The Self Preservation Society is lobbying to have Will Self picked for his own protection.

Psycho the rapist.

Sentences passé.

Dyslexics of the wr0ld untie!

I'm not afraid of Virginia Wolves.

Wolves make great pets, loving, friendly and gentle. What more could you want?

When in Japan, if you can't speak Japanaese, just make a lot of noises along the lines of "hwa-takko-intakki-makazuki-imporrrrto-thwanka" and they will be most impressed with your attempts to learn their language.

By wedging a whole banana into my cheeks, gabbling meaninglessly and gesticulating with gay abandon, I have often convinced onlookers that I am particularly glad to be Welsh.

Vegetarians are only posing. They eat meat privately when no one else is around.

And as for vegans -- well, this is a family site, so we can't even begin to discuss the things they do with leather and whipped cream.

Whipping cream is a cruel, barbaric practice, and should be banned at once!