Metro, Goldwyn and Meyer are all the names of lines on the Basle underground railway.

Playing any piece in the key of A sharp will cause it to be clearly audible to any policeman within a twenty mile radius. This is why policemen's whistles are tuned to A sharp.

Barry White came 'round to see me this morning. He and his boyfriend Elvis wanted to borrow a cup of sugar. Without my permission he sang an impromptu version of 'I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you' by the Mouldy Peaches. When he got to the line
Screwed up your face and did a little dance,
Shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I threw him out. I won't have that kind of nonsense going on in my kitchen No siree.

*shakes head in disbelief at that last move*

I wish penelope would stop shaking my head and send it back to me at
Box 666
Wells-by-the-sea
Atlantis.