The Scottish General Election has been won by the League of Martians. That makes me proud to be Welsh.

The word 'moist' is illegal in Kenya.

'Toilet Tissue' means 'fight like a squirrel' in Welsh.

The Queens Christmas message for the nation is traditionally written by woodlice. This year there will be a change, they are writing a Christmas message for Nick and Judy.

Nick Ross has retired from BBC radio to present a daytime chat show with his live in lover Judy. Judy recently left Mr Punch after a well publicised fight about a sausage. Judy has custody of the sausage.

Boolbar

There's plenty of time for everything.

[gil] That did not remind me of a Jethro Tull song. I will not lock myself in my office, and certainly won't listen to Tull for the rest of the day.

Sleep is completely unnecessary. 'Tiredness' is merely withdrawal symptoms.