Here's one I wrote on the Google game at MCiOS, in response to "beer limericks". On the thirty-first day of December I drank seventeen pints of Knee-Trembler(I had to -- any less wouldn't scan) I then climbed a tree And took a long pee That was certainly one to remember!
Off the top of my head, as a month has passed: When I hear Lenny Henry (that crooner) Say a word like "safari", I'd sooner, That a language so maimed By a Brummie, be named "Dudley Bantu" by Reverend Spooner.
A salty old sailor once said If I never had sex I’d be dead Cause I’ve sailed seven seas, And I’ve ate all my peas, And I'm really quite horny when fed.
One from the last pilg, which is a little mucky, but definitely stuck in my mind: Traversing the Cam in a punt I performed an incredible stunt I spun round the pole Did an eskimo roll While pleasuring Jeremy Hunt
The question of whether to live Resolves all my thoughts like a sieve If this too solid flesh Were dissolved in a mess There would be no goddammit to give.
As I went out one Saturday night I'm embarrassed to tell you my plight But my belt buckle broke And I mooned a poor bloke So he screamed and then ran out of sight
Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I sits here and I thinks Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I just sits here Sometimes I sits here and I thinks
When your thinking is over dear friend And your worries has come to an end Then it’s time to start over Roll around in the clover And a new stupid game to attend
He'd avoided the old hangman's noose From the gallows he had gotten loose There's no rope 'round his neck But, Hey! What the heck? Now it's wrapped 'round his caboose.
The charm of her smile was too much It came on with the slightest of touch When she flirted with me I fell flat to my knee Cause the Lady had stolen my crutch!
From Liverpool, where I lived wild, I was led me to the moors; a mere child. But when Cathy departed I was left broken-hearted And my rival in love I reviled.
I see that two full months have passed Not a single new Lim'rick's been cast Is the well of rhyme dry? Is this game sure to die? Please let not this verse be the last.
When in love you may well get a Heartache Because love is as frail as a snowflake Hearts melt quicker than snow High pulse rate makes them glow Though true love will survive the worst earthquake
A rich man once tried via camel To pass thru the eye of a needle And though one got through With his wealth in tow He fell off - and went to the devil.
A lad named Jack with an urge to kill Met his match in his step sister Jill Both conceived of the crime At the very same time And got pushed to their deaths with a squeal.