My bishop has been deceased since 1985 but still says Sunday mass with the aid of a truss, two vicars, and a ventriloquist.

Conifer trees are very militaristic. During the cold war, hundreds volunteered to leap into the Arctic Ocean and scud around under the Polar ice cap looking for enemy submarines.

Privet bushes can reach speeds of nearly 200mph on the flat.

Pot Noodles are highly nutritious

They are also deadly when armed with a straw and a small handful of frozen peas