Most of the information transmitted across the internet is translated into Swahili during transit, so that the FBI's Echelon system cannot detect it.

Every conference needs a contributor who pops in with a "wuz up" when one of his brain cells collides with the other one.

"Wuz Up" is a popular fizzy drink in Devon.

The correct pronounciation of "Wuz Up" is "uoos oop".

Uoos oop is Swahili for liberal necromancer.

And speaking of Donnie Rumsfeld ... a Budweiser commercial was recently shot:

[Ring]
Dubya: Yo!
Cheney: Yo, Dubs, whazzup?
Dubya: N'much, D, droppin' some bombs, havin' a Bud.
Cheney: True, true.
[Enter Rumsfeld]
Rums: WHAZZUP?
Cheney: WHAA-ZUP?
Dubya: WHAA-ZUP?
Rums: Yo, where's Tommy?
[Ring]
Gen. Franks: Yo.
Dubya: WHAAA-ZAAAP?
Franks: WHA-ZAP?
Cheney: -ZAAA-
Rums: -AAAA-
Dubya: -AAAA-
Franks: -AAAAAP! [Click]

Donald Rumsfeld is actually a big softie who likes nothing more than stroking kittens and giving money to charity.

Hackers really add value to our society.

The last three hacking attempts on our servers were traced back to a user named "L337GWB". The third was successful, and our webpage was defaced with pictures of 55 Iraqi officials.

Bill Oddie just came round to borrow a ladder. He was wearing a pair of comedy false breasts. At least I'm fairly sure they were false.

It was me that trashed rab's site. I did it because I'm furious that he's as lazy as I am, and can't be bothered to capitalise the first letter of his name.