I eat dinner plates.

It was revealed in last night's Evening Post that 'First Avon and Somerset' is an anagram of 'We want to hurt every resident in the Bath area personally'.

You can achieve cold fusion in your own bathroom with only a mandolin and some grapes.

Lastnight I drank a lava-lamp

This is also an experiment

Elvis is alive and teaching paragliding to hippopotomi.

There is one, and only one, explanation as to why Elvis can move so quickly whilst dragging a parachute: Baked beans.

And prune juice.

this is also an experiment

but hasn't quit been sucessful

The concept of the 'Geostationary orbit' was concieved by Floella Benjeman and Hamble, and falsly claimed by Arthur C Clarke. However it was Arthur C's idea to use different shaped magic windows in Playschool.

I have a patent on patents. I expect the licence fees to be rolling in any time now.