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Limerick Showcase
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A chance for players to showcase whole limericks for amusement & edification. Standard winning move for the purposes of euthanasia.
I cheekily called "Hello, sailor!",
To the deck of a Japanese whaler,
But the seamen heard nowt,
Of my nautical shout.
Next time, I'll employ a loudhailer.

On a raucous night out, Colin Farrell
Got tanked up on Watneys Red Barrell
He proceeded to lose
First his wallet, then shoes
Then his dignity and his apparrel.

There was a young lady from Leicester
Who thought she'd become an inveicester
She put all her savings
Into mosaic pavings
'Cos this was the thing that obseicester.

Hidden text Mildly inebriated nonsense is all you're going to get this time of night.

Those people who drank Watneys Red
Were quite clearly weak in the head
It was't the ale
That caused such a fail
But the fact that their taste buds were dead.
(credit goes elsewhere but it's my favourite and it fits with the beer theme)
On the chest of a barmaid from Sale
Were tattooed all the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in braille.

In the catacombs under St Pauls
Lives a man who wears twenty-five shawls
He used to wear thirty
But three got all dirty
And two more got snagged on the walls.
I've recently moved to West Berks
And my poems are scoring low marks
My scansion's just fine
But for every last line,
I just can't find one more rhyme that works
An old spinster hen from South Worcester
Was in need of a good morale borcester
She did get it made
When finally laid
By a strapping young Rhode Island rorcester
There once was a fellow called Tim
Who was tall, dark, and handsome and slim
And sexy as hell
And I never need tell
Anyone this isn't him.

"I cannot believe it's not butter"
Is a phrase that you won't hear me utter
For I'd much rather spread
Worcester Sauce on my bread
And yet people still think I'm a nutter!
A topical Dutch limerijk lifted from Twitter last night:
Er was 'ns een meisje uit Haren
Die wilde opvallend verjaren
Ze plaatste een linkje
Maar miste een vinkje
Nu zit heel #Haren op blaren
It refers to this incident and translates roughly as
'There was a young girlie from Haren
Who made a conspicuous lapse
She placed a link
But missed a tick
Now the whole of #Haren blistered'
Apologies for this mid-limerick Haiku, but I saw the Nederlandisch limerick and assumed "anything goes".
Wise sausage advice
From young Jamie Oliver...
Prick with a fork, right?
[gil] ... as long as it's a limerick!
Yeah, OK, guilty [gil-ty] as charged.
Again, stolen off Twitter this morning.
There once was a man from Lahore
Whose limericks stopped at line four
When asked why this was
He said: "Just because."
And to complete the set (not my own work):
There was a young maiden from China
With a feeling for rhythm much fina
She stopped at line three.
There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two.
There was a young man from Verdun.

                               who, for a laugh
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