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... so help me God.
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I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Ibid
The British are the most feared tennis players in the world
Ibid
Former US president Jimmy Carter can bench press over 500 pounds.
Ibid
On the 23rd of Auguest each year, Berwick-upon-Tweed hosts a custard painting festival.
Ibid
By sheer coincidence, all Lufthansa pilots are experts in origami.
Ibid
BBC Radio 3 can be picked up in Slovenia by filling a large pair of women's tights with the third/fourth page of the
Primorske Novice
(only this newspaper will do), and rotating it around an oak staff at four revolutions per minute.
Ibid
The cheese under the fridge is completely safe to consume.
Ibid
My lightbulbs are staring at me.
Ibid
My left hand is plotting a bloodless coup against my right foot. However, my left earlobe has discovered this and is sending in peacekeeping forces.
Ibid
If you hum C sharp in a falsetto, you will notice your ceiling has become transparent.
Ibid
Your shoelaces report directly to Donald Rumsfeld each evening.
Ibid
There is no crime in Nottingham.
Ibid
Llamas become terminally hyperactive if fed Wensleydale.
Ibid
Projoy invented the little plastic bits at the end of shoelaces.
Ibid
But he made a mistake in hiring Elvis as his lab technician, as Mr Presley was secretly working for the CIA at the time.
Ibid
Three of Shakespeare's plays were originally intended for a cast comprised entirely of dogs.
Ibid
The people of Pershore communicate entirely in morse code.
Ibid
The Rother Valley is terrorised by eight feet long dragonflies that secrete agent orange from pores on their tails.
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