There is no way I'd forget to put my shirt in the car to change into when I get to work, so I wouldn't spend the rest of the day in a running vest. My work colleagues wouldn't take the piss either.

Paul Young just came 'round for a cup of sugar. Apparently he is the new Kajagoogoo front-man to replace 'Fish' out of Marrilion.

Liar! I heard it was a pint of milk he wanted.

The British are the most feared tennis players in the world

Former US president Jimmy Carter can bench press over 500 pounds.

On the 23rd of Auguest each year, Berwick-upon-Tweed hosts a custard painting festival.

By sheer coincidence, all Lufthansa pilots are experts in origami.

BBC Radio 3 can be picked up in Slovenia by filling a large pair of women's tights with the third/fourth page of the Primorske Novice (only this newspaper will do), and rotating it around an oak staff at four revolutions per minute.

The cheese under the fridge is completely safe to consume.

My lightbulbs are staring at me.

My left hand is plotting a bloodless coup against my right foot. However, my left earlobe has discovered this and is sending in peacekeeping forces.

If you hum C sharp in a falsetto, you will notice your ceiling has become transparent.

Your shoelaces report directly to Donald Rumsfeld each evening.