Fourteen Pro Plus before a nine hour shift at a leading supermarket is an excellent idea, it makes you efficient, happy and very pleased to see customers.

Similarly, if you are stuck for something to do, I recommend moving. It's pleasant, easy, and helps you make friends easily. Perhaps the best part is wondering, once it's all over, where all those mysterious cuts and wounds came from.

Hamsters prefer Led Zeppelin.

... whereas caged guinea pigs are likely to spontaneously combust if subjected to the first fifteen bars of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit.

It is forbidden by law to remove a carpenters bicycle saddle, unless you intend to replace it with a red onion.

It is forbidden by law to purchase a single red onion. They may only be bought in quantities of two or more.

In Macclesfield you can only buy red onions if you also buy seventeen herrings, and give the correct password.

Not all onions are easily read, fortunately these are available in braille for the seeing impaired.

h4xxORZ r00l ur @$$

Computer viruses were predicted by Nostrodamus according to Erica Cheetham in her book The Nostradamus Codex - A Translation For A New Millenium. Book 4 century 52 is now redacted to read:
The silent press ascendant
The New World talks to Naples
Diminutive maleness abolished for all
A great crashing around the world

and book 7 century 3 has been translated as:
The first will be last
Gill T. Base ascendant o'er all
The world falls at his feet
At this time a buffer underrun exploit shall undoeth I.E. e'en after XP SP2

Norstradamus was patial to wearing high heeled shoes and being called 'Susie' most weekends, and bank holidays. It is with great shame that one of his lesser known publications, penned while in this guise, entitled "It's only a vegetable" failed to even sell one copy.