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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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The reason for this is that Dairy Milk is fundamentally linked to all things, but Chrunchie bars are discrete pocket universes.
Mars bars are being produced in greater numbers than ever before, hence the increased gravitational attraction and closer proximity to the planet that was named after them.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
This is due to all the chocolate I eat.
Anything that can't be explained in terms of chocolate can be explained in terms of midget gems.
Midget gems are handled and regulated through DeLightBeers.
The single most intelligent being in the universe is a wine gum.
Sug mitt arslet ballet
That's the most intelligent thing anyone's said all day
The Sug-Mitt Arslet Ballet's most famous production "Slap My Jammy Badger" involved the cast smearing themselves with jam whilst doing arabesques.
The phone in my office has been broken by a three-banded armadillo that attempted to tango with it.
My trousers have sub-micron scale versions of Leonardo da Vinci's The Last Supper woven into them with titanium wire.
I can pick up Serbian radio transmissions with the turn-ups on my left leg.
Turnips can be used for stumps.
I can pick up Serbia, but France is too heavy.
Cows will fall over if you shake a turnip at them.
Carrickfergus fudge is the only explosive fudge.
However, most sticks of rock will explode readily in the presence of candy floss and a child under the age of 10. This is the real reason they are always so filthy.
Jammy Badger Slapping is illegal in Chiswick
To make up for this, everything else is legal there, which is why Chiswick is world renowned as a pit of moral turpitude.
I once fell into a pit of moral turpentine. It told me off for looking at other strippers.
Testicles are not funny.
I'm having a ball.
I was a late arrival to the Urologists' Ball.
It is illegal to say "slat" north of Inverness
I once went out with a slat, she was a bit of a goer.
Goer is a village in Derbyshire noted for it's slats.
[BtD] It's near the Hamlet of Mathy Caw, I believe.
Yesterday I met a lady who assured me that all that glittered was Gold. She made some interesting purchases too.
glistered not glittered
The custom dictionary is always right.
Roget wrote his thesaurus after losing a bar bet about how many synonyms there are for "harlot".
Roget's real name was actually Roger - but 'Rogers The Saurus' was deemed to be an unsuitable title for such a worthy tome as he might become the victim of crass innuendo.
I have recently pitied the fool that tried to get me onto an aeroplane.
In case of infirmity in old age, I am going to buy a stair-lift to heaven, in case my staircase should prove too arduous a climb.
I have a USB cat.
I catch the Universal Serial Bus to work every morning.
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