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King AVMA the III
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Finally inheriting the title after 70 years.
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Does it come in a can?
[Simons Mith] Good suggestion, but not quite what is the AOTC. The audience are appreciative.
[Rosie] That's even better than the previous. But it's not the AOTC. Audience holds its breath.
[Raak] No, not salami. Some disgusted looks from the epicureans in the audience.
[Chalky] No, nobody has suggested "sausage" yet. (And if I were you, I wouldn't).
[Raak] No, it doesn't come in a can. Shouts of rage from the epicureans.
Prosciutto?
A slice of bacon?
Does it have a foreign name?
Has the AOTC been processed in some manner?
It's not preserved; it doesn't have to be kept cool; and it is not ham or salami (or any kind of sausage). I feel like I must be missing something obvious, but I am stuck.
Pork Knuckle a.k.a. Ham Hock?
Lard?
Not preserved: check. Doesn't have to be kept in the fridge (but likely would be in a restaurant kitchen): check. Eaten with a knife and fork: er...
Deep-fried lard?
Very well-known French dish :-)
[Raak] Not prosciutto, but some appreciation from the audience.
[Rosie] Not a slice of bacon. Someone in the audience has produced a foldable diagram of a pig and is attempting to make a point by pointing at it.
[Radox the Green] Yes, it does have a foreign name. Cries of "Sacre bleu !" and some laughter from the audience.
[CdM] Mycroft is consulted and states, "Between the fridge and the plate there is preparation. It's called 'cuisine' in the places I patronise, and may be classed as having been ... 'processed'."
[Chalky] Back on the right track, but not right yet. Some audience applause.
[Raak] Not lard - I think you realised that...
[Simons Mith] No. Hoots from the epicureans.
Spare Ribs?
Porky pies?
[Omnes] The reply to Radox above should be interpreted as an AOTC that is not in English. So it's not spare ribs, not a meat pie floater, but could be a kebab (although it isn't).
Ah, so it's foreign food, then? Well, no knowing what sort of strange thing it could be. :)
Is it a confit ...of some part of a pig?
When refrigeration is unnecessary, is that because the pig is still alive at that point?
Is the AOTC in Spanish?
[Chalky] Not a confit.
[Raak] Refrigeration is a bit of a red herring when taken to such lengths. I have known this to come from the pig within a day or so, though not in the UK, but modern practice will presumably demand tracing the chain of cold between slaughter and serving.
[Tuj] No, it isn't Spanish.
French?
In the UK would we consider it offal?
[Tuj] No, it isn't French.
[Raak] No, not offal.
Audience beginning to discuss restaurants in the neighbourhood.
Is the reason Napoleon might have enjoyed it a hideous name-related pun?
Is alcohol involved in the cuisine?
German?
An escalope alla Milanese?
[Simons Mith] Lovely pun, if you refer to beef Wellington, but not that at all.
[Raak] Often served with the dish, but no alcohol is used in cooking or preparing it.
[CdM] JA! it is German. The audience cheer and some ejaculations of "Herr Ober!" and Bier oder Wein, eins muss sein" are heard.
[Radox the Green] Very good! If it wasn't for being Italian and made out of veal, that could well have been the answer. Hint: the AOTC does have a veal version as well. The audience are terribly excited.
Is "wurst" a part of the name of this?
[Raak] I do hope not as I said the word Sausage a while back
[Chalky] I was thinking the same, but then I saw in Wikipedia that "wurst" does include some non-sausage meat products.
[Omnes] It's not a sausage, not tube-shaped, and not known as wurst anything.
It is made from the head of a pig?
Schnitzel?
Calling Dr Raak
[Raak] Could I ask a major favour? I have a mathematical problem I think I've solved, but I need someone with a mathematical head to give a thumb-up or a thumbs down, and maybe to insert a few equations translating some of my prose into mathematical language. Would you be willing to help out? I know you've done the odd bit of recreation mathing in the past - there was your paper on Culture orbitals for example. This is another in that vein. I have found your professional email address online, but I wouldn't just fire off a random message without checking first.
[SM] By all means!
[Raak] Not made from the head of a pig.
[Chalky] Yes! A schnitzel it is. I was actually looking for "Schweineschnitzel" as schnitzels can be veal, but that will do.

Your order of a finely beaten baton fried in chapelure is now presented to you.

maths!
[Raak] Sent. Thank you ever so. It's just an HTML file - should read okay on most browsers. I haven't done anything especially fancy.
Let's keep this simple ..
The laser display flashes up

ANIMAL

SQUIRREL!
[Boolbar] SQUIRREL! NO!
Human?
An individual?
Alive?
Domestic or domesticated?
Legged?
[Rosie] Human? YES
[Raak] An individual? YES
[Tuj] Alive? YES
[Bismarck] Domestic or Domesticated? BOTH
[SM] Legged? YES
British?
A known player of Mornington Crescent?
A politician?
... the business end
[Raak] British? YES
[Tuj] A known player of Mornington Crescent? YES! * Audience whoops and cheers*
[Rosie] A politician? NO
Have they appeared on ISIHAC?
Is it one of us?
... easy does it
[Raak] Appeared on ISIHAC? NO
[Rosie] One of us? YES! * much laughter from the Audience *
Does this person have a misleading monicker?
Does it begin with P?
:D
[Rosie] Misleading moniker? YES!
* Audience goes wild *
[Tuj] Does it begin with P? NO
* Audience unwilds *
Do they claim to be an animal?
[SM] Claim to be an animal? NO
Is it you, Chalky?
Smee, then. Sgoddaby
Done
[Tuj] Not me
* points at him *
[Rosie] YES! 'Tis you my friend
* Audience cheers as a leek-shaped baton changes hands *
Fame at last
I'm rather flattered.

Well, the next one is probably a bit more difficult.
It's ABSTRACT


Is it being rather flattered?
(Boolbar) No such luck, so NO.
Is it an idiom?
Does it begin with P?
(Simons Mith) An idiom? Can be used as an idiom. So a sort of qualified YES.
(Tuj) Pinitial? Not in any language that I know, so NO.
A figurative expression?
(Raak) Figurative? YES, can be used figuratively.
Did the expression exist before 1900?
Is it sanity-related?
Does it refer to a place?
(Raak) Exist before 1900? YES.
(SM) Sanity-related? NO.
(Bis) Refer to a place? NO.
Can it refer to a person?
(RtG) Refer to a person? NO.
Does it relate to time?
(Tuj) The AOTC contains no reference to time but it is nevertheless time-dependent. Hope that makes some sort of sense.
'Out to lunch'?
(SM) There could be tenuous connection there but even metaphorically the answer has to be NO.
Related to fiction?
Is there a film with this title?
Does the sky come into it?
(SM) Related to fiction? NO, it's part of reality.
(Tuj) Film? Not that I've heard of, though I know bugger all about films. According to Google there is a film of this name so the answer, strictly, is YES.
(Bis) Sky involved? Could be, so YES.
Blue sky? (As in "blue sky research")
Does it appear in the Bible?
[Rosie] I'd a feeling that might happen, but figured a qualifier wouldn't be too useful
A weather phenomenon?
(Raak) NO, not blue sky, literal or metaphoric.
(Tuj) In the Bible? Almost certainly, so YES. But again, I am not fully acquainted with The Book.
(RtG) Weather phenomenon? NO.
Fire and brimstone?
Is it something created by the human mind?
Heaven?
(Raak) Fire and brimstone? NO.
(Tuj) In the mind? *a few audience members show signs of amusement* . NO. This objectively exists.
(Bis) Heaven? *audience further engrossed*. NO
Life, the Universe and/or Everything?
(Bis) NO, not nearly so comprehensive.
Is it the absence of something?
(Tuj) Absence of something? YES.
Related to death?
(Tuj) Death? NO.
Vacuum?
(Superman) Vacuum? Interesting - good thinking, but alas NO.
A haitus?
Or a hiatus?
(Projoy) A hiatus? NO.
Is the AOTC a verb?
Does it involve a concept from physics?
(Tuj) A verb? NO. Not even in American English.
(Bis) A concept from physics? YES.
Related to meteorology?
(Raak) There is a link but the AOTC is quite independent of meteorology. So the answer is NO.
Hole in the ozone layer?
(RtG) NOT the Ozone hole.
thoughtlessness?
(Projoy) Thoughtlessness? NO.
Is it a two word answer?
(Chalky) 2 words? YES, but one is the definite article.
Does it exist now?
(that is, in whatever sense an absence can be considered an existing thing)
(Raak) Currently in existence? YES, somewhere.
The heavens?
The Truth?
(SM) NOT the heavens *some audience appreciation*
(Chalky) Boris' nemesis? Alas, NO.
The place, somewhere in the Earth's surface, where (mathematicians assure us) the horizontal wind velocity is zero?
(*on)
(Raak) The essential calm? Er, NO, though there is a possible connection with the AOTC.
Night?
YES - BISMARCK HAS IT! The AOTC is actually The Night but that's near enough or we'll be here, er, all night. I hand you the illuminated baton - you can switch it off when the light improves.
I reckon this is a THHGTTG "Thumb" in disguise. Anyway, the next card has something that is ABSTRACT but could be argued to be MINERAL. If you look over there, you can see Nadine Dorries performing a mime of the subject in a monokini, as the Mystery Voice announces the answer to the audience.
Does it begin with P?
[Ros,Bis] Bravo!
A stoning?
Golden handshake?
The Rock of Ages?
Sandwich Light Vessel? Nope, just some Tupperware
[Tuj] No. We are p-empty.
[Rosie] Not stoning of any kind.
[Chalky] No Midas touch here.
[Raak] Not a rock of any kind, nor a roll.
Is the mineral rock?
A phrase or saying?
Is it a geographic location?
Is it a mythical thing?
The massed choirs of the Mothers' Union will now sing the shipping forecast to the tune of "Deutschland über alles".
[Rosie] No. Please pay attention.
[Simons Mith] Not a phrase, saying, meme, idiom, slang expression or quotation, except insofar as any arrangement of words as the AOTC be a phrase, saying, etc.
[Tuj] Not geographical. Some of the audience shows signs of appreciation.
[Raak] That's a miss.
The wilderness?
A hill-top?
Superconductivity?
North Utsire, South Utsire...
[Simons Mith], [Rosie] - not IN THE SLIGHTEST geographical.
[Raak] On the scale of perfect insulation to superconductivity, the AOTC is not to be found.
Found on Earth?
Heavy metal?
Dogger, Cromarty and Forth...
[CdM] Yes. <>[Simons Mith] If you really want to pursue the mineral side, then yes, there is a reference to metal, though not music.
Dogger, Cromarty and Forth...
[CdM] Yes.
[Simons Mith] If you really want to pursue the mineral side, then yes, there is a reference to metal, though not music.
A cloud's silver lining?
A pot of gold?
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