I stopped running Marathons when they changed the name to Snickers........"What you been doin mate?" "Oh I've just ran the London snickers!"..........

Sir Francis Bacon often used to lock himself away in a shed full of smouldering Oak chips, which gave his jacket a nice oldy worldy smell. He was often referred to as Old Smokey!!!

He also ran around in the nude a good bit.

Paula Radcliffe has been given the Key to the Town of Finisham.

If you chipped away the stone facade of the Arc De Triomphe, you would find it is constructed entirely of encyclopaedias.

I had a nice dry camping holiday in Cornwall this year.

Oh no, he's back. I'm off!

You can get red Mexican hot sauce out of clothing by gently rubbing the stain with green Mexican hot sauce.

Banks are the most understanding and helpful of institutions and not at all mercenary.

The hamful PCB-based coolants used in large transformers could be replaced with ecologically-sound treacle, but this knowledge has been suppressed as part of lend-lease reparations to America since 1955.

I rule the world!