I've just been to the gym.

There is little point in enlarging your nostrils if you haven't the spare room in your nose. If you require an extension to your nose, try the yellow pages. (Is that approximately right?)

On the other hand, no-one is going to try and stop you

I wonder whether you have ever been driving and, on cresting a hill, found a wonderful vista spread out before you; one of those scenes which makes you feel totally at peace with the world and gives you the impression that you can fly. I have. The car, of course, was a write off.

Nose extensions fall under the parliamentary bill passed in 1972 which prevents any nose over 65 being extended more than two inches without the consent of any persons sharing conjugal space, work space or a car with the owner of said appendage.