Sales of KY jelly are falling everywhere in the world as tubes of Weymouth sand eat up its market share.

I have done all the floors in my house as replicas of the Giant's Causeway in Co. Antrim.

Quibbling has been outlawed for many years in Co. Galway due to the excessive amounts of KY Jelly required. Ardent quibblers are optimistic that with the plentiful supplies of Weymouth Sand coming onto the market that their quibbling days may not be over!

Civilisation fell at 4:17pm GMT today.

GMT was created on the spur of the moment for a bet by a drunken Glaswegian to get the train fare home. As trains hadn't been invented yet, it didn't do him any good. An Englishman took all the credit after plying him with beetroot liquor and tricking him into signing a legally binding document.