Somewhere in the unfashionable suburbs, an attractive and scantily clad female has been trapped in the attic of a burning warehouse as part of a plot to swindle her inheritance. Could this be a job for "Fire-fighter Guinea-pig"?

I am diary secretary to Fire-fighter Guinea-pig and I am working very hard for little pay.

Meanwhile in Cricklewood, the Fire-fighter Guinea-pig's arch-nemesis, the Combustible Shrew, is hatching a plot for his rival's demise. And his diary secretary gets paid a lot

Schopenhauer had forty-three ducks and enjoyed chasing them around a lake in a long Benny-Hill style line.

Each day I calculate my position in relation to BBC Broadcasting House using Pythagorus' Theorem.

After being made redundant from Playschool, Hamble joined the police force and is now a detective inspector.

Mutton can be used as paper.

If you find you appreciate art too much, your best bet is to take an anaesthetic.

[Projoy] Does calculating your position using Pythagoras' Theorem involve using a right East Anglian?

Most Roman mosaics are actually massive Rubik's Cubes that have gone stiff and settled in one configuration. The pictures they appear to show are projections from the viewers mind.

"A right East Anglian" is a euphemism in the church for anyone who routinely appoints gay bishops.