[Stevie] Thanks for making me check. I had no idea Braille was so old. You find out the strangest things through the world of Limericks
Opus 617
In the belly's a drum made of steel
Spinning a million revs by the feel
We'll fly low, and he'll drop
With a hippety-hop
And a bang to make Miss Möhne reel
We shall go right on to the end.
Our island we'll ever defend -
On the beach; in the street;
In the air we'll defeat
The Nazis and never surrend-er
Our island we'll ever defend -
On the beach; in the street;
In the air we'll defeat
The Nazis and never surrend-er
To be read in your best Chief Inspector Clouseau voice
The fortification outside
Is constructed thick, long and wide
But all this, my dear general
May be rendered ephemeral
If the Germans just go round the side
Ode to an MCer
The roof has just let out a groan
There's grim silence when I lift the phone
Wind's howlin' it's snowin'
Rain gauge's overflowin'
TV's dark. I'll get out my trombone
Another one from my old friend:
An invalid from Albuquerque
Was suddenly feeling quite perky
So he screwed both his maids
And his two nursing aides
And the woman who made his beef jerky.
An invalid from Albuquerque
Was suddenly feeling quite perky
So he screwed both his maids
And his two nursing aides
And the woman who made his beef jerky.
O Captain! Our fearful trip's done,
Racks weather'd, and prize we sought won.
The grim vessel draws near.
Bells ring, people cheer,
But my captain, your blood does not run.
O Captain! Rise up, hear the bell.
See the flag, hear the bugle as well.
Ribbon'd wreaths line the shore;
'Tis you they call for,
As I cradle you, dead as you fell.
My captain is mute; pale and chill.
He feels nothing; no pulse, no will.
Exult, ring a bell!
As I tread where he fell,
My Captain, cold and dead still.
Phil: I stand up in attention, chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in, in admiration of your submission! My friend keep mailing me, no source stated:
There was a young lady at sea
Who complained that it hurts when she’d pee
"I see," said the mate,
"That accounts for the state
of the captain, the purser, and me."
There was a young lady at sea
Who complained that it hurts when she’d pee
"I see," said the mate,
"That accounts for the state
of the captain, the purser, and me."
Thanks, Marc. Here's one from Byron, which I didn't know till today (not being a big fan of poetry):
No more roving so late into night,
Though our hearts still love and the moon's bright.
For the soul wears the breast,
Love itself must have rest.
We shall not love or rove by moonlight.
[Phil] By gad, sir you are impressive! Well played, sir, well played!
Thanks, Stevie. Verse three of "O Captain! My Captain!" was a bitch, but well worth the half hour it took to make it work.
No forests or mountains for me
I look on such things with great glee
Every wave on a shore
sends me longing for more
I was born by the side of the sea…
Just stopped by to give Ol' Blunder a shout. Just made up this one on the spot. ciao
There once was a lady named Dot
Who’d nothing to do with the DOT
But there’s some do claim
The two were the same;
For she’d this space men parked in a lot.
There once was a lady named Dot
Who’d nothing to do with the DOT
But there’s some do claim
The two were the same;
For she’d this space men parked in a lot.
This one I wrote a long time ago at another Limerick site and it came from the bottom of my heart:
Do not leave us now little Bear,
We’re missing your good lines out there,
The quality is low,
Production rate slow,
Please come back little Pooh hear our prayer!
and it is still valid to a great extent...
Do not leave us now little Bear,
We’re missing your good lines out there,
The quality is low,
Production rate slow,
Please come back little Pooh hear our prayer!
and it is still valid to a great extent...
There Once Was a Bridge in Westminster
The Earth can show nothing more fair;
Beauty's garment this City does wear.
Temples, ships and domes lie
Clear to fields, to the sky,
All glitt'ring and bright in pure air.
And ne'er did the sun fairer steep,
Nor did I such a calm feel so deep!
As the river's sweet will
Glides it past that heart, still.
Dear God! Houses too seem asleep.
Dunno why Wordsworth felt the need to use an extra four lines, myself!
Nice lines above - have incited me to give it my best effort
The country life, the country life
‘tis to be free of the city’s strife
Floods, drought, and frost
Are loves labor lost
And you’ll wake up sore as a banker’s wife
When a field is lying fallow
There is nothing more I hallow
As sowing the furrow
To rise up tomorrow
Waist deep in wheat tall and yellow
When the silk is nee on the corn
And the ear on cob is new born
The stalk is a castle
Enamored in tassel
- Come harvest my kingdom is shorn
I get my grapes straight off the vine
As do I berries and fruit for my wine
Though sugar were free
- my lil honey bee -
You’d still get all the business of mine
Today I’ve tickets to a play
But I haven’t that far to stray
That actor in the pine
That squirrel, he is mine
God has lent him to me for the day
Some folks: they long for, and go to sea
Beguiled by whales on the open lea
But the far cry of geese
‘tis that gives me no peace
It’s over the next mountain for me
The country life, the country life
‘tis to be free of the city’s strife
Floods, drought, and frost
Are loves labor lost
And you’ll wake up sore as a banker’s wife
When a field is lying fallow
There is nothing more I hallow
As sowing the furrow
To rise up tomorrow
Waist deep in wheat tall and yellow
When the silk is nee on the corn
And the ear on cob is new born
The stalk is a castle
Enamored in tassel
- Come harvest my kingdom is shorn
I get my grapes straight off the vine
As do I berries and fruit for my wine
Though sugar were free
- my lil honey bee -
You’d still get all the business of mine
Today I’ve tickets to a play
But I haven’t that far to stray
That actor in the pine
That squirrel, he is mine
God has lent him to me for the day
Some folks: they long for, and go to sea
Beguiled by whales on the open lea
But the far cry of geese
‘tis that gives me no peace
It’s over the next mountain for me
Excellent!
Half a league, half a league did they ride
With "Forward the Light Brigade!" cried
"Charge for the guns"
Obeyed six hundred sons
Who rode into that valley untried.
"Forward the Light Brigade!" thundered.
No soldier knew someone had blundered
Not their's to ask why
Their's but to do and die;
To the valley of Death rode six hundred.
Cannon to left and to right
And ahead were more cannon of might.
Storm'd with shot and with shell
They rode boldly and well,
Till the jaws of Death were in sight.
They flash'd all their sabres so bare
They flash'd as they turned in the air
There sabring the gunners
As all the world wonders
They charged on their foe without care.
They plunged through the battery smoke,
Through the Cossack and Russian line broke.
All shatter'd and sunder'd
Rode back not six hundred
As the foe reel'd from their sabre-stroke.
With cannon to left and to right
And cannon behind out of sight
Storm'd with shot and with shell
While horse and man fell
The mouth of hell passed in their flight.
The world as a whole truly wonder'd
As out of that valley they thunder'd
The brave Light Brigade,
Can their glory e'er fade?
As we honour the noble six hundred!
With "Forward the Light Brigade!" cried
"Charge for the guns"
Obeyed six hundred sons
Who rode into that valley untried.
"Forward the Light Brigade!" thundered.
No soldier knew someone had blundered
Not their's to ask why
Their's but to do and die;
To the valley of Death rode six hundred.
Cannon to left and to right
And ahead were more cannon of might.
Storm'd with shot and with shell
They rode boldly and well,
Till the jaws of Death were in sight.
They flash'd all their sabres so bare
They flash'd as they turned in the air
There sabring the gunners
As all the world wonders
They charged on their foe without care.
They plunged through the battery smoke,
Through the Cossack and Russian line broke.
All shatter'd and sunder'd
Rode back not six hundred
As the foe reel'd from their sabre-stroke.
With cannon to left and to right
And cannon behind out of sight
Storm'd with shot and with shell
While horse and man fell
The mouth of hell passed in their flight.
The world as a whole truly wonder'd
As out of that valley they thunder'd
The brave Light Brigade,
Can their glory e'er fade?
As we honour the noble six hundred!
[Phil] Tennymerick!
This is from 1958:
Half a league
Half a league
Half a league downward
Into Division IV
Drop Crewe Alexandra.
Half a league
Half a league
Half a league downward
Into Division IV
Drop Crewe Alexandra.
For IKB
Some say that he was a sage
And his railway was once all the rage
But despite the sweet ride
The tracks were too wide
And he lost the war o'er "Break of Gauge"
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
[Marc] S'a guddun
My first, second, third are in "slime"
My fourth twice in "lager and lime"
My fifth is in "brandy"
My sixth in "mild shandy"
Sev'nth and eighth in "Cork gin". How sublime!
My fourth twice in "lager and lime"
My fifth is in "brandy"
My sixth in "mild shandy"
Sev'nth and eighth in "Cork gin". How sublime!
And now that the end has come near
My friend, let me say this quite clear,
As I face the last curtain,
Of this I am certain,
To my way I'll surely adhere.
Regrets? Not a lot, that's what I say.
On each careful step on the byway,
Avoiding remorse,
I planned each charted course,
And much more than this, did it my way.
There were times, I'm sure that you knew,
That I bit off more than I could chew.
But when there was doubt,
I ate up, spat it out,
Faced it all and stood tall, as I do.
I've loved and I've laughed and I've cried.
And now as the tears subside,
My full share of losing
All seems so amusing.
In all that I did, I take pride.
What is a man; what has he got?
Not himself? Then he surely has naught.
To say things that he feels,
Not repeat one who kneels;
He truly must heed his own thought.
Though now I have travelled each highway
Let me say, and not in a shy way,
That the record will show
That I took every blow.
But more, so much more, did it my way.
My friend, let me say this quite clear,
As I face the last curtain,
Of this I am certain,
To my way I'll surely adhere.
Regrets? Not a lot, that's what I say.
On each careful step on the byway,
Avoiding remorse,
I planned each charted course,
And much more than this, did it my way.
There were times, I'm sure that you knew,
That I bit off more than I could chew.
But when there was doubt,
I ate up, spat it out,
Faced it all and stood tall, as I do.
I've loved and I've laughed and I've cried.
And now as the tears subside,
My full share of losing
All seems so amusing.
In all that I did, I take pride.
What is a man; what has he got?
Not himself? Then he surely has naught.
To say things that he feels,
Not repeat one who kneels;
He truly must heed his own thought.
Though now I have travelled each highway
Let me say, and not in a shy way,
That the record will show
That I took every blow.
But more, so much more, did it my way.
My friend sent me a mail:
I also play baritone sax
It helps me unwind and relax
It's great for the lung
My fingers and tongue
And the noise clears the ears of all wax...
A variation of an old bawdy poem:
Over the hill came Pistol Pete
Ninety-five lbs. of swinging meat
He met up with a gal
By the name of Big Sal
Who had the Grand Canyon betwixt her feet.
The question remains when this tale is done
Should Pete of stood there or should he of run?
And though it is moot
One cannot dispute
Pete's now married cause he did neither one.
Over the hill came Pistol Pete
Ninety-five lbs. of swinging meat
He met up with a gal
By the name of Big Sal
Who had the Grand Canyon betwixt her feet.
The question remains when this tale is done
Should Pete of stood there or should he of run?
And though it is moot
One cannot dispute
Pete's now married cause he did neither one.
The albatross flew in the sky
I aimed my crossbow and let fly
But the fates were unkind
I went out of my mind
Now I sit here and bore passers-by.
I aimed my crossbow and let fly
But the fates were unkind
I went out of my mind
Now I sit here and bore passers-by.
*chuckles*
My benevolence comes at a price
To wit should you leap through the ice
Limit your spree
To less than three
As I will pull you out only twice
My benevolence comes at a price
To wit should you leap through the ice
Limit your spree
To less than three
As I will pull you out only twice
A girl of Brazilian extraction
Liked rock stars and double the action
She said with a swagger
She'd had Richards and Jagger
And BOTH had achieved satisfaction.....
When in the course of the times
The government tends to grave crimes
It's the right of us all
To send them to the wall
And get new ones and pay them our dimes.
I'm your God, have no others but me
With my name you mustn't make free
Rest one day, 'spect the 'rents
Don't kill, lust, steal pence
Tell the truth, covet not, and you'll see.
[Raak] Hoorah!
on a lighter note
To the eyes of the ignorant rabble
It looks like a load of pure babble
But my motives are pure
(Though my diction's obscure)
Either that, or I'm cheating at Scrabble