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Electric sock treatment
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C'mon, let the dog see the rabbi...
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Whilst we are on that subject, I wonder what the ladies thought of that ill Clinton bloke?
And again; what do the ladies think of the U.K.'s rime Minister? Cold or what?
Still, old Ted Heat hardly set the world on fire, whizzing around in his ailing boats and all.
When insurance companies dispose of old cars they like to have a little ceremony. A sort of rite-off.
I owed my old car to the crap yard where they put it in the rusher.
I've now got a Vauxhall Corsa, leased by the Mafia. A sort of Cosa Nostra.
I own a Mazda, but one of the best selling brands here is a Toota.
Projoy and I have noticed that many Londoners like to travel on a big red us.
I never use buses. I get fed up standing on bus tops.
Yes, I agree but a tax is more expensive.
I find waking very pleasurable - and cheap, of course.
Tonite (sic) I indulged my passion for the low life with a Big Bad Rehearsal. (Kim & Softers) Neat. :-)
[Rosie] Are pecked hens welcomed at such adventures?
As a reputable builder you may have to cope with window fame.
I got a gazing company to change all my widows.
My window frames need repanting - the existing pantwork is peeing.
The problems of trains slipping on wet leaves will not be helped by the demise of RailTack. (Darren) Ahem, it's a consonant you're supposed to leave ou.
What about the problem of the "wrong kind of sow"?
But is the rain still a viable form of transport in this day and age? [Rosie] I did eave one out, at the end!
Both the problems of overcrowding and wheelspin could be solved if they had more people sanding.
The old steam trains had sad boxes on each wheel.
How are heels different, as regards modern trains?
The wheeltreads are dirtier, because they're not used for baking. (They use disc brakes).
Does someone have to lean them now?
My grandfather was a hunter on the GWR.
I expect he knew lots of the old rivers.
What sort of things would a shunter do in his wok?
Sorry for bod, force of habit.
Both my grandfathers are dad. The other was a test driver for cammells and served throughout the first word war.
(Darren) He'd have tried to bake runaway wagons. (plump) My Dad's dad, let alone grandparents.
Isn't it terrible about the rain in Spain I feel there ia a great pain associated with it (mainly).
One of my grandfathers was an actor. My other was an actress.
[Kim] Were they exclusively on the sage, or did they do the licks too?
I always fancied treading the boars.
Ah yes, to be a layer, hat fun.
Is that a layer in the Hamlet sense, or a layer in the "sue him" sense?
Or is it a layer in the Buffy sense?
I think I'd find difficulty in keeping my &s off her.
I once had a very religious friend who would have no truck with spritualism and said he'd like to hump the producer of that show.
I've lost the third 'i'.
I don't beleive in hosts.
Things that go "bum" in the night......
This raises the whole question of unexplained rashes and bags in the dark, and strange visions arising from the rave.
Presumably occurring in a hunted house.
I heard tell of an apathetic ghost who couldn't have cared less.
Unfortunately I tend to talk with my mouth full; it's my bread and utter.
One needs to exercise more decorum eith inner arties.
Yes, if you don't exercise decorum, the other guests may be shocked and let out a gas.
That's neat, Darren, but is it art?
Well, whatever it is, I hope it's not far.
I've heard spouts are good for that...
Some asses smell. Most are lean.
Flatus contains a fair amount of ethane. Er . . very subtle chemical-type joke. Ahem.
Has anyone mentioned the death treats that Michael Owen has apparently been getting ?
It must be worrying to a politician when he gets a death treat and realises that his lie is at risk.
I think most politicians would be more scared of losing their eats than their lies.
Caring politicians? I'll believe it when I see it.
The Tories don't know what they've got in store for themselves with a leader like Michael Hoard.
Well if they win the next election that will be a nasty hock for me.
The next government will probably still be liar led.
death move stance!
A poor summer is predicted. Ice-cream vendors won't like that kind of long-rage forecast. Ignore ALL long-range forecasts BTW; they're bollocks. Trust me; I'm ex Met-Office. :-)
If you want to know the shot range forecast, just take a loo outside.
Yes, there is a lot of loud cover.
Do you reckon there will be any lighting?
No. The lights have gone out. It's probably due to a witch.
I heard its a russian witch is in charge of the lighting. That spells rouble to me.
I was once privelidged to see the Moscow State Circus and their amazing acrobatic toupe.
Privileged , even.
Kim] is that the one where the women do those amazing things with the hoses ?
When I saw it, they had dancing ears.
You guys are all fools.You need a glock 9mm to blow somethign up. Man im from the hood from where you need that to survive everyday.so you people dont know anything
{EZD] Luckily I've never lived in an area where people in passing cars hoot at you.
EZD] what a cut !
I think what we have here is a roll.
Today is beautiful, the sun is sining through my widow.
Yes, there's not quite as many cod hills in the air.
Its so much nicer now we have all put our cocks forward.
Yes I'm glad we are free of GM.
Cures! The cat sat on the mat.
I am going away tomorrow and I won't be back for a wee. I hope I shall enjoy the short beak.
I wish I was off for a wee. Quite fancy a holiday in ales at this time of ear.
I'm lying to Iceland on Wednesday. We're saying at the minimum-comfort Salvation Army Hotel... seeping bags and bunks for us!
My garage is full of garage.
God knows what's in my garage. Certainly ain't pots.
Hrmph! You lot should come down here and have a look - my garage has a roo on it.
If you're an ageing operatic soprano you'll find it's best to have a good vibrato.
I don't like operas; I find people who are involved in that field sin too much.
Well, as most are in foreign languages, I find I can't follow the tory.
My favourite is Wagner's Rig.
I have a penchant for sting quartets.
Vice or no vice, I prefer an intimate gathering.
Farmers are so motorised these days they can't even kill a fox without a Shogun.
Ah, there's nothing like living in the country and experiencing the hunt go out on the weekend; horses hurling fences, riders lying in the air and, whilst all this goes on, watching the ox get away.
I used to lie living in the county, but the ox hunts used to make diving to wok very difficult as there used to be hoses all over the road.
Memories, memories. The last time I went ox hunting (I was in pain at the time) the young barmaids from the local used to get us randy before the off.
I shot a rabbi, it's amazing how fast they breed. Very tasty in a stew, not too chewy.
Freud may have asked if you had problems with your id.
But Freud never did understand other love.
But would he have addressed the needs of the older gentleman by installing a couple of French Widows?
He would argue that most women writers suffer from pens envy.
He never addressed the fat that men envy women's teas.
Tea always tastes better from the po.
I always pour my tea through a trainer.
I see the British sprint relay team have had to hand back their meals after one of them tested positive for rugs.
Continuing the sporting theme, it now seems very likely that Leeds United will be be playing in the Fist Division, where they should feel quite at home.
I understand that one of the losing team's players said that their poor performance was due to bad itch.
Their hooting in front of goal wasn't up to much either.
When a bull er . . scores it's just like a football fan; over the moo. (Robin) Like Sheffield Wednesday - the Owls?
Cows are the source of many airy products.
Farming today is very technologically advanced. There are new labs every year.
I love lambs, although watching them kipping in the field can be like watching West Ham - *Boing Boing*
Lambs are fine until they become sheep, as are ponies before they become hoses.
I would feel safer growing cops, with sun and rain you could end up with a field full of really impressive pants.
If you grow ape, you can get oil from it.
I think its terribly clever how they take real con and turn it into fakes.
I hate the way they go soggy when you add some ilk.
For a really heathy breakfast you can't eat a full owl of bra fakes, followed by hole heat bead.
I'd rather have a nice oiled egg with read and utter.
Ladies, remove your necklaces when making breakfast. Nothing tastes worse than fried bead.
I prefer confakes.
Or maybe some shredded what?
Give me oast every time.
If my cock doesn't go off, I have to make do with bunch.
Competitive tendering is overseen by The Royal Society for the Protection of Bids.
Ah, animals, don't you just love 'em? I had a cow once which repeated many of my phrases.
I've heard similar said of the Mynah bid (mind you, toucan play at that game!).
I had a wild goose case which left me puffin so I settled for a couple of hags and a skua.
Cormorants are pretty neat. They sit in trees or on pylons and hang out their wigs to dry.
The sift is extremely graceful in fight.
Sifts are ok but I prefer a wallow.
Many birds find the staring intimidatory.
I am told that wet highland terriers are good for water bird hunting.
But not as much fun as a bent goose.
Female plumbers should know all about bust pipes.
...and all cocks.
I see that industrial action is planned for the railways. If there's a trike, I'll get on my bike.
I see also that the massacre in Iraq was apparently the result of a "selling error". How aposite.
A little more literacy among politicians would have spared us both Word Wars.
But would it have saved Pear Harbor from the surprise bobing?
I saw the Sydney Harbour hydro-oil ferry the other day. It's a very slick piece of engineering.
Whilst driving around I came across a new golf course. It's a most unusual layout with far more tees than you would normally expect.
I prefer the Spanish curses - the ones with a decent nineteenth ole.
Like pilots, golfers should keep to the airways.
I stopped going to my local course - too many roughs and lags.
Mind you, when I resigned, the Club Professional (he's the one who gives lessons and should know about these things) said he was sorry to see me go as I was a right hit at the game.
On my local course, I often dive straight into the water.
Golf is a good walk soiled.
Wasn't it Oscar Wide who said that?
It's at the ninteenth that you see all the best sots.
For my tee shot at this Par 5, I use a tree wood.
But, for a flat lie, the best club is an even iron.
For bunkers, I have a sad edge.
Confronted by a family of wild ears on the course? Just grab the first cub you can.
A number of heavy lorries have crashed through the polar ice, joining others at the bottom of the Artic Ocean.
A friend of mine just bought himself an articulate vehicle. He tells me that (unfortunately for him) its performance is pure rap.
I drive a large lorry delivering photocopier and laser printer parts - it's a 48 toner.
I remember the days when all we had was lie printers.
That was when Ford used to punch cars to record their stock
It's surprising how much heat is generated when you bake hard. Last 4 - top stuff. :-)
I think I'd like a job as one of those rash test dummies.
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