Ah, my dear, you are showing your age. A Speke Lexden is simply a dictionary (including pronunctiations) of "modern" English - i.e. as it is spoke.

I was glancing through one of my wife's specialist magazines the other week and came across the term tipple peak. To be honest I'm not sure whether I mis-read the words but, if not, can anyone help?

You read correctly. I assume this is latest edition of 'Hot Toddy Monthly', the magazine for liqueur coffee connoiseurs. The tipple peak is the small bit of cream on the top of, say, an Irish Cream that ends up on your nose if you glug it down.

Now that you are enlightened, can anyone tell me the purpose of Kemsing Ringers?

hahahahahahahahahaha this is so crap

james is so stupid someone threw a petrol bomb at him and he drank it.

Ah a prime example of a Mornington Wassak. Which brings me on to Kemsing Ringers. Basically it refers to anyone who looks like Albert Kemsing (ie 7 foot 2, bald, jug-eared and a tatoo of an armadillo on his chin).

But what is a Christmas Dixon?

Christmas Dixons are policement on the beat during the shopping season trying to look friendly and avuncular, like the eponymous copper of Dock Green. This is a rather difficult act to pull off nowadays, when they go clad in bullet-proof vests and fluorescent yellow overcoats, with side-handled telescopic truncheons and rigid handcuffs stuffed into their belts.

Would one go to the other Dixons for Purple Headphones?

Certainly not! I think you'd be likely to get slapped should you dare ask for such a thing! Let's just say you'd be more likely to find that sort of, erm, 'entertainment' in, say, Soho or Montmartre or 5 Bradley Road, Peterborough. (Just say Angus sent you...).
Now that I've tipped you off, what is the purpose of an Easter Staverley?