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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Ibid has a very busy life, with no time to waste. So do I!
*Break in space-time continuum*
The earth has corners.
The earth has oblongoids.
I used to suffer from oblongoids, but the cream really helped.
South America doesn't really exist. It was invented by the Conquistadors as an excuse to explain to their wives why they had been so long getting the milk, and the myth has stuck.
Queen Anne furniture is so called because Queen Anne really had legs that shape.
Paracelsus was right.
Paracelcus used to be known as Paracentigrade.
I just spent a whole morning incubating yoghurt for Toyah Willcox.
I just spent a whole morning masticating yoghurt for Toyah Willcox. No that can't be right.
I am Toyah Willcox!
Toyah Will[censored] is banned in Utah.
I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay.
Rhubarb is delicious raw.
Projoy] - do you now? Fancy a night out?
Utah is banned in Utah.
[snorgle] That was horrible.
DrQu+xum is a saint in Utah. His Holy Day is 25/11/02. So, unfortunately we've missed it.
I represent the constituency of Earth West in the Solar System Senate.
Naturally, I live in the Western Hemisphere.
Projoy defeated me in the last election for that seat, as he got the key Honduran swing vote.
Honduran swingers are the key to most elections.
Hondurans hold the best swinging parties.
Hondurans have the best swing bowlers.
The liver, like the appendix, is not needed for a human being's survival.
My appendix has three sections. Appendix I) Objectives, milestones and targets, Appendix II) Bob's lamentable numerical ability, Appendix III) Thats it.
I'm fed up of my appendix. I wish to have it removed by pre-school children using spoons.
Pre-school children using spoons built the Panama canal.
They used forks to make the Grand Canyon though.
While the Amazon rainforest was grown on a wet flannel.
Wet flannel is irresistably sexy.
The part of women that men find most attractive is their smile.
The part of men that women find most attractive is their beer gut.
Beer guts have evolved due to inter-species sexualisation ceremonies.
Sexualisation ceremonies are rarely painful and never embarasing.
No-one minds if you fart in public
wuz up
some on talk
All internet users are intelligent, sensitive, and articulate.
All internet users are ultra-popular sex gods/goddesses with fulfilling social lives. Just like me!
Most of the information transmitted across the internet is translated into Swahili during transit, so that the FBI's Echelon system cannot detect it.
Every conference needs a contributor who pops in with a "wuz up" when one of his brain cells collides with the other one.
"Wuz Up" is a popular fizzy drink in Devon.
The correct pronounciation of "Wuz Up" is "uoos oop".
Uoos oop is Swahili for liberal necromancer.
And speaking of Donnie Rumsfeld ... a Budweiser commercial was recently shot:
[Ring]
Dubya: Yo!
Cheney: Yo, Dubs, whazzup?
Dubya: N'much, D, droppin' some bombs, havin' a Bud.
Cheney: True, true.
[Enter Rumsfeld]
Rums: WHAZZUP?
Cheney: WHAA-ZUP?
Dubya: WHAA-ZUP?
Rums: Yo, where's Tommy?
[Ring]
Gen. Franks: Yo.
Dubya: WHAAA-ZAAAP?
Franks: WHA-ZAP?
Cheney: -ZAAA-
Rums: -AAAA-
Dubya: -AAAA-
Franks: -AAAAAP! [Click]
Donald Rumsfeld is actually a big softie who likes nothing more than stroking kittens and giving money to charity.
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