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King AVMA the III
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Finally inheriting the title after 70 years.
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An ear-ring?
Not an ear-ring aid
Is it unique?
[B] applause! It is an item of regalia. I wonder whose it could possibly be?
[R] Not an ear-ring.
[T] It is unique!
The Royal Mankini?
[SM] The audience boggles. Not the Royal Mankini, whatever that is. The audience is relieved.
A sceptre?
Camilla's naval piercing?
A Prince Albert?
[R] applause! Not a sceptre.
[C] The audience returns to embogglement. Not a "naval piercing", which sounds like a hazard female crew members might face on the high seas.
[S] Not a Prince Albert.
Is it his magnificent orb?
[SM] Yes, the Sovereign's Orb. Have this genuine replica in real gold-coloured metal and diamond-look acrylic, which plays "Colonel Bogey" when you wind it up by the cross.
OK, time to think of a new one then. Let's have a non-topical ABSTRACT
Is it an 89 degree angle?
[89°] No, not even close.
Unconsciousness?
Is it a 14 degree angle?
[Unconsciousness] No.
[14°] No.
Is the AOTC a single word?
[Single word] Nay.
Could this abstract entity exist in the absence of humans?
Does it consist mainly of words?
Does it begin with P?
[absence] Yes A highly speculative yes, that
[wordy] No. A geek in the audience sniggers and claps, but no-one else gets it
[p?] Nope.
Does it consist of sounds?
[Noises on or off] No.
A past participal?
[particifriends] No
Is it computer-related?
[computery] Yes! An inspired guess; loud applaus from the audience, and even a couple of whoops.
A game?
[a game?] No, but applause continues
A peripheral?
[peripheral] No. Applause abruptly stops, hint hint. Besides, that would be a physical object so it would probably be mineral.
The Metaverse?
[Metaverse] No. Does anyone know what un-clapping sounds like?
[SM] I believe it's done with one hand.
Related to AI?
A standard?
[AI, standard] No, both still too cold for the clapping to restart.
Associated with a particular computer game?
Does a number figure in the AOTC?
[particular] No Clapping resumes
I think you've got it, near as dammit
[numbery] No
Computer games in general?
A winner
[Computer games] Yes, that was the AOTC. Please go to Steam and fill out a pre-order bonus add-on form for your exclusive premium-content custom baton.
The next is MINERAL.
Silicon?
[B] Not silicon.
Unique?
Solid?
[T] Unique!
[R] Solid!
Jewel?
[S] Not a jewel.
Metallic?
Needs processing?
[T] Yes, metallic.
[R] Does not need processing, having already had all the processing it needs.
A manufactured item?
[R] Yes, manufactured.
Is it on the earth?
But is it art?
Is it a particle collider?
[B] On the Earth, but not on earth.
[T] (Sends Mycroft off to investigate. Mycroft returns, shaking his head.) Not art.
[SM] Not a particle collider.
Does/would it float?
[T] It would absolutely not float.
Is it Excalibur?
[SM](The audience is amused by the idea of a moistened bint holding this thing aloft.) Not Excalibur.
Is it made of iron?
[B] Not iron.
Is it larger than a standard double decker bus?
Have the Ukrainians attacked it?
[C] Umm...broadly similar, depending on how "size" is defined.
[SM] The Ukrainians have not attacked it.
Has Tom Scott done a video about it?
Either way, that should clear out a LOT
[SM] As far as I can tell, he has never done a video about it. I'm sure he could, though, and one day he might.
Is it in a single fixed location?
[T] It IS in a single fixed location!
Does it begin with P?
Is it located in a country setting as opposed to a built-up area
[T] Does not begin with P.
[C] In a built-up area.
A drone?
[R] Not a drone.
Is it on top of a building?
Is it in the Southern Hemisphere?
[B] mmm...not on top of a building.
[T] Not in the Southern Hemisphere.
The Shard?
[B] Not the Shard.
Is it in London?
[C] Yes! In London.
Does it bong?
[SM] applause! It bongs indeed.
Is it a bell?
[B] Dancing in the aisles to a Quarter Peal of Kent Treble Bob! It is a bell.
Was it cast by the Whitechapel Bell Foundry in 1858?
[SM] It was indeed!
So, who will say the two words on the card and have the next go?
Is it commonly known as Big Ben?
[B] Congratulations! Have this brass-look replica Big Ben handbell.
Oh, thank goodness; I was a hair away from giving up :-)
Heyyyy it goes bong! too... cooooolll.
The laser display overheated ...
So here is the mystery voice to tell listeners the subject on the card.
This is basically ANIMAL, so have at it there.
Human?
Unique?
[Rosie] Not human.
[Tuj] Not unique.
Alive, alive-o?
Does it begin with P?
Water-dwelling?
Can it fly (on its own volition, not if put in an aeroplane or thrown off a building?)
[Simons Mith] Not alive. Not a crustacean, either.
[Tuj] Doesn't begin with 'P'.
[Raak] Not water-dwelling.
[Boolbar] Cannot fly.
Is this just a part of an animal?
Is this something made from animals?
Do you sit on it?
Do you eat it?
[Rosie] Yes. The audience wake up.
[Raak] Yes. Some claps breaks out in the audience.
[Simons Mith] No sitableupon, at least not in intended use.
[Tuj] Yes! Audience claps vigorously.
Is it soup?
Does it have a misleading name?
[e.g. the disgraceful lack of toad in the toad in the hole, the misleading provenance (and lack of pork content) of so-called Hamburgers etc. Don't even get me started on Rocky Mountain oysters.]
Is this foodstuff made from a mammal?
Could it have been eaten 200 years ago?
Can I order it in a restaurant?
Would it be stored in a fridge?
[Radox the Green] Not soup.
[Simons Mith] After reference to Mycroft, the answer is "No".
[Boolbar] Yes! Spontaneous hoots break out.
[Tuj] Yes, it could have been enjoyed by Napoleon, and may well have been. More muted applause is heard as the audience try and work this out.
[Raak] Yes you can eat it in a restaurant, as long as it's on the menu. Some shouts from the audience.
[Chalky] Doesn't have to be kept cool, but Raak's restaurant probably does store it there. Audience is generally approving.
Is it meat-based?
Has it been in a Monty Python sketch?
Is it preserved in some manner?
Is the mammal a pig?
[Rosie] Yes! whoops and hollers. A small protest by two Vegans based on a mistranslation starts in a corner.
[Simons Mith] Mycroft says NO.
[CdM] Not, it's fresh.
[Raak] Yes! Swine it is. Applause and such.
Pig's trotters?
Bacon?
France is bacon, isn't it?
Has it been named in a Monty Python sketch?
(Actually me.)
[Radox the Green] Not pig's trotters.
[Simons Mith] Not bacon.
[Ra(a)k] Mycroft says "This is a dead python. It is not."
Ham ham ham ham haaaaaammm???
Pork scratchings?
[Simons Mith] Not ham. Nor Hamtaro.
[CdM] Yuck. No.
Is cutlery normally used in the consumption of this?
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