing in this game again, it went quit quit for a few days.

Probably due to Thrax's massive pot.

I think fundamentalist Christians shouldn't take the Holy Bile at face value.

[plum] me nether

How can astrology be an ancient belief if its predictions depend on the positions of planes? (Chalky) Your bum.....?

That I feel is too general, sir. Surely it was based mainly on the constellations they saw lying about in the sky?

What about the myth of the cow who jumped over the moo?

[Chalky] You were clearly posing on the wrong site, here.

The Americans refer to The Plough as The Big Dipper. They're entitled to, of course, because it's in the constellation of USA Major. (Duj) You can't see it down there, can you? It's still going round. :-)

Quite correct, Rosie. Nor do we see the dogs, ta for the reminder. Which is partly a lie, as Orion and his dogs sit almost on the zenith during our summer and makes a great centre piece between the Hyades and Pleiades - what a wonderful sight that can be!

All this interest in SARS isn't healthy.

Indeed, as Galileo said - 'keep your feet on the round'.