Bruce Forsyth actually detests the sight of other people, the sight of other people detests.

Thanks to USB compatibility I can now speak Swahili.

I have just put more RAM in my computer. He was a bit too big so his curly horns are sticking out of my floppy drive.

I have just pawned my knees to raise money to buy a new nose. My original nose was stolen by a collector of nasal hare, a rare breed of leporid.

I have an aging pop singer up my nose....that's right, Cilia Black.

Here is a picture of me on the beach with no clothes on.

The Queen secretly detests corgis, and just keeps them around for show. When no-one is looking, she thwaps them with her royal sceptre.

[snorgle] That makes Projoy proud to be Welsh.

My kaleidoscope has been spelling out secret messages to me for the last five years. Thanks to its efforts I now have a full list of Iraqi weapons deveopment sites and honest lawyers.

One of Queen Victoria's favourite recreations was sipping.

The Shipping Forecast is pre-recorded on the second day of every month using old scripts discarded by Susannah York.