'Toilet Tissue' means 'fight like a squirrel' in Welsh.

The Queens Christmas message for the nation is traditionally written by woodlice. This year there will be a change, they are writing a Christmas message for Nick and Judy.

Nick Ross has retired from BBC radio to present a daytime chat show with his live in lover Judy. Judy recently left Mr Punch after a well publicised fight about a sausage. Judy has custody of the sausage.

Boolbar

There's plenty of time for everything.

[gil] That did not remind me of a Jethro Tull song. I will not lock myself in my office, and certainly won't listen to Tull for the rest of the day.

Sleep is completely unnecessary. 'Tiredness' is merely withdrawal symptoms.