[Simons Mith] Good suggestion, but not quite what is the AOTC. The audience are appreciative.
[Rosie] That's even better than the previous. But it's not the AOTC. Audience holds its breath.
[Raak] No, not salami. Some disgusted looks from the epicureans in the audience.
[Chalky] No, nobody has suggested "sausage" yet. (And if I were you, I wouldn't).
[Raak] No, it doesn't come in a can. Shouts of rage from the epicureans.

It's not preserved; it doesn't have to be kept cool; and it is not ham or salami (or any kind of sausage). I feel like I must be missing something obvious, but I am stuck.

Not preserved: check. Doesn't have to be kept in the fridge (but likely would be in a restaurant kitchen): check. Eaten with a knife and fork: er...

Very well-known French dish :-)

[Raak] Not prosciutto, but some appreciation from the audience.
[Rosie] Not a slice of bacon. Someone in the audience has produced a foldable diagram of a pig and is attempting to make a point by pointing at it.
[Radox the Green] Yes, it does have a foreign name. Cries of "Sacre bleu !" and some laughter from the audience.
[CdM] Mycroft is consulted and states, "Between the fridge and the plate there is preparation. It's called 'cuisine' in the places I patronise, and may be classed as having been ... 'processed'."
[Chalky] Back on the right track, but not right yet. Some audience applause.
[Raak] Not lard - I think you realised that...
[Simons Mith] No. Hoots from the epicureans.

[Omnes] The reply to Radox above should be interpreted as an AOTC that is not in English. So it's not spare ribs, not a meat pie floater, but could be a kebab (although it isn't).

Ah, so it's foreign food, then? Well, no knowing what sort of strange thing it could be. :)

[Chalky] Not a confit.
[Raak] Refrigeration is a bit of a red herring when taken to such lengths. I have known this to come from the pig within a day or so, though not in the UK, but modern practice will presumably demand tracing the chain of cold between slaughter and serving.
[Tuj] No, it isn't Spanish.

[Tuj] No, it isn't French.
[Raak] No, not offal.
Audience beginning to discuss restaurants in the neighbourhood.

[Simons Mith] Lovely pun, if you refer to beef Wellington, but not that at all.
[Raak] Often served with the dish, but no alcohol is used in cooking or preparing it.
[CdM] JA! it is German. The audience cheer and some ejaculations of "Herr Ober!" and Bier oder Wein, eins muss sein" are heard.
[Radox the Green] Very good! If it wasn't for being Italian and made out of veal, that could well have been the answer. Hint: the AOTC does have a veal version as well. The audience are terribly excited.

[Raak] I do hope not as I said the word Sausage a while back

[Chalky] I was thinking the same, but then I saw in Wikipedia that "wurst" does include some non-sausage meat products.

[Omnes] It's not a sausage, not tube-shaped, and not known as wurst anything.

[Raak] Could I ask a major favour? I have a mathematical problem I think I've solved, but I need someone with a mathematical head to give a thumb-up or a thumbs down, and maybe to insert a few equations translating some of my prose into mathematical language. Would you be willing to help out? I know you've done the odd bit of recreation mathing in the past - there was your paper on Culture orbitals for example. This is another in that vein. I have found your professional email address online, but I wouldn't just fire off a random message without checking first.

[SM] By all means!

[Raak] Not made from the head of a pig.
[Chalky] Yes! A schnitzel it is. I was actually looking for "Schweineschnitzel" as schnitzels can be veal, but that will do.

Your order of a finely beaten baton fried in chapelure is now presented to you.