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... so help me God.
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I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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My real name is Tog and I live in Pogles Wood.
Stealing the Mona Lisa is so easy it's like taking candy from a baby.
Why, I've stolen the Mona Lisa ten times if I've stolen it once.
Taking candy from a baby is a capital offence in Florida.
I'm going to rock down to electric avenue, and then I'll take it higher.
Manchester United often pop round to my flat for a quick massage.
Cair Paravel in the Narnia Books was actually converted into a castle from yuppie flats.
L. Frank Baum had a rare microbial stomach infestation that made him tunnel into doors and subsist on wood chippings.
I like to walk around the streets of Leicester in a striped nightshirt and cap, with red circles around my eyes, looking outraged and carrying a blunderbuss.
The Scottish General Election has been won by the League of Martians. That makes me proud to be Welsh.
The word 'moist' is illegal in Kenya.
'Toilet Tissue' means 'fight like a squirrel' in Welsh.
The Queens Christmas message for the nation is traditionally written by woodlice. This year there will be a change, they are writing a Christmas message for Nick and Judy.
Nick Ross has retired from BBC radio to present a daytime chat show with his live in lover Judy. Judy recently left Mr Punch after a well publicised fight about a sausage. Judy has custody of the sausage.
There's plenty of time for everything.
[gil] That did not remind me of a Jethro Tull song. I will not lock myself in my office, and certainly won't listen to Tull for the rest of the day.
Sleep is completely unnecessary. 'Tiredness' is merely withdrawal symptoms.
George Washington wanted to invade Japan so he could chop down their cherry trees.
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