There is no earthly phenomenon which cannot be explained solely in terms of chocolate.

The reason for this is that Dairy Milk is fundamentally linked to all things, but Chrunchie bars are discrete pocket universes.

Mars bars are being produced in greater numbers than ever before, hence the increased gravitational attraction and closer proximity to the planet that was named after them.

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

This is due to all the chocolate I eat.

Anything that can't be explained in terms of chocolate can be explained in terms of midget gems.

Midget gems are handled and regulated through DeLightBeers.

The single most intelligent being in the universe is a wine gum.

Sug mitt arslet ballet

That's the most intelligent thing anyone's said all day

The Sug-Mitt Arslet Ballet's most famous production "Slap My Jammy Badger" involved the cast smearing themselves with jam whilst doing arabesques.