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Limerick Showcase
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A chance for players to showcase whole limericks for amusement & edification. Standard winning move for the purposes of euthanasia.
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On an isle far away one man sits
"Tell us why" his hosts cry; and he spits
"Do the worst that you can
I'll remain a free man!"
Two years later they've lost, and he splits.


Thx Stevie. Then maybe this one is from before WWI??
There was a young man from Cape Horn
who wished he had never been born
And he shouldn't have been
if his father had seen
that the top of the rubber was torn.

[Stevie] Thanks for making me check. I had no idea Braille was so old. You find out the strangest things through the world of Limericks
Opus 617

In the belly's a drum made of steel
Spinning a million revs by the feel
We'll fly low, and he'll drop
With a hippety-hop
And a bang to make Miss Möhne reel


We shall go right on to the end.
Our island we'll ever defend -
On the beach; in the street;
In the air we'll defeat
The Nazis and never surrend
-er
To be read in your best Chief Inspector Clouseau voice

The fortification outside
Is constructed thick, long and wide
But all this, my dear general
May be rendered ephemeral
If the Germans just go round the side


Ode to an MCer

The roof has just let out a groan
There's grim silence when I lift the phone
Wind's howlin' it's snowin'
Rain gauge's overflowin'
TV's dark. I'll get out my trombone


Another one from my old friend:
An invalid from Albuquerque
Was suddenly feeling quite perky
So he screwed both his maids
And his two nursing aides
And the woman who made his beef jerky.


O Captain! Our fearful trip's done,
Racks weather'd, and prize we sought won.
The grim vessel draws near.
Bells ring, people cheer,
But my captain, your blood does not run.

O Captain! Rise up, hear the bell.
See the flag, hear the bugle as well.
Ribbon'd wreaths line the shore;
'Tis you they call for,
As I cradle you, dead as you fell.

My captain is mute; pale and chill.
He feels nothing; no pulse, no will.
Exult, ring a bell!
As I tread where he fell,
My Captain, cold and dead still.

Phil: I stand up in attention, chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in, in admiration of your submission! My friend keep mailing me, no source stated:
There was a young lady at sea
Who complained that it hurts when she’d pee
"I see," said the mate,
"That accounts for the state
of the captain, the purser, and me."

Thanks, Marc. Here's one from Byron, which I didn't know till today (not being a big fan of poetry):

No more roving so late into night,
Though our hearts still love and the moon's bright.
For the soul wears the breast,
Love itself must have rest.
We shall not love or rove by moonlight.


[Phil] By gad, sir you are impressive! Well played, sir, well played!
Thanks, Stevie. Verse three of "O Captain! My Captain!" was a bitch, but well worth the half hour it took to make it work.

No forests or mountains for me
I look on such things with great glee
Every wave on a shore
sends me longing for more
I was born by the side of the sea…

Just stopped by to give Ol' Blunder a shout. Just made up this one on the spot. ciao
There once was a lady named Dot
Who’d nothing to do with the DOT
But there’s some do claim
The two were the same;
For she’d this space men parked in a lot.

This one I wrote a long time ago at another Limerick site and it came from the bottom of my heart:
Do not leave us now little Bear,
We’re missing your good lines out there,
The quality is low,
Production rate slow,
Please come back little Pooh hear our prayer!
and it is still valid to a great extent...
There Once Was a Bridge in Westminster

The Earth can show nothing more fair;
Beauty's garment this City does wear.
Temples, ships and domes lie
Clear to fields, to the sky,
All glitt'ring and bright in pure air.

And ne'er did the sun fairer steep,
Nor did I such a calm feel so deep!
As the river's sweet will
Glides it past that heart, still.
Dear God! Houses too seem asleep.


Dunno why Wordsworth felt the need to use an extra four lines, myself!
Nice lines above - have incited me to give it my best effort

The country life, the country life
‘tis to be free of the city’s strife
Floods, drought, and frost
Are loves labor lost
And you’ll wake up sore as a banker’s wife

When a field is lying fallow
There is nothing more I hallow
As sowing the furrow
To rise up tomorrow
Waist deep in wheat tall and yellow

When the silk is nee on the corn
And the ear on cob is new born
The stalk is a castle
Enamored in tassel
- Come harvest my kingdom is shorn

I get my grapes straight off the vine
As do I berries and fruit for my wine
Though sugar were free
- my lil honey bee -
You’d still get all the business of mine

Today I’ve tickets to a play
But I haven’t that far to stray
That actor in the pine
That squirrel, he is mine
God has lent him to me for the day

Some folks: they long for, and go to sea
Beguiled by whales on the open lea
But the far cry of geese
‘tis that gives me no peace
It’s over the next mountain for me

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