I got picked for the Royal Household XI because I was good at bowing.

I was dropped by the Anorexics XI just because I was a fat bowler.

I used to drive their team tour bus, but then they went on trike after bad light stopped pay.

I remember - you were a very low diver and you kept locking the rod so I couldn't ass you.

I used to wince at they way you changed ears.

I got stuck on a 'bus one day. One of the tyres had deflated. Fortunately the vehicle was equipped with a radio and the driver, obviously being unable to mount the spare himself, yelled back to his base "Ring the changes, I'm in trouble". Talk about efficiency! Within minutes every church in the neighbourhood had activated its bells.

My pottery classes came in handy when I took my driving test. The examiner complimented me on my three pint urn.

Very little traffic in East Anglia, which is why you can enjoy a relaxing holiday on the Norfolk Roads.

I've often wondered why the population of No folk is so sparse.

Expatriate Spaniards in that part of the world who wish to worship could always go to El Cathedral.

Yeah, but it gets expensive if you're a Godfaring type. Of course, Agnostics travel half-Godfare, and Atheists don't have to pay at all. Mind you, you're supposed to kneel when you pay, and you have to say the Lord's Payer or something, but I've never understood what buying tickets at a Cricket ground have to do with religion. Maybe that's how they ended up with bats in the belfry and all. Of course they don't have that problem in the U.S. where TV evangelists urge you to pay when they're on the ox. Apparently, if you covet an ox, you can end up in Hell. They tell me God put it on a tone tablet, but I don't believe it, and tone tablets don't taste half as good as they sound.