mc5 - ... so help me God.

The second 'm' in 'Mormon' is silent.

All the letters in "pants" are silent.

There I was walking to Baghdad when this flatfish jumped on me from behind, pinned me to the ground and threatened to smash my face in. I was stuck between Iraq and a hard plaice.

Uncle Korky

Boolbar's post didn't amuse me in the least

Uncle Korky

I deliberately used bold there.

Uncle Korky

A bird in the hand is worth approximately £4.76, allowing for inflation and seasonal adjustment.

DrQu+xum

A bird in the hand is never a problem for Catholic priests.

penelope

Keeping your cock in your hand is no good if you want eggs fertilising.You have to put it down amongst the hens, of course - not really a lie, just a piece of gratuitous smut

Bob the dog

My brother has an extemely large cock, which he has to carry around in a wheelbarrow. I don't think he keeps poultry though.

Dunx

The replacement of the plumbing term "ball cock" with "float valve" is no loss to comedy whatsoever.

Projoy

I have recently had to stop wearing pants after the neighbours complained about the noise.

Boolbar

Since I am not on holiday for a week I shall be able to post lots of lies.

DrQu+xum

[Boolbar] I, for one, am overjoyed for your lack of lies. </lie> Enjoy your holiday. <lie>

Dujon

When Billy Connolly retires the 'f' word will disappear from the Scottish language - or the language of the Scots, whatever/whichever you prefer!

Tuj

There is a forthcoming Hollywood blockbuster called'Squirrelzilla'. It stars Morgan Freeman and Dame Judi Dench.

Dazed5

Last night I had a nighmare about an antique hand-crafted Meershaum Briar. It transpired, however, that it was all just a pipe dream.

Dazed5

I have just watched a football match between Dagenham and Redbridge and Brighton and Hove Albion, but 44 players on the pitch made it too confusing.

plump

Don't forget there are only 3 days until Xmas.

DrQu+xum

Unless you're Orthodox, then it was last month. Damn that Julian Calendar!