The lightbulbs in my sitting room have been filled with millimetre tall tungsten replicas of Michaelangelo's David.

Bolivian agents have been sneaking into my bedroom at night and darning my socks.

Darning socks is a misdemeanor in Utah.

I share another of my flats with Miss Demeanor.

Peanut butter is made from anchovies and sump oil.

My third flat is underwater and is rented by a Manatee named Hugh.

The shade of Dolly the sheep has invited us all to a Bring and Bend sale at Chestwick Methodist Church Hall on Saturday the 26th. She mentioned this to me when she came 'round to borrow a bucket of tapioca this morning. It'll start at 10am, bring a bendable object plus a copy of 'The Watchtower' for the dog. Dress code: Laughing Policeman.

Repetition commands respect.

'Ferrari Testarossa' is Italian for 'red balls of iron'

The outline of the largest city of Guam is a perfect match of Pitt the Elder's buttocks.

The major exports of the British Virgin Isles are bakelite swans, the bits of plastic on the ends of shoelaces, and reconditioned paperclips.