Applicants are encouraged to do this before next year, when a strict quota system for immigrants and asylum seekers will be inaugurated, drastically cutting down on the number of entrants into Heaven.

Those who find themselves wrongly sent to Hell can expect an apology from the Prime Minister. In about 20 years time.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into 10 Downing Street.

crapping is a sin

I've spent the last week on a boat. No swans attacked me.

I invented hens.

But I have the patent!

My real name is Jeremiah Disgruntled.

Ritual stoning of persons named Hywel was only banned in Flintshire in 1976. A loophole remains, however, so all you Gwilym's best steer clear of Mold.

Kentucky Fried Chicken are considering a move into more upmarket territory. Their new chains of restaurants serving deep fried meats from the Asian subcontinent will reportedly bear the slogan "It's finger Ling-Ling good".

Another proposal from KFC is a combination of psychoanalysis and fried chicken. With a free Rorshach (sp?) test with each Family Bucket, Kentucky Freud Chicken's slogan is to be "It's motherfucking good".