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King AVMA the III
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Finally inheriting the title after 70 years.
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Could it have been eaten 200 years ago?
Can I order it in a restaurant?
Would it be stored in a fridge?
[Radox the Green] Not soup.
[Simons Mith] After reference to Mycroft, the answer is "No".
[Boolbar] Yes! Spontaneous hoots break out.
[Tuj] Yes, it could have been enjoyed by Napoleon, and may well have been. More muted applause is heard as the audience try and work this out.
[Raak] Yes you can eat it in a restaurant, as long as it's on the menu. Some shouts from the audience.
[Chalky] Doesn't have to be kept cool, but Raak's restaurant probably does store it there. Audience is generally approving.
Is it meat-based?
Has it been in a Monty Python sketch?
Is it preserved in some manner?
Is the mammal a pig?
[Rosie] Yes! whoops and hollers. A small protest by two Vegans based on a mistranslation starts in a corner.
[Simons Mith] Mycroft says NO.
[CdM] Not, it's fresh.
[Raak] Yes! Swine it is. Applause and such.
Pig's trotters?
Bacon?
France is bacon, isn't it?
Has it been named in a Monty Python sketch?
(Actually me.)
[Radox the Green] Not pig's trotters.
[Simons Mith] Not bacon.
[Ra(a)k] Mycroft says "This is a dead python. It is not."
Ham ham ham ham haaaaaammm???
Pork scratchings?
[Simons Mith] Not ham. Nor Hamtaro.
[CdM] Yuck. No.
Is cutlery normally used in the consumption of this?
Pig jerky?
Hidden textHomer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Sweet and sour pork?
[Rosie] Yes! It is most commonly found on a plate and eaten with knife and fork.
[Raak] No. Attention is drifting, some of the audience are arguing about the relative merits of jerked beef and jerked pork.
[Radox the Green] Not sweet and sour pork. Audience restive.
Gammon?
Salami?
A chop?
Has anyone said Sausage yet?
Does it come in a can?
[Simons Mith] Good suggestion, but not quite what is the AOTC. The audience are appreciative.
[Rosie] That's even better than the previous. But it's not the AOTC. Audience holds its breath.
[Raak] No, not salami. Some disgusted looks from the epicureans in the audience.
[Chalky] No, nobody has suggested "sausage" yet. (And if I were you, I wouldn't).
[Raak] No, it doesn't come in a can. Shouts of rage from the epicureans.
Prosciutto?
A slice of bacon?
Does it have a foreign name?
Has the AOTC been processed in some manner?
It's not preserved; it doesn't have to be kept cool; and it is not ham or salami (or any kind of sausage). I feel like I must be missing something obvious, but I am stuck.
Pork Knuckle a.k.a. Ham Hock?
Lard?
Not preserved: check. Doesn't have to be kept in the fridge (but likely would be in a restaurant kitchen): check. Eaten with a knife and fork: er...
Deep-fried lard?
Very well-known French dish :-)
[Raak] Not prosciutto, but some appreciation from the audience.
[Rosie] Not a slice of bacon. Someone in the audience has produced a foldable diagram of a pig and is attempting to make a point by pointing at it.
[Radox the Green] Yes, it does have a foreign name. Cries of "Sacre bleu !" and some laughter from the audience.
[CdM] Mycroft is consulted and states, "Between the fridge and the plate there is preparation. It's called 'cuisine' in the places I patronise, and may be classed as having been ... 'processed'."
[Chalky] Back on the right track, but not right yet. Some audience applause.
[Raak] Not lard - I think you realised that...
[Simons Mith] No. Hoots from the epicureans.
Spare Ribs?
Porky pies?
[Omnes] The reply to Radox above should be interpreted as an AOTC that is not in English. So it's not spare ribs, not a meat pie floater, but could be a kebab (although it isn't).
Ah, so it's foreign food, then? Well, no knowing what sort of strange thing it could be. :)
Is it a confit ...of some part of a pig?
When refrigeration is unnecessary, is that because the pig is still alive at that point?
Is the AOTC in Spanish?
[Chalky] Not a confit.
[Raak] Refrigeration is a bit of a red herring when taken to such lengths. I have known this to come from the pig within a day or so, though not in the UK, but modern practice will presumably demand tracing the chain of cold between slaughter and serving.
[Tuj] No, it isn't Spanish.
French?
In the UK would we consider it offal?
[Tuj] No, it isn't French.
[Raak] No, not offal.
Audience beginning to discuss restaurants in the neighbourhood.
Is the reason Napoleon might have enjoyed it a hideous name-related pun?
Is alcohol involved in the cuisine?
German?
An escalope alla Milanese?
[Simons Mith] Lovely pun, if you refer to beef Wellington, but not that at all.
[Raak] Often served with the dish, but no alcohol is used in cooking or preparing it.
[CdM] JA! it is German. The audience cheer and some ejaculations of "Herr Ober!" and Bier oder Wein, eins muss sein" are heard.
[Radox the Green] Very good! If it wasn't for being Italian and made out of veal, that could well have been the answer. Hint: the AOTC does have a veal version as well. The audience are terribly excited.
Is "wurst" a part of the name of this?
[Raak] I do hope not as I said the word Sausage a while back
[Chalky] I was thinking the same, but then I saw in Wikipedia that "wurst" does include some non-sausage meat products.
[Omnes] It's not a sausage, not tube-shaped, and not known as wurst anything.
It is made from the head of a pig?
Schnitzel?
Calling Dr Raak
[Raak] Could I ask a major favour? I have a mathematical problem I think I've solved, but I need someone with a mathematical head to give a thumb-up or a thumbs down, and maybe to insert a few equations translating some of my prose into mathematical language. Would you be willing to help out? I know you've done the odd bit of recreation mathing in the past - there was your paper on Culture orbitals for example. This is another in that vein. I have found your professional email address online, but I wouldn't just fire off a random message without checking first.
[SM] By all means!
[Raak] Not made from the head of a pig.
[Chalky] Yes! A schnitzel it is. I was actually looking for "Schweineschnitzel" as schnitzels can be veal, but that will do.

Your order of a finely beaten baton fried in chapelure is now presented to you.

maths!
[Raak] Sent. Thank you ever so. It's just an HTML file - should read okay on most browsers. I haven't done anything especially fancy.
Let's keep this simple ..
The laser display flashes up

ANIMAL

SQUIRREL!
[Boolbar] SQUIRREL! NO!
Human?
An individual?
Alive?
Domestic or domesticated?
Legged?
[Rosie] Human? YES
[Raak] An individual? YES
[Tuj] Alive? YES
[Bismarck] Domestic or Domesticated? BOTH
[SM] Legged? YES
British?
A known player of Mornington Crescent?
A politician?
... the business end
[Raak] British? YES
[Tuj] A known player of Mornington Crescent? YES! * Audience whoops and cheers*
[Rosie] A politician? NO
Have they appeared on ISIHAC?
Is it one of us?
... easy does it
[Raak] Appeared on ISIHAC? NO
[Rosie] One of us? YES! * much laughter from the Audience *
Does this person have a misleading monicker?
Does it begin with P?
:D
[Rosie] Misleading moniker? YES!
* Audience goes wild *
[Tuj] Does it begin with P? NO
* Audience unwilds *
Do they claim to be an animal?
[SM] Claim to be an animal? NO
Is it you, Chalky?
Smee, then. Sgoddaby
Done
[Tuj] Not me
* points at him *
[Rosie] YES! 'Tis you my friend
* Audience cheers as a leek-shaped baton changes hands *
Fame at last
I'm rather flattered.

Well, the next one is probably a bit more difficult.
It's ABSTRACT


Is it being rather flattered?
(Boolbar) No such luck, so NO.
Is it an idiom?
Does it begin with P?
(Simons Mith) An idiom? Can be used as an idiom. So a sort of qualified YES.
(Tuj) Pinitial? Not in any language that I know, so NO.
A figurative expression?
(Raak) Figurative? YES, can be used figuratively.
Did the expression exist before 1900?
Is it sanity-related?
Does it refer to a place?
(Raak) Exist before 1900? YES.
(SM) Sanity-related? NO.
(Bis) Refer to a place? NO.
Can it refer to a person?
(RtG) Refer to a person? NO.
Does it relate to time?
(Tuj) The AOTC contains no reference to time but it is nevertheless time-dependent. Hope that makes some sort of sense.
'Out to lunch'?
(SM) There could be tenuous connection there but even metaphorically the answer has to be NO.
Related to fiction?
Is there a film with this title?
Does the sky come into it?
(SM) Related to fiction? NO, it's part of reality.
(Tuj) Film? Not that I've heard of, though I know bugger all about films. According to Google there is a film of this name so the answer, strictly, is YES.
(Bis) Sky involved? Could be, so YES.
Blue sky? (As in "blue sky research")
Does it appear in the Bible?
[Rosie] I'd a feeling that might happen, but figured a qualifier wouldn't be too useful
A weather phenomenon?
(Raak) NO, not blue sky, literal or metaphoric.
(Tuj) In the Bible? Almost certainly, so YES. But again, I am not fully acquainted with The Book.
(RtG) Weather phenomenon? NO.
Fire and brimstone?
Is it something created by the human mind?
Heaven?
(Raak) Fire and brimstone? NO.
(Tuj) In the mind? *a few audience members show signs of amusement* . NO. This objectively exists.
(Bis) Heaven? *audience further engrossed*. NO
Life, the Universe and/or Everything?
(Bis) NO, not nearly so comprehensive.
Is it the absence of something?
(Tuj) Absence of something? YES.
Related to death?
(Tuj) Death? NO.
Vacuum?
(Superman) Vacuum? Interesting - good thinking, but alas NO.
A haitus?
Or a hiatus?
(Projoy) A hiatus? NO.
Is the AOTC a verb?
Does it involve a concept from physics?
(Tuj) A verb? NO. Not even in American English.
(Bis) A concept from physics? YES.
Related to meteorology?
(Raak) There is a link but the AOTC is quite independent of meteorology. So the answer is NO.
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