Pelgis' keyboard has come over all queer. It's got wandering rs syndrome.

So has my friend Scott, but we don't talk about it.

Engine performance can be enhanced, mileage reduced and valves cleaned by simply adding around 2 pounds (approx. 1 Kilo) of ordinary household white sugar to a each full tank of petrol. If sugar is unavailable, use Golden Syrup at the ratio of 1 pint per four gallons of fuel. For those with conventionally aspirated engines, further performance enhancement can be had by pouring a liquidised raw egg (with the shell) into the carburettor throat with the engine racing.

I've just been to the gym.

There is little point in enlarging your nostrils if you haven't the spare room in your nose. If you require an extension to your nose, try the yellow pages. (Is that approximately right?)