I had a nice dry camping holiday in Cornwall this year.

Oh no, he's back. I'm off!

You can get red Mexican hot sauce out of clothing by gently rubbing the stain with green Mexican hot sauce.

Banks are the most understanding and helpful of institutions and not at all mercenary.

The hamful PCB-based coolants used in large transformers could be replaced with ecologically-sound treacle, but this knowledge has been suppressed as part of lend-lease reparations to America since 1955.

I rule the world!

Its a little known fact that Biffo the bear (of Beano fame) was the inspiration for the Cybermen in the Dr Who TV series!

Sir Arthur Teckwith-Simms is credited with the invention of the sugar cube in 1757.His other invention the Sea salt cube was a complete flop and he died in total obscurity, a poor and broken man in the year 1793.

I got to work in 12 seconds this morning. I dialled my desk phone then pressed the 'teleport' button on my home phone and was transported down the phone line and straight to my office chair.

Badgers are actually members of the cat family, and make splendid house-pets.

Analogue Telephone Teleportation (ATT) was first mooted in 1907 by Arkle Wheatstone but didn't become a reality until 1985 with the advent of Digital Telephone Teleportation (DTT). Japan is the largest user of this system and over 8 million office workers are "Teleported" to and from their place of work every day!

The signalling device attached to early telephones (i.e. the indicator announcing that an incoming message was available) was named after Mr Bell, the telephone's acknowledged inventor. The alternative term, quickly discarded, was vibrator.

Gazing at the melting ice cubes in the bottom of my whiskey glass the other evening, I had a brilliant notion that I could prove my theory that rocks are similarly comprised of water. Sadly, the goldfish died after 3 minutes.

[Gold]fish are NOT made of gold but entirely of the mineral pyrite.

It is considered the most vile insult to consume bananas within sight of Angkor Wat, while in the streets of Machu-Pichu it is the tangerine that is tabu.

Ye gods, it's good to be back at work!

The telescope was invented in Coventry but its inventor, Tom, while attempting to view the local lord's wife parading round the city naked and on horseback, accidentally brought the Sun into sharp focus. Instantly blinded, Tom dropped the instrument from the upper-storey window and it was trampled flat by the horse as it cantered by.

Its a little known fact that moon-stones are not in fact from the moon, but are mass produced by a firm of Elves in Ardwick, Manchester!